Chrysalis has become the shame of changeling kind, a once rising and respected hero among the hives to a queen who is considered incompetent. Though her hive supports her, she'll need a new food source. And with Sombra casting a cloud over everyone, its even harder to get love and survive.
So she decides to catch two hearts with one wink. Subtly bring down the Crystal Empire and rule it herself, removing Sombra from the picture and feeding her subjects. But she'll have to be careful...
Chapters (2)
Wow. I am very impressed. It's hard to find any good stories that present Chrysalis in a slightly positive light. Great work!
I really like this story so far, but it could use some improvement's. First off, don't use "Booklike" spacing for your paragraphs. I have no idea why, but it doesn't work well at all for fanfiction sites. Example:
"Pastel horses" said Sundowner, his face in a perfect deadpan. He turned around completely to face Mistral. "This world's dominant species is a race of pastel, multicolored magical talking horses".
Mistral chuckled at the reaction, her eyes lighting up a bit. "Putain Voyage dimensionnelle, am I right? Oh wait... you don't speak French..."
As opposed too:
"Pastel horses" said Sundowner, his face in a perfect deadpan. He turned around completely to face Mistral. "This world's dominant species is a race of pastel, multicolored magical talking horses".
Mistral chuckled at the reaction, her eyes lighting up a bit. "Putain Voyage dimensionnelle, am I right? Oh wait... you don't speak French..."
On the topic of paragraphs, its good in stories to make it so they are one idea per paragraph. Example:
Giving the giant metal death machine the "Stare", Fluttershy flew up to its face. "Listen mister, you scared my friends and stomped over some trees! My friends live in those! Apologize, and leave right now!"
Metal Gear Ray responded to this statement by letting lose a ground shaking roar, rupturing the eardrums of those in a 16 meter radius. Letting lose a scream she couldn't hear, Fluttershy fell to the ground hooves covering her ears.
As opposed too:
Giving the giant metal death machine the "Stare", Fluttershy flew up to its face. "Listen mister, you scared my friends and stomped over some trees! My friends live in those! Apologize, and leave right now!" Metal Gear Ray responded to this statement by letting lose a ground shaking roar, rupturing the eardrums of those in a 16 meter radius.
Letting lose a scream she couldn't hear, Fluttershy fell to the ground hooves covering her ears.
So yeah, beyond spacing, you're doing good! keep the chapters coming!
(PS: Does it show that I've been thinking about Metal Gear Rising too much?
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