Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Ponies

by Burlacious Soldier

Mr. Flexington was my father. CALL ME MISTER TORGUE!

Author's Note:

The awesomeness is here! Brought to you by Torgue and associates (Myself and the proofreader, Old Man). If you don't get the Oubliettes and Ogres thing, go read the IDW comics. Make sure to drop a comment if you enjoyed. YOUR KIND WORDS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED.

[Pony Perspective]

"Wait a minute! Butt Stallion is on Pandora! These can't be her babies! THIS SITUATION IS FULL OF CONFUSION!"

The creature in the crater scratched its head and grunted several times. Shining Armor defensively took a step forward to be able to move in front of his wife should the creature end up hostile. It was strange that the creature spoke native Equestrian, except for its random bursts of noise that were shrill and unnerving. Shining Armor debated approaching the creature and questioning it but before he could really reach an answer, he noticed his wife was no longer behind him. She was carefully walking up to the large creature, who noticed this and stopped grunting.

"One of the horses is approaching me! I TOLD LILITH I'M NOT SCARY LOOKING! CHILDREN AND ANIMALS LOVE ME!"

"Hello. I was just wondering what you were doing here?" Cadance asked softly.

“HOLY S*BLEEP*! A TALKING HORSE?! THAT'S AWESOME! I'm sorry if I scared you, little horsey! My ship just crashed into this planet! That's where the EXPLOSION came from!"

At about this time, Shining Armor finally got over the shock of his wife's bravery, rushed forward and stepped protectively in front of Cadance. Shining Armor eyed the creature warily as he turned his head slightly to whisper to Cadance.

"What were you thinking?! This creature could have hurt you! Don't you even try to argue that it wouldn't. You have to be more careful" Shining whispered feverishly.

"Just because all the creatures in that board game you play are mean, doesn't mean all creatures in real life are mean." Cadance tried to look stern but couldn't help giggling.

"This isn't time for jokes... And I haven't played Oubliettes and Ogres in years!" Shining bristled.

"But-"

Torgue interrupted. “BOARD GAME?! OUBLIETTES AND OGRES?! That sounds familiar...oh yeah! It sounds just like Bunkers and Badasses! WE HAVE SIMILARITIES, LITTLE WHITE HORSE!"

"See, Shining? He plays a similar game. Would a monster play a geeky board game?" Cadance giggled slightly and turned to the creature, "May I ask your name?"

"My name is Mister Torgue Flexington!” Torgue posed, then noticed something was missing. “There is a sudden lack of explosions! MY INTRO REQUIRES EXPLOSIONS!"

The creature turned around and began digging through the piles of metal that were the remains of his supposed ship. A moment or two later, he turned back to Shining and Cadance before posing. Shortly after his pose, something in the scrap pile made a large explosion, highlighting Mister Torgue and scattering bits of metal around the crater.

"IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU!" Mister Torgue finished posing and crouched down to be at eye level with the ponies, "What are your names?!"

"My name is Cadance, and this is my husband, Shining Armor. Ah..." Cadance turned and looked towards the edge of the crater, where townsponies were joining the guards in gawking at the creature. "Perhaps we should move this conversation to the castle. I'd like to sort things out in a more private location before the public sees a large creature and...well, panics."

"Wait a second! You want to bring this thing to the castle?! He made an explosion just to introduce himself. That's dangerous and insane!" Shining pointed at Mister Torgue, indicating what he was calling insane.

"Please, Shining. I'm sure he'd respect our request to not blow anything up in our castle if we asked. And, Mr. Flexington, I apologize for my husband's behavior. He's just worried since you're a creature we've never seen before."

"YOUR CONCERN IS UNDERSTANDABLE! STRANGER DANGER IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! Also, Mr. Flexington was my father! Call me Mister Torgue!" Mister Torgue stuck out the shortest digit at the end of his forelimb.

"Of course." Cadance said, unsure what to make of his gesture and his constant yelling, "Follow us. We'll take you to the castle."

Mister Torgue nodded and Cadance walked out of the crater, Shining and Torgue in tow. The growing crowd parted when the group approached and continued to gaze at the massive creature. Cadance and Shining were used to stares, being royals and all, but they didn't know if Mister Torgue would respond well to the amount of attention.
To their surprise, he didn't even seem to notice. The tall creature was messing with something on his head that looked suspiciously like headphones. Content that their 'guest' wouldn't be troubled by the crowd, Cadance continued to lead on towards the castle.

[Epic Perspective(Torgue)]

Since following a pony wasn't exactly hard, Mister Torgue decided to mess with his headset to see if he could get his Echo Communication Device to work. The device fizzled a bit, but ultimately did nothing. He couldn't contact anyone.

"F*BLEEP*! My communication device is broken, so I can't contact my friends. With my ship destroyed and my Echo device in ruin, I may be stuck on this planet. PLOT TWIST!"

"Okay, what the hay is up with your voice? It sounds like you start to say something, but then it cuts out and makes this high-pitched noise." Shining Armor snapped, causing the party to stop just outside the city.

"I get asked that a lot! Apparently I curse a lot, so the shareholders of my company had my voice box wired so I can't say s*BLEEP*, c*BLEEP*, or p*BLEEP* f*BLEEP* d*BLEEP*balls! I STILL THINK IT'S BULLS*BLEEP*!"

"That's...not what I was expecting. If that's the case, then I suppose you're right, Cadance. I don't think an unknown species trotting through town making screeching noises by cursing would be good for public morale." Shining sighed.

After that, the rest of the walk was silent. The pink horse named Cadance led them through the town. The geeky one named Shining followed quietly, keeping an eye on Mister Torgue, who continued to tinker with his Echo device. Despite usually blowing stuff up, Torgue was actually a pretty decent handy man. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to make things that explode. By the time they reached their destination though, he'd made no progress.

Cadance had led them through the town rather quickly and they arrived at the castle without any trouble. The door to the castle glowed and opened on its own, which Mister Torgue thought was pretty awesome. Several things in the room looked like they would be awesome if they exploded, but Cadance had asked him not to and he was going to respect that. After all, nothing is more badass than treating a woman with respect!

"Well," Cadance began, closing the door to the throne room, "I suppose what we need to discuss first is what you even are, Mr. Torgue."

"I like to think that I'm a badass, but that mean Tannis lady keeps calling me a protein-guzzling buffoon! If you want to get technical, I'm a human, but that name is boring as s*BLEEP*!"

"Human, huh? That's strange. The only humans we've heard of in Equestria are in mythology. That can't be a coincidence." Shining scratched his head.

"Should we contact Princess Celestia? Or maybe Twilight and the other elements?" Cadance ruffled her wings a bit.

"That would be best. Send a message to both. Twi and the elements would be useful...in case...yeah. And Celesta will probably know what to do." Shining agreed.

"What do you mean ‘know what to do’?! I don't see any problems! I only see AWESOME! I haven't had a vacation since my shareholders had to hide me while they cleared the press after I blew up a planet. I SAID I WAS SORRY! ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!”

Both of the ponies took a couple steps away from Mister Torgue. If he noticed, it didn't show it as he was busy grumbling about the mean shareholders. They were the ones who showed him the nuke button! What did they expect him to do, not press it?

"Hehehe...anyway, the only problem is what the public will think. I heard from Twilight that a whole town panicked because a zebra came to town. I'd hate to know the reaction of civilians if we toss a massive, loud creature into the masses without preparation. Er... no offense." Cadance smiled awkwardly.

"None taken! Your argument is reasonable and I am quite loud! IT'S HEREDITARY!"

"Right...I'll just go prepare and send the letters then. Until they respond, Mr. Torgue can stay in one of the castle guest rooms. Will you show him to one, Shining?" Cadance batted her eyelashes.

Shining sighed, "I can't say no when you do that."

"Thank you," Cadance smiled and pecked Shining Armor on the cheek before leaving the room.

Mister Torgue and Shining sat awkwardly for a few moments. Torgue wondered if he was going to get to blow something up soon. It had been like a full twenty five minutes since he'd seen one. Before Torgue could start planning a way to blow something up without the pink pony being angry about it, Shining cleared his throat to get Torgue's attention.

"You said something about playing a game like Oubliettes and Ogres, right?" Shining looked towards the door cautiously, "I don't fully trust you yet, but what better way to get to know somepony than by playing a role playing game together?"

"You're inviting me to play a role playing game?! AWESOME! With Brick not here, I'll actually get to play the Siren! NOW I GET TO BE THE PRETTIEST BADASS!"

"Never heard of the Siren class before, but that's alright. Come on, I keep my board in the northern barracks so Cadance doesn't find out I still play."

[Meanwhile, in a library over in Ponyville]

Twilight paced around the library. She kept getting this strange feeling that she couldn't quite describe. Every word she came up with to describe it sounded wrong, which bothered her considering her immense vocabulary. She'd already tried 183 adjectives and still found nothing to be close to describing it.

"It's hazy? No... It's foreboding? That's not it either..." Twilight mused, "Maybe it's-"

"Awesome?"

Twilight squeaked in surprise and spun around. Rainbow Dash hovered near an open window, smirking. The pegasus flew in the window and touched down near the startled unicorn. Twilight composed herself and gave Rainbow a stern look.

"You know there's a door, right?"

"You know who I am, right?" Rainbow returned with a grin.

"Touché...actually, I think that word fits."

"Fits what?" Rainbow sat down and made herself comfortable.

"This feeling I keep getting. I couldn't find a word to describe it, but 'awesome' sounds like it fits. It's so bizarre..."

Rainbow shrugged and mumbled something about eggheads. Twilight merely tapped her head in thought. Whatever the 'awesome' feeling was supposed to tell her was going to elude her for just a bit longer.

Comments

[Grey Warden]

So much yes!!! Also when is torque going to show of his Torque weaponry.

[Probably Jesus]

EXPLOSION NOISE

[SouthernmostDogs]

3789501

Are we talking about Torgue or Torque? One is a badass, one uses rotational energy.

[ferret]

NOT ENOUGH EXPLOSION

[bloodwolf432]

It's too bad Tiny Tina ditched. Would've loved to see the demo duo in Equestria. One who loves explosives, and one who makes them. If I didn't know any better, I would say Tina was related to Torgue.

[Grey Warden]

3789694 Torgue Sorry

[LtCWest]

Mr. Flexington was my father! Call me Mister Torgue!

That introduction.

Also, nuke buttons. If you see them, you press them, its the way its ment to be.

[DavidPony]

this castle requires MORE EXPLOSIONS!

[Dubious]

And soon Equestria shall know the name Torgue, and shall experience awesomeness eternal.

[Maelstrom]

3789720
There is actually a theory that quite reasonably states that Tina may be Krieg's daughter.

Its revealed in echologs from the Exploitation preserve that Tina's parents were subjected to Slag and Eridium experiments.
Krieg is a result of experiments and is "owned" by Hyperion.

Coincidence? MAYBEEEEE!!!!

[bloodwolf432]

3790756 I don't know. When listening to Krieg's 'inner voice' and the voice from the ECHO logs they don't match up. He could be the husband that was mentioned but who can say for sure.

[ultra1437]

And the saga continues!

Alternately titled:
Mr. Torgue in Equestria - Chapter 2: F*cking Explosive Introductions!

[Maelstrom]

3790785
Like I said, its just a theory.

I choose to believe it as it make the story interesting. so its headcanon for me.

[Roarbox]

I SAID I WAS SORRY! ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!

[Solemn Vigil]

Am I the only one that thinks a meeting between Torgue and Iron Will would be badass?

[Burly Bubble]

3792053 as long as snowflake is also present.

[The Servant Archer]

3792053
HELL TO THE YEAH! MR. TORGUE'S BADASSERY WOULD MAKE IRON WILL KNEEL DOWN IN WORSHIP OF THE ULTIMATE BADDASSERY!

[TheGericome]

3790785
Maybe that's because of volume.You dont need to yell when you're inside of someones head. Also, ECHO device can morph the voice a little bit.

[bloodwolf432]

3792646 A little, but what about those who could speak yet didn't yell every word? Even in the ECHO logs you could tell when someone whispered, talked, or yelled. Until it's finally confirmed by those who made the game, I'll just keep my thoughts about it on the back burner.

[Burlacious Soldier]

3793223 Or, plot twist, Krieg is Tina's son from the future, despite her tendency towards liking females

[TheFallenPoet]

3792095

[The Shade]

Siren! NOW I GET TO BE THE PRETTIEST BADASS!"

Siren, The Psionic Bard since 2009.
...
Hell's I hate Psionic Bards.

[jack the blu-jay]

3791123 my life in a nutshell