• Published 4th Jun 2014
  • 9,477 Views, 330 Comments

Legendary Legends of the Legendary Pony Summoner - Pen Mightier

Luna was sealed. Inside a boy. In an unlikely partnership, Luna offers the boy a summoning contract to help him in his upcoming ninja exams. She forgets to tell him what it summons. The boy didn't care to ask. Instant recipe for disaster.

  • ...

Your Cutie Mark's on Your face!

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Therefore, when an object in motion is summoned and teleported across space and time to an entirely different dimension, it remains in motion, momentum, obnoxiousness and all fully conserved. Hysteria, on the other hand, often comes as an added bonus.

"WHAT THE FLYING BUCK?!" Whatever it was stuck in Naruto's baggy orange pants gave an indignant if muffled cry. "WHY'S EVERYTHING ORANGE?! AND HAIRY?!"

"And violated?!" Naruto suggested in panic, fighting to keep his pants on against the speeding sky-blue rocket that had its head stuck inside it, threatening to rip his legs and progeny off as it soared further and further upwards into the skies above the little hidden village of Konoha. "Hey, if you got something against orange, say it to my face!" Naruto, master of priorities, shouted in defence of the one and only primary colour.

"I just did!" The voice inside his pants shouted back, "Here, let me say it again to your buck-ugly face, Oranges."

"My face is up here!" Naruto shouted over the roaring wind in his ears. He peered up at whatever it was threatening to fly off with his pants. All he could make out were a pair of small but powerful wings beating at the air, propelling what he could only guess were a pair of buttocks. Round blue buttocks. With a pair of thunder markings on either side just to make sure he was properly confused.

"This isn't your face?!" The voice shouted. "Whoah! Just how ugly are you?!"

"Right, that's it. I'm not taking that, not from a toad." Naruto muttered. "It's not the face that makes one ugly! It's my fist! Slow down or I'll show you how!"

"Slow down? You're talking to the wrong mare, Oranges! Especially when you get in the way of my show!" The sky-blue rocket made an abrupt stomach-dropping turn, pulling into a sharp loop-de-loop. The sudden maneuver pulled it free of his pants, turning him into the ninja world's first unpowered human rocket. The loudest too, but we know that.

Naruto sailed up, feeling a sudden relief in the pressure in his pants. As he peered back at his destination, the ground, now almost a blue haze in the distance, he quickly felt pressure build up elsewhere down below.

"Wheeeeeee!" He suddenly heard a very familiar squeaky little voice echo in his head.

"I think that's what my bladder really wants to do." Naruto muttered as he realized wetting himself may well be his last act upon the mortal coil. "Wait, Luna, why did you move into my head?!"

"Hewwo, wittle Nawuto! Oh, your head? Uhh, because it's really roomy with plenty of empty space, maybe?" She said. "Teehee, Woona can speak with little Nawuto lots and lots whenever Woona wants now!" She giggled excitedly.

"You can?" Naruto murmured weakly, wondering just what sins he had committed to deserve this. Probably pinning up old man Hokage's porn all over the Elder Monument that overlooked the entire village. Yeah, that was probably it. If he ever survived this emotionally intact he promised himself he would give him back each and every one along with a public apology.

For a moment he felt the brief joy of weightlessness. Then, as if reminding him of his impending appointment with his arch-nemesis, the ground, gravity gave him a rather sharp yank on the back. "Oh yeah." He muttered, his mind catching up with his predicament. "I'm still kinda dying." He noted. "Luna, you're gonna help me, right?! Please tell me you've got a way out of this!" Naruto pleaded.

"Umm, oh, Woona knows! Woona knows!" Luna declared excitedly. "Why don't thou asketh that pony? Woona's sure she'll help, cause she's a pony. All ponies are nice. That's what big sis said! Oh, except when they're naughty. Then thou doth bucketh them up. But big sis only says that to herself in her sleep. So don't tell her Woona told thee that. Or she might bucketh thee up too, whatever that means. Woona doesn't think thou wantest to find out."

"Who the what how now?" Naruto looked around, scanning the empty sky all around him. His eyes quickly latched onto the sky-blue figure free-falling next to him. Now, he had never seen winged toads, or blue ones for that matter, but then he hadn't seen that many toads, ever. If toads got to pick hair colours, then this was the terminally indecisive one. It had every colour of the rainbow in its rather messy hair.

"Hey, Oranges, you're sure that's your face?" The rainbow-haired toad asked, its dark crimson eyes frowning at him, "Cause you've got your cutie-mark on your face." It pointed what looked like a foreleg at the Hidden Leaf brand on his headband. "Doesn't that make your face your butt?"

"Hey, that's like saying wittle Nawuto's cutie-mark destiny is one big butt! That's not nice, even if it's true!" Luna shouted in Naruto's defense. "Owkay! She's naughty! Woona gives thee permission to bucketh her up now!"

"Thanks, Luna." Naruto muttered. "I'd show you what a butt looks like, your own for starters, toad." Naruto jabbed back at the little blue toad.

"Hey, who're you callin' a toad? I've seen toads. I'm twenty thousand percent cooler!" The toad snapped indignantly.

"I suck at maths but even I know twenty thousand percent of zero is still zero!" Naruto pointed out triumphantly.

"Oooh, Nawuto's so smart!" Luna squeaked, "But...but Woona knew that too." She huffed.

"Huh, wha...?" The toad blinked. "Was that egghead-speak? Cause I thought you were too dumb to to tell between a toad and a pony." She frowned.

"Pony where?" Naruto asked. It is worth noting he is still falling at this point.

"See how beterrer Woona's summoning contwact is? See? See? See?" Luna flaunted proudly, "Woona will tell you the secret to why it's so aweshum, because Woona is genewous like that. It. Summons. Ponies!"

"Ponies." Naruto nodded. Still falling.

"And ponies are the bestest! Because Woona is a pony!" Luna reasoned with logic so watertight it was practically gushing like a waterfall. It suddenly dawned upon him for the first time the resemblance between Luna and this creature before him. They both had four legs, two eyes and really big mouths. Well, duh, if Luna's the owner of the contract, that makes her the [boss summon]. And from what he had gathered thus far, the underlings tended to be more or less the same shape, just different shades of ridiculous.

Wait, by Sissy-ke's skirt, he's got a squeaky little party balloon as a boss summon! How is he ever gonna live this down?!

Well, he won't, if he didn't hurry up and stop dying. But he didn't realize this. Not yet. Instead he was busy trying to come up with an argument to Luna's perfect logic. "But it's blue. With rainbows." Was the best he came up with.

"Well, you're orange." The blue pony argued back. "Your point, Butt-Face?"

"My point is I summoned you. That means two things: First, I'm awesome. Second, you're gonna listen to me." Naruto's mind finally caught up with his survival instinct.

"Heh, now that's talk. Why don't you make me!" She waved her hooves at Naruto in a gesture of challenge. "You've been talking real big for an overripe orange. Why not put your hooves where your mouth is and entertain me a bit, make up for interrupting my workout?" She grinned. "You got, like, a minute, to find out whether the ground or my hooves beats your face in first!"

"Heh, more than enough! Finally, we understand each other!" Naruto formed a hand seal. "Shadow Clone Technique!" He shouted, grinning his usual dorky overconfident grin. The sky was suddenly filled by 8 dorky overconfident grins and a lot of blonde.

"Umm...1, 2, 3, 4..." Luna counted. Naruto could almost imagine the little pony counting on her hooves, "Uuh, ran out of hooves." She muttered. "Uh, lots and lots of Nawutos! The fun hath been double-double-doubled!"

"Whoah. That's, like, pretty cool." The blue pony smiled at the challenge, "I'll show ya who this sky belongs to when I clear it in 10. Seconds. Flat!" She spun around as she fell through a cloud, her wings sweeping up the puffy lump of air as if it were but cotton candy.

"I'll show you flat!" One Naruto spun around and began tossing himself as big blonde human cannonballs at his toad opponent. "That's your face when it meets my ass-kicking!"

"Who're you calling an ass?!" The pony cried. "Oh, I'll show you flank-kicking!" She pulled her cotton candy cloud in front of her like the world's fluffiest shield. "Rainbow School Style!"

"School's out! Get ready to graduate to Pain!" All seven human bullet Narutos pulled back their punches.

"Oh yeah, cause you're gonna be the world expert on pain!" The rainbow pony punched a foreleg through her cloud. "Thundeeeering hoof!" She announced her attack at the top of her lungs. She had to, just to make herself heard over what came next.

All the Narutos could only watch, wide-eyed, as a blast of lightning erupted from the little cloud, striking the first Naruto in the progeny. The others could only wince in horror as their brother sang his first and last aria of demasculination, "RAMEEEEEEEN!" He squeaked, before bursting into a puff of relieved smoke.

"Hey! Hey, Nawuto. She gave her hoof a name. Did you hear that, wittle Nawuto? She actually gave it a name. Woona thought only big sis does silly things like that." Luna said.

The other Narutos shivered as the fallen one's very brief but painful memories flooded them with unearthly pain. The pony gave Naruto a menacing grin as she spun and tore her forelegs through her cloud, shredding it into a pair of cotton candy pom poms. The look on her face threatened cheerleading and butt-kicking, and she seemed to have run all out of cheer.

Her fists crackling with lightning, she flared her wings and lowered herself into a stance at the remaining approaching Narutos. "Lots and lots and lots of Thundering Hooooooooves!" She declared as she unleashed a flurry of sweeping, spinning jabs and uppercuts. Lightning lit up the sky as thunderous blow upon thunderous blow shredded the passing Narutos, leaving naught but a long trail of clone smoke in her wake.

The pony turned and blew her fists...err...hooves. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7..." She counted, "Uh, wasn't there-..." She looked around.

"Yeah! Wots of Nawutos!" Luna cheered as the entire sky fell upon the winged pony. And the sky was orange and grinning manically like the sun. Half came together to form a human chain, hands to legs, while the other half piled together to form a giant orange morning star of blonde doom.

"Oh horseapples. That's no fair!" The pony muttered as a wide dark shadow fell across her courtesy of the human wrecking ball. The next thing to fall on her was the physics of awesome as the overkill-flail whacked her into a flat spin.

"She's tough as nails." Naruto muttered. "With a technique like that there's no getting close to her at all."

"Well, yeah, she's a pony. Like Woona." Luna said, matter-of-factly. "Woona's good at evwything! Except, uh, Hide-n-seek, cause Woona hasn't weally mastered being a tree yet."

"Except hide and seek, huh?" Naruto murmured to himself, "Luna, you're a genius!"

"Of course! But Woona likes being reminded. Remind Woona more, wittle Nawuto." Luna giggled happily.

"Ugh. That actually smarts!" The pony flared her wings wide open, righting herself out of her spin as her wingtips tore contrails out of the rushing air. Her outstretched wings slowed her down enough for her to turn around in midair to face up at her opponent above her once more. "So, you wanna play hard ball, huh? Well. I'm. Game." She said as she continued to fall backwards, her wings gathering clouds as she fell.

Before her the sky descended upon her in a tidal wave of eye-popping orange. She simply closed her eyes, waiting, waiting. And then she felt it, a jetstream carrying hot air. She flapped her wings hard, whipping up a mini-cyclone. Propelled by its mighty blast of wind she catapulted herself upwards, pulling a cone of hot jetstream in her wake. Her acceleration was so fast it coloured the jetstream the colours of her mane, all the colours of the rainbow.

The horde of Narutos came together to form a giant human wall of ninja-flavoured death, ready for the speeding rainbow bullet to impact into. But to his surprise the pony only smiled wider as she sped up. Then, as if the very air tore under her incredible speed, an explosive boom ripped the very air apart into a stream of colour. The blast of light and sound blasted the Naruto wall apart like a tower of discount ramen in a shopper gold rush.

The Narutos quickly rallied as they flew apart, spinning about and righting themselves in midair.They all counted each other on their fingers, brows furrowed in fierce concentration. "Woona still counts wots and wots of Nawutos!" Luna said helpfully. "They're all fine down there too."

"Yeah, you're right, Luna." Naruto said to his many selves as a smile of relief spread across their faces, "Hah, you missed!" They declared.

"Nah." The winged pony grinned, looking back as she slowed down enough to turn and gloat. "You know what comes after thunder?" She raised a forehoof skywards. "Taste some Rainbow-flavoured lightning, Oranges." She clicked her hoof as the fierce static generated by the hot jetstream against the cold air erupted in her wake, blossoming in an explosive blast of lightning that tore the sky in two behind her. It was even rainbow-coloured, just because. "Lightning. Rainboom." She declared her finishing move. Her bright grin of victory gleamed brightly as the rest of her pose was silhouetted starkly against the rainbow blast.

The very sky exploded. A plume of clone smoke spread across the sky above Konoha, blown apart by the superheated wave of air. The toad closed her eyes as the draft from the shockwave licked at her hair. "It's alright, I used the blunt edge." She said, opening her eyes to scan the sky as she descended to an altitude better suited for mid-air rescues. "Now, for the friendly neighbourhood Dash to go save somepony's extra crispy sorry plot." She tossed her mane over her shoulder in triumph.

But she didn't get to celebrate for long. She was interrupted by a puff of smoke behind her before a pair of arms latched themselves tightly around her neck. "Ultimate secret move, friend-snuggle attack." A voice whispered in her ear. "Betcha didn't see that coming, did you?"

"Whoah, how'd....?!" The winged pony gasped as she felt the arms brush past the base of her wings. "A-aah, h-hey, e-easy o-on...a-aaaah!" She tensed up as her opponent pressed his full weight down across her sensitive wing coverts. Her wings similarly tensed up, leaving her about as flightless as a paper plane. She barely managed to keep herself and her new burden afloat in a liftless glide towards the ground on her paralyzed wings.

"I turned myself into a feather." The ninja clinging onto her back grinned. "I had one of my clones stick me in your wings you as you flew past. A true ninja must see the hidden within the hidden."

"You w-w-what?!" The pony cried in disbelief. "You c-can't just...B-but that was my first...W-we haven't even..." She squeaked helplessly, before another shift of Naruto's weight on her back silenced her with a soft moan.

"Hey, you alright?" Naruto asked, suddenly concerned.

"I will be when you get off me!" She glided onto solid ground, landing in a canter before braking abruptly, whirling and bucking her impromptu passenger into the air. "And stay off!" She shouted at the ninja's airborne form.

"Urgyaa-...urp." Naruto's cry and flight was cut short by a mouthful of grass. "Gah! What have I ever done to you?!" Naruto spat the grass out of his face as he turned to shoot an angry look at his summon.

"Oh, I don't know." The pony said, airly, before shooting him a scathing look that threatened to sear his balls off. "You only stuck a feather in my bucking wings!" She snapped, stomping a hoof angrily.

"Well, you stuck lightning in my...uhh...pride!" Naruto retorted.

"There wasn't much, was there?!"

"Say that again to my face!"

"Well, turn around and I'll do just that!"

"You've got something else stuck up somewhere else entirely, don't you?!"

"I'm not the one going around sticking himself where he doesn't belong!"

"Well, that feather was me, so I kinda stuck myself in your wings." Naruto pointed out as he picked himself up gingerly.

"Oh, yeah, and that makes it all better! NOT!" She barked back, suddenly blushing brightly.

"What's the big deal, anyway? It's just a feather." Naruto pouted, crossing his arms defensively.

"Just a feather? Just a feather?! Do you even know....?!" She demanded, stomping her hooves angrily. "Oh, no, you don't, do you? Cause you're just that dumb!"

"Fine, alright, I'm dumb. I get it." Naruto snapped back, waving his arms in the air, "I'm dumb cause I actually believed I'd be able to summon a friend who'd be willing to give me a helping hand when I need it! There!"

"Huh?" The winged pony blinked, seemingly taken aback at the little outburst, "A friend? Is that all? You kinda overshot it a teeny bit then, don'cha think?" She raised an eyebrow. "Most ponies take it slower. Like, much slower. Like, with 'hello' and 'waves' first. Nopony goes popping wings right off the bat!"

"Yeah, sorry." Naruto conceded. "Just, got a little over-excited. It's...my first time, you know?" He said, timidly.

"Hah. It shows." The blue pony's face flushed with another soft blush, wings twitching a little. She took a deep breath before sighing. "W-well, fine. You didn't mean anything bad....I think? You're strong, and I respect that. I'll at least give you a chance, cause I'm awesome like that."

"Really?" Naruto asked, suddenly hopeful.

"But touch my wings again and we're picking up where we left off." She suddenly snarled. "And the only thing you'll be touching after will be scorch marks."

"Whoah, sure, whatever you say." Naruto raised his hands disarmingly.

"Yep, what I say, or the highway." She nodded, satisfied. Yet another low thunderous rumble filled the air, causing Naruto's hands to shoot reflexively towards what remained of his progeny. "And my tummy says it's high time for high tea." She chuckled at Naruto's reaction.

"What a rude tummy." Luna muttered, "Woona's tummy always says 'please' like a good little lady."

"Heh, a good workout always works up a good appetite." The blue pony chuckled. "So hows abouts your new friend listen to your troubles over some chow?"

Author's Note:

Hope you all enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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