Entry #59
Signs that you’re having a bad day:
One: It’s Tuesday (for anything but Destiny…the game not the actual destiny)
Two: Your 11940137413048th attempt at sex has failed
Three: Red-eyed possessed Changelings showed up in town for a fight
Four: It’s 2015 and THERE IS STILL NO DAMNED HOVER CARS! NOTHING! NO HOVERBOARDS! NOTHING!!!
I think all four apply right now…
The changelings opposite us land, and they just look evil! Look at them! They were literally giving off a huge evil vibe the size of Princess Celestia’s ideal cake (Compare with Mount Everest).
“So…ladies first?” I indicated towards the Mane Six and Chrysalis
“Not on your life” Twilight said
“Typical…well here goes everything!” I said
The Changelings seemed to pick up this note of HAY BOUT TO GET REAL SON, So they charged and I charged.
And yeah, charging into an army, while effective in movies is not a good idea in reality, so foals, don’t try this at home! (That goes for you humans out there as well, One of you will try it and don’t blame me when you get hurt!)
Needless to say, I got blasted by a bazillion red beams and you need a fair few to blast an Alicorn back.
“Oww…that hurt!” I groaned
“Hey, you okay?” Rainbow Dash asks
“Yeah…when did you get here?” I asked
“About 5 minutes ago” Dash says
“Well, could you be a friend and help me out with this army please? Chrysalis is on our side by the way too, don’t ask why” I said as I got back up
“Are you two quite done?” Chrysalis asks
“Shut the buck up!” I snarled at her
“Both of you, enough!” Twilight got in between us
I’m sick of Chrysalis, if she’s behind it all, rest assured that I will be the first to kill her…then resurrect her so others can kill her.
“Now, we must charge together” Twilight says
“Fine, ladies first?” I asked again
“Not on your life” Twilight repeated
“Fine then, ahem! CHAAAARRRRRRGGGGGEEEE!” I said in an epic tone
Hey, if you’re gonna charge, you got to scream at the top of you lungs, just like how in Dragon Ball Z they would announce their attacks in an epic way. You know? For Dramatic purposes?
So I collided with the Changeling wall of enemies as well at Twilight and others along with Chrysalis…probably reluctant at that too. If only I brought the camera…
“All right you red-eyed pricks, this is a no-trespassing zone and you forgot to beware the dog so now you’re bucked especially those of you that hit me!” I said as I bashed a changeling
“You better not be killing them, Lightning Bolt! Once my backstabbing commander is dead at my hooves they’ll be mine again and once they’re mine, any that die are on you!” Chrysalis says
“What kind of monster do you think I am? Of course I won’t murder them! I’ll just give them brain damage and enough wounds so they won’t thinking about bucking with me again” I said as I smashed two changeling’s skulls together
I notice at that comment the changelings seem to be targeting me most…
“Oh that’s not fair! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! Against Ponified Humans with tendencies to resort to think violence as the answer! Go annoy Chrysalis! She’s your queen!” I said as I dodged this very angry changelings
“Urrgh! BAD SUBJECT! Kneel before your queen!” Chrysalis was getting angry
“There’s a little too many to combat, where’s Princess Celestia when you need her?” Rainbow says
Suddenly the weight was on Chrysalis, good! Get her!
“Hey! At least you’re not getting ganged up on here!” Chrysalis says as they go for her more
“Hey look! Queen Chrysalis is surrounded! Everypony point and laugh!” I said sadistically
“Doesn’t this sort of count as racism?” Pinkie asks
“Well to be fair, Pinkie. They started it first with that whole wedding crap, I say this fair retaliation” I said as one changeling hit me only to be hit by my lighting beam
Seriously, that lightning beam is like those sith powers from Star Wars…I can imagine it now…
Meanwhile in the Star Wars version of MLP…
Sweetie Belle was in the Death Star facing the Emperor (Nightmare Moon) and Darth Trixie (The GREEEAT AND POWERFUL TRIIIXIIIEEE!).
“Your overconfidence if your weakness” Sweetie squeaks
“Your faith in your friends is yours” Nightmare Moon replies back
“Well at least I don’t look a wrinkled pedophile” Sweetie shoots back
BUUUUUURRRRNNNN!
Okay, how many BLOODY changelings are there? Are they endless? I swear they are! Nope they’re thinning…just my imagination!
“CAN. YOU. JUST. BUCK. OFF. ALREADY!” I said as I smashed every changeling in sight
So Pinkie was Party cannoning every enemy in sight, Dash and Applejack were kicking them to the curb. Rarity apparently knows Karate, Fluttershy….was secretly at the back being Fluttershy. Twilight was going all warrior on them…cause bitches don’t buck with Twilight!
(Just so you know, The Author thinks Badass Twilight fics ARE BUCKING AWESOME!! Especially when Twilight gets banished and returns a badass…now why aren’t they a bit more completed? You! In front of the computer screen, GO ANNOY THEM INTO DOING IT!)
Chrysalis was doing okay trying to subdue her subjects without harming them too much but I’ll admit she got some moves. And then there’s me just hitting the crap out of everything without killing them.
But as they thinned, their commander must of ordered a retreat, this is mainly because the Changelings ran with their tails between their legs back to base.
“HEY! WHERE YOU GOING? WE WERE HAVING FUN HERE!! TYPICAL COWARDS, PICK A FIGHT AND THEN RUN AWAY WHEN YOU LOSE!” I shouted after them
They started disappearing over the horizion as I watched them fly away.
“YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! RUN! AND BRING YOUR FRIENDS WITH YOU!” I yelled after them
They’ll be back…unless of course we storm their fort and defeat the lot of them. Which we will do…again!
“Well that took care of them” Dash says as she lands confidently
“For how long? Even if we defeat these guys at their heart, another bad guy will show up and we’ll be repeating the process until every one of us is dead of old age except for Twilight.” I sighed
“Lightning Bolt, when did you get so…down?” Twilight ask
“I’m just saying, isn’t this starting to get old? I mean, we beat Tirek and ten seconds later, those Sirens come along and then Changelings possessed by some power object? If this is really how Season 5 goes out, I’m gonna be pissed!” I replied back
“Come on dude! We’re the ponies everypony relies on when somepony bad comes along” Dash says with punching motions
“And? How many more bad ponies are there on this damned planet? They all seem to be coming from the past too, so why not just ask Celestia how many there are or something. Look, I’m just not feeling it anymore” I said cynically
Gee, my problems wouldn’t be happen if SOMEPONY had been solving their problems when they first appeared coughCelestiacough.
“What are you saying?” Twilight asks
“That it’s been fun and all, but this being a hero stuff is really doing nothing for me but anger and stress me out, I don’t even have time for ponies I care about anymore! That’s why I’m quitting this hero gig and leaving it to you ponies like it was originally meant to be!” I answered
“But…” Dash started
“I’m tired, I’m done! I quit! Good Luck to you ponies” I said
I turned around and headed home, not looking back, just back home so I can rest, no more heroics, no more bad guy beat ups, just normal life and letting the real heroes do it…like it was meant to be…
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5484210
So every time I take a shower or I am in between getting dressed, that makes me gay? I guess every animal out there is gay too since they do not wear clothing! Why, when your father was having coitus with your mother, I bet he turned gay since he was naked!
(To say this short, your statement is a false conclusion, a fallacy made by connecting two different things that do not in any way logically correlate.)
you mean like this?
Bolt does have a point. how many of these villians Celestia could have taken care of earlier. Honestly the sisters rely too much on the mane 6
5528141 Yeah! BYEEEE! Oops sorry!
But yes, Celestia seems to have way too many villains from those 1000+ years ago that could of been finished off or something. Admittedly, Luna is sort of understandable. But one would think that Twilight and friends wouldn't be getting a hard time were it for Celestia doing the right thing and being rid of the problems permanately.
5528924 here's my load out on things. Nightmare Moon is understandable for the outcome Celestia wanted. Discord, well already proven that the sisters are no match for him thus the Elements that time. the Wedding, well Celestia should have noticed the change in attitude before Twilight and WHERE THE HECK WAS LUNA!? At least you give Luna a creditable reason why. Crystal Empire.,why wait to send Twilight at the last minute instead of when she sent Cadance and Shining. And why didn't anypony notice Tirek missing from Tartarus? Hence why my Death to Nightmare story exist. (Shameless plug i know)
5528980 Yes. But the problem with Discord is that we should be thankful Celestia didn't kill him or TIME PARADOX!! Universe goes boom! But...who's to say cutting him in half while in the statue won't kill Discord or something without that future knowledge.
The Wedding, i believe i have mentioned before is something was easily avoidable BEFORE Twilight showed up. I mean we get introduced to her being "The best foalsitter EVER!" and then we finally meet her and she's an absolute bitch. I think Celestia would know her niece long enough to know something's wrong and considering she should know full well about Changelings. Or even ask what's wrong rather than assume things.
But if a threat happens, don't you think the Royal Wedding might JUST be in danger? Don't you think these sort of measures should of been put JUST in case? And Celestia flat out ignores Twilight, where's the trust those two have?
As for Luna. She had to be somewhere else other than the castle at the time. Even if Luna checked Cadence's dreams, i'm pretty sure they wouldn't be happy ones. In one fic i read "Tales of the Oppressed" Luna comes back from the Griffon kingdom to find Seth's "Bretrayal-then-fixed-once-realized-mistake" and leads the charge to re-take Canterlot. Some fics use Luna's absence for something, others ignore it.
As for Sombra, why in the holy mother of anything would you send Twilight there to beat a guy without any Elements as backup as "just a test" The whole thing was going to fall down on one tiny thing the whole way through. And also, why is the Crystal Heart all the way at the top? Couldn't a Pegasus just fly up top then comb down while others go bottom up? Even if they Black Crystal thing happened they could toss it out to somepony and activate it.
I think one fic even had guards asking why they're in a middle of a snowy area with nothing near and they say rumor is an empire would return which makes sense considering a guard was sent to tell Celestia "it" has returned. But i feel the empire could of been saved without the whole disappear for 1000 years thing. and Also, how is it that a simple Unicorn can't be beat just cause it has "Dark powers"? You got Two Alicorns for bucks sake!
Tirek, I agree. How does nopony notice that SOME BUCKING EVIL GUY IS MISSING!! I don't think it would of taken that long for word to come out from Tartarus to Celestia about this after all Twilight got there in a matter of days maximum as she lead Ceberus back before the Tuesday. Is Cerberus the only guard around there. All these villains and i'd expect nothing short of maximum security full of Alicorn charged beams waiting to fire at first sign of a breakout. Also, Tirek is really weak in Prison, why not finish him off and be done with it, he doesn't have enough power to drain the Alicorns until after a few hundred ponies have their power drained. Even if all the guards were killed, i'd like to think some guards would at least contact every so often and why is it that Celestia dreams his presence now if he's been out a long damn time!
And for the record, really with Discord? Yes let's have and ex-bad guy talk with the Big Bad and see him NOT turn back to a villain, seems rather simple logic. If you could cause chaos as much as you want and some guy gave you the chance to do it again, wouldn't you do it?
Ok i'll stop rambling now before you think i'm insane
5530668 I mainly agree with your points but with CE.
One it is a test for Twilight. i bet Luna was on standby to go. I also was the sister's didn't use the Elements in that fight. But in the situation when it has returned. It sounds like Cadance has been there for a few days thus when Twilight is FINALLY sent she's on the clock. and for spot it actually makes sense. the Crystal ponies are Earth pony variant. We don't see any pegasi till afterwards and the only ground way is through his traps. it's fine. but the timing for Twilight. Geeze Tia you think you would have learned after Lesson Zero.
Also even if they inttally missed Tireks escape how was he not noticed for two years?
THis are the reasons in one of my stories that some ponies want nightmare moon. While Celestia can rule well she's crappy at protecting.
5530717 Yes, I think Celestia's decesions throughout the show seem rather questionable don't you?
Seems a bit much on faith for a Unicorn to go find five friends the precisely match the elements. Good luck if you found 2 contenders for one but one spot is missing. The whole thing could of blown up ridiculously quick. And what was she doing anyway during that whole time? Hopefully in a fight with Nightmare Moon and got weakened.
I wouldn't release Discord in a bazillion years knowing what could happen, yes it turned out alright but it was by a few letters Twilight got the tools to beat Discord when he returned
Chrysalis like i said in my previous comment should of been detected a mile away. Even anypony hearing her sing This Day Aria or saw her using green magic would of been much of a giveaway.
Sombra, yeah Celestia. Let's tell Twilight when Sombra could take over at any moment...geez!
But with this whole "Celestia must be an incompetent princess or doesn't give a shit thing" It's not just some alternate universe stuff, there are legitimate thoughts to Celestia's rule.
For starters, why is it that this sister of hers pops out of freaking nowhere for the ponies point of view, why is a purple hero ascending to a Princess, wouldn't it be better to you know...ask? Those questions fuel the whole "Celestia is retiring/dying" Thing in fictions or just she wants Twilight to take charge while she has fun for once if you're all for "Trollestia" stuff.
Then there's those normal episodes she appears just to act as the "I forgive you" thing like with running of the leaves.
Then there's the "Is Celestia is powerful as people say she is?" thing that goes on. I think with the reputation of past victories and such would suggest so...or perhaps age has finally hit her and she's grown weaker over the years OR perhaps the lost connection with the elements weakened her? For all we know the whole raise the sun thing is just utter bullshit. It could of been Celestia lighting her horn up as the sun rises effectively making her an overglorified "Trixie" and really just a normal Unicorn that is big boned or something.
But what about the formation of Equestria story apparantly a group of Unicorns raise the sun. It's all confusing
But like i say it does fuel the fire to some of this fictions (Like your good one). But a question i ask is...why did Twilight ascend? It can't be just a reward for her friendship studies or something. Is she like Celestia's heir or is it just for the power upgrade or something?
I'll end here again...
5531028 I'll give Celestia this. i think she gear the Element Bearers. One why have the Apples settle near Everfree. and two the first Rainboom in centuries and causes the Element of Magic Bearer to appear to her. I think she found out who they others were not long afterwards for think of it. Except for Twilight all the other bearers were in Ponyville at the time of the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration and have the main Celebration in the town and that town is the closest to her old castle which had the dead Elements.
Nightmare Moon had three options. Option 1 she fights NMM and either one or both die. Not acceptable option for her. Option 2. She somehow wields the Elements again. likely to fail but even if succeeds she have to do it again in another 1000 years. again not acceptable to her.
Option 3. She finds new bearers and with the Elements at full power free Luna from her Nightmare side.
Discord. already proven that even together the sister can't beat him. Only the elements can.
Chrysalis. Well the only real creditble version of that I've seen is Mirror Image. She pulls a much better job and had a very good reason to try it.
The Empire was a major test to see if Twilight would be capable of being an alicorn. She does thus they send the book to start the final trigger. What many forget. Twilight made herself and alicorn. not Celestia.
As for Celestia's plans. one thing of note. Pre summer sun only the Element of magic looked different from the others and the Tree of Harmony had the sister's cutie marks with the star in the middle and Twilight happens to get the star with five more around it. Twilight was screwed by fate long before Celestia was aware of her.
Among the stories i suggest to you is Cry For Eternity. Celstia does plan on Twilight replacing her.
5531110 As much as Celestia fails in some departments, you can't deny she's a genius at some points.
I feel like i agree with the headcannon of Celestia manipulated the Element Bearers into Ponyville thing that "Celestia's Tiny Student" sort of gives. I agree with it because the whole thing smelled of it.
Isn't it a bit convenient that the Summer Sun Celebration is in Ponyville next to where the Elements are and 5 out 6 bearers live there, and Twilight just so happens to read a book about Nightmare Moon just a couple of days BEFORE nightmare moon returns? I don't think so.
I think Celestia even knew who the bearers were, why? Well they were all in charge of something and Twilight had to check on them well besides Pinkie which i'm sure her parties must of gotten into Celestia's plans unitentionally anyway so no doubt Twilight would meet them.
And when you think about it, Nightmare Moon really dug her own grave as she tried to "Dispose" of the elements only for them to shine they elements in front of Twilight.
All in all Celestia has her stupid moments and moments of Pure Brillance. But personally, i think she needs to get some of her brillance out more often...it's rather lacking a bit. Although I will say the "Get rid of your magic to one pony so villain doesn't steal magic" is quite a good thought
Ruined. You have ruined Star Wars for me. Forever.
Cue Star Wars meme.
I HATE YOU!
But seriously though, you have ruined it.