Is She Ready For This?

Done for a contest on mlpchan's /anon/ board. A rewrite of the episode "look before you sleep."Trying to stay to the theme as much as possible

Synopsis:
Twilight has some concerns over the responsibility of one of her friends.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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Yildun

Yildun #1 · Feb 3rd, 2014 · · ·

It's not bad, but to me it doesn't feel like a rewrite of Look Before You Sleep. I understand what you were trying to do... but it feels kind of hollow? I can't think how else to explain it.

I don't mind the concept, since I can see Pinkie unintentionally annoying others, but then Twilight doesn't actually address it. I realize that she came to realization that Pinkie didn't mean anything by it and she was only doing what she thought was right and that Pinkie isn't necessarily inappropriate, plus bad timing. And at first I was miffed by the conversation between Twilight and Rarity, but as it progressed, I really liked it. We've all been there. We've all had a friend who does something and we're not sure how to handle it, so we ask for advice from another friend. And I think it's only logical that they might worry about her not taking something very important seriously.

I think the reasons for the conversation coming up require a more specialized and distinctive set-up, maybe, and then I think maybe if Twilight could come up with a tactful way of both reassuring Pinkie and explaining why others sometimes respond the way they do to her, then it might work, but I don't have any suggestions off the top of my head. Also, at this point in the series, in the current seasons anyway, it seems as if most of Ponyville likes her songs, so it's only now and then that anyone else reacts badly to her song and dance numbers.

ipwnlocks

ipwnlocks #2 · Feb 3rd, 2014 · · ·

3889514
im going to change the ending a bit.

the contest is to rewrite an episode while keeping the theme, what i did was was look at the letter to celestia for 'the moral of the story'. at first i was going to mark this as a rewrite of 'bridle gossip', but i felt like 'look before you sleep's' moral fit better.

i had the same thought about twilight not really addressing the fact that pinkie is irresponsible, but i also feel like it was addressed in the scene with gummy. to the point where twilight changed her mind and didn't need to bring it up.
i also think i might change the conversation with rarity, i don't really want it sounding like they all hate pinkie and thats kind of how it came out.

Yildun

Yildun #3 · Feb 3rd, 2014 · · ·

3890462

i had the same thought about twilight not really addressing the fact that pinkie is irresponsible, but i also feel like it was addressed in the scene with gummy. to the point where twilight changed her mind and didn't need to bring it up.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I guess I would just add in a little about how Twilight is impressed that Pinkie really cares about her pet and is responsible for him. It did work, but maybe it was a little too subtle? It's kind of that fine line, where you don't want to hit the reader over the head, but at the same time you don't want the point to get lost.

i also think i might change the conversation with rarity, i don't really want it sounding like they all hate pinkie and thats kind of how it came out.

Yeah, I think the beginning of it needs some revising. It is hard, especially since they're just venting their frustration. Maybe if they're less critical and clearly feel more awkward about bringing it up, then promptly apologetic. They could also start out "I like her, but..." That sense of relief in finding someone who agreed was good, but it did come off kind of harsh when they first brought it up.

ipwnlocks