blood better not be going after Aurora, if he is i'm going to find away to get in the story and kill him myself

4640951

I can assure you, Aurora has had more then her fair share of impure thoughts lol

true and i think i figured out who he's going after and i might PM to see if i'm right

4661768 lol all that happened in ch 1 and that's all you have to say??

It's coming lol. Ch 2 picks up right there

4664769 I'm almost caught up all I have to do is finish this chapter tonight and the next two tomorrow, aahhh man I just saw the name of the fourth chapter. I bet those aren't going to be happy tears

4664787
you should know by now that my chapter names have several meanings

I was talking about ch 2 btw with the tears.

4664810 I know, and yes you do have a skill for that
On another subject did you read the new chapter for " Rainbows in the Night sky"

4664830 I did, Loved it, it was nice seeing that happen

4664832 me to I'm just sad that the next chapter is the last. Then we have to wait for the sequel

4665073

told you lol

It took me a long time to write that. i wanted to find real meals that they would actually eat that were popular in france...

yeah, not doing that again lol.

I HAVE BEATEN THE BUG THAT IS PROCRASTINATION TO GIVE YOU THESE EDITS! REJOICE, YE WHO WATCHES!

Griffin Empire; Warclaw

Comma instead of a semicolon.

those ponies; the half pony, half dragon hybrid

Semicolon should be a colon, and both "Half-pony" and "Half-dragon" need hyphens.

skies on fire. Killing numerous

Comma instead of a period.

When their ancient went

Ancient what? King?

the Empire. With

Comma instead of a period.

Palace courtyard, the irony was

Period instead of a comma.

the pieces; as the mare

comma instead of a semicolon.

rubbing the statues’ head

Unless Ataxia became a multi-headed Dragacorn...

When adding apostrophes for possession, " 's" is used for a single person or thing, while " s' " is used for multiple people. ("Ataxia's head" vs. "the griffins' luck")

ever do. It changed

Colon instead of a period.

Rainbow Dash looked around at the mess she caused. All around her more griffins were running up, brandishing spears and blades in her general direction. She knew, at any other time, this would be the equivalent of declaring war on the Griffin Empire. However, at this moment, she had far more important business to take care of. Something that required such a statement no one here would ever forget it.

Small thing at the end: "it" is unnecessary.

And...Dash. Seriously. Stop.

Now, where is my daughter, where is Aurora Flash?”

If this is meant to all be one sentence, then the "Where is" in "where is Aurora Flash" needs to be removed. If not, the comma after "daughter" needs to be a question mark.

“Not yet, but we were just heading to find out now.” Aurora chose to ignore the slight insult for now

Huh? Insult? Where?

Then again, she should not have expected any less from her mom. This is The Rainbow Dash after all. She did not know the meaning of subtle.

Okay, there's "not being subtle", and then there's "having no idea how to do anything without being flashy." Dash is solidly in the latter category

know, she will

Comma's unnecessary.

To everyone’s surprise, Rainbow brought the Emperor in close and wrapped a hoof around his shoulders. She squeezed him in a hug with all her might. “Thank you.”

abbblllble...

WHY DID YOU SHATTER THE CHAIR, THEN?!

the guards who were busy

Comma after "guards"

Twilight made a mental note to ask Princess Luna of the correlation between pony names and their cutie marks.

Survey says: More often than not. Far more often.

But not 100%.

“And you probably didn’t know that… Sweet Luna Twilight, what did they tell you?”

Applesauce. Shut. Up. Now

And get on to Apple Bloom.

It was enough to creep Twilight out, this entire house seemed to echo something. It echoed her past life. Almost as if somepony had snapped her reflection into a mirror making it permanent, then shattered the thing into a million pieces. She was looking at events in her past and was starting to put together the pieces

I...technically should be angry at this, but I'm not that angry since our Dayspring imitator is indirectly doing this.

Still angry, though.

“That’s all I can ask for.” She leaned down and kissed her daughter on the head. “Now, if they give you any more trouble, just tell them your mom will banish them to the moon, or heck, I might teach you that spell soon if you keep improving like you have.”

We don't need more alicorns yelling "TO THE MOOOOON!", 'kay, Twi? Even if filly Night saying that would be adorable.

Yeah she woke them up in the middle of the night but

Commas after "Yeah" and after "Night"

Little did Rainbow realize that every little detail meant every. Little. Detail. She had yet to get any sleep herself.

That's Rarity for you...

Twilight Sparkle and late were two words that had no business being in the same sentence together.

We are agreed here.

And...osh--GODDAMMIT, CODING!

*ahem*...OSHIT.

that mare. Given, figuring out Ataxia on a good day was a challenge worthy of a God

First period (after "mare") should be a comma, first comma "after Given" should be replaced with "that"

“Let us figure that out together. We shall rely on one another to find the answer, and maybe, just maybe, we can solve the unsolvable.”

The sad, dramatic irony of knowing that this is patently false for one mare right now. Technically.

next to me too

Comma before "too"

Tired Rainbow

comma between these two words. Without it sounds less like a question and more like an adjective-noun phrase.

serous

Serious

but weary of any

I think you mean "Wary", not "weary". being weary would indicate that Blood is tired of Grim's gifts, not cautious of them.

never willing give

Willingly

over took

overtook is one word.

“You will find the one you need in Warclaw.”

...

...Don't.

Fucking.

TOUCH.

ORION!

they fair against

Fare.

4673496

You will have to tell me how you overcame it... four days and I am only 1500 words into chapter 5...

Changes posted, thanks!

Huh? Insult? Where?

the insult was the way he said 'we' he did not want her there and was resentful that she tagged along.

Changed to say,

Aurora chose to ignore the slight insult from the way he said 'we' for now; she would make him pay for that later.

4674098 Really, there's only 2 ways to beat it

1.) Be proactive enough in doing things that you're effectively immune ('cause you're already doing stuff often enough for fatigue and such to set in)

2.) Actually get yourself off your ass, either through your own efforts or through outside circumstances (in this case, having an hour before I had to go to work this morning and my internet going a little haywire on me while I still had Sorrowful Truth up gave me time to work on half of it before I left, and then I finished the rest up after work.)

4691349 thanks for staying with it. It's because of you guys that I was so motivated to keep going with the story. I enjoy doing it but to know that others enjoy it as well gives me the extra motivation to keep writing. I do hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters as well and I hope to have ch 5 out this weekend (about 70% done... These new chapter lengths are killer lol)

4698838 Yeah I was reading a few stories about them getting wingboners and realized that Rainbows would kill someone lol

Good to know, I kept it with the story and did not just do shameless clop. I wanted it to be natural with good buildup for it.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You do not know how long I have been waiting for this to happen and I was not able to read yesterday. I am so relieved that Twilight got her memory back......well most of it anyway. I just really hope that nothing bad happens too soon. Has I said before you definately know how to keep an audience captivated. Always keep up the good work and I cannot wait to read more.

4769604 Nothing bad happens to soon? It's been 50,000 words and nothing bad has happened yet lol

Finished writing Ch 7, hope to have it up before this weekend.

Oh my god talk about a chapter to remember

There's some witchcraft afoot with this chapter and grammar. The sleep deprivation is real.

Suggested edits

Him and his partner looked on, dumbstruck.

Just reword this. Something like, "Both guards looked on, dumbstruck."

something no shooting star could ever do, it changed direction.

Change could to should. It sounds more intense. That's a valid reason right?

Aurora let off a slight squeal as she did so, not so much from the noise,

she should be he

5927846

Edited.

I feel you on the sleep deprivation. I was up till 2 am last night. Really bad when your day starts at 4:30 am.

simply something she simply

Buck this, too much. see ya later

6480648

Changes posted, thanks!

Fair warning, read the next three chapters in one go.

and Sand Pony is in reference to the sandman.

Though it should prob be one word lol

>>Twidashforever You welcome, and thanks for warning