This is the story of My OC, Jack.
WARNING: THIS MAY CAUSE TEARS
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 29th, 2012
Jack_The_Lonely_Pony
I am, as my name states, a very lonely brony. This will show in some on the fictions I post
Jack_The_Lonely_Pony
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
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Not too much of a tear jerker but it was pretty good. I do have to say that the ending was... a bit cut off. It didn't seem finished, like something wass missing.
omggg dis was so sad :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( i cryd at teh endign u rite so well
pls contenue dis fic
In response to the removed posts:
Come on, people. If you're going to criticize, make it constructive criticism. For example:
-I think that one of the biggest issues of the story is that it lacks direction. Three chapters in and we don't know where the story is going, since the latter two chapters don't advance the plot at all. The lack of a summary only serves to make things more uncertain. What kind of story are you aiming for here? Heartwarming? Heartbreaking?
-There isn't much emotional investment. Jack's character hasn't been developed much beyond shy and curious, and right now we don't really have much of a reason to root for him.
-The name. Jack isn't really a pony name. Or Brian or Jeffery or Tom.
-The relationship between the human world and Equestria isn't very well explored yet. I can't be the only one who's curious how the humans got here, and how tense the relationship between the two worlds might be.
Keep trying. Just know that it generally helps when you're writing to take a step back and look at the story's big picture, how everything fits together. Try to think of what questions the reader might have, and see if there are any missing pieces to the puzzle.