The Sparkle family are going on vacation. While family holidays are often difficult, Twilight knows this one is going to be particularly bad. Mostly because her father doesn't.
I hope there's enough time in left in the story for a romantic date between Twilight and Nightlight. Fucking like rabbits is great and all but it'd be interesting to see them learn more about each other in a different kind of settings.
Her father lay staring up at the ceiling, one foreleg hooked over her shoulders as she nestled into his chest, the other running gently over her leg, the other running gently over her leg.
I'm thinking Cadance, because I don't think Shining would gasp, and I think Velvet would have a different reaction. Plus Cadance might have been going to check up on Teilight and talk a bit more about cheating.
5929916 You know, other races exist, and those races have hands. And I bet they were the ones who invented chess. Stop being speciesist. i.imgur.com/30Blc.png
5930149 Given the context and nature of this story, don't you think the better word to use would be 'hoof-full'? And no, I'm not being speciesist for the reason I just gave: context.
5930836 I'd argue there's a difference between being a proponent of monogamy vs being opposed to infidelity, and this Cadance is the latter more than the former. She's not even outright saying that Twilight and her lover shouldn't be together, only that it shouldn't come at the expense of another pony, and I think that's a pretty fair representation of Cadance, personally. Especially bearing in mind that this is set just after she's become married herself.
5930196 Honestly, I went with handful just because I think it reads better, even in context. If Twilight was actually picking up a bunch of stuff, then hoof-full may have been more appropriate, but even there I think it's an awkward and forced-looking word. When it's some kind of abstract number purely in Twilight's head, I think it would have been a bit weird to use hoof-full when handful is something people are way more used to.
Having an odd case of Schadenfreude here and I'm not sure why? (My votes on Cadance purely because Velvet would be to easy and there is no way you could have a chapter with it being Shinning that wouldn't end in either violence or him running away to tell immediately, thus it would just be a similar version of a Velvet one, Cadance would be more morally interesting as she is the proverbial empty chamber in this game of Russian roulette.)
Wow, Night Light's reasonings are the perfect example of how someone clearly in the wrong can twist things around in their head to still end up being right. Okay, so your wife cheated on you; that's bad of her, but then you cheat on her in retribution. Not cool, but then he bends it to where her telling him (something any cheating spouse who still loved their significant-other would have to be incredibly brave to do if they felt guilty like Velvet obviously does) was wrong and, through extension, him not admitting his cheating ways is actually the right thing to do. He's even still guilting Velvet about it right after and before fucking his daughter. Dude, I think you've lost your moral high ground here, so stop acting so righteous.
Anyway, I'm guessing it was either Velvet or Candace as Shining Probably would have flipped right then and there if he saw this. Especially just from the image of it. I mean, I skimmed most of the clop, but from what I could tell, it was made pretty clear that Night was being very rough and domineering. Plus, this is Shining's adorkable, do-no-wrong, Element of Harmony, BLSFF we're talking about here, there's no way he'd think she'd consent to adultery with their father, right? Obviously his father, whom he can't believe he knew so little to not see this coming, is a perverse rapist who needs to be taken down.
That, is an understatement at worst, a pun at best.
It's almost weird, coming back to this story, still remembering enough to pick back up these two chapters without needing to go all the way back. I got no critiques here though, and that kind of makes me sad.
“And now I’ve done so much worse, but I still can’t find a way to forgive her. Part of me feels like she deserves this.”
Night Light definitely knows, his failing is his inability to forgive Velvet even after doing the same (or worse). I think it's understandable how someone can feel that way, though, even if they're 'wrong'. After all, two wrongs don't make a right, and no-one's the bad guy in their own head.
5934311 I wouldn't. There's a ton of writers far, far more talented than me that are worth aspiring to!
5934680 I stick to my arguments from last time. The 'Dark' tag has way too many connotations on this site that don't apply to this story. I'm not denying that it's a dark romance when compared to some kind of cheery, feel-good snugglefest, but other than emotional hurt there's not going to be anything that people normally expect when the dark tag rears its ugly head. As for sad/tragedy, I can only say that I have the foresight of knowing how the story ends. I use that tag when being sad/eliciting that emotion from the reader is the story's main focus, which isn't the case here. It's too up and down for that. Also I don't like it.
5934902 I suppose I get that reasoning. The only cognitive dissonance I get is that the "Romance" tag without anything to accompany it also has connotations that don't apply to this story. Like the possibility that this could end well. Which I'm sure some of your fans who can't acknowledge that their fetish is for something that normal psychology doesn't allow to happen are hoping.
(Good lord the number of comments talking about how "stuff is working out" give me the willies.)
5935639 Except this story is still about a loving relationship, regardless of how difficult it is. Twilight's love for her father and how it changes is the entire crux of the story, and it would be really strange not to have the Romance tag. The other tags simply take things too far, and if there was a "heart-warming" tag or something, this story wouldn't have that either.
As for the fetish thing, well, I've written stories like that in the past, and I may well do so again. This one just happens to be a little different in that the incest side of it is an obstacle to be overcome rather than a kinky reason for doing it in the first place. Although there was a hint of that at first, Twilight's really in love with Night Light, not 'her father'. In that respect it's a bit more realistic than a simple fetish piece, but that doesn't necessarily mean that people are wrong for wanting it to work out between them. Isn't that what love's all about?
But seriously, one of the things I'm happiest about is how divisive this story's turning out to be, because that's pretty much what I was driving for all along.
5934902 I have to disagree with that. I've read a lot of fics from a lot of authors, but so far I have enjoyed your works the most. Especially when you write characters inner monologue. So keep it up. Can't wait to read more and I'll continue to look up to you senpai.
59304095929996 ok good so im not the only one who though of this...... ...is this just because we just want one big happy sparklecest family ?....
5934228 good observation , guess this leaves the perfect love bird couple as the only not completely morally bankrupt characters in this story eh? ....that is until it's revealed that shining is a mother fucker and cadance fucks everyone over and blows the lid open for everything , then there can be a nice big happy family orgy ending c: ........
Fuck! The tension is unbearable! Last chapter, i was a bit disgusted with Night Light's decisions, but now they make so much more sense. Still bad, but love makes people crazy, I suppose... It's terrible and perfect.
Overall... Twilight's rationalization is basically exactly what I'd expect. It doesn't make her right, but it's completely understandable.
After what Night Light did/is doing, I don't have a lot of excess outrage at Velvet, even though she started all of this and we know exactly nothing about why she did what she did to begin with... and we don't know how correct Night Light is as to what Velvet was like when she revealed it.
I can, actually, see her confessing to him and acting 50% like he should feel pity for how much she's fallen and 50% "you should be proud that I mustered up the courage to tell you, because now things can get better!"
Or the feelings from her could be so muddled, and Night Light's outrage so strong, that even if she was nothing but penitent and terrified he'd be too angry at her that he recast everything in that light... I'd sorta rather not this be the case, though. Seems like it would make this already complicated situation even more complicated because Night Light is even less fair in his judgement of his infidelitous wife.
5937796 I pretty much agree that I can't really feel much hate for Velvet. She did a wrong thing but as far as Nightlight and Twilight go, one of the first morals I ever learned is that two wrongs don't make a right.
This is why most incest stories have Velvet in on the fun, also this is so much better than most incest stories!
Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!! Who saw them????
YES!
Ahem.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS.
Regarding the ending: it's cadance or velvet. Shining Armor would definitely not gasp in this situation.
5929469 My votes Rainbow Dash, just 'cause
I hope there's enough time in left in the story for a romantic date between Twilight and Nightlight. Fucking like rabbits is great and all but it'd be interesting to see them learn more about each other in a different kind of settings.
Really? They didn't lock the door or cast any kind of spell that would alert them to an intruder?
My bet is placed on Shining Armor.
Twilight Sparkle with three forelegs confirmed
5929709
Whoops, thanks for spotting that. Consider it amputated.
5929676 I'll call it as Cadance.
YOU FUKIN' WOT M8
I had a gut feelin about Velvet cheating, but ah didn't want it ta be right. Great chapter!!
The mystery stallion was Shining, wasn't it?
This story makes me giggle. Hahaha.
I'm astonished at how entertaining this story is. :3
PS - It would be hilarious if Velvet cheated with Shining Armor. Hahahahahahahah.
I'm thinking Cadance, because I don't think Shining would gasp, and I think Velvet would have a different reaction. Plus Cadance might have been going to check up on Teilight and talk a bit more about cheating.
No, why would you leave that cliff hanger?! Please soon for updates comrade! Mother Russia is not of loving for waiting!
5929916 You know, other races exist, and those races have hands. And I bet they were the ones who invented chess. Stop being speciesist. i.imgur.com/30Blc.png
5930149 Given the context and nature of this story, don't you think the better word to use would be 'hoof-full'? And no, I'm not being speciesist for the reason I just gave: context.
5929910 I'm inclined to agree it was Cadence. If she can detect love like what was radiating from Twilight, then she just needed to follow Twilight.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8357-mlp_cliffhanger.jpg
Mother of god... This cliffhanger is worse than the wait for season 5 was. I MUST HAVE CLOSURE!
Probably Shining. So we can get to the revelation that the stallion Velvet was with was him.
5930198 Not only that, but her interest would've been piqued from the earlier conversation between the two.
5930198
Or for the question asked to Cadence.
Portrayals of Cadance as a proponent of monogamous relationships alwaus kinda irritate me for some reason.
5930836
I'd argue there's a difference between being a proponent of monogamy vs being opposed to infidelity, and this Cadance is the latter more than the former. She's not even outright saying that Twilight and her lover shouldn't be together, only that it shouldn't come at the expense of another pony, and I think that's a pretty fair representation of Cadance, personally. Especially bearing in mind that this is set just after she's become married herself.
5930196
Honestly, I went with handful just because I think it reads better, even in context. If Twilight was actually picking up a bunch of stuff, then hoof-full may have been more appropriate, but even there I think it's an awkward and forced-looking word. When it's some kind of abstract number purely in Twilight's head, I think it would have been a bit weird to use hoof-full when handful is something people are way more used to.
ok lets start the betting pool
i have 10 bits on cadence as the voyeur
i all so have 30 bits on shining armor being the unnamed stallion that velvet boinked
because i have a feeling that is were this is heading
Oh shit. Night Ligh is clearly using Twilight and like Cadance said, the stallion is the less hurt in this kind of situation.
It's probably Velvet watching and she just don't want to believe what she just saw.
Having an odd case of Schadenfreude here and I'm not sure why?
(My votes on Cadance purely because Velvet would be to easy and there is no way you could have a chapter with it being Shinning that wouldn't end in either violence or him running away to tell immediately, thus it would just be a similar version of a Velvet one, Cadance would be more morally interesting as she is the proverbial empty chamber in this game of Russian roulette.)
This fic will not end at all well.
5931028
100 quid on KaibaAll my bits on Cadence. This story isn't suppose to be a tragedy and I don't see how the other characters would help to make everything turn out okay.
5931531 well i was thinking the whole line of entire family incest and velvet would be cool with it
5931028 ...hmmm I'll take part of that bet. I think it was shining on both counts
Took the words right out of my mouth.
As to everyone that's been betting,
I also think that it was Shining Armor that Velvet boinked.
And it may be him or Cadance that saw Twilight and Night light.
in either case, big, happy, deprived incesty family ho!
And of course Cadance will be left out and have no idea why the Sparkles are having more family gatherings nowadays.
Pony's never heard of locks? snd yeah, probably Cadance.
So Velvet originally cheated, ey, , you know what this means... I think we need a prequel! That is of course after you finish this masterpiece.
Wow, that took much longer than I was expecting. I was looking for it sometime in chapter 3.
Wow, Night Light's reasonings are the perfect example of how someone clearly in the wrong can twist things around in their head to still end up being right. Okay, so your wife cheated on you; that's bad of her, but then you cheat on her in retribution. Not cool, but then he bends it to where her telling him (something any cheating spouse who still loved their significant-other would have to be incredibly brave to do if they felt guilty like Velvet obviously does) was wrong and, through extension, him not admitting his cheating ways is actually the right thing to do.
He's even still guilting Velvet about it right after and before fucking his daughter. Dude, I think you've lost your moral high ground here, so stop acting so righteous.
Anyway, I'm guessing it was either Velvet or Candace as Shining Probably would have flipped right then and there if he saw this. Especially just from the image of it. I mean, I skimmed most of the clop, but from what I could tell, it was made pretty clear that Night was being very rough and domineering. Plus, this is Shining's adorkable, do-no-wrong, Element of Harmony, BLSFF we're talking about here, there's no way he'd think she'd consent to adultery with their father, right? Obviously his father, whom he can't believe he knew so little to not see this coming, is a perverse rapist who needs to be taken down.
Finaly got around to reading these last two chapters.
Damn it Grimm... I wish I could write like you.
That, is an understatement at worst, a pun at best.
It's almost weird, coming back to this story, still remembering enough to pick back up these two chapters without needing to go all the way back. I got no critiques here though, and that kind of makes me sad.
Commence read.
Who can it be now.
Sweet Christ this is one of the most screwed up things I've read since "Then Tomorrow Came."
I reiterate: how does this not have the sad or dark tag on it?
5930836 "don't cheat" isn't the same as "be monogamous."
5934228
Night Light definitely knows, his failing is his inability to forgive Velvet even after doing the same (or worse). I think it's understandable how someone can feel that way, though, even if they're 'wrong'. After all, two wrongs don't make a right, and no-one's the bad guy in their own head.
5934311
I wouldn't. There's a ton of writers far, far more talented than me that are worth aspiring to!
5934680
I stick to my arguments from last time. The 'Dark' tag has way too many connotations on this site that don't apply to this story. I'm not denying that it's a dark romance when compared to some kind of cheery, feel-good snugglefest, but other than emotional hurt there's not going to be anything that people normally expect when the dark tag rears its ugly head. As for sad/tragedy, I can only say that I have the foresight of knowing how the story ends. I use that tag when being sad/eliciting that emotion from the reader is the story's main focus, which isn't the case here. It's too up and down for that.
Also I don't like it.
5934902 I suppose I get that reasoning. The only cognitive dissonance I get is that the "Romance" tag without anything to accompany it also has connotations that don't apply to this story. Like the possibility that this could end well. Which I'm sure some of your fans who can't acknowledge that their fetish is for something that normal psychology doesn't allow to happen are hoping.
(Good lord the number of comments talking about how "stuff is working out" give me the willies.)
5935639
Except this story is still about a loving relationship, regardless of how difficult it is. Twilight's love for her father and how it changes is the entire crux of the story, and it would be really strange not to have the Romance tag. The other tags simply take things too far, and if there was a "heart-warming" tag or something, this story wouldn't have that either.
As for the fetish thing, well, I've written stories like that in the past, and I may well do so again. This one just happens to be a little different in that the incest side of it is an obstacle to be overcome rather than a kinky reason for doing it in the first place. Although there was a hint of that at first, Twilight's really in love with Night Light, not 'her father'. In that respect it's a bit more realistic than a simple fetish piece, but that doesn't necessarily mean that people are wrong for wanting it to work out between them. Isn't that what love's all about?
But seriously, one of the things I'm happiest about is how divisive this story's turning out to be, because that's pretty much what I was driving for all along.
5934902
I have to disagree with that. I've read a lot of fics from a lot of authors, but so far I have enjoyed your works the most. Especially when you write characters inner monologue. So keep it up. Can't wait to read more and I'll continue to look up to you senpai.
5930409 5929996 ok good so im not the only one who though of this......
...is this just because we just want one big happy sparklecest family ?....
5934228 good observation , guess this leaves the perfect love bird couple as the only not completely morally bankrupt characters in this story eh?
....that is until it's revealed that shining is a mother fucker and cadance fucks everyone over and blows the lid open for everything , then there can be a nice big happy family orgy ending c: ........
Fuck! The tension is unbearable! Last chapter, i was a bit disgusted with Night Light's decisions, but now they make so much more sense. Still bad, but love makes people crazy, I suppose... It's terrible and perfect.
Overall... Twilight's rationalization is basically exactly what I'd expect. It doesn't make her right, but it's completely understandable.
After what Night Light did/is doing, I don't have a lot of excess outrage at Velvet, even though she started all of this and we know exactly nothing about why she did what she did to begin with... and we don't know how correct Night Light is as to what Velvet was like when she revealed it.
I can, actually, see her confessing to him and acting 50% like he should feel pity for how much she's fallen and 50% "you should be proud that I mustered up the courage to tell you, because now things can get better!"
Or the feelings from her could be so muddled, and Night Light's outrage so strong, that even if she was nothing but penitent and terrified he'd be too angry at her that he recast everything in that light... I'd sorta rather not this be the case, though. Seems like it would make this already complicated situation even more complicated because Night Light is even less fair in his judgement of his infidelitous wife.
5937796 I pretty much agree that I can't really feel much hate for Velvet. She did a wrong thing but as far as Nightlight and Twilight go, one of the first morals I ever learned is that two wrongs don't make a right.