The Shortest PoE Story Ever
Admiral Biscuit
I stumbled out of the forest and into civilization—at least, what I imagined was civilization. The roads were neat and tidy, and there were homes. It looked like a future version of Equestria, the kind of thing which only existed in sci-fi films, World's Fair exhibits, and Whinnyland.
Still, it was better than being in a monster-filled forest. I'd seen a tawny quadruped with a white tail and vicious horns on his head who obviously wanted to run me through, and the ivy on the trees made my tongue itch when I tried to eat it.
I scrambled over a wooden fence that separated me from civilization and went off to meet one of the locals. I'd seen them rushing down the road, and while I shouted at a few of them, they were too busy to talk to me, I guess. They'd just whip past, growling.
Everypony—everyone I'd seen so far outside of the miserable forest was brightly colored, with a hard, glossy coat. Their eyes glowed yellow or orange, which vaguely reminded me of changelings, but changelings weren't that big.
One of them was standing outside of his house. I wasn't sure what passed for cutie marks on these strange creatures, but he had a broad black stripe with a ram's head on his flank. I knew it was a he, because I could see brassy balls dangling under his backside.
"Excuse me," I began, but he gave no sign of noticing me.
I was having a really hard time picking out specific anatomical details. Some creatures didn't have very good hearing; everypony knew that. I didn't see any ears turning my way, so I gave him wide berth, and walked around to his front.
His eyes were dark, and his mouth was chrome. His nostrils were huge, and I wondered if maybe his type had poor eyesight and hearing, but made up for it with a big nose. I stood patiently in front of him, to let him get my scent, but he didn't respond.
Just when I'd given it up as a lost cause, I heard a noise behind me, and spun around. A weird pale biped was standing in the door of the house, holding a long stick in his hands.
"Hey—what are you doing with my truck?"
They're called trucks, I thought. That's good to know. "Nothing," I said reassuringly. "I was just trying to introduce myself."
He was taken aback by my declaration. The truck didn't say anything, so I went closer to the house.
"Don't come any closer," he warned, pointing the stick at me.
"Look," I said disarmingly. "I don't mean any trouble. If you could just tell me where I am. . . ."
"Man." He rubbed his eyes with a talon. "I'm seeing things and hearing things." He looked up and down the street, his eyes narrowing. "If you're real, you've got a name, right?"
"I do," I said proudly. "I'm Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon for short."
"Yeah." He pulled a silver flask out of his back pocket and put it to his mouth. "That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard. You're some kind of Commie."
"I don't know what that is."
He pointed to my ass. I turned, and looked at the red star and sickle proudly displayed thereon. "Oh . . . is that what you call nighttime reapers? If so, I am. Anon, the Commie."
"Thought so." He looked up and down the street again, then pointed the stick at me. "Any last words?"
She is anonymous. She is legion.
She's also dead, but WHATEVER.
LOL!! Yes!
Given the owner when we meet him... yeah, I can totally see him having truck balls.
I don't even ...
Was this during the red scare or something?
Either the stove is too hot or Rainbow is shitting on the stove in the picture for this fic.
Damn it, Admiral Biscuit. D:
Is this a parody? It's definitely a reversal from the normal anon story where anon is human.
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A minor inconvenience.
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Funny thing is, I was just talking about that misconception at work. Didn't think I'd wind up using it in a story so quick.
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Just roll with it.
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It really could be either, I guess.
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Some people think the Commies are still here.
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At least it was short....
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Anon stories in general.
the reason communism collapsed is because it tried to use the capatilist system to succeed. Two legs good, four legs bad. All beasts are created equal, only some are more equal than others.
When someone asks if youre a god, you say Yes?
Was this, by chance, inspired by Ford Prefect's confusion over the dominant species on Earth from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
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Something the ponies take to heart, it seems.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111011013500/mlp/images/9/9a/Applejack_riding_a_cow_S01E04.png
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Surprisingly, no; it was a conversation at work about "truck nutz"
bullsballs.com/imgs/dodgtballs13.jpg
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I could do shorter if I wanted to.
This is titled after one of my HiEs that's just over 300 words long, in part because the theme and the ending are so similar.
...aproximatly, what year is this taken place in?
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The present.
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Okay, thanks.
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Story to go with the image:
Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pegasi in all of Equestria is deathly afraid of something on the floor and waiting for the Human (out of frame) to hit it with a shoe or at least chase it away.
What could it possibly be???
5780958 I'm pretty sure when you see a pony's face like that and their ass on a stove in a world where they know how nothing works, it's a probable cause.
But if RD was scared of something on the floor, I think her face would be more like:
【=◈︿◈=】
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Ahh, live bootlegs. (I'm sure I have a flamethrower around here somewhere...)
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Actually, I'm glad you commented. I was wondering if anybody would notice the line at all.
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Well, the shortest adult girls I personally know might fit in a pony-sized costume, depending on your headcanon on pony size. The models I use for scaling puts a 6' man's butt at about eight inches to a foot above a pony's rump.
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2014/046/3/6/dale_and_lyra_csi_by_admiral_biscuit-d76mxiq.jpg
If you go for the size implied by some of the scaling experiments in EqG, though, you'd pretty much have to have your human be either a midget or a kid.
s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-1824807-1-387884__safe_fluttershy_equestria+girls_spoiler-colon-equestria+girls_angel+bunny_size+chart_size.jpg
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Now that's an interesting bit of headcanon....
Pfffft!
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Poor Anon.