The six headed HYDRA

by Malcolm Merlyn

Thor is totally not going to come to Equestria

"If we are to somehow manage to take on a few thousand neo-nazis with lasers and... whatever the hell it is that they use, the power of a goddamn Nordic deity, it's probably obvious that if we tried to do it ourselves, we'd be going on a one-way trip." Slade said as he sat down with everyone else. "Now... if you don't mind... I'd rather be alive when I get paid... and preferably, not missing any organs either."

"Still after the money huh?" Steve quipped as he placed his shield upon the table. "Alright... how are we going to do this?"

"Well... for some knucklehead with a shield who still lives in 1944, you managed to get me some important data. You got me a layout of Adolf wannabe's submarine, you got me exactly what he plans to do, his numbers, his weapons, his everything. But more importantly, you got me a location of where he is going to be. At all times... the submarine is located off the East Equestrian coast which will be easier to find once I can get my "phone" locked on to any signal, radio chatter, or anything they might have down there."

"So... okay, that's nice. What's the catch?"

"Catch is... you don't exactly feel like taking an entire SS regiment right? Because that's exactly what you'll be doing if we go in like a bunch of mindless thugs for some neo-nazi organization. I don't really think I want to become swiss cheese or a dust pile... so I am about to say it..."

WE NEED HELP FROM THE EQUESTRIAN ROYAL GUARD

"Vait... Vhy is this a bad thing again?" Medic asked.

"Yeah... am I missing something here?" Erica scratched her head.

"Want to know exactly how awful the Equestrian royal guard actually is at doing their job?" Slade asked. "Bad enough to the point where they're worse then low budget mall cops."

"I don't know what that is." Erica replied. "What's a "cop" anyways?"

"Cop? You know... the police?"

"OH!" The blond girl replied as she chuckled. "Right... they use that term in the US right?"

"Yes. Anyways, what Slade is trying to get across is that we can exactly rely on these warhorses to get the job done... no offense Twilight."

"None taken... besides, only my brother can get things done the right way. Don't even get me started this one time with the changelings..."

"I guess I shouldn't. The hard thing isn't going to be sneaking into his submarine..."

"Can you please explain to me how that isn't going to be HARD?!" Trude asked irritably. "What are we going to do? Swim a few hundred meters underneath the water? And even then, how do we get in without looking like we just broke in from the outside?"

"Oh quite easy... you know what an aircraft carrier is? Because Herr Skull decided that his submarine can carry planes too... now then... what's that thing we got in the back..."

"Don't you think he's going to figure out that, that was the exact..."

"Oh yes... I am counting on it. That's why we steal another ride."

"But how? Certainly HYDRA doesn't have another airbase?" Medic asked skeptically with a few bits of hope. HYDRA's research on science was quite advanced for an organization that was still using the same things they were using back in the 40s. Those vaporizer rifles...

"No... they don't." Slade rolled his eyes. "Apparently, that was their first establishment on this planet and probably their only after they decide that... well...." He rolled his eyes at the statement he was about to make. "They're going to harness the power of friendship and build the fourth Reich."

"So... we jack a plane... what then?" Bucky asked. "We fly in... but why do we need the royal guard?"

"Oh simple. I am going to program a bug into the submarine to make it run aground. Once that's the case, chances are... we're not exactly going to stand a chance against an entire SS division are we now? That's where the royal guard comes in... and... yeah... so... I think I am going to head into Camelot... or Canterlot... tomorrow and do my best to... well... try to make the most out of things... those lasers HYDRA use make mincemeat out of whatever magic they use... and don't get me wrong... but I those warhorses of theirs can do a bit better in the field."

"How are we going to jack the plane anyways?"

Step 1: Jump out of plane going at about 800 miles per hour and grab onto enemy plane. Easy enough... Just make sure it's not a chopper we're jacking or we're going to get turned into meatloaf.
Step 2: Grab onto plane door. Remember to use one hand to hold onto the plane, or you may become a human pancake. Human pancakes taste VERY bad.
Step 3: Open plane door out with one hand, while holding onto plane so you do not get a one way ticket. Oh right... try not to get turned into swiss cheese or lasered to death in the meantime.
Step 4: Somehow board the jacked plane with everyone else. Have fun jumping.
Step 5: ???
Step 5: PROFIT!

"You're going to JUMP out of a plane to grab onto another one?" Trude asked with disbelief. "Now these are jets we're talking right?"

"Yeah."

"So... the turbines..."

"It'll be fine kid." Slade said. "I done it many times in the past. You should see the looks on their faces if you land on the windshield." Slade chuckled. "Hey... those jetpack... legpack... whatever the hell they are... think you can pry a door open?"

"I think I'll let Trude do this one." Erica said looking over at the older girl. "My question is... how exactly are we going to do this? All they have to do is give the word to Herr Schmidt that we're stealing a plane and we're canceled."

"Let's be honest Slade... swimming onto a submarine is far less risky than jumping out of a plane at who knows how high..."

"You wanna drown or something?" Slade retorted. "That sub is OVER 600 meters deep. You packed swim trunks? Diving gear? There's no way in hell we can pull that off..."

"He's got a point..." Erica began. "Besides... I think Trudy can open a plane door in mid-air... right?"

Right?

"If that's settled... fine..." Steve said. "I am just not so sure about jumping out of a plane onto another one."

"Don't worry Captain... I got this... and hopefully Trudy's got this. By the way kid, you coming again with me?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then. So here's the rest of the plan...."

"HYDRA grows nearer in completing it's weapons." Luna muttered grimly as she met with her sister. "I am watching them. Their leader... the Red Skull... is as intelligent as he is formidable."

"Indeed." Celestia commented. "I never imagined there'd a race like his."

"What, his skull? That's actually red?"

"No. HYDRA. Had they met Discord, they would have been sworn enemies. Agents of supreme order against a spirit of supreme chaos. They intend to control everything, everyone."

"But Discord would have abhorred murder." Luna replied. "In the end, he was hardly more malicious than just a trickster. It was merely a talk of... "scale" of his pranks. We all know we both got sick of him, when he would never end with his pranks and "jokes"."

"But HYDRA, there something else. The fact that they are in possession of the elements of harmony is... oddly fitting. They may not have the kindness... generosity... honesty... laughter... magic or even loyalty that harmony has... but merely, form a ruthless government that only seeks to control... and control."

"That's not harmony at all then..."

"I don't know what that is... but it's something awful enough for many to abhor." Celestia continued. "It's time I spoke with Twilight and her friends."

"On what?"

"In the case that the elements are retrieved, we need to find a better way of containing them... you heard about the Everfree forest?"

"It's beginning to... "invade" again?"

"Yes... the signs have started. We need to find a way to stop the spread while the humans fight it out."

Luna stopped for a moment, not to think like she would on a usual conversation with her and Celestia, but rather to contemplate. Humans... humans...

"What do you think of them?" Luna finally asked.

"Think of who?"

"Humans."

"Well... they eat meat... something not too strange..." Celestia began as she thought of the Griffins. "They also..."

"They seem to be the only race in existence that has a tendency to war with themselves..." Luna began. "That's all I know. Even the war-courting Asgardians never as much as bore arms against one another."

"They fought for order too... but not this kind of order. This... this is Tyranny. And it must be crushed, no matter what. Odin himself deplores such a form of governance to the worst."

"That may be true... but back to the subject of war... you know how poorly suited the royal guard is for any conflict."

"Perhaps... many years ago, they would have quelled such an invasion. But now... they're merely shadows of their former glories and strengths. When was the last time a pony was given a cutie mark in the carnage of war? No... that's something that Equestria, and this world has long forgotten. When the Dragon King rose from his grave, the world would have trembled at his claws had we not acted."

"Aye... worse yet are these... HYDRA. Steve Rogers seems to hate them."

"Old foes... as with James Barnes. Unfinished business as the two describe. They remind me... of us."

"How so?"

"They seem to stand out as gods amongst their own kind. If ponies measure strength in magic, we measure it out physically. And those two humans are perfect examples of what it's like to be at the top."

"They still may be harmed, by their own weapons."

"Just like how we can too."

"That other human... Slade Wilson..."

"What about him?"

"You trust him? He is nought but a kern. His loyalty lies only where there is wealth to be had. We both know all too well that he accepted this out of greed."

"Only time can tell."

The pair stopped talking for a moment, as they watched downward at the parade ground, where the thousands of royal guard members were being shown off. If only their looks were as good as their fighting skills, HYDRA may have been wiped off the face of the planet. Sadly... those days were long a thing of the past.

Comments

[TSLsmokey]

So Thor will not be making an appearance... But what about the 4th wall breaking, chimichanga eating, regenerating degenerate, merc with a mouth, Deadpool? Yeah I spent a bit of time finding those titles :3

[Malcolm Merlyn]

5051719 that title was sarcastic. Thor is sure as Odin's beard that he's coming in! Deadpool too.

Due to the fact that Deadpool has a tendency to break the fourth wall... I wonder if I can slip him in before actually making him one of the focus characters.

[TSLsmokey]

5052530 Probably can.. and in one of the wackiest ways possible. Using a health bar as a weapon. I would pay money to see that happen.

[Malcolm Merlyn]

5052824 media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a9/18/b5/a918b5513c012c314b26e37f0aafcaf1.jpg

[Silentwoodfire]

Query; Is Discord still on vacation in that book of his?

Second Query; They seem to speak of Odin as if they've met before, why?