The Princess is Gone

by EnderRain

It All Knits Together in the End

“Twilight…?” came the small dragons voice, “Changelings?” I could see that he was getting into a defensive position, readying the broom for battle.

“Spike! Oh thank goodness. I need to get to Canterlot castle, can you watch over these guys while I’m gone? Thanks buddy! I have to go!” The poor guy, I mean, I didn’t even explain things to him, but the Ava and the others needed help and I had to get to the castle and talk to Celestia.

The next time I opened my eyes; I was in the throne room of Canterlot castle, being embraced by my former mentor. It took me a few minutes to wiggle my way out of the mess of feathers fur, and hair. “Twilight, oh thank goodness you’re okay,” Celestia said, relieved.

“I think I deserve a long explanation, but first…I uh…kinda left Spike at the library with a bunch of changelings who used to be ponies….”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry, I have advisors already there and taking care of it, they will all be brought here, but there’s someponys’ that want to see you.” Just then the doors of the pearly white throne room opened and in burst all five of my friends, with Spike, Ava, Cloud Chaser, and Sunny Days.

“Twilight!” They all chorused my name.

“Ahm so glad you’re back sugarcube; we were so worried about you,” the drawl of Applejack’s warm voice first to speak away from the others.

“Wait, you guys were in on this?” I asked, confused but also a little relieved that they all knew that I didn’t try and ruin Equestria.

“Of course we were silly filly! What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t keep track of you?” The excited pink mare was bouncing my way, embracing me with surprising strength, “We’re just happy you’re back!”

“Thank you for keeping her safe, Ava, is it?” asked Rarity.

“Yes, but don’t thank me, thank these two; they tracked her down in the first place, got her to the palace okay,” Ava explained, referring to Cloud Chaser and Sunny Days, her blue eyes twinkling in her pony form.

“Oh it was nothing,” Cloud Chaser blushed at Rarity, looking away nervously.

“Now can we please get her wings back? It’s weird seeing her without them again…” the cyan Pegasus’ voice came from above. “I mean, I’m glad she’s back and all but still…”

“We’ve apprehended her, you’re highness,” was the voice that came from behind me, I turned around my big-brother-best-friend-forever was standing there, trying not to smile at me.

“Thank you Shining Armour, now take the rest of the day off and come and hug your sister,” Celestia ordered kindly.

“Twily!” He finally burst running over and hugging me, “I’m sorry, I had to make it seem real, I didn’t want to say goodbye but I knew you could do it.”

“We’re just happy you’re back,” Fluttershy said, right above and my brother and me.

“Thank you all so much, I just missed you all so much,” the tears already welling in my eyes; Sunny Days and Pinkie Pie standing off to the right a little and crying in sync with each other, soaking the floor in salty tears of joy.

“Well, I left Luna to go and Chrysalis, I better go help her out, you take as much time as you need and we’ll sort the rest out later after she’s imprisoned,” Celestia’s voice getting softer as she flew towards the swamp.

“Spike, I’m really sorry, but I had to get to the castle, sorry I left you…” I said, blushing as the purple dragon couldn’t hold his ‘cool dragon’ image anymore and ran up for a hug, his pruple and green scales cold against mu warm coat.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry you had to go-and-and-I-Just,” he burst into tears and buried his face in my mane.

“Awe, Spike. I love you. Now C’mon, who’s hungry?” I asked the rest of the group and started walking out of the castle with all of my friends and family, the new and the old accompanying me.

In the end; I got my wings back, Chrysalis was imprisoned and I’m still the only pony to ever have gotten out of the changeling castle still a pony. Ava, Cloud Chaser, Sunny Days and all the other pony-turned-changelings turned back into ponies and got their old lives back, Cloud Chaser flying with Rainbow Dash with the whether team, Ava Skyswirl serving as second in command to Shining Armour and Sunny Days happily selling her products in PonyVille. Ifinally got moved into the EverFree Castle and my friends all come and visit me regularly, lifes been great so far!

Author's Note:

So I don’t know if I’ll do a prequel, or a sequel yet, but you never know with these perfect fairytale endings. Thanks for reading!

Comments

[Ahrazell]

Twas a food read with only a few spacing errors nice job!

[GIGA-XISBASS]

That was a good story.

[Randominos]

4211175 Was it a doughnut read, or a chocolate read.

[EnderRain]

4218551
I was wondering the same thing....

[Sir Thursday]

I thought I might give you some more advice.

First, stay away from ellipsis. They are a cancer in your story. They're mostly used by new or lazy writers. You need to first learn how to properly convey something without ellipsis before you can use them. Or else you're story looks like a text message.

You need a proofreader. Sentences like this is why they're important. They cut away some of the stuff that just doesn't sound right or is downright bad.

My eyes fluttered…well not open, they were already open somehow.

Your characterization is simplistic. You need to add these details that will really make your characters come alive. The best way is to put yourself into the mind of the character, and understand what is happening all around them. Look at the scene and how the characters would react from every angle. What do they feel, what are they thinking? This is hard to explain and it's different for each writer. But you need to put a lot more effort into the characters because they're just simplistic and flat.

There's no voice. I don't get a sense of the author in this piece. It rings very flat. This is where you're going to have the hardest time as you get better. It's hard to find a writing style that just feels right to you. But you have to be willing to put something of yourself into the writing or the characters. Give the writing a sense of humanity that makes it come alive. Like I said, this is the hardest thing. But it will come in time.

I'm not going to harp on the grammar or the spelling, that's what an editor is for.

Pacing. Pacing is something that is also important. You've got to be willing to write more. The thing is, it's easy to write something that's too fast paced. It's REALLY hard to write something with a slow pace, and it's infinitely easier to fix something with a slower pace. If in your story events just happen one after the other with little down time or reflection, you need to write more.

The best advice I can think of, write first, second and third drafts. I know that sounds boring, but it's essential. Every draft you add more and more content to the piece. By the final draft, you should feel like there's very little I can add. If not, write another draft.

What I do is write my first draft in a notebook. I put the notebook away for a few days. Then I bring it out and write the story from the notebook on my computer. This gives me a good perspective on my story. What I need to fix, what I can cut, what needs to be added.

Writing takes WORK if you want to be good at it, and you need to be willing to put in that work. If you do, you can create pieces you can be truly proud of even if they don't come out as you hoped. Best of luck and remember, you can message me with questions and concerns if you have any.

[EnderRain]

4297461
Thank you! I always get advice like "Use more commas," or something grammar related like that. I never get any advice that will actually help me in the long run. I will definitely try the drafts thing though, it's sounds really interesting, and like it helps a a lot. I want my work to be the best, so why not try things that will make it that way? Again, thank you, you give out the best advice, are you sure you aren't a professional author?
-Dazzler Star of Team EnderRain

[EnderRain]

4300956
Thank you, and yes, it's hard to step back and think about these kind of things. I wanted to portray sadness and despair at the whole problem, Twilight had her whole life ripped away, her everything, her family acted like they hated her, her friends who knows where, and not to mention her wings being gone. It's tragic really. Thanks!
-Dazzler Star of Team EnderRain

[cobystones234]

That story had me on the edge of my seat the hole time.

[Grif_Bladefeather]

frankly your story is kinda anti-climactic. the reaction of twilight to celestias scheme is both out of character for her and totaly unrealistic for anyone with an emotional spectrum what so ever. your build up was great though.