13 years ago
"Ahhhh," cried Luna. Her cries of anguish filled her hospital room. She squeezed her sisters hoof, and breathed heavily and rhythmically.
"You're doing great princess," said Doctor WarmHeart. "Alright, now on three, I want you to push. Alright, one...two...three!"
"Aghhh!" cried Luna as she pushed. The doctor reached down and grabbed the baby's head, and began to pull. Luna's anguish finally ended as the infant was fully pulled out of the womb. Doctor WarmHeart held the baby by the legs, and carefully patted the foal on the back, clearing its lungs, causing the baby to cry. The Doctor swaddled the colt, and then handed him to his mother.
"Congratulations Princess, you've given birth to a healthy young colt," said the doctor, as he handed the infant to his mother. Luna cradled her child in her arms, rocking and cooing him until his crying died down.
"He's beautiful," said Celestia, as she stood next to her sister.
"He looks like his father." As Luna said this, she began to tear up. "I wish he was here."
"I'm sure he would be proud," said Celestia. "What are you going to name him?"
"Midnight," replied Luna. "My Little Midnight." Luna gazed lovingly at her child, and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I will love him always."
Present Day
I burst out the front door, and stared at the scene around me. Ponies, everywhere I looked there were ponies. I'd never seen so many ponies in one place. For some reason, they were all looking at the sky. 'Weird,' I thought. I then noticed the environment. It kind of looked like France, fancy buildings everywhere. I saw a couple sitting at a table, eating lunch.
"Hey you, stop right there!" Well, looks like I don't have time to take in the rest of the scenery. I looked behind me to see the two ponies in golden armor, running towards me.
"Oh S**t!" I cried, knowing I had to get out of there fast.
I ran towards the crowd of ponies. I had to navigate through the crowd.
"God, look where you're going you prissy bastards!" I yelled at all these fancy ponies. Who do they think they are! Thinking there better than me! I heard one of them say something like; 'Why I never!' I looked back and saw the guards were having trouble getting through the crowd. I guess my size is working to my favor, but I knew I needed to find a place to hide. I rounded a corner, and found what I was looking for.
Meanwhile in the Canterlot thrown room
Luna lied, sobbing on the floor, hooves covering her eyes. The ponies around her were doing their best to comfort her.''
"It'll be ok Luna," said Twilight.
"I-I *sniff* should have n-never brought him back here!" cried Luna. "I-it was a mistake to bring him here!" Fluttershy walked up to Luna and patted her on the back.
"Don't feel bad Princess. I mean, well uh, you see, we all saw how hurt you were when Midnight was taken away. It broke your heart, and I know Discord feels really bad about what he did."
"Where is Discord," asked Rarity.
"I don't know," replied Fluttershy.
"Maybe he can help our situation with Midnight," said Twilight.
"How could he possibly help?" asked Applejack.
"Maybe he can help find him," suggested Twilight.
"Guard," called Celestia.
"Yes your highness," replied the guard.
"Go to Discords room and bring him here." The guard saluted, then left the room.
Back with Tristan
I managed to get out of the guards line of sight, and was now hiding in a wagon, that was hauling a bunch of stuff in boxes. I heard the clopping sound of hoof steps approaching. I peered past the boxes and saw two soldiers talking with the pony who was hauling the cart I was in.
"Excuse me sir, but have you seen an Alicorn colt anywhere? He has grey fur, and a black mane," said the one guard.
"An ALICORN colt? No, can't say that I have," said the Pony. He had light blue fur, and a green mane and tail. Boy did those colors clash.
"Alright well if you do see him, please let us know," replied the other guard.
"Will do." The guards left, and soon after, the cart began to move. I snuck a peak and saw that the cart was heading towards the city gate. I don't know where this cart is going, but as long as it's far away from here, I don't care.
________________________________________________________
It was a long time before the cart stopped, but when it did, I found myself in some town called 'Ponyville'. God, what a name. I slipped out of the cart and ran into an alleyway behind this awesome smelling building that looked like it was made of candy. It looked like no one could see me back there, so I took the time to think about what I was going to do next. I needed to find a way home. Wait, now I remember what that Luna Lady said. She used magic to erase my parents minds. Well, I'm one of those Alicorn things too, maybe I can use magic to undo everything Luna did. I could restore my parents memory, and transport myself back home. I know they said it took four Alicorns to perform the transport spell, but maybe...hm. Maybe I could find a way to boost my power. But first things first, I need to find out how to perform these spells. Maybe there's a spell book I could find. But to do that I need to find some sort of bookstore or a library. And for that, I need to go out and about in town. I need to find some way to hide either my wings or my horn.
_____________________________________________________
"So that's the situation. Can you help us?" asked Twilight. In front of her, Discord stroked his beard.
"So, midnights back in town ehy?" asked Discord. "Well, I could find him. But what fun would there be in that?" Luna, who stood behind Twilight, suddenly took on a look of anger.
"Listen you, It's your fault all of this happened in the first place! You took Midnight from me, and now you're going to bring him back! If you don't, I'll kick your sorry flank so hard, you'll cough up horseshoes!" yelled Luna.
"Whoa, easy there Lulu. I already said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?"
"I already told you, I want you to bring him back here!"
"Alright, alright, I'll see what I can do. It might take me a while to lock on to his energy signature. Give me a little while, and I should be able to find him."
"Just hurry. The longer we wait, the more chance there is that my son will be hurt," said Luna.
____________________________________________
It took me a while of going through the garbage, but I finally found something to hide my horn; a black top hat, just like the one that Slash wears. I popped it on, and covered my horn just right. I was ready to find those books. I left the alley, and started wandering around town. I saw a lot of houses, but they all looked the same. I walked past a couple of those houses, when something caught my eye. A large tree, right in the center of town. It took a closer look, and saw a sigh that said 'Golden Oaks Library'. YES! I found it! With that, I set off towards the Library, in the hopes of finding those spell books.
hope he doesn't take a like to them so quickly down the road,
hope discord doesn't do his mind crap on him.
Well, several thing will make me happy:
1) Tristan never accepting the name Midnight.
2) Never forgiving Luna, hating her with passion and wishing her death.
3) Never becoming friends with any of the Ponies, and outrightly hating them.
4) Finding his way back home, to his real home in human world.(I know this one won't probably happen, but still...)
4356066 I agree with you.
I'm watching you Discord you try any of your mind crap and you'll have a fist full of glove in your face!
I really hope this kid finds a way home and gives Luna what she deserves.
You also should get an editor.
4356066
Number one I agree with, as well as the idea of either turning himself back into a human or being turned back into a human by Luna or Celestia. 2 and 3, not so much (I disagree with the idea of never forgiving people - I know, most radical thing I've ever said, plz get over it).
Oh, did I mention his being turned back into a human?
4356256 I wasn't very specific about friends part. I was talking about Celestia, Luna, Candace and M6. They deserve to be hated.
4356172 Thank you!
one flaw... luna couldn't have been prego since she was nightmare moon who didn't care about anypony since nopony liked and appreciated her night. that and she was evil at the time
It's certainly an..... Interesting story. I think I'll keep reading before I pass a more decisive verdict on it.
4356354 I once read a story where she gave birth to trixie on the moon, I can believe this
Hmm, a word of advice.
These chapters are short. But if you update them regularly then you're more likely to attract a greater crowd.
It takes me all of about 45 minutes to write a 1000-2000 worded chapter, though it may be different for you
All in all though, still a bit rushed. But I'll stay for the concept
So Luna's a monster just because she wants her only son back? May I remind you that she also lost Midnight's father before he was born? Sure, I agree that family doesn't really matter by who you're related to, but by who you love and who you feel loved by.
Besides, if anyone's a monster in this story, it's Discord!!!!! He took Luna's only child away from her, and you people think Luna's a bigger monster because she brought her son back home (his real home)? I also believe that Discord may be responsible for how Midnight reacted, he may have altered how his mind would develop when he sent him to the human world. Sure it may be the most realistic response, but this is Discord I'm talking about remember!
I believe this story could develop into a nice fanfic about a mother/son relationship and later forgiveness. If you people want to see this story be mainly about hatred and unforgiveness, then shame on all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4357889 He was a baby back then and grew to love his human family. Just wondering have you ever read No I am NOT a Brony Get Me Outta Equestria? In that story (spoiler alert) TD the main character was told he could never come back home, imagine being in both TD's and Tristan's shoes.
4360565
Alright, well think about this, and really think about both options. Would his life have been better if Luna didn't bring him back to Equestria, or would it have been better if Discord didn't send him to the human world in the first place? Now just think about that for a while.
4360600 It would be better for Tristan the first way because he could be with the human family, it would have been better for Luna though if Discord never brought him to the human world. Still what Luna did was still monstrous and wrong, just like when Twilight erased Dashie's memories or in other words lobotomization.
4360682
You did pay attention to both choices I said, right? I meant better for Midnight, not better for both him and Luna. What I meant is in what way his life would have been better. Would his life have been better if he grew up in Equestria with Luna, or would he have been better growing up in the human world?
And enough of calling Luna a monster!!!!!!!! As I said before, I believe Discord is the real monster in this story!!!!! He was the one who took Midnight away from Luna in the first place!!!!!!!! If it wasn't for him, Luna would have still had her son!!!!!!!!! WHAT DISCORD DID IN THE FIRST PLACE IS MORE MONSTROUS THAN ANYTHING LUNA EVER DID!!!!! HE SEPARATED A MOTHER FROM HER ONLY CHILD!!!!!!!! WHAT IS MORE MONSTROUS THAN THAT!!!!!??????
BTW, SINCE WHEN DID TWILIGHT ERASE RAINBOW'S MEMORIES!!!????
4360946 hey I'm not saying she's a monster I am saying she made a terrible decision and to answer your final question check the story My Little Dashie
I like it but is a little to short
Seems very rushed.
okay firstly I am really interested to see where this goes.
secondly the writing in the second chapter is much better then the first (keep refining it, you're doing brilliantly)
and thirdly, if it's possible I would recommend a flashback sequence or the character thinking about his past. rounding off the character and showing what he was before would make a much more powerful emotional impact (friends, crushes, likes and dislikes). don't just let him be a blank slate, build what he is.
this has great potential and you can definitely turn this into featured box material.
4371356 thanks, I will try
Top hat? Over his horn?
You do realize where the horn is located on the head right?
The top hat would be covering his eyes!
Couldn't he have just found a cape or something?
4383815 ROLL WITH IT!
A little quick but I understand that this is a hard topic to write because I've thought about doing a similar story only my OC isn't related to anyone. Don't thank I'll get anywhere with it story wise but I digress. I liked this chapter and I can't wait to see what happens when he goes in and finds Spike.
As for those people who think he is going to do this or going to do that, I would like to point out some tidbits that would make guessing what he'd do easier.
1). He had a good life as a human and was raised to be a good kid considering how close his family was. I know that all your family that lives close to you is suppose to come over for a family bonding experience on Thanksgiving, but if his family didn't like each other then his Grandparents, Cousin, Aunt and Uncle would not have came over for Thanksgiving. Proof that his family is nice to each other.
2). Even though his home was on Earth as a human, he was born as a alicorn from Equestria witch means that he did not belong on Earth regardless of how good he had it. Got to keep the cosmic balance and all that unfair stuff stable some how or the two worlds could collide at some point and who knows what that would do.
3). He is a kid so it's only natural that he would take this all badly. I know I would have, but because of a strong since or good, the kind you can only get from a close-nit family, He will most likely cool off at some point and try to get along with everyone. If not just for the chance to learn real magic from powerful unicorns as an attempt to get back to Earth.
As for Luna, she is not a monster. Just a mother who wanted her son back. Yes, she didn't think how this would effect her son but when you're trying to save your family you're not really thinking about how they feel about what's happened to them. Especially when the person you are trying to save is a new-born baby. I know home is where the heart is but Tristan also has a home in Equestria that he should get to know too and deep down every adopted kid wants to know who their real parents are at some point or even want to know why they gave them up regardless of if they love their new family or not. Knowing won't change how he feels about his human family but it would help him get to know more about his pony family and maybe answer some questions he could of had that his human family couldn't answer.
Everyone should be looking forward to seeing what happens next and not trying to make Luna look good or bad for what she did or trying to turn Tristan into a hate machine. Just look forward to some colcher shocks that could pop up and how he's going to react to a baby dragon. I know I am!
4393132 we agree moon is not a monster, but she violated the mind Tristan Family, altering his memories and erasing all traces of existence, it is very hard and traumatic for 13-year
if the spell is reversible should forgive her and try to recover lost ties with their biological mother
but if the spell is irreversible that complicates everything
4394869 Thing were all ready complicated. Even before she brought him back to Equestria and she didn't alter Tristan's memories, just his human family's. If he didn't remember anything from his life as a human then there wouldn't be any conflict in the story. Also, if all you can see is "Luna Bad!" then you've never lost a family member or you're just one of those people who just doesn't like Luna. If the latter, then you should stop reading this fic. If the former, then you just shouldn't comment on what she did. I personally would do anything to get my grandparents back even if they are in heaven.
4395804
1) I like the character of the luna
2) my cousin died of an aneurysm at 23 years of age.
3) my grandfather died tragically
but in this story, she violated the minds of human parents, it is wrong from any point of view, ends do not justify the means, she destroyed a happy family. she committed the same act that discord .
4395930 So your saying that if you can save your family then you shouldn't if you have to do something bad to do it? Talk about being a monster.
4395930 Also, Discord took an infant from its mother and left her to suffer. Luna made shore that his human family wouldn't suffer the same way she did. As far as his human family knows, nothing has changed. It's as it would have bin if Discord hadn't taken Tristan in the first place. No pain, no suffering, just life as normal. You might not think family is worth saving but this is how it was always meant to be. Now it's up to Tristan to decide how to deal with the truth and whether or not if he will stay. Respond how you want but I have said all I wish to say to you mister "your family is not worth saving".
4396257
4396688
all depends on the circumstances and the impact of their desicion
if you have to kill 1000 innocents to save their family?
in this story exceeded luna, and do not analyze the situation fully, and I act without thinking. and without wanting
She trampling the feelings of tristan
She trampling the feelings of the mother (human) tristan
She trampling the feelings of her father
She trampling the feelings of his brothers
she destroyed a loving family
and worst there was no reason to do so (unless the author decides to add more elements to the plot)
this story is based on that, an error caused by the suffering of the luna , I say it again luna is not a monster, but his actions, regardless of past or how he got to the earth, destroyed the life of tristan
2# humm
First of, as some have said, you are rushing a bit too much again. Try to put a bit more details, don't be afraid to show a bit more about the emotions of the characters. So far, this sounds exactly like the kind of story that wants to pull at your heartstrings. For example, adding that scene with Tristan's birth was good. It shows, rather than tell us that Luna was doing this out of love for him. I can see an interesting conflict coming if you put the effort to show both Luna and Tristan's past. The few instants she could share with her child, the heartbreak at realizing he was gone, her anger, why perhaps Celestia's own thoughts on the matter. Why, I could believe that kind of grief would influence Celestia's decisions when Twilight had proven herself. How about show more guilt when she fails to help Sunset Shimmer and, consequently, her sister? There is so much material here, you have a great premise in your hands.
Now that this is said about Luna's side, you mustn't forget Tristan's either. Flasbacks are good, but the effect of such a life-changing event in the present are great as well. Him dreaming of his life back on Earth (
that Luna could see! and question herself and feel remorseful! Sweet Celestia, the plot bunnies are fricking everywhere!), his pain at waking up alone, just looking at the interactions between parents and children around him, and remembering with great sadness that he does not have that anymore. Let's not forget that, while Luna's actions are understandable, they have very real consequences. The poor boy was stolen from his home, he lost his life, his parents, his friends, and his 'mother' doesn't even try to understand that.So, yes, I think you have a great plot going on, and it is up to you to write it well. It can be a tragedy, it can be a bittersweet adventure or even have an happy ending. Tristan could refuse to ever forgive Luna who stole him away from his family, the very same way Discord stole him from her. He could be consumed by that darkness. Maybe he will learn to forgive her, maybe he won't. But a colt can't survive on his own for that long either. He'll need a caretaker if he rejects her. If he is lucky, he might get back on Earth, as a human, but there is that spell that erased all memories of him...
So, yeah, you can see that I am very pleased with discovering this fic. You have tons of potential with this.
As a last note, I do need to tell you it could use some polishing when it comes to the grammar though. In Tristan's point of view, you have a tendency to jump into the present tense, without any real indications that it is his thoughts, or if it's simply a mistake. Also, there are some confusion with homophones, the most glaring was :
.
In any case, nice story so far, watching to see what you will do with it.
doubt it's open, midnight. Twi's in canterlot and I doubt you'll be able to fool spike for long. Plus, can you even read equestrian? Don't think so
4396688
Dude, I usually don't step on other's argues but in this case I feel I have too.
Luna and the other took Tristan from his family. Think about for a second. They took him away from his home and possibly loving family, forever. No warning whatsoever. He could never see them again, if you think about it, is like the 'family friendly' equivalent of killing his entire family.
Now apply that same trauma to an impressionable 13 years old kid. It doesn't matter how good or bad where Luna's intentions, she made an horrible thing to an innocent kid who doesn't even know what in hell is going on (a pretty effective nightmare fuel if, you ask me).
And for the writer. Not a bad story. Without adding the same that other comments already said I would like to point that the narrative so far is well structured and the characterizations are regular/good. There's a good improving between chapter so I take that you are on the right way. Please continue.
Good.
I agree with the folks who said that Tristan aka Midnight Star should give Luna the cold shoulder, cause I am sorry but that was not an honorable thing to do and in my opinion rather hypocritical since he grew up in one world now he is stuck in another with no way of getting back to earth (potentially, but rules can be bent) thanks to Luna, now I would not say make him hate Luna or any of the other characters, but certain things are better left undisturbed, so I think him giving them the cold shoulder is better then hating them outright. I am not bad mouthing your fic and I do like the premise, but I don't think redemption for Luna is the way to go, but it is your story so I will leave that up to you. Luna had better not try any spells to alter his mind because that is even more dishonorable.
4401847 [the 'family friendly' equivalent of killing his entire family] Unless you are saying that Luna killed his human family and they can not go on living their normal lives then you're wrong because there is no such thing as "family friendly killing". Dead is dead and if they were dead then there would be no point in trying to go back and make them remember him. Also, you're forgetting that he is a true blooded alicorn not a pony transcended into becoming an alicorn and by proxy is part of there universe just like Luna. If he goes back as is then then whatever damage Discord did would still run amok. Unless you're one of those people who think that princess Celestia and princess Luna are just normal ponies and nothing bad would happen if they just left. "Cough" "Cough" season 4 primer "Cough"!
4411056
I'm not sure about your position. Are you saying that Luna didn't did something bad?
I actually like Celestia a Luna being "above mortal" but not in the "eldrich abomination" territory, I don't know why you think this goes into matter since we are talking about how Luna acted. Power or not doesn't validate the fact that she essentially kidnapped a little boy and placed him away from everything he knew and loved. Even if there's the slight possibility of going back to the family he knew, Luna (and Celestia, and Cadance and the Elements) acted without even thinking about the consequences, which ended in traumatizing a little boy.
4411379 You obviously didn't read the full argument or you'd know how dumb your post was.
4411937
I'm just saying that Lunas approach was terrible, even if she was forced to do it.
I don't remember where in canon or this story was stated that about pure-blood alicorns being part of the universe, but insulting my or my post is not validating you, just stating that you don't know how to present arguments.
Also, Celestia and Luna control day and night, Tristan doesn't seem to be doing anything specially important like those two and apparently Equestria did just fine for the last thirteen years without him, so there was no rush.
Luna could have tried to talk with her son an his surrogate family before doing that stunt. She made a mistake, what was that about mistakes and humanity?
4412002
[I'm just saying that Lunas approach was terrible, even if she was forced to do it.]
1.) I said that in one of my first posts and gave a "why" she would consider doing what she did.
[I don't remember where in canon or this story was stated that about pure-blood alicorns being part of the universe]
2.) The season 4 primer showed that the princess are needed to control the sun and moon and without them everything goes crazy. If you don't know what kind of impact the sun and moon have on a planet them you should look it up.
[insulting my or my post is not validating you, just stating that you don't know how to present arguments.]
3.) Coming from someone who didn't bothered to read the whole argument that seems a bit hypocritical.
[Also, Celestia and Luna control day and night, Tristan doesn't seem to be doing anything specially important like those two]
4.) Celestia control both day and night for 1000 years without Luna's help so I think that she and Luna can handle what Tristan was supposed to be born into for a time. Also, unless you think he would keep his alicorn magic as a human then Tristan "not doing anything specially important" is a given.
[apparently Equestria did just fine for the last thirteen years without him, so there was no rush]
5.) The story stated that 4 alicorns were needed for the spell to work and Twilight had just turned into an alicorn. That might bring up more questions but that's off topic. As for the "no rush", your right! Why would any self respecting mother rush to save her children? That would be just responsible.
[Luna could have tried to talk with her son an his surrogate family before doing that stunt]
6.) If the spell takes 4 alicorns to cast 1 spell that can only find, get, and remove memory; what makes you think she could go there and talk?
[She made a mistake]
7.) See point "1.)" up top.
Was this arguments present to your liking?
Eh dude, I didn't said that Celestia or Luna aren't important, you put attention or just don't reply.
And save him from what?! The loving family or the apparently good life he had? And if the multitask spell was only a "one bullet gun" then it put his family out of reach, of the THIRTEEN YEARS OLD BOY! Emotional trauma anyone?
Srsly, I can see where is your point but you're still avoiding the question that started it all: Did Luna made the right thing by essentially traumatizing her son?
more please.
honestly I'm not completely apposed to a happy ending for this story where he forgives Luna for what she did. That being said, you could never look at someone who did something so terrible to you as your mother short of Stockholm syndrome but that would require the story to be far darker, say hes locked up in the dungeons and Luna visits him every day or something like that. Best case scenario, he forgives Luna eventually, like after a couple years of her constant begging, OR he never forgives them and becomes bitter, OR he finds a way t get back home and possibly revert his parents memories. In any case my guesses could be way off, and although what Luna did (and seemingly with the support of twilight and Celestia as well) is super nonsensical and illogical, I like the premise, I like what MAY happen. The beginnings very rough around the edges but as you can see with all the comments you've gotten people interested at the very least, and there's something to be said about that. looking forward to where this goes.
4408674 Got that right or I'll go straight Gokaiger on their um flanks? AND NOT ANY OF THAT SUPER MEGAFORCE CRAP!
4412335 My answer is no.
This is pretty much wish fullfilment
4356066 going by if this story is going were i think its going that are the opisite of what will happen
This story is awesome, just needs longer chapters. Except for (obviously, because this is with all stories) grammar and spelling, it was perfect! /10 mustaches for you.
I can tell how poorly edited story is when the writer uses under-bar to often or improperly