Rainbowdash and Fluttershy are best friends, until rainbow returns to cloudsdale to meet a few fillies. Soon, fluttershy feels forgotten, and goes through the pain of being the third wheel.
Chapters (3)
WillowBreeze
Joined 24th Mar, 2014 ·
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I really like this story only it feels a bit rushed. Other than that I can't wait to read the rest.
4136072 thanks! Yeah, im working on organizing my ideas, so hopefully the story will improve.
@Willowbreeze...
1. Okay, keep in mind this is a friendly Comment, with no malice intended.
2. Summary (-ies)... Your short Summary, your long Summary, and even your chapter titles of your fan-fiction are warning signs against reading your fan-fiction, full of Technical Writing errors. This is like driving your car past a place labeled "Gaz Station", are you going to stop there and fill your fuel tank with their "product"...?
3. Word Count... Low word counts (less than 1000) are another warning sign to potential readers to stay away. Why? Low word counts tell the potential readers that the Author did not care enough to spend the effort in writing; if the Author did not care enough to write, why should a potential reader care enough to read? Conversely, high word counts (3000+ words per chapter, as a general guideline) lure-in draw in readers with the thought of, "ooh, this could be good...!"
4. Walls of Text... I took one look at your first chapter and immediately scrolled & skimmed down, and have not bothered to read any more past. Once you make your readers' eyes glaze over like that, your fan-fiction is dead in the (literary) waters.
5. Technical Writing... You can have the greatest story-premise for a fan-fiction in all of brony-dom, but if your Technical Writing (spelling, grammar, format, tense, etc.) is poor, your fan-fiction is dead & gone before it is finished being read.
6. Editor & Proofreader(s)... It never hurts to have help with literary writing. For finding an Editor & Proofreader(s) here on FiMfiction site itself...
~ a. Looking for Editors
~ b. The Proofreader Group
As the general rule for literary writing, you should only have a single Editor, but you can have multiple Proofreaders.
.
7. Your story-premise is fine for a Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash Romance fan-fiction, but you will need to overhaul this fan-fiction from the ground-up to make it work well.
Hope this helps.
4136132 :) thanks for all the great advice! I understand my stories are not perfect, and i think i could use your comment (constructive criticism is what i like to call it) to make my stories better. Im quite new to FimFiction so im not quite used to the format.
I haven't read it yet, but I will when it is finished!
4141709 cool, but just saying, it may take a while, I write three chapters before uploading them, thank you for your patience
4143368 I don't mind the wait! I'm sure it will be brilliant!
Hello.
This isn't a bad story AT ALL, but there are two things i think you should fix:
1:Chapter length
2:THE GRAMMER!
I shit you not, If you fix the grammer alone you are gonna go golden.
~Wywint
4145527 thanks! Yeah, im working on word count and improving the overall quality of the story.
You're getting a life saver thrown at you. Take that dude's advice if you really care about your writing and improving.
4146708 Go for it!
Hey guys, it may take a little longer than i thought to write the next couple of chapters. Im in the middle of moving to a new country, and im also working hard at university. Sorry, but it may take me until late june.
Thanks!