The ground shook from the sheer collective force of several jaws dropping. For their part, though, the room's newest occupants had the lightest reaction, merely blinking in surprise. Torgue glanced around at the ponies surrounding him, genuinely confused at their reactions. After several moments of awkward silence, the large white one coughed and began to speak.
"Well, I... uh... I don't know what to say." the white one stammered, a slightly bewildered look on its face.
"I agree, sister. His manner is... most unbecoming." the dark blue one eyed Torgue warily.
This time Torgue's jaw dropped, "Unbecoming?! That was a compliment! How the f*BLEEP* was that unbecoming?!"
About this time, the rest of the room overcame the shock of Mister Torgue's words from earlier. A rather ticked Twilight looked as if she were about to yell at Torgue if Shining Armor hadn't stepped up and gestured for Torgue to follow him.
"How about you girls talk with the princesses about Torgue while he and I go have a word for a moment?" Shining opened the door to the hallway and beckoned to Torgue once more.
Torgue looked as if he wanted to argue but he gave up, deciding only wussies would argue, and followed Shining. Once in the hallway, Torgue folded his arms and leaned against the wall while Shining slapped a hoof to his face and shook his head.
"What happened to 'nothing is more badass than treating a woman with respect'?" Shining said after removing his hoof from his face.
"What wasn't respectful about that?! It was a compliment! And a joke too! Double the fun!" Torgue grumbled.
"Dude, they are royalty. And you are a new species to us. That kind of asks for a bit more of a formal meeting, not for checking out her flank!" Shining was peeking through a crack in the door to make sure nopony was eavesdropping.
"I wasn't! Where I come from, you compliment people to make friends. That or throw money at them. BOTH ARE EFFECTIVE!"
Shining Armor sighed, "Alright, then explain that to them. I'm sure they'll understand. But for now, try to keep it formal. Like if you were at a business meeting for your company."
"Oh no, not like a business meeting. You don't want that. My business meetings usually involve several people exploding and nuke buttons. My company makes explosives, after all." Torgue smiled at the memory of the nuke button.
"Fine. Just be cool and try not to curse. That's how you be formal." Shining sighed and opened the door, "Now let's see if we can fix this."
Torgue walked back into the dining hall, Shining Armor following shortly behind. To their surprise, the girls were not waiting with angry looks but with mirthful expressions instead. Shining Armor quietly slipped over next to his wife and whispered something in her ear, to which she smiled and nodded. Her nod seemed to make him relax, but Torgue was still sort of confused.
"Wait, I thought you were angry? What did I miss?"
The large white pony stepped forward, "Princess Cadance explained to all of us your... unique sense of grace... and how your comment was likely just as you said it was. A compliment. I must say, though, your sense of respect is... refreshing."
"Thank you! As I always say, NOTHING IS MORE BADASS THAN TREATING A WOMAN WITH RESPECT!" Torgue grinned and flashed a thumbs up.
"Ah, thou art capable of the Royal Canterlot Voice? Thou must be a royal from thine own planet. GREETINGS. I AM PRINCESS LUNA!" Luna bellowed, blowing Torgue back several inches.
"Whoa! I like her!" Torgue grinned, "But I bet I can be louder!"
"Hah! Foolish creature. I accept thy challenge. HAVE AT TH-" Luna was cut off by the white one's hoof over her mouth.
"As entertaining as that would be, I'm afraid there are other things we must attend to first." the white pony turned back to Torgue, "First we must discuss what to do with Mr. Torgue here. I am Princess Celestia, by the way. It occurs that I never properly introduced myself."
"Nice to meet you! And I don't know what you mean 'what to do with me'. As far as I'm concerned, I'm on vacation! LET'S PARTY!"
At this, Pinkie Pie jumped up and took a breath, as if to agree (very eagerly and loudly), but Celestia interjected, "Of course, but I meant for the duration of your stay. If it would suit you, we could arrange for you to stay in Ponyville while you are here."
"Sure! As long as there's booze, explosions and parties, it's fine by me!"
"Woohoo! Can we talk now? Or is the writer going to keep having Torguey and Princess Celestia talk?" Pinkie babbled, causing several heads to turn and stare at her strangely, "What?"
"Uh... I don't know what to say to that. Anyway, who wants to hear about the time I wrestled a shark wearing a bolo tie?! Now, you may be wondering, 'Who was wearing the bolo tie? You or the shark?'. Answer? Yes."
Vinyl Scratch gasped for air as she finished chugging another bottle of Applejack Daniels. As she reached for a seventh, her roommate Octavia entered the kitchen.
"Vinyl! What is the matter with you? Why are you drinking so much alcohol?" Octavia rushed over to her roommate and snatched the new bottle from her before she could open it.
"I... shenshed that a challenger is approacshing... Shomeone who thinksh they can out drink me ish coming to Ponyville. I can feel it. I gotta train..." Vinyl wobbled slightly and suddenly her legs collapsed.
Octavia gasped and checked her roommate but was quickly relieved when she realized she had simply passed out. Octavia quickly lifted Vinyl and carried her to her room and lay her on her bed. As she tucked her in, she thought of this 'challenger' Vinyl had spoken of. If it were true, she thought, then she had better prepare a trip to Canterlot for the next few days. Anyone that could out drink Vinyl was sure to cause a ruckus, and Octavia was not fond of those.
''snort'' i knew they where suprised by Torgue's compliment with the jawdrop
gotta love that guy and his mom in the Waddle Gobbler headhunter dlc
This story's a treat.
So how long until Torgue machines start popping up in Equestria?
*Pony buys a Hard Ravager shotgun.*
"THAT IS PROBABLY THE GREATEST PURCHASE YOU HAVE EVER F*BLEEP*ING MADE!"
Also, Torgue needs to meet Iron Will. Instant drinking buddies.
FUCK.THIS.STORY.IN.THE.ASS.ESPECIALLY.THE.COVER
Just the thought of Luna and Torgue having a shouting contest makes me want to purchase fifty hearing aids.
4511573 It's his Grandma, not Mom.
More hijinks in the empire. i want to see that shouting match.
4511672 Yes, thank you for your input, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
4511692 Well I'm sorry you don't agree with me.
i actually cryed a little it was so funny
4511704
This link has your name written all over it.
4511768 Dont care
4511573 friend that's his grandma. His mom died in a dynamite factory accident.
4511777 Thank you. Having haters means I'm doing something right. Have a nice day
4511777
I know. It's just funny because there's an actual mission that involves murdering a hater... Also another one that involves murdering a smack-talker as well.
4511812 So you want to murder me?
4511797 Makes sense. Osama Bin Laden has tons of haters, so he must have done something super duper right!
4511819 Man, I'm just getting so much salt! I love it! Can I get a little more though? These potatoes are a little dry.
4511826 I am wondering why you think people disagreeing with you automatically validates your assumptions?
Rest assured, my good sir, I will be watching this
Oh yesssss...
4511832 All of your comments have pertained to or blatantly stated something negative. Thus you come off as kind of a salty prick. Never said I was validated, you just made it so.
Saw Mister Torgue on the cover and thought, THIS STORY JUST GOT 20% MORE BADASS! INSTANT FAV!
4511842
Literally you contradict yourself
4511817
Nah. Bullets are expensive.
Though I do keep expecting to see a news article one of these days taking about how some enraged mofo traveled half-way across the country to murder someone who talked smack to him on the internet. (If it's already happened, I sadly missed it.)
My opinion of this story actually rates it around a 'Quick Chuckle Read'. The prose is rookie and skeletal. The jokes are crude (to be expected with Mr. Torgue though...), and some of the lines are recycled in-game dialogue. And the formatting is sloppy. Essentially, it's little more than a script with embellished descriptions. Good for a chuckle, but not really worth taking all that seriously as a 'story'.
So I'm not going to get all huffy about you not liking something. I'm only reading it because it's Mother F***IN' TORGUE... In Equestria. I just thought it funny you went all hateful on it when there's two in-game missions where Torgue has the player go kill such people.
If I were you, I'd watch out your window for psychopathic vault hunters armed to the teeth.
4511872 Validation Never did i validate anything. I simply stated a popular phrase by which people enjoy getting haters. I apologize that I have an uninformed audience. I'll try harder next time.
4511893 So you are saying that I should be in fear for my life?
4511902 Now you are just talking out of your ass, sir.
4511893 Yea, unfortunately my editor is busy with something so I'm posting the rough drafts. Once OldMan get's back, it'll be a lot better.
4511911
4511904
I don't know. Do you think Torgue, a fictional character, will cross realities and send vault hunters to murder you for saying crap about him?
If you think 'yes': Then you better stockpile ammunition.
If you think 'no': You're probably safe.
4511953 I was referring rather to the fact that you seem to be implying you wish I would die for criticizing this story. Such childishness!
I love this.
-Spirit
4511975
Oh don't be silly. I don't murder people for being of contrasting opinions with me. How am I to rub salt in your wounds and gloat over you as you kneel before me with your will broken? I can't do that if you're a lifeless corpse. There's no fun in it.
I suppose I COULD humor you and set up an intricate deathtrap with all the bells and whistles. Rube Goldberg Machines... Spike pits... Lasers... Sharks... Sharks with lasers -menacing of spikes. Then again, sharks have teeth, which are sort of spikes themselves, so the menacing spikes would be redundant.... Do you prefer an obstacle course deathtrap, or a puzzle deathtrap? I'd want to give you at LEAST a fighting chance for entertainment purposes. Mind you, you'd still die. Wouldn't be a deathtrap otherwise... And that's not me talking, that's just the rules of designing deathtraps.
Or would you rather just go for Gladiatorial 'Trial By Combat' style and fight your way through grueling odds? Much better odds of you coming out alive... Mangled, but alive. And you might even get action figures of yourself made, and thus earn royalties.
I have to keep these options open you see.
4511704 There's nothing to hate about this story. Seriously, you need to get your head checked.
4511975
Your trolling is weak, Obi Wan KeNazi. And obvious.
This story needs more explosions.
I find Mister Torgue story about wrestling the shark touching. Manly tears were shed.
4511819 ...
Looks at your profile picture.
Looks at the comment.
> Osama Bin Laden
*Snorts*
THIS STORY IS BADASS AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BADASS!!!
THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOURGE!!!!!!
This is awesome! I await more!
My money is on Berry drinking them both under the table. She won't even notice there's a competition going on.
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/240/6/6/berry_punch_by_kalyandra-d6k4vkw.png
Always bet by the flank!
4511975 Seriously, dude, if you don't like the story, just say "I don't like this story," outline why, then leave, or just leave. We really don't need flame-wars anywhere, let alone in the Brony community, which was founded on enjoying a show about friendship and tolerance of others and their differences. We get it, you don't like the story. Why keep arguing? And if you're just replying, read the comment and move on. Yeah, you have the right to free speech, as far as I know, but one doesn't always have to exercise it.
4514456 Shhh don't spoil it
4517654
Everyone who uses this word in an MLP related context should be hanged.
4518923 Elaborate. You clearly have none, so I would like to know why you're even on this website.
AppleJack Daniels might be strong but it has nothing on Rakk Ale - #1 drink in the badlands
*grabs popcorn and watches nodamnbrakes fail to troll*
4523463 I know, right? This is going to be good.
4512042 I believe that is his inside voice
MEANWHILE N A DIFFERENT F*CKING LOCATION
Also I can outdrink anyone and I'm 14
GET READY TO GRAB A BEER AND KICK SOME REAR, CUZ IT'S TIME FOR A BEATDOWN BAR BRAWL!!!!
4578622 Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh