//------------------------------// // From the Baltimare Sun (Onto the Pony Planet) // Story: Pony Planet: Side Stories // by Admiral Biscuit //------------------------------// From the Baltimare Sun Admiral Biscuit Ambassador Indicted, Tried for Treason The ink was hardly dry on her nomination letter before Ambassador Heartstrings found herself in hot water. Although no formal report has been published of the charges sought, a pony close to the case revealed that she was charged with the attempted murder of foreign diplomats, knowingly bringing monsters into Equestria, and treason. Her sordid tale began a week earlier. She was nominated for an ambassadorship in front of the Nobles' Council, where Princess Celestia spoke on her behalf, as she was allegedly unavailable to speak for herself. Claims were made of her supposed noble lineage, although no such written record has been found; as well as of her legal standing as a guard—which, it should be noted, she won in a tournament. Breaking with protocol, Fancy Pants' proxy forced a simple majority vote without sufficient deliberation, in an attempt to net her nomination before any disturbing facts about her past came to light. That very same day, she was indicted, yet inexplicably given diplomatic immunity for actions which she had committed before her nomination. Both her ranking and her noble lineage require her trial to be held in a Crown court, yet once again the protocol was broken, and the trial was instead held at the Ponyville town hall, with the proceedings kept under wraps. A representative for Noble Voice, the prosecuting counsel, said that Mr. Voice had been given barely any time to prepare, and that even his train had been delayed for track maintenance, although it's obvious to anypony who's ever travelled the line between Baltimare and Canterlot that track maintenance is the last thing on the railroad's mind. They never even tried to run the tracks in a straight line through the mountains, despite the clear superiority of such a route. Early reports from the trial indicated that the prosecution had put up a front of unassailable evidence into the nature of Heartstring's character. It's no surprise; even when she was in school, she was making waves by sleeping with a minotaur bull, and spending most of her free time either in the dueling ring or with her Neighponese maestro rather than concentrating on her coursework. It should come as no surprise that Heartstrings was defended by none other than Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis, who had been conspicuously absent from Canterlot while Heartstring's nomination was rammed through the Council. They were already in Ponyville, riling up the locals and poisoning the jury. By the afternoon, it became clear to even the most thick-skulled where the trial was headed. Any evidence that Noble Voice offered was summarily rejected, while the judge allowed Fancy Pants unbelievable latitude in his choice of witnesses and lines of questioning. Even physical evidence was rejected when it proved damaging to the prosecution's case. As if that wasn't enough, Fleur resorted to personal insults directed both against Noble Voice and his witnesses, rather than sticking to the actual facts of the matter. The theme continued, when the defense was allowed to present Twilight Sparkle—the Princess's personal protege—as an expert witness. Shortly thereafter, Ambassador Heartstrings took the stand . . . and Noble Voice was censured before he could even finish questioning her. Oddly absent were the injured parties. The defense claimed that Ambassador Dale was injured, and did not speak the Equestrian language; both claims are easily dismissed, as the day before he appeared at the town hall and gave a speech to the entire town. Naturally, only select ponies were allowed at that event. But a photograph from the supposed meeting shows Fancy Pants, Fleur De Lis, Heartstrings, Twilight Sparkle, the Ponyville mayor, and Ambassador Dale all lined up on the stage. All of them are smiling, and why shouldn't they be? Every small town would do well to have an embassy in it to bilk bits out of the Royal Treasury. And is it a coincidence that Heartstring's entire defense team was neatly lined up on stage with her? Although the courtroom transcript has not been made public and probably never will be, we learned from Noble Voice's co-council that Heartstrings was cleared of all charges. She was spirited off before any newspaper reporters could even interview her and taken to a secret location. The judge, on the other hoof, revealed just how much of a farce this whole trial was when she went off to the brand-new embassy—a gleaming edifice of stone and gold leaf, filled with decadent furniture and priceless artworks—and all provided with your tax bits for a pair of diplomats from a nation nopony has ever heard of.