At Fancy Pant's gathering he introduces his friend to Rarity and he leaves them to talk a while and they get to know each other a little.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 1st May, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 14th, 2020
Nightmare Chimera
Im just a man who's trying to find the genre that im good at, please be patient with my stories and give feedback on anything you want. I'll be using it to further my learning and become a real writer
Nightmare Chimera
Joined 1st May, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Rune Soldier Dan · 44k words · 1,278 15 · 18k views
- Jacoboby1 · 19k words · 126 2 · 6.4k views
- That Drunk Pony · 24k words · 276 20 · 10k views
- Ponydora Prancypants · 22k words · 553 9 · 7.3k views
- Monochromatic · 7.1k words · 722 16 · 8.5k views
- Kavonde · 21k words · 242 5 · 5.8k views
- LuminoZero · 43k words · 40 1 · 3.2k views
- FancierPants · 11k words · 22 1 · 1.4k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
904 users online
1,035,671 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting story. I give it a thumbs up.
Thanks
i wish i had more time to work on it but i ran out of ideas and my exams are coming up so i had to make do
I enjoyed this story very much, and if I may give some constructive criticism, I did notice some grammatical and spelling errors and thought I'd point them out:
Now I could be wrong with this criticism (and am unsure of whether or not this is an actual error), but I haven't heard anyone say "come in" like this. Perhaps it could be replaced with "Please, come in" or "You may enter," and there wasn't a comma there either.
Again, I could be wrong with this, but perhaps "gentle" and "suave" could be switched here since "suave" is defined as "charming, confident, and elegant." I have heard of guys with suave voices before (like George Sanders), but maybe if one of the descriptions is "gentle" as well, it may seem more fitting to say "A gentle voice and suave accent came from behind her."
That should be "an advisor."
"Tongue" and "snippets" are misspelled here.
"Perhaps" is misspelled here."
In this sentence and the next one I'll bring up I'm unsure of, but I think it should say "who" instead of "whom" (unless people from Japan whose mother language is Japanese and English as their second language typically say "whom" in this way).
There should be a comma after "I looked for somepony to settle down with," it should be "accept" instead of "except," and the "I" should be capitalized. Also this should probably say something like "but they would only accept me for what I am, not who I am" or "but none would accept me for who I am, only what I am."
In the first sentence I don't see a question mark even though it says "Rarity asked...," and in both sentences there are no apostrophes for "didn't" and "hadn't."
"In front" should be two separate words (same for another usage of the same words in a later sentence), "seem" should be "seemed" here, and maybe add "and" before "his voice seemed like they can tell a story..."
Like I said, I really enjoyed this story, and am planning on doing a reading of it on my YouTube channel (if that's alright with you).