Human in Pony's clothing

by TheDawsonator1

Entry #24

Notice: No amount of masculinity was harmed in the making of this entry, sanity and pride however, was. Rated W for What the Buck did I just read?

You know, I always wondered why the Everfree Forest acts the way it does, it’s clearly different. What I don’t get is why ponies go venturing in it when it’s clearly forbidden. Do they not know they could build a fence or make a barrier or something?

Especially when three such fillies are involved and have a habit of going in…

---

Okay, if it doesn’t rain soon, I think we’re gonna end up having a drought in this kingdom. Does it ever bloody rain when something happens? It’s always sunny, I know it’s summer but come on! I think it’s summer, I don’t know to be honest, inconsistent seasons and all, for all we know it could still be spring or Winter again.

So, it’s a slow day today, I don’t mean that in a “Universe, please curse me” way, I mean it’s really really slow. I’m convinced time has frozen somehow, hey with all the magic around it wouldn’t be impossible maybe?

3…
2…
1…

KNOCK KNOCK!

I knew it, I had said the magic words, maybe I should learn to shut up sometime…one day, but it is not this day!

So I opened to door and I found Applejack of all ponies, since when does Applejack visit me? She looks to be in a I-need-your-help situation and I have three guesses what it is.

“Hi Applejack, it’s the cutie mark crusaders isn’t it?” I greeted
“How didja guess?” AJ asked
“I’m sidekick Applejack, and those three have caused enough trouble and if I’m right they are in the Everfree forest again?” I replied
“Darn right they are, dunno what in tarnation goes in their heads but we gotta find them” AJ said
“Let’s go then” I sighed as I was entrusted the task of finding those three

So you’re wondering where the other 5 elements are right about now, well…

Twilight: In Canterlot with Celestia
Rarity: Designing dresses for important client that is more important than her little sister’s health. (Element of Generousity my flank)
Pinkie Pie: Celestia knows what in Equestria she’s doing
Fluttershy: Emergency sick animals
Rainbow Dash: I have no idea, probably doing tricks or having a nap

I have made it my business to avoid the Everfree since the incident when I got here, let me just say it wasn’t my best time, let’s just say one painful transformation and a couple of timberwolves and one game of cat and mouse with a cockatrice had something to do with it.

Of course, I know if I got get turned to stone, I can probably count of Fluttershy to save my flank, and besides I can at least know how Discord felt for a bit.

So without so much as a word to AJ, we wandered this forest in total silence, keeping our eyes peeled for those troublesome filles.

---

About an hour or something later with nothing happening, I was starting to worry a bit, it’s just natural instincts but I know they will be fine, they have Hearts as Strong as Horses!

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP!” I think that was Sweetie Belle’s scream

I take that back, nevertheless, AJ and I galloped full speed, actually I flew as I go faster and just in time to see the trio cornered by two Timberwolves

AWWWWW TARTRUS NO! (think that in a stereotypical Black girl voice, I wish I could do that voice) I dived for the one on the left as he closed in and tackled him out but the other one went straight for me and I just managed to defend my face from being chewed off as Applejack caught up and bucked that wolf into next week.

“Thanks AJ” I thanked her for saving my flank
“Big Sister” Apple Bloom went straight to AJ for a Hug
“Now what in tarnation do you think y’all are doing back here again?” AJ reprimarded the fillies
“We were going for cutie marks in Everfree Biology” Scootaloo explained
“The rate you three go, I’ll be surprised you even get a cutie mark” I said
“Uh Applejack?” Sweetie Belle said
“Now you three will be grounded for another week for this…” AJ lectured
“Big sister” AB looked behind us
“Don’t you “Big sister” me! You knew full well not to go in that forest and what did you do? Go in it and make myself and Lightning Bolt here worried sick!” AJ rounded on AB

Growl!

I turned around to see the two timberwolves and another two arrive on scene

“Applejack, behind you!” I said
“Oh…horseapples/Buck!” AJ and I said at the same time
“We may want to run” I said to this lack of running the other direction

AJ quickly got Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle on her back while I got Scootaloo. It’s time to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!

Thankfully despite Timbewolves having regenerating powers, they aren’t that bright, AJ was on my left running as the fillies hanged on to our necks as we galloped full speed out the forest through some flowers and branches and fresh air came at last. We lost them too, I guess they know not to exit the forest or else they get burned real good by the Unicorns who can cast fire on them to defeat them permanently.

“Huff…that forest…never again!” I panted as I caught my breath
“Everypony okay?” AJ asked
“Okay? THAT WAS SO COOL!” Scootaloo piped up
“Yeah!” the other two Crusaders agreed
“We could of got killed trying to save you flanks, so you brats better be thankful me and Applejack came along when we did” I growled

I don’t have anything against the CMC but I was not in a good mood, I. HATE. THAT. FOREST! Full stop, the end!

---

The Next day…

The CMC were so grounded, I imagine Rarity gave Sweetie Belle a telling and maybe Rainbow Dash might of lectured Scootaloo. I know AJ definitely gave AB one!

So I woke up on this sunny Sunday morning (Does it ever rain?), I had the weirdest dream involving anthro ponies singing Disney musicals and some red creature thing with the hugest horns ever laughing evilly. I feel…thinner today, maybe that running for our lives thing made me lose some weight? I feel soft too, maybe it was the huge shower? My breathing sounds…girly. It’s probably nothing.

I got up to brush my mane, because honestly, I can already see the way it would look and I fear Rarity may give me an emergency fashion makeover if I showed up with this mane.

I got up to my mirror and I saw my eyelashes more defined, more girly, in fact I looked like a mare…NO CELESTIA!! NO CELESTIA PLEASE NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOT THIS PILE OF HORSEAPPLES!! ANYTHING BUT THIS! GIVE ME UPSIDE DOWN WINGS! MAKE ME TINY! I DON’T CARE WHAT, NOT THIS CHANGING GENDER HORSEAPPLES!!

I reached for my no-no zone and it was confirmed that I changed gender, really bucking mature Poison Joke! This is exactly the kind of thing a sixth grader would find funny! But seriously…

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

---

Six hours later (More like six seconds later)…

Okay, at least I know how to get rid of this, go get Bath cure thingy from Zecora and by lunchtime my maleness shall be restored!

KNOCK KNOCK!

DAMN IT! GO AWAY!!! Not now! Anytime but now!

“Bolty? It’s Firefly, are you in there? I got two tickets to the newest Power Ponies movie” Firefly’s voice came from the other side of the door

Oh buck, it’s her, and at the worst time too! I can’t let her see me like this, I’ll never live with myself if she sees me as a mare, same goes for Cloud Kicker.

“Bolty? Hellooooooo?” Firefly knocked again

I opened the window and silently flew out the other side but I waited for Firefly to decide I wasn’t here before trotting off. If I’d of flown they would of spotted me so I’m keeping incognito, now I shall require a spy suit and the Mission Impossible theme as I sneak out Ponyville.

Thankfully, I didn’t bump into Pinkie Pie as I expected I would, if she did I would swear her to Pinkie Promise secrecy that she will take to the grave or else I will personally put her in the grave (just like that fake Pinkie Pie).

I rather not go in this forest again but I need Zecora to change me back before things get weird.

---

1 sneaking out town montage later...

So I entered Zecora’s house after a come in was uttered.

“How may I help you?” Zecora asked
“My name is Lightning Bolt and basically I accidently stepped in some poison joke and I need a cure please?” I explained quickly
“Ah I see, You need a cure for your aliment” Zecora assumed
“Yep, by the way, how come you don’t talk in rhymes?” I asked
“Oh? I was trying a new brew which counters our need to rhyme by our Zebra kind, it’s working quite well actually” Zecora explained

Okay, maybe once this is done I should check if I didn’t land in an alternate Equestria while I was sleeping. That is honest to Luna creepy.

“Here you go, just bathe in this and you’ll be 100% in no time” Zecora came back with the potion
“Thanks Zecora, how much for this?” I asked
“No charge, this may simply be thanks for what you did yesterday” Zecora shook her head
“You sure?” I asked
“Positive, now I must make more, try not to go wandering into any more Poison Joke as the cure will not be ready for another 2 weeks” Zecora warned

Normally I would go into my business speech like with Rarity but this be an emergency, so ain’t nopony got time for that! Anyway, I better hurry because Zecora’s lack of rhymes are creeping me the buck out and plus is sounds like the Author got lazy.

CRACK!

---

Finally, the bath! I can feel my masculinity coming back, and a strange urge to act like a black guy all the sudden.

“Bolty! There you are!” Firefly burst in

CELESTIA ON A FISHSTICK!! Don’t do that! And ain’t that invading my privacy much?

“Firefly my main homie, wassup?” I asked
“Uh…what?” Firefly looked confused
“So whatchu doing, girl? I was just taking a bath and stuff” I said to her all casually as though she always did this.

What just came out my mouth?

“Er, I was looking for you earlier and I have an extra ticket to Power Ponies 2: Revenge of the Mane-iac for tonight, you wanna come?” Firefly asked Nervously
“Fo’ sho’ my nigga!” I replied showing a gangsta like pose

Okay what’s going on? I am back to a staliion and stuff so why am I talking like a black guy from Earth? And badly too!

“Why are you talking like that?” Firefly asked me in a “WTB are you doing?” way
“Well girl, let’s just say Poison joke bucks up a pony, you hear?” I reply
“Did you go see Zecora?” Firefly asked
“Course I did, fool! But the cure ain’t a cure, bitch changed my joke I or something” I replied
“So now you talk all weird?” Firefly asked for confirmation
“Fo’ Sho!” I confirmed
“Well there always is the spa” Firefly suggested
“Now why didn’t you suggest that sooner, homie?” I asked
“I have no idea, can we just go? You’re starting to creep me out!" Firefly said hurriedly

You have no idea what happened at Zecora’s! I Pinkie Promise not to mention this at all! Cross my heart, I hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!

---

1 cure bath that actually worked this time later…

“Urgh! Finally! I cannot believe the words that came outta my mouth” I said, feeling all better
“How did you get Poison joked anyway?” Firefly asked out of curiosity
“Well it was saving the crusaders with AJ” I explained
“Oh I see” she said
“Oh and, not a word of this to Cloud Kicker, in fact, this never happened” I said

Including the mare part, lousy cliché plant, should be called Poison Cliché!

“Now about that movie…” Firefly started
“I’m up for watching bad guys getting their flanks kicked” I said at once
“Of course, I always liked Mistress Mare-valous kicking flank” Firefly said
“I liked Zapp, so I wonder what Mane-iac’s plan is this time? Make a mane-spray ray of doom?” I wondered
“Personally I don’t care how cheesy it is, action is action!” Firefly said
“I couldn’t agree more Firefly, I couldn’t agree more!” I agreed

The horse puns have honestly grown on me, but honestly despite Power Ponies being one of my lesser liked episodes of Season 4, the first movie was kick-flank, it’s sort of like the Avengers but better, I always wondered what Spider-Mare was even doing during the whole movie anyways.

But hey, some people can be way too judgemental of a movie but Power Ponies 2 was actually alright, despite Mane-iac not seeing the hugest obvious flaw in her plan which annoyed me to no end.

It was good afternoon overnight and better than the hours before it which I am never talking about ever again!

Author's Note:

I gotta be honest, i do not understand our obsession of turning our male protagonists into mares, but whatever! and I wanted this with a little less drama, it could of been worse.

Oh and how many references did I make in this chapter? Can you count because i've honestly forgotten how.

For the record: I sort of liked the Avengers, it had its ups and downs, quite personally I like Batman over Superman! (Anti-hate shield ready)

Comments

[Frankie2]

So, Lightning Bolt and Firefly really DID kill that fake Pinkie?

[Altered Giratina]

(Element of Generousity my flank)

*Generosity

[redtap]

“Yep, by the way, how come you don’t talk in rhymes?” I asked

Are you sure you just couldn't think up enough rhymes?

Also that black guy part was scary because before I even read this chapter I got the song 'My Nigga' stuck in my head, but I stilled loved it XD

[isjor1]

I am black. And i findn this offensive and a little racist.
Then I realize I don't give a shit.
This nigga got respect.

[DJ_Arashi_Rora]

4954235
I also felt offended... Then I said "Yo nigga dis shit is dope."