From the Baltimare Sun
Admiral Biscuit
Ambassador Indicted, Tried for Treason
The ink was hardly dry on her nomination letter before Ambassador Heartstrings found herself in hot water. Although no formal report has been published of the charges sought, a pony close to the case revealed that she was charged with the attempted murder of foreign diplomats, knowingly bringing monsters into Equestria, and treason.
Her sordid tale began a week earlier. She was nominated for an ambassadorship in front of the Nobles' Council, where Princess Celestia spoke on her behalf, as she was allegedly unavailable to speak for herself. Claims were made of her supposed noble lineage, although no such written record has been found; as well as of her legal standing as a guard—which, it should be noted, she won in a tournament.
Breaking with protocol, Fancy Pants' proxy forced a simple majority vote without sufficient deliberation, in an attempt to net her nomination before any disturbing facts about her past came to light.
That very same day, she was indicted, yet inexplicably given diplomatic immunity for actions which she had committed before her nomination.
Both her ranking and her noble lineage require her trial to be held in a Crown court, yet once again the protocol was broken, and the trial was instead held at the Ponyville town hall, with the proceedings kept under wraps.
A representative for Noble Voice, the prosecuting counsel, said that Mr. Voice had been given barely any time to prepare, and that even his train had been delayed for track maintenance, although it's obvious to anypony who's ever travelled the line between Baltimare and Canterlot that track maintenance is the last thing on the railroad's mind. They never even tried to run the tracks in a straight line through the mountains, despite the clear superiority of such a route.
Early reports from the trial indicated that the prosecution had put up a front of unassailable evidence into the nature of Heartstring's character. It's no surprise; even when she was in school, she was making waves by sleeping with a minotaur bull, and spending most of her free time either in the dueling ring or with her Neighponese maestro rather than concentrating on her coursework.
It should come as no surprise that Heartstrings was defended by none other than Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis, who had been conspicuously absent from Canterlot while Heartstring's nomination was rammed through the Council. They were already in Ponyville, riling up the locals and poisoning the jury.
By the afternoon, it became clear to even the most thick-skulled where the trial was headed. Any evidence that Noble Voice offered was summarily rejected, while the judge allowed Fancy Pants unbelievable latitude in his choice of witnesses and lines of questioning. Even physical evidence was rejected when it proved damaging to the prosecution's case.
As if that wasn't enough, Fleur resorted to personal insults directed both against Noble Voice and his witnesses, rather than sticking to the actual facts of the matter.
The theme continued, when the defense was allowed to present Twilight Sparkle—the Princess's personal protege—as an expert witness. Shortly thereafter, Ambassador Heartstrings took the stand . . . and Noble Voice was censured before he could even finish questioning her.
Oddly absent were the injured parties. The defense claimed that Ambassador Dale was injured, and did not speak the Equestrian language; both claims are easily dismissed, as the day before he appeared at the town hall and gave a speech to the entire town.
Naturally, only select ponies were allowed at that event. But a photograph from the supposed meeting shows Fancy Pants, Fleur De Lis, Heartstrings, Twilight Sparkle, the Ponyville mayor, and Ambassador Dale all lined up on the stage. All of them are smiling, and why shouldn't they be? Every small town would do well to have an embassy in it to bilk bits out of the Royal Treasury. And is it a coincidence that Heartstring's entire defense team was neatly lined up on stage with her?
Although the courtroom transcript has not been made public and probably never will be, we learned from Noble Voice's co-council that Heartstrings was cleared of all charges. She was spirited off before any newspaper reporters could even interview her and taken to a secret location. The judge, on the other hoof, revealed just how much of a farce this whole trial was when she went off to the brand-new embassy—a gleaming edifice of stone and gold leaf, filled with decadent furniture and priceless artworks—and all provided with your tax bits for a pair of diplomats from a nation nopony has ever heard of.
Damn, talk about a biased telling.
Or is it..
Edit: I'm watching you, 5694677 . You better keep writing.
Y'know... I shouldn't be breaking from writing to read this. Maybe you (and the Baltimare Sun) should delay your next postings for a day. What do you say?
I like how unsubtle the bias is in this bit, they didn't even try to hide it.
5694675
This was actually more difficult to write than the Ponyville Express articles.
It isn't.
5694677
I warned everypony yesterday, both in a blog post and on my Facebook. I can't back down now; I'd be murdered. Plus, I already hit the publish button. So there.
5694690
I've read more than a few 'news' articles like that. It comes from having friends on both sides of the political spectrum.
5694712
Pfft, I've seen a few 'news' networks with 24/7 programming like that.
By Xenus third leg, this... I'm not even sure how they dare laying it on that thick.
5694790
Where do you think I got the inspiration from? Heck, there are news websites that are even more biased than mainstream media.
5694798
The trick is to figure out what you want to prove, and then bend the facts to fit your conclusion.
I'm not sure how I feel about seeing pony news acting like human news...
Ouch.
Well, here on Earthside, "objectivity from a journalist" has been a myth for even longer than "honesty from a politician" and "charity from a banker", so I guess we have no cause to complain...
ETA: Protip for Ambassador-Select Sgt. Heartstrings, ERGA: here on Earthside, officer survival instructors strongly advise police officers involved in critical incidents (particularly Use-of-Force incidents) to avoid reading, watching, or listening to any press about the event they were involved in - the psychological damage is pretty severe, particularly when the press takes an antagonistic slant...
I’ve seen less biased hit‐pieces in The Drudge Report. The Baltimare Sun is owned by Murdocks, isn’t it?
concentrating
I stopped reading halfway through. I don't need a burst vein or anything like that.
Excellent characterization.
5695054
It's legitimate english to say "concentrate on".
5694980
Politics and the news media go together like monkeys and hand grenades.
5695001
I think it's fair to say that the smaller scale you go, the more charity there actually is from a banker, at least. A few months ago, I performed in a charity event at the high school, which was emceed by the president of the local bank. That's not the kind of thing I'd expect James Diamond to do, but in a small town, it's a slightly different world. Nonetheless, your point is spot-on.
I can totally understand. I've been the subject of one smear campaign, and it wasn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it wasn't something I'd wish upon anybody.
5695054
Let's just say CUNET is 100% in favor of this piece.
EDIT:
Thank you; I missed that in the editing.
5695168
I don't blame you; it hurt to write it.
It is, although in this case, it's a matter of an editing change earlier in the sentence in which I failed to make appropriate changes further on.
As a person with formal training in journalism, this... hurts.
These biased news articles are fun to read. The Ponyville express might be just as biased, if in the opposite direction, but it has a simple honesty about it's bias and reports the truth and cajoles other people into believing the publisher's view. The Baltimare Sun on the other hand lies with the truth and deceives people into believing their bias. If I had to pick which to subscribe too, I would pick the Ponyville publication. It might try to make my eyes bleed, but honesty and earnest discussion about your view wins out any day over.
It kinda like why I like One America Network. There news is just that, stating what happened. No comments or conjecture. They do have opinion shows but it is clear that they are trying to argue their position on a issue.
I wish the news corporations in the US would be more ethical on reporting the issues and facts. You got Fox putting on a big conservative slant on things and nears I can tell the rest put out extreme liberal views. You almost have to watch Fox and another network and guess on what a neutral is.
5695699
Sadly, you and I both know that there are certainly news sources which are no less biased. It's worth noting, though, that my first version of the chapter was rejected because it wasn't biased enough.
5695756
Thanks! For better or worse, newspapers publish what people (or ponies) in their market want to read. Heck, there was even an episode about that.
It is, and our former local paper was exactly the same. In a way, it was a relief from the doom and gloom that the other papers were reporting....
I don't watch news; I usually listen to NPR, and even then, I do more research if I suspect that their particular news item might be biased one way or the other. I'd rather have facts, than have some news anchor try to draw a conclusion for me. And I'll admit, I'm not always right, but I try to at least see both sides of the issue before I reach a conclusion.
I like how for all the identification on the accused, prosecution, defense, etc. the name of the judge mysteriously isn't present in the article.
Oh boy ... It took all i had to continue reading until the end. When you know the truth and have to witness the speculation's and then hear the over exaggerated story's that come from it ... it's like you're hinting a wall. This stink's of corruption.
But, this was a great chapter nonetheless and now I am off to read Chapter 22 of OPP.
It seems that lying Liberals/Progressives are in charge of the newspapers in Equestria too.
Heh, seems so realistic. Like, something you would read from Fox News.
Anyone else get the feeling this is written by a Canterlot noble and the head editor is a good friend of Noble Voice?
5697151 I too get the feeling.
5696333
A fact like that would set the wrong tone. Readers would find it hard to believe that Princess Luna could be so easily fooled, and might wonder if some of the other statements in the article were exaggerated (or entirely false).
5696664
Equestria wouldn't split that way (after all, they really only have one political party ). They'd split on tribal lines, more or less. with Earth ponies generally being liberal, unicorns generally being conservative, and pegasi just doing whatever it is they do.
5696674
The thought of ponifying one of their well-known news anchors or spokespeople crossed my mind when I was considering a byline for the story.
5697151
5697230
Baltimare, actually.
5699072 Exactly.
Hmmm. I think this newspaper may be playing with fire. Not only are there several statements that could be construed as libel against Lyra, there's one that impugns Luna's honor as well. Considering Luna's ire with Noble Voice she might consider filing a lawsuit if she catches wind of it. And while such a thing would normally be unprosecutable, I bet the eyewitness claims of a Princess are practically unassailable in court, even without giving an account of the events. Even getting publicly denounced as liars and frauds by a princess would be damaging to their credibility and popularity.
5701367
It all hinges around Equestrian libel law.
I'm no expert in Earthly libel law, but I do know that one is generally given more latitude when it comes to a public figure than a private; in this case, all of the ponies mentioned by name would probably be considered public figures (Twilight may be an exception).
I don't think that Celestia is hugely uptight about how she's portrayed in the press--she didn't send a platoon of Guards to rough up the CMC, or have them hauled off to court, when they were mocking her in the Foal Free Press. I personally think she prefers not being put on a pedestal. Given her position and powers, it would be very easy to become a tyrant, and I think she knows that.
Luna, on the other hoof, is a bit more of a wild card.
5702732 I would think a main difference is that despite being public officials, they're not elected officials, hence the public wouldn't necessarily have that right.
And yeah, Luna is still ultimately a Mediaeval princess. And Impugning the honor of a mediaeval princess is a dangerous thing. Blood Feuds and Honor Duels tended to result.
--"HAVE AT THEE, KNAVES!"
...
*Silence*
...
*Panic and Screaming ensues*
--"HUZZAH! We Are Victorious!"
*Facehoof* Luna, we don't do that anymore.
5783539
Yeah, there's always a disconnect between the designers and the builders. Smart teams have them work together.
I've worked on my fair share of cars where I can see that there was no thought given to maintenance, or where the designer came up with something that any rational person could see was a bad idea. I think Rowan is on his way to learning that lesson--and at least the other professors were smart enough to know that they needed a mechanic, not a theoretician.
Typical news reporters, as accurate as always.
Dangit, ean out of delicious horsewords to read again. Well, I could always look at your other works while I wait...
5702732
And now I have an image of royal guards showing up at Ponyville Elementary, demanding Gabby Gums to present herself to be arrested on charges of defaming a reigning princess.
5790931
If you want to stick to the Pony Planet 'verse, this little library of mine might be just the thing.
Or just start choosing at random! That's always fun, too.
5791002
Thanks!
I do hope you washed you hands after writing this.
Though one more hand up in favour of Luna taking action. In such circumstances there are not only lible laws, but also potentially treason laws (<sigh> I thought we'd gotten rid of all those clauses... ) and also consumer protection laws. Does this publication actually meet the standard of 'news' as in 'factual reporting of current events' that their readers presumably pay for?
5868372
I did feel a little bit dirty.
The risk, of course, is that such action could be seen as muzzling the free press. That's something that Celestia, at least, would be wary of.
One could ask the same question about some IRL news sources. I think ponies would be just as big suckers for sensational journalism as humans are, unfortunately.
5883261
It ultimately depends on how closely you wish to stick to US legal customs. Given that Celestia is essentially President For Life (which is actually a really long time in her case) there is certainly potential for divergence. The UK for example has a somewhat different approch, especially when it comes to libel.
Ultimately it's probably not relevent to the main plot, but might make an amusing side story, if you were of a mind to persue it.
5939468
Cormano:
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mylittlebrony/images/d/de/Cormano.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20111013212328
Quite likely fan-named after the character in your pic: probably the pink sombrero was the inspiration... What's that from? I can probably use that as some backstory in one of my stories.
5699079
Still plenty of room to divide into parties and yell at each other, even if you all agree the princess should be in charge. and they've got multiple princesses to square up behind now!
Realistically, Celestia is still the only game in town right now, but in 40 years Luna and Twilight(if she also gets promoted in this timeline) will probably have significant bases of support.
Twilight because she keeps going all HERO OF EQUESTRIA and saving everyone from getting eaten by star bears.
Luna because she learned how to dream walk during her exile and is using it to play personal counselor on a vast scale.
Not knockout blows weighed against 1000 years of good rule and tradition, but enough that either of them could probably swing council votes now and again if they wanted too.
5996186
Oh, for sure. I figure they've been arguing for thousands of years (after all, who doesn't argue about politics)--now they can have proper factions. I really ought to work a subtle NLR ref. in somwhere. . . .
To be fair, most of Twilight's heroics have been in Ponyville. Not all, to be sure (Nightmare Moon, Discord, Tirek, and an assist on Sombra), but with the hint in that one episode that Princess Celestia was going off to take care of the parasprites in Fillydelphia, I think Celestia does her fair share of fighting off nightmare monsters (also backed up by comic canon).
And because she's adorable as hell.
Especially Luna. Cadance probably draws some weight in the Crystal Empire, too.
5996912
I don't.
I don't really care about who rules over me as long as I have food, shelter and can do whatever I want mostly.
5999707
And raises the sun. Can't take that for granted in Equestria.
It's a testament of Celestia's
cluelessnesslazinessbenevolence that journalists are allowed to post such... imaginative pieces.And again, it's a good thing that Luna doesn't seem to read the news. Much smiting comes to mind.