Human in Pony's clothing

by TheDawsonator1

Entry #57

You know, when humans on Earth ask me where I’d be in 10 years? I never liked that question, in fact I HATED IT! How the tartarus should I know? I think more like where will I be in 10 days is more like it. Having a fully ponified friend, probably another villain or some other drama around this town.

I dunno, there ALWAYS seems to be something going on. Will it never end? It was fun at first but now I don’t want to play anymore, I can’t stop running but sooner or later my hooves will give and I’ll fall down.

One thing is for certain: If I go down, at least I’ll die having friends.

---

“Gavin?” I hear Ashley’s voice
“Yeah?” I looked her way
“This may sound really weird but…can I ride you?” Ashley asked
“What?” I looked at her as though she grew another head
“Can I ride on your back? Just a little bit….please?” Ashley put a puppy face on

NO! NOT THE PUPPY FACE! NOOOOOOOOO! MUST RESIST MUST RESIST! MUST OBEY…MASTER….Obey the puppy eyes…

“Fine…” I sighed

Yep, I am now fulfilling every little girl’s dream, riding a pony…HI HO! LIGHTNING BOLT AWAY!!

---

About six hours later…no literally it was, not just for the Spongebob transition…okay fine! It was for the spongebob transition STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY!...

Note to self: Giving girls their childhood dreams is generally NOT good for the pony back, even if it’s an Alicorn one. God race my flank! You may think Alicorns are Super-beings, but my Celestia are there some huge disadvantages to being an Alicorn. The lack of strengthening of the back is one of them.

Anywho, we also got through Season one of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! How did I do it with no electricity? Why Portable DVD players, I never used the damn thing and it is now gotten the Equestrian seal of Approval. Plus Twilight’s magic does work out.

So we watched the original show, explained what happened differently to Ashley and the Mane Six commented on the show lie Rarity asking if that’s what she really looked like. (Admit it, you’ve seen yourself on video or heard yourself and you’re like “Is that what I really Look/Sound like?”)

I walked outside a couple of hours later and found Firefly and decided to sit down with her…

“Hey” I said as I approached her and sat down
“Hey, how’s it going?” Firefly greets
“Same old really, I’m just waiting for a villain to show up at any moment or something” I said cynically
“Really feels that way doesn’t it?” Firefly asks
“Yeah, that’s what my life feels like right now, just one disaster after another. The second life feels normal again, all tartarus breaks loose. It’s really driving me insane” I said as I saw Derpy Hooves fly towards my left.
“It’s changed you” Firefly says
“That is has, it used to be all smiles and such but one Changeling changed that, nowerdays I feel like an angry bomb waiting to go off at any moment. This hero stuff, I wish it would end, I wish these creatures would stop invading Equestria, just once can they invade Griffonia or something” I reflected sadly
“Yeah, those villains don’t know when to stop, hard to get ONE bed session around here without stuff breaking loose” Firefly stated her anger towards those villains
“With all those stuff, I’m surprised you didn’t ditch me for somepony or something” I confessed
“I would NEVER ditch you, Bolty. Not for any other stallion or mare in this town, there may be some lookers around there but I love YOU, and you love me too, I don’t see why we should ever give it up. Sure, getting a good rut for the last something months has been unsuccessful, but like with those villains, we keep calm and carry on!” Firefly answered

That warms my heart…OH CELESTIA ITS ON FIRE!!! PUT IT OUT!!!

“That means a lot you know that? A girl on Earth would of abandoned after this much unsuccessfulness” I said
“They would make mares here sick, we’d never leave a partner unless they were being abusive and cheating. Amongst us mares is considered the height of Dishonor “ Firefly says
“Yeah, our human girls, some of them are just flankholes with a pretty face, some are there for the sex. They will date a guy and as soon as some time passes, they go straight for another man, mind you that the Gender ratio is much more balanced than Equestria’s 80:20 Mare/Stallion ratio” I remember some of Earth’s devil-ish females I’ve met in the past.
“Your world must be really horrible” Firefly assumed
“It sounds like that doesn’t it, you may be right in some areas but so wrong in others” I said

Honestly, some days, you see all these saints in the world and then you see some real bucked up stuff and you say to yourself, “What is wrong with our world?” Some days are bad and some are good.

“Lightning Bolt!” I head a filly voice

I look around to see Apple Bloom coming my way, I wonder what she wants…wait a minute…

“Twilight needs you, something about Chrysalis…” Apple Bloom mentioned

Noooo…nonononono NONONONO! NO CELESTIA! CELESTIA PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BUCKING CHRYSALIS AGAIN?! Has it even been a week yet? Oh and it’s Tuesday too not that it has anything to do with it.

“No, she’ll be fine” I denied going
“But…” Apple Bloom protested
“Look, she’ll be fine, she’s a hero” I reasoned

I swear if my pony ears do not stop twitching…AHHHHH! STOP TWITCHING!!!!

“Go get her, Bolty. I’ll prepare our attempt at your long-deserved “Reward” later” Firefly says with a wink
“Are you sure?” I asked
“Go on! Go get em, Tiger!” Firefly said

She quoted Spiderman…hotness level increased by 20%...no that wasn’t referencing Rainbow Dash, it was really 20%!

“Fine, but you and I are spending quality time once this is done” I said with a sigh

Can’t these villains attack some other country for once…like those damned Griffons or those Minotaurs. Nooooo, it’s always the peaceful colourful little-girl dreamed Magical Ponyland. Bloody flankholes, the lot of them! When did the price of harmony become so sanity-draining expensive?

But worst of all is freaking Queen MOTHERBUCKING Chrysalis! I swear I should just chop off her head and be done with it! Actually, I don’t get why I haven’t done it sooner!

Yep, this is the point where I really question my career choice and life decisions…

Author's Note:

Yes, Yes! I know, Gee Daws, it's been a few weeks. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? BEDS EMPTY! NO NOTE! CAR GONE! YOU COULD OF DIED! YOU COULD OF BEEN SEEN! Of course I don't blame you Harry dear.

Well i was addicted to Destiny okay? That's my excuse, finally obtained the Gjallarhorn! It's like what StarSwirl is to Twilight in MLP: FML...That sexy rocket launcher. DO NOT HAVE FETISH!

But in all seriousness, i'll update more often. Am I screwing Lightning Bolt over? Oh, Malicously but honestly, the end is planned out soon, not this story arc but soon...

Meanwhile, I am thinking of a second HIE story, not a sequel but a new story idea. Less on the modern like structure, less violence and more sanity. But i'll release it once the first two chapters are made and see what i think.

Until next chapter, I must obtain ALL THE EXOTICS!! MWAHAHAHA!

Comments

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

I'm curious what happens to Ashley, here is hoping for more slice of life shenanigans too.