For Evermore

by PhoenixFeather-101

Hurry

"Changelings? What's a Changeling?" Evermore questioned. Celestia's grave expression didn't change.

"A monster." she said simply. This simple statement did not help Evermore. She just tilted her head more.

"Do you have a family?" Celestia asked. Evermore raised an eyebrow.

"Yes... Orchid Bloom and Snapshot." she answered. "My parents." She brushed her green mane behind her ear.

Celestia frowned, as if she doubted that. Flare and Arrow were standing on either side of her, spears pointing to the ceiling.

Evermore got distracted and stuck her tongue out at Arrow. Even though he was a guard, and it was against the rules to show any facial expression, he grinned. A huge, meaningful sort of grin, with a slight flirty look to it.

Celestia's teeth gritted together. She would not allow this, not with the new information she had gathered. If it was true, she wanted relationships with Evermore, friend or otherwise, kept to a minimum.

"Would it be alright if I sent them a letter, Evermore?" she asked, trying to return Evermore's attention to her. Evermore's eyes snapped back to her.

"That would be fine, Your Majesty." she said, a little awkwardly. Celestia nodded.

"Great. What did you say their names were?" she asked, levitating a piece of parchment and a quill to her.

"Orchid Bloom and Snapshot." she replied. The quill, in grip of Celestia's magic, scribbled on the parchment.

Dear Mrs Orchid Bloom and Mr Snapshot,

I am currently in the company of a Miss Evermore, who tells me you are her parents. She came to me for guidance, though a new problem has arisen.

I have in my possession an important piece of information, involving your daughter. I wish to discuss it with you.

If Evermore is not your daughter, and you are not associated with her in any way, I apologize. If she is your daughter, and you have time, please visit Canterlot Castle. I eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia.

The quill was dropped from Celestia's magical grasp. She smiled and re-read the letter. Everything seemed to be in order, so she put it down.

Evermore was still waiting patiently, a few metres away from Celestia's dais. Celestia smiled at her.

"Now, let's go for that tour then, shall we?"

Evermore's smile was all the answer she needed.

---

An orange mare with a green mane was trimming the bushes outside her house. On her flank was a flower, namely an orchid, the petals spreading out.

A 'clang' sound met her ears, and she turned around. The letterbox had a roll of parchment inside, marked with the royal seal.

The mare gasped, pulling the letter out. She held the letter, her mouth slightly open as if the letter was a solid block of gold.

"Snap!" she called, galloping inside the house. "A letter!"

A grey colored stallion was leaning over a camera, fiddling with the screen. When the mare burst into the room, he dropped the camera.

"THERE'S A LETTER FROM THE PRINCESS!" the mare screamed. The stallion rushed over, trying to calm her down.

"Give us a look then, dear."

He gently pried the letter out of his wive's hooves, tearing the envelope open. The mare was breathing heavily, still panicking.

"A-letter-from-Celestia-my-goodness-this-is-amazing-I-can't-believe-this!" she squeaked. The stallion rolled his eyes, unfolding the letter. He scanned it slowly, taking in every word. His eyes widened.

"What's wrong, Snaps?" his wife asked. Snapshot fainted, the letter falling out of his hooves, and his head hitting the floor. The mare gasped, grabbing the letter and reading it.

Surprisingly, the mare did not faint. She simply raised a hoof to her mouth.

"They have Evermore."

---

After Snapshot had recovered, they set off on the quickest train to Canterlot.

"I don't know, Orchid. I'm sure she'll be fine." Snapshot murmured. Orchid shot him a glare.

"I promised to take care of her, and I will. No matter what." she replied, taking a seat on the train. Snapshot sat next to her.

"But she's with Princess Celestia. How is that bad?" he continued. Orchid groaned.

"The fact that she's with Celestia is what I'm worried about. What if... You-Know-Who attacks?"

Snapshot went silent, opting to stare out the window instead. Orchid silently thanked him, laying back on the chair.

"Maybe it would be better if she did take her." He murmured. Orchid glared daggers at him.

"Never say that about my Evermore." she hissed. Snapshot glared back.

"She's not yours!" he snapped. Orchid was shocked.

"Are you okay, dear? You're not like yourself at all." Snapshot calmed down, staring down at the floor.

"Oh, yes dear. Just fine..." he said quietly, a strange, mysterious look to his eyes. Orchid did not seem to notice, though.

"Alright, if you say so darling." she replied. The train stopped, and a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"We have reached Canterlot Train Station. Please disembark from the train." Orchid and Snapshot trotted down the aisle, Orchid briskly, Snapshot not so briskly.

"Good job, drone." A sleek, sharp voice said. Orchid turned around, but was met with a pain in the head.

"And good night to you... Orchid, is it?" Orchid could not reply, as black spots danced in her vision. Her head slammed onto the platform, and everything went black.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Author's Note:

Sorry about the wait, but here it is. Hope you like it! (And sorry about the mistakes... I posted this at 2 am...)

Comments

[Perteks]

Erm I'm not sure about this story. Its have good premise but lack of everything other practically,nearly non existant world building, dialogues are not highest fly and chapter are short with fast paced plot

[Praetorian4Hire]

5146763
I don't care, honestly, its all just murky water under the bridge.

Water I ignore and end up missing a plot point. Besides, we've seen the station before, why describe what we see?

[Perteks]

5146908
Because its difference between bad written story and good one

[Aziraphael]

As Perteks said, the world and character building is weak, largely due to the incredibly short chapters and fast pacing of the story so far. His comment about the dialogue, as well, points out a problematic issue in the story. Celestia felt out of character in almost all of her lines, the general and her brother spent all of their time on duty acting more like siblings than soldiers watching over what was potentially a threat to the princesses (why was a general even escorting a prisoner around to begin with?), and the dialogue between her "parents" felt incredibly awkward, more like actors in a bad highschool play trying to act like a married couple than two people who were in an actual relationship.

And to expand on his comment, there were several places where there were noticeable grammar and formatting issues. Thoughts should be italicized, you need page breaks between scene changes, a princess should be referred to as Your Highness, not Your Majesty, the second time Evermore mentions her parents' names she gets them wrong, dialogue tags need to go with the dialogue they're attached to, not in the preceding paragraph, plus all the miscellaneous grammar issues that I don't have the time to pick out in a comment box.

It seems like an interesting concept, but it needs a lot of cleaning and developing.

[PhoenixFeather-101]

5147228 Thanks for pointing all this out for me. I'll try and fix it up as best I can. (Oh, and I must admit, I forgot to put in the horizontal rules XD)

[Aziraphael]

5148150
Improvement over time is a good thing to aim for. I wish you luck.

[PhoenixFeather-101]

5148500 Oh, and also, Evermore was not a prisoner. She was a guest.

[Aziraphael]

5150663
To the princess she might have been a guest, but the general had other opinions. You don't usually assign a guard to keep guests under twenty-four hour surveillance.