No, THIS Is Awkward
"I cannot believe I was so stupid..."
Commander Mole "Seven Tricks" Cricket berated himself as he rushed down the streets of the Crystal Empire. He had revealed himself to a pony. Him, the youngest changeling to ever have earned the title of Commander. The changeling considered the shining standard to which all other changelings were supposed to live up to. The changeling who taught other changelings how to BE changelings. The changeling who had once chewed out the queen for breaking character during a training demonstration for a group of hatchlings, and been praised for it! The changeling... who had just made one of the biggest mistakes a changeling could make. Lesson One, hatchlings: Never, ever, EVER reveal you are a changeling to a non-changeling. That will always bring about disaster.
He had revealed himself, and not just to any pony, but one who had the ear of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The pony who was the most powerful known wizard in the world, as well as an alicorn princess. This was bad. This was extremely bad. Words could not express. He needed to move. Every second, he expected to get fried by lightning, zapped by magic missiles, or just plain erased from existence. If there was ever a time to bust out the seven tricks he was known for, it was now.
He'd absorbed, from the love energy radiating non-stop from the Crystal Heart, enough power to sustain a brigade for a thousand years. He'd have to burn through a bit of it, but that, combined with his skills, would ensure he would make the last train out (Lesson Twelve, hatchlings: Memorize the train schedules. If you have to leave town in a hurry, why not leave town in style?). His simplest trick, of course, being...
Trick One: Running.
While no Rainbow Dash, Cricket was moving at a pretty good clip. The ponies who saw him pass would not have known to make of it: it was some kind of a blur that carried a massive windstorm behind it. Plants, posters, trash, anything small, light, and loose within a hundred meters of his run was getting pulled up, out, and/or off, and was carried along for the ride. Within two minutes of his fateful meeting with Fluttershy, he had crossed the length of the Crystal Empire, and reached the apartment building in which he had lived for most of the year. Without even slowing down, he hit the wall, and kept going... up. He was...
Trick Two: Climbing.
...Without even slowing down, right up the wall. Excessive, perhaps, and something he would never have done if he still had some expectation of keeping cover. But this was an extreme emergency. His life depended on his speed. His apartment was on the top floor, and going up the stairs would have taken far too long: too many changes in direction, too close together. Instead, he ran straight up the wall. While there was some initial resistance, gravity acknowledged his superiority and left him alone while he ran up the building. He reached the top floor, and within ten seconds, was outside the window to his apartment... which was closed. No problem. He was good at...
Trick Three: Chirping
The common cricket, and even the mole cricket, is able to create an incredibly loud (for relative size) sound through stridulation, rubbing their wings together. A tiny cricket can make a noise loud enough to be heard miles away. Imagine the racket that could be made by one the size of a horse. No, wait, don't imagine, because here it comes.
The resulting burst of sound was one that was not so much heard as felt, throughout the entire city and beyond, and at point blank range, was sufficient to shatter glass. Mole rushed into the room, grabbed his emergency escape pack (Lesson Five, hatchlings: always, Always, ALWAYS have a kit packed and ready in case you have to leave town in a hurry... because nine times out of ten, you WILL be leaving town in a hurry, usually with an angry mob in hot pursuit), grabbed a pack of carrots out of his fridge (it came with the apartment. Ah, the fridge, not the carrots. Those he bought), grabbed Miss Bunny Wunny Cuddlewumpus (his pet rabbit: best investment he ever made, she freely traded love for carrots. Carrots are cheap, and love without coercion is hard to come by. And no, he didn't name her, so shut up), who was a little bit dazed. He managed it all in one go, without having to change direction, and hit the wall opposite the window, hooves first. Carrots clutched in his mouth, bunny held under one leg, pack held under the other, he steeled himself. His legs coiled beneath him at the moment of impact, absorbing the shock, transferring it into the wall, and while the wall cracked under the strain, it held. He opened his pack, and as trained, Miss Bunny pulled out his coin pouch, threw it on the ground (the superintendent could use it to pay for damages. And yes, in two seconds, there were going to be some serious damages to the wall behind him), then pulled out a small daredevil helmet (yes, they do make those in Equestria. Go figure), closed the pack, strapped the helmet on, and gave a thumbs up. Go time. Then, Cricket straightened his legs. And then he was...
Trick Four: Jumping.
...through the air, out the window, and this time he was certain that he was going faster than Rainbow Dash would have dared as he was...
Trick Five: Flying
...or at least, gliding (changeling wings were not built for sustained flight at this speed) over the Crystal Empire, making his way towards the train station. He had a railway pass in his pack, one that guaranteed him admission on any train leaving the Empire. It had taken a lot of work to get, but it would mean he could go straight in without buying a ticket. He had five minutes before the last train of the day left the station. If he wasn't on it, he'd have to run all the way to the closest city, and he really didn't care for winter in Manehattan.
But his wings couldn't really handle this speed, and he'd be hitting the ground soon. But there were open fields beneath him. As he was about to plow into the ground, he was ready. Miss Bunny climbed on his back, pack clutched in her teeth, so he'd have his hooves free. His forelegs were already moving in a blur, and at the moment of impact, he was...
Trick Six: Digging.
...Through the soft earth, his momentum carrying him through at high speed. He was already two thirds of the way to his destination. Things got a little dicey when he hit a small lake, but he still had one last trick, and it was...
Trick Seven: Swimming.
...And he didn't even slow down, but instead accelerated, and when he surfaced, he shot out like some kind of rocket, powered by love, fear, and pure desperation. Miss Cuddlewumpus was holding up fine, and had been due for a bath anyways. As he rocketed towards the train station, the door of the train standing open, he could swear he heard a young colt say, "Look, mommy, it's Supermane!" Heh, time to go out in style. His hooves touched the ground, and he began to loose speed, skidding, and he spun, rose on his hind legs (Miss Bunny climbing on top of his head as he did so), saluted (he was certain he saw a young colt waving excitedly at him in return), and...
He had underestimated his speed. That was the only explanation for what happened next. He hit the interior wall opposite the entryway, at a high enough speed that the entire train rattled. With an undignified sound, he fell to the ground, dazed, unable to see straight. When his vision cleared, he looked up and saw Princess Twilight Sparkle. Great, he was going to be making the trip with a pony who could liquify his brain with a thought if she found out he was a changeling...
Well, it was bad luck, but maybe she hadn't had an opportunity to talk to Fluttershy yet. He looked to the princess' left, and there was Fluttershy. Okay, worse luck. But maybe Fluttershy hadn't mentioned...
At that moment, Twilight looked over to Fluttershy, and asked, "Is this the changeling you told me about?" Fluttershy nodded, a small smile on her face. Okay, worst possible luck. Ever.
The princess turned towards a conductor, whom Mole had not noticed until now, and said, "Okay, he's here. We can go anytime you're ready." The conductor nodded, then turned and left. She turned towards Cricket, then said, with a worryingly large smile, "I hope you don't mind riding with us?" At that, Mole discovered he had learned a new trick.
Trick Eight: Not Screaming In Abject Terror Like A Hatchling, But Instead Passing Out Due To Severe Cranial Trauma.
As he passed out, Mole could swear he heard the princess say, "Well, I will say one thing. You sure know how to make an entrance."
Fluttershy, nodding in agreement, added, "And an exit."
Stats
Page generated in 0.052 seconds
Total duration
895 users online
47,121 hits today, 1,685,165 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2025
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2025 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Chapter Two UP! And no, I won't be doing chapter three today. Two chapters in one weekend is my limit. I might get another one up during the week, but for now, I'm just gonna bask in the glow of the fact that my first story actually made the popular stories list within hours of being posted. I couldn't have done it without you all! I love you guys as much as a random person on the internet can love other random people on the internet!
3702647
Well, this random person on the internet will favorite this story, written by a random person on the internet (You), and follow the writer of this random story on the internet (Still you, you dolt).
This is brilliant. Keep it up.
Not bad, though I really can't see super high speed digging working, eh who cares. It's funny that Twilight was expecting him, it makes sense though. I am curious as to what will happen next.
3703031
Regarding High Speed Digging: Cartoon physics. That is all.
In regards to Twilight waiting for him: yeah, I got a kick out of that, myself. I mean, I had considered having it be a surprise for her, but I thought to myself, "well, Twilight's pretty smart, so if she knew there was a changeling about to make a quick escape from a city that was surrounded on all sides by icy wasteland, with the only non-arctic method of escape being the train, well...
d(^o^)b Loved it.
This is fantastic. Keep it up!
I... uh...
lol
lol. that was awsome.
Ok, why don't we all just take turns beating the shit out of physics, huh? That's real nice.
I think Cricket should have just focused on running and flying, that would have probably ended up far better. He was disguised as a pegasus.
I really, really like that line. Probably more than I should
mole crickets are awesome. Have you ever held one in your hand? They try to dig in between your fingers. It's the weirdest feeling ever.
I loved this chapter. Using the seven tricks that earned him his nickname as a framing device was a brilliant idea. Have a mustache!
At the last part
When you keep a bag packed in case you need to leave quickly, it's called a go bag.
3754099
in this case, would it be ironic that I thought it would be called a 'bug-out' bag?
So wait, changelings can get love from not-sentient beings? Who doesn't every changeling have a dog then? Problem solved!
I've always wondered about this.
Nice amusing action sequence. And then the ending. That got a nice chuckle out of me.
As soon as I learned the name and species of Cricket's pet, I immediately decided that I ship her and Angel once Cricket and Fluttershy get together.
Bunny Wunny might want to keep her maiden name, though. Mrs. Bunny Wunny Bunny just sounds goofy, and hyphenating it as Bunny Wunny Cuddlewumpus-Bunny isn't exactly an improvement (though it is kind of cute).
Bwaahahaha
*gasp*
Hehehehe
I LOVE this fic, it's been a while since i giggled like that.
As funny as this was, I really want a lot of this to be hyperbole, particularly the comment about him being faster than Rainbow Dash. My alarm bells go off when people start being randomly faster than her (and not being Pinkie). Letting people be randomly faster than her is like letting a random character be a better magic-user than Twilight, something you simply shouldn't do unless that is a huge part of the point of the character.
Still, you haven't lost me yet. Time to read next chapter.
That was the most amusing chapter I've ever read! Look at that pony run! And Fly! And Digg, and Swim! And then crash! He would make Rainbow Dash so proud!
3702647
Why so mean...? I actually think it looks kind of cute...
Aren't you? Yes you are! Yes you are!
3842192 I think it was more of he was faster going through an extremely small space that could result in pretty much near insta-death if you screw up the approach.
Also, I would love to see his escape animated. The salute at the end would be hilarious.
3759305
I believe both terms work.
Well, it is freaky looking enough, but I not seeing nearly enough holes. That would easily be remedied in fan-art though. Not that I can draw but someone could use that image as a starting place for a variant changeling.
3770350 1.bp.blogspot.com/-kMXRvwsfZ38/Uv2TWlSvKDI/AAAAAAAAAic/Cq7meUZcglo/s1600/ShiptIt_LetitBegin.gif
Hee. These mole crickets look kinda awesome
Well. That'll end well
Hee
That is one seriously well-trained rabbit
How the hell did Twilight get there before Mole Cricket did?
5432067
Magic
The preferred term is 'someling', if you don't mind.
Whelp that's one badass changeling with his badass pet rabbit.
Hehehe, awesome chapter well done, well done!
going awesomely, and I like that little thing about the cricket :P that's neat!~
Awesome skills he has, hehe.
5940585
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fa/49/c6/fa49c6dafaddcd4083281affed7d8f32.jpg
Umm...aren't 'wizards' male? Shouldn't this be 'witch', or 'sorceress', or something?
OH MY GOODYGOODY
THANK you for detailing such an extraordinary event. TIS BEAUTIFUL AND GOLDEN!
And now I have to read the Cricket verse.
I glanced over it coz it seemed so bland, but now...
I NEED TO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER! AHA!!!
... After all this time of knowing that age-old wisdom, and I still haven't taken it into consideration...
WHELP, THAT STOPS TODAY! :D
This is hilarious, tho I don't quite understand how faster-than-a-bullet changeling was slower at getting to the train than Twilight and Fluttershy....
9559745
He thought of it too late, and they were already boarding, when he only thought to try and intercept Fluttershy? Really easy to explain if you think about it a little.
ok yes that is the best trick (i may use it)
reminds me of a gag in "a change in fashion", where a Changeling named "Glamour" got chased out of several towns by mobs carrying pitchforks and torches...
"and i have NO IDEA where they GET them all so quickly! does EVERY town have a warehouse full of them?"
9559745
Simple teleportation lol
...wait, isn't that the same train that Twilight and Fluttershy are going to board toooooohhh, that's why things are going to get more awkward
Miss Bunny is the clear MVP this chapter
ight should probably change it from "Warning not for the faint of heart" to "WARNING IT'S AN IMAGE OF A GIANT FUCKING BUG"