Human in Pony's clothing

by TheDawsonator1

Entry #50

Yay, I’m back in the EQ world, this time some siren things have taken over the school and brainwashed it…just another day in the office. Of course Sunset Shimmer if friendly now and damn is she perceptive to have caught on like that. She may of just earned brownie points with me.

So I can’t help but notice Starswirl is starting to screw us over as well as Celestia. What? Like you’ve never thought of that! A magic spell book that screwed the Element’s destinies over, sending those sirens into another world that can be accessed by a mirror! Real smart StarSwirl, bloody like Celestia you are.

When are the ponies gonna learn? You have to solve your problems here and now or ponies pay for it later because of you indecision or delaying the solving of the problem.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Celestia as a pony but has she passed too many enemies onto the Elements from 1000 years ago, just how many of these villains from 1000 years ago are waiting for their opportunity to strike?

Seriously though, she needs to learn to solve her problems. Us humans know this best, don’t leave these bloody terrorists alive unless you got a use for them and it’s gonna end up once that use is done they’re dead anyway. Leave them alive, they start becoming your worst enemy, then you start that syndrome where you start leaving them alive on purpose just to continue fighting each other...it's better off to not be that way.

---

So Pinkie Pie lives in a normal house instead of Sugercube Corner in this world, oh and Maud is around too. She’s a rock solid girl let me tell you that but I wonder if she has earned a few looks about Boulder though, the way she goes about the pet rock is a little unsettling. Equestria was reasonable and it was the sister of Pinkie Pie so it was acceptable, here...yeah...

So I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get some air and I saw Spike in his dog form sitting out as well…may as well talk to him.

“Hey Spike, couldn’t sleep?” I greeted the dog
“Yeah, stupid fleas and stuff that comes with the dog, the tail I can live with, but the fleas, they’re murder!” Spike said as he scratched a spot
“Sounds like something my old Beagle would say if he could talk, he hated those fleas like nobody’s business, that much I could tell” I said
“Yeah…so…we’re on another adventure…” Spike said after a bit
“I guess we are, personally I just want some quiet time” I resigned myself to the fact of this fact
“So you and Firefly can do the you know?” Spike asked with that look.
“Er…” I started awkwardly

Cheeky motherfucker, of course I’m gonna do the…you know…

“Can I tell you something?” I hear Spike ask me suddenly
“You just did, mate” I joked with him
“Ha ha, this is important and promise not to tell anyone?” Spike looked at me seriously
“I Pinkie Promise” I did the motions for the promise with the devil himself.
“Last night…I dreamed, it was of me putting my…boy parts into Rarity’s…girl parts” Spike explained awkwardly

Oh my…fucking ballsacks on a fishstick! Spike was totally dreaming of Sex with Rarity! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BATMAN!

BREAKING NEWS: Spike dreamt sex with Rarity! SpikeXRarity gods are pleased!

“Wow…that’s…natural” I said
“Natural?” Spike asked
“Oh Spike, still so naive sometimes. That dream you had was natural for all males to do it, Humans do it, Stallions do it, Dragons do it, any male of a race does it. That my dear boy is fantasizing of Sex with Rarity” I explained

Oh dear lord that does not exist, am I giving Spike the talk?

“Sex…with Rarity? Eww…” Spike pulled out a tongue in disgust
“Maybe to you now, but when you get older, that will be all you think about, it sort of give you pleasure, trust me Spike, guys want nothing more in life than to stick their “Boy parts” into a girl’s “Girl parts” and do Girls want nothing more for that to happen cause it feels pleasurable, when they decide to have a baby/foal, they go all the way so to say and...yeah...that's how it sort of goes...” I explain more

Oh dear god is this awkward! How the fuck do the parents do this? Do they gain magical explaining powers or something cause I really wouldn’t mind it right now if I had those powers along with the Anti-Cockblocking powers.

“What do you mean pleasurable?” Spike asked curiously
“That’s for something when you’re older Spike, well a couple years older” I said
“But I’m sixteen! Though I may not look it, I am as mature as Adult ponys are but it won’t be until I’m in my 30s that I’ll grow out of this baby phase.” Spike complained

Is he really complaining? Some humans would kill for an extended childhood…damn you wasted youth! DAMN YOU I SAY!!

“Listen, it’s time we got some sleep and do me a favor. About these dreams and fantasies, it would be wise not tell another soul about these, it’s often frowned upon in any universe and it’s one of those things you don’t talk about. Maybe Twilight as your sort of Surrogate mother will learn of this as mothers naturally do. But not anyone else and that includes Rarity” I advised
“I will remember that” Spike said
“And if you ever need something only a guy can handle, come find me but not when me and Firefly are at home…doing stuff, hell, I need some guys to talk to. All my friends are females, Big Mac is too into his farm work and too quiet to be talking, The Doctor is off god-knows-where, Thunderlane has his own band of ponies, and yeah…” I trailed off
"One more question: do you think I have a chance with Rarity?" Spike asks

Part of me says yes on that one, part of me says no...I don't want to get his hopes up but I don't want to sound like I have no confidence in him.

"Spike, I really don't know as I spend time with my friends, but you must ask her soon or else she may finally find someone or you wish you had asked sooner. If you truly love her, I say you ask her out" I said
"Thanks Lightning, you're a real bro in this world of girls" Spike said

Why is it that all my friends are female? Well you can’t say I can’t get some chicks, High school me would be jealous…uh the High school for real me, not this one right now through highly bullshit means.

“Goodnight Lightining” Spike says as he yawns
“Night Spike” I said back

Tommorow, there will be music, lots of brainwashing and counter-magic style music…I don’t get this world at all. Then again as a certain Draconequus once said "What fun is there in making sense?"

Author's Note:

This chapter is sort of a mini one rather than a real one, much like a interlude of sorts, Twilight and Sunset had their chat while Spike and Lightning had theirs

Spike with the talk...well a mini one...this things are awks. By the way, Lightning Bolt seemed pretty cursed this morning and upset as well, did any of you commenters say anything to do with his failure to lose virginity? You must of...

But yeah, poor dragon is gonna be a baby for a fair while and yet he is so mature. Such is life...but yeah I felt like there needed to be guy talk and honestly it's not hard to notice That all the friends are Mare so guy talk be a rare thing.

Also Pinkie, please stop breaking the fourth wall in the comments, I know it was you and those walls are expensive

Comments

[The master of the game]

Awkwardness has been doubled!

[SolemnBlade]

ROFLMAO

[SolemnBlade]

And to Lightning Bolt, I truly do feel for ya. I have a feeling that fate will soon smile upon you.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

To be fair to Starswirl, his plan was good. He just forgot on e little tiny thing. THOSE BLOODY PENDANTS! Take those THEN throw them into the EG world and bongo. they die centruies before Twilight and company.

[TheDawsonator1]

5277895 Still, i believe that a mistake like that was rather costly. There's no way he couldn't of known about the pendants, but I guess in his rush to banish the Sirens he forgot about the Pendants but still...

It seems StarSwirl and Celestia share a common thing of starting things and not finishing them, if they had finished the job the first time, none of this would happen

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

5279849 I don't think Celestia has that problem. With NMM her error was not paying attention to Luna's issues till it was too late. Then she did what is supposed to be impossible. Wield the Elements alone. Discord, since she and Luna had to use the Elements the last time what could she had done when he got loose. That face off was literally seat of flank thinking. The Wedding, well Celestia should have caught the radical change in Cadance. Crystal Empire, Nothing she could do till it appeared again but should have sent Twilight with Cadance not wait till last minute. and Tirek, well someone should have noticed him gone long before that and just ill planning by her during it. When she has got time to plan she plans well. By the flank not so much.

[TheDawsonator1]

5279917 Say what you will but a lot of this indecision and dumb mistakes really do make a valid point for Trollestia (I'd like to see a Trollswirl the Bearded happen). Like personally, With Nightmare Moon, I felt Celestia got too wrapped up in the praise and glory she was getting and failed to realize What was going on with Luna, i think that was key point. As the show never showed any other factors, the Fandom often has other factors into play, most popular is the Solar Cult thing or the Anti-Luna Cult thing.

Discord was probably the unbeatable villain at the time but still, I feel some effort should of gone into finding a way to be permanately rid of him rather than some garden feature and considering a childish bicker got him free, I think Celestia was like buck this i ain't bothering

Chrysalis, this point is pointed out in a lot of fics, still I think Twilight's crediablity as a Element, hero, sister and protege should of been a bit higher as well to her friends who trusted her every other time. Though I will say Chrysalis was equally as dumb (like singing This Day Aria at the top of her lungs or acting like a total bitch, even if you never met her and based of Twilight's description, something was clearly up) But also, if a serious threat is made to the city, I feel the culprit should of been found and even the Princesses should of been checked that on top of the Royal Guard being useless really makes Celestia look incompetent. Also where the hell was Luna? Yes in my story she does rescue Lightning but in the canon, what was she doing? As well as with Discord, where was she?

King Sombra as you said, nothing could of had some sort of preparation until he appeared but I think Celestia got clever and stationed guards around the last area the empire was just in case the empire ever did return. What makes me think this? The guard who tells Celestia the empire has returned was to say "It" has returned and Celestia knew at once what it was, but who else could of known what it was? Clearly she told a high ranking guard about the empire. Celestia may of put too much faith into Twilight and friends and also could of told Twilight about the heart and festival or researched and might of found out about it.

Tirek, the only villain who besides Chrysalis what conscious the whole time of his imprisonment and the time since the last attack could of been destroyed by Celestia and Luna at any point just by going down and blasting him. And also, really? One three headed pup leaves and that's all it takes for a prisoner to escape. Shouldn't Celestia of put at least some powerful guards to guard Tartarus? At least have some guards despite their uselessness in battle, they'd of least reported a break-out or Cerberus leaving his post and notify the Princesses And also if the Princesses banded together and found Tirek before he got powerful, his flank would of been back in Tartarus or dead. Better yet, bait Tirek to Canterlot or Ponyville because sooner or later, he HAS to come there and come in which is sort of what Discord did but instead the Princesses do it. Leaving it until the last second to deal with the problem is not how anypony would do handle it reasonably. The Princesses practically left Canterlot to it's magical Apocalypse without much of a fight happening. To add to it, the Princesses could of teleported many ponies to Canterlot and baited Tirek to one spot like suggested before.

So...is Princess Celestia an incompetent ruler? Perhaps, it depends on the perspective and the facts that really aren't all there. I think it's really up to the fans and their head canon.

Me personally, I think Celestia needs to rethink her defensive stratergies and learn about backup plans and also, a powerful Night Princess is rusting with her powers when she could be assisting against villains. It seems rather easy for them to just watlz right in but the villains themselves forgot a few important things otherwise it would of been easy pickings.

So, point remains, Celestia's battle with Nightmare Moon banished Luna instead of releasing her, why? I don't know, perhaps emotions she was feeling at the time or destiny did something so she can't be blamed for not just releasing Nightmare Moon from Luna and besides Celestia was easily a source of Luna's jealousy

Discord, see what i said about him

Chrysalis: Easily avoidable case if someone paid attention and i doubt it was the first time too.

Sombra: Well the original battle was never shown so Fandom will have to fill the slots in

Tirek: Another easily avoidable case if the security was tighter and also Why did Cerberus leave his post and go to Ponyville anyway? Isn't it amazing how a purple unicorn questions the logic of time travel while her future self is trying to explain she shouldn't be worrying about anything but makes it sound like a disaster is gonna happen gets Tirek free. Poor Twilight screwed herself over there

Anyway, done rambling...point i make is that it's really our perspective on the whole thing i guess

P.S read your Nightmare Moon story with Selene, and i loved it.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

5280230 Well I think the glory did get to her head about Luna and i think it got knocked home to her after the battle for think of the gamble she pulled off. She manage to get all 6 new bearers near the Elements in time of NMM return. All of that on the chance to get her sister back, which I do beleive she has loved the entire time. The rest fully agree with hence why Grape Vine brinks back NMM in my Death to Nightmare. Also check out starting over and Accidental Soulmates. the both hammer how stupid the mane 5 and Celestia was during that.

ANd honestly they really screwed up on Luna during that. she should have been their and since the VA for Luna is also Rarity they do have her. That and the Tirek episode were the biggest screw ups and in tirek's case it is down to two errors. lack of gaurds or even a freaking rollcall and then when the 3 alicorns give up their magic she should have seen pilot Luna and Pink hair Celestia.

P.S. do look at my other stories please.

[TheDawsonator1]

5280308 Yeah, sounds like interesting stories...

I gotta agree with the comment about the Mane six being stupid. Literally a lot of this show wouldn't have happened if simple common sense had been applied. I believe in the Equestria Girls arc i commented about Twilight's human friends suffering this. The five split up over a minor misunderstanding, a laughably minor one at that. No wonder Sunset Shimmer took over the school.

But honestly it's not hard to see the point of "Friends with benefits" come up in fics. Rarity could be mooching off Twilight being Celestia's protege and her own Element of Generousity to get to the elite despite seeing some of it first hand. That's only one of many things.

One fic i've read which pointed this out was in How many friends have you made today? If you haven't read it I recommend it, it's a good read depending on your style. Celestia flat out points out Twilight being the friendship student yet only ever made 5 actual friends and still became more anti-social. It also points out how itchy the Mane six can be to deliver justice and ask question later, they attack the human on a mere misunderstanding of the message given from Celestia. And said Princess points this out and other flaws with the Mane Six in front of Ponyville...ouch! No diplomatic immunity for the Elements.

The Crusaders...at first you think, they're fillies, they don't really know better. But later...honestly you start to think they are failing on purpose and just doing it for fun. Scootaloo follows a idol who has a ego the size of Celestia's cake-inflated flank (we are of course speaking metaphorically), just wants to do anything to be part of the Wonderbolts. Yeah, she might want to re-evaulate her idol choice

Sweetie Belle is literally trying to be similar and unlike Rarity at the same time, seen in Sisterhooves Special but damn does she look adorable! May you forever squeak Sweetie Belle...until Adulthood in which case it'd be awkward.

Apple Bloom is literally the mess-up filly. But I always see her not really on the best of terms with Applejack, they do include a few moments like Sisterhooves Special and Somepony to watch over me at the end.

All in all, the Crusaders, despite their messups are decent ponies and you can't blame them for trying...although they might want to exercise caution and foresight before trying their ideas out.

But the biggest problem with the ponies is their overreactions. Twilight...need I say more?

Pinkie Pie spawned creepyness over a simple birthday party and really? Who forgets their own birthday and remembers their pet's birthday? Pinkie Pie apparently, hey I avoid you for ONE day, that doesn't mean I never want to talk to you, come back after a week and then assume it.

Applejack didn't return home over not getting a first place and even tried to break a Pinkie Promise over it. Yeah, there's next year! And it strives you to get better! Yeah just ditch your five friends over a random you met at the competition.

Rainbow Dash, how is it that her ego and narcisim passed a Wonderbolt exam? She was afraid of losing to a Unicorn in a flying competition. That's just sad...and even the hero thing in Mare do Well.

Rarity: How exactly was she given the Element of Generosity when she's greedier than a little kid next to a cookie jar? (See How he Really feels where Discord shows Rarity Spike's feeling about her, it's a good fic) She even downright mooched her wings in Sonic Rainboom and tried to outshine the friend she was trying to support...nice job idiot!

Fluttershy: If's she's anything but shy, it's overly pissed with that Stare something similar of a reaction like when she met Spike...you gotta wonder if she has some hidden issues

Yeah i might end it there before i bore you but i really do question the Mane Six's friendships

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

5280617 Rainbow may have an ego but look at what the worst she does? Dicord and Equestria games her issue was divided loyalty. And yes she beleives herself awesome but drives others to BE awesome as well. You really see this in Hurricane Fluttershy She really didn't care that Fluttershy didn't get to ten wing power she just wanted her there and to do her best. She got her cutie mark during a race to defend Fluttershy from bullies.

Rarity could be far richer and live her dream but she gives out alot of gems and dresses to ponies in need. Yes she's vain and has an issue with mud. We've seen her make fabulous dresses at no cost to her friends.

AppleJack loves her family but is very stubborn. the Rodeo thing it was more about the money she promised than anything else. I consider her the second most reasonable out of the group.

Pinkie Pie. As long as she feels she can bring joy and happiness to others she can do anything. Sometimes her efforts are not what's called for and she has improved there. And I could she her caring more about other's birthdays over her own. She went Pinkemena because she thought she couldn't make them happy anymore. that they weren't her friends

Fluttershy is slowly getting more bold but still she makes you face hoof at times but she usually get end a fight between her friends.

They all have flaws and sometimes the writers go overboared with them. Heck we've seen the writers blow it bad at times. Equestria Girls anyhone?

For Celestia she either can get the result she wants from an issue by using herself or she has a plan in mind for Twilight. I feel it's again the failure of the writers to really giver her a good fight. they blew it in the Wedding. But in the end we rarely see her in action. Heck the Story Rites of Accenssion THAT writer actually gives a good reason why Celestia rarely if ever takes action. In his story Celestia is literally TOO powerful. When shed goes into battle mode she literally burns everything, even allies too close to her unwillinging on her part. Result of being ties to the sun. That's why in Death to Nightmare i at least give a good fight.

[TheDawsonator1]

5281266 Yes, The Mane Six do make flaws but they also do good things, of this I agree.

But i think the big flaw pointer was indeed Discord. They literally fell for his tricks easily and did not stop for one second that rolling apples or a Rock should be suspicious. That being said, Fluttershy did a damn good job trolling Discord enough to make him cheat. Twilight was literally made to be annoyed enough with her "Friends" so she gets brainwashed. But like all the MLP villains, they forgot one detail: Spike's flames and the fact Celestia was not dealt with. (God knows what Luna was doing, you'd think Discord would have some beef with her)

As for Celestia, she seems to be the last resort problem solver of when Ponyville's antics go a little too far like Lesson Zero. But in her couple of battles, she seems to be the weaker power. She barely got away from Nightmare Moon to get the Elements, Chrysalis was only winning due to Shining Armor's love upgrade but I think she already held a decent amount of power without the love. She may or she may not.

But I guess what redeems Celestia is that she is much like Dumbledore for Harry Potter, she makes mistakes yes, she also plans things out without downright telling Twilight what it is. She never said Twilight's warnings of Nightmare Moon were wrong, Twilight made it out to be that way. She said make some friends, knowing full well that Twilight would charge straight into the Everfree. Which can make a guy be lead to believe that Celestia must of manipulated the whole thing. This of course spawns a Fanon of Princess Celestia must of been forewarned, found a prophecy, or she knew the details of Nightmare Moon's return when she banished her. But I think Sombra's return to be treated as a test might be a little not taking the whole return thing seriously though. Shame Sombra didn't do more, I like to think he could done a lot more damage.

[Peppermint N Swirl]

“Yeah, stupid fleas and stuff that comes with the dog, the tail I can live with, but the fleas, they’re murder!”

That subtle Harry Potter reference