5632253 Except that one of the quirks to third person limited that differentiates it from first person is that the narrator can pick up information that the perspective character misses, since the narrator is a distinct entity in its own right. AJ's name was mentioned several times in the narrative when other characters were speaking.
Not only that, AJ is called Appleseed any time the narrator speaks of her out of dialogue, even when Trixie isn't paying attention to her and the narrator isn't telling us Trixie's feelings on her. Granted, that one may have changed since chapter 1 since I never got past that, so I can only comment on that one chapter.
The long and short of it is that he's mixing aspects of first person and third person into a weird Frankensteinian monster of a narrative voice that annoys me.
Another awesome chapter, I love how the one thing the CMC won't believe is that Celestia had another student before Twilight. I also liked your writing of Cheerilee's thought processes. I can't wait to see what type of revenge Trixie unleashes on Diamond Tiara. I also want to hear more about Scootaloo's impersonations of Rainbow Dash and meddling in her love life!
5641143 I could tell you had the thousand yard stare of a veteran who has seen the true face of evil in mankind and plumbed its depths for all the horrors of the soul, to be vented in beautiful, terrible and cynical thoughts through the medium of the written word, but I just figured you were locked up for like a year in a dungeon or something. Middle school will give you that as well. What subject?
5641497 Dunno, but from what I understand the Japanese and Korean educational systems share many of the major flaws of the Chinese education system, especially when it comes to ESL.
Either way, thanks to my efforts there are now several hundred more Chinese fans of My Little Pony.
"Oh, I, uhm..." Apple Bloom stammered for a moment before blurting, "Ah'm angry cus she keeps flirting with Mah brother!"
Nice save, Bloom.
Apple Bloom groped for a reply. "Ah mean, she's dressing up like Rainbow Dash to make him think about her more so he'll be interested in her!"
No, no! Stick to your story! Rookie mistake! Abort!
"Trixie says she mysteriously vanished from the public eye and that Princess Celestia has never mentioned her in public ever since," said Apple Bloom.
This is freaking amazing. I'm imagining a huge billboard now, papered over with images from the show and comics conspiracy-theory-style, with big arrows drawn from one item to another and notes pasted all over pointing out absurd theories and assertions that are totally true. And in the middle is a big picture of Big Mac with a cut-out image of Trixie taped onto it and a post-it: "Unrelated note: Gotta hit that"
"Yer brother and I need to have a talk about that marefriend of his."
(Record scratch)
... Marefriend?
Wait... the last pony Applejack saw, the immediate source of her current discomfort, was Luna. This story has made repeated references to the IDW comics series. Oh, HELL yes.
This story just jumped from an 8 to a solid 10. You are a bucking genius.
5422824 Don't feed the parasprite.
4539775
make a request on Tumblr. There's plenty of artists there that will draw pretty much anything.
5632253 People are still talking about this?
5632253 And oh hey, I think this is the first time someone I recognized has commented on one of my stories
5632433
I mean the third person thing
Its nice to know that the Great and Powerful Trixie is good with children that are not bringing giant bears that ruin her life.
Ho ho. Let's see what Trixie comes up with.
Smart move one Trixie's part. Get in good with the littlest sister.
5632253
Except that one of the quirks to third person limited that differentiates it from first person is that the narrator can pick up information that the perspective character misses, since the narrator is a distinct entity in its own right. AJ's name was mentioned several times in the narrative when other characters were speaking.
Not only that, AJ is called Appleseed any time the narrator speaks of her out of dialogue, even when Trixie isn't paying attention to her and the narrator isn't telling us Trixie's feelings on her. Granted, that one may have changed since chapter 1 since I never got past that, so I can only comment on that one chapter.
The long and short of it is that he's mixing aspects of first person and third person into a weird Frankensteinian monster of a narrative voice that annoys me.
Well, no you wouldn't've, that's kinda how being vanished by the history police works.
What? Luna is Big Mac's marefriend?
Another awesome chapter, I love how the one thing the CMC won't believe is that Celestia had another student before Twilight. I also liked your writing of Cheerilee's thought processes. I can't wait to see what type of revenge Trixie unleashes on Diamond Tiara. I also want to hear more about Scootaloo's impersonations of Rainbow Dash and meddling in her love life!
5641033
Speaking as someone who has taught middle school...
5641143 I could tell you had the thousand yard stare of a veteran who has seen the true face of evil in mankind and plumbed its depths for all the horrors of the soul, to be vented in beautiful, terrible and cynical thoughts through the medium of the written word, but I just figured you were locked up for like a year in a dungeon or something. Middle school will give you that as well. What subject?
5641246
English as a Foreign Language. In China.
5641277 Wow, I have a sibling teaching that in another Asian country. I hope they aren't doing Kancho in China!
5641497 Dunno, but from what I understand the Japanese and Korean educational systems share many of the major flaws of the Chinese education system, especially when it comes to ESL.
Either way, thanks to my efforts there are now several hundred more Chinese fans of My Little Pony.
5641516 That is awesome. Yǒuyì shì móshù
Mofa
5641522 友谊是魔法。
Or 小马宝利莉 going by the official dub
Nice save, Bloom.
No, no! Stick to your story! Rookie mistake! Abort!
This is freaking amazing.
I'm imagining a huge billboard now, papered over with images from the show and comics conspiracy-theory-style, with big arrows drawn from one item to another and notes pasted all over pointing out absurd theories and assertions that are totally true.
And in the middle is a big picture of Big Mac with a cut-out image of Trixie taped onto it and a post-it: "Unrelated note: Gotta hit that"
(Record scratch)
... Marefriend?
Wait... the last pony Applejack saw, the immediate source of her current discomfort, was Luna.
This story has made repeated references to the IDW comics series.
Oh, HELL yes.
This story just jumped from an 8 to a solid 10. You are a bucking genius.
... Continue...
Huzzah it continues! I kind of want to just hear Trixie's amazing stories for a chapter.
Decided to give this another try, it is pretty hilarious. Good choice on the new art, that's what drew me back in.
Ah Scootaloo, always good for a laugh.
Brilliant! Loved the Brian Jacques reference! Redwall is all kinds of awesome.