Hearth's Warming Eve

by heartbrokenpariah

The Greatest Gift

It was a cold winter night in Ponyville, It was also Hearth's Warming Eve, the kind where you curl up with a good book and hot chocolate and try to keep warm with your family. The night was windy and the snow was falling in thick wet flakes. The streets were deserted, except for a lone stallion who walked in the bitter weather. He had no true destination in mind and was lost in his thoughts.

Earlier that day after he was done working at Quills and Sofas he headed straight to the toy store. His daughter had been asking for a music box made of cherry wood with gold accents that played a beautiful lullaby. It was rather expensive and ornate and he had needed to work extra shifts at work in order to be able to buy it. This also caused issues at home because his wife said he should be home more. It was true there was a lot of times when he didn't put family first. This caused quite a few problems in the house which he tried hard to avoid his daughter seeing.

He arrived at the toy store, which thankfully wasn't too busy with last minute shoppers such as himself. He walked up to the Pegasus mare behind the counter and said. "Excuse me miss but I was wondering if you happened to still have one of the cherry wood and gold music boxes?"

The mare replied " You're very lucky,we have one left. These music boxes were quite popular this year, at the beginning of the holiday season we had ordered a hundred and within ten days we had sold more than half of them."

The stallion then said" then I'm thankful that I was able to get one. My daughter has only asked for this for Hearth's Warming day and I wouldn't want to let her down. How much will that be?"

"75 bits," stated the mare "would you like it gift wrapped?"

"Yes please," stated the stallion as he took out his bag of bits and started to count them out. While he did that the mare flew up to one of the top shelves and got the music box and then got out some gold coloured wrapping paper. After the stallion had counted out the proper amount of bits he gave it to the mare and took the gift wrapped music box.

"Have a wonderful Hearth's Warming Eve." The stallion said as he was leaving the shop with a large smile.

"You as well," Replied the mare behind the counter, who was putting the bits away.

The stallion put the gift wrapped music box into one of his saddle bags and started his walk home. As he walked he saw the fillies and colts playing in the park with the snow. He smiled while watching them make snow ponies and toss snow balls at each other. He saw some of them sliding across the frozen pond. He looked up in the sky and saw some of the weather Pegasus moving the clouds around for the snow planned for later in the evening.

He was able to see his home in view now, which had a light dusting of snow on the roof. He got to the door and opened it but something wasn't quite right. The house was dark and it was rather cold inside. Maybe his wife had taken their daughter someplace for an afternoon snack, he thought to himself. So he headed to the kitchen to find a place to put the music box for safe keeping for now. He saw a note on the table, so he put the wrapped up music box on the table and went over to the note.

He expected it to say where they were at and when they would be home. Instead what he saw made his heart sink. On the note it stated that he should have cared more about her and that she had packed up their daughter's and her stuff and moved away. This made him enraged and mournful, he loses his wife and daughter on Hearth's Warming Eve and then she says it's all his fault? He flew into a rage flipping over the table, throwing the chairs at the wall and broke some of the cupboards. He then picked up the music box and was about to throw but stopped.

He took it with him into the living room and unwrapped the decorative paper around it. He opened the box and gave the key a half turn. It began to play a soft, sweet melody on the keys. He listened for a few moments before he began to cry. It started with a few tears running down his face but turned into sobs. He had lost his daughter and might never see her again. So he sat the for hours crying and listening to the soft melody of the music box.

Back to the night.

The stallion was walking along the main stretch of road with the earlier events still haunting him he felt empty. He hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast and his stomach was letting him know, but he didn't care. As he walked along he peered into the store fronts, most of which were dark and he couldn't make out much in the store. But up ahead there was still one shop open. As he got closer he noticed it was Sugarcube Corner. He was at the window and decided to peer in and noticed there was only one pony left in there. It was a pink mare with fluffy and bouncy looking hair. He had seen her around town a lot of times. What was her name again? Pinkie toe, no that's not right. Pinkie tart, no not that either. Pinkie Pie, yes that's what her name was, Pinkie Pie.

He watched as she swept up some confetti and streamers off of the floor. She must have had a party with her friends he thought to himself. He looked down at the ground and sighed. " Hi there what are you up to?" A sudden voice next to him asked. He jumped from this surprise and turned to face none other than pinkie pie herself. She had a large smile on her face.

He quickly though up something to say. " Nothing I was just watching you sweep up the floor," he said.

" That sounds silly, shouldn't you be with somepony tonight? It is Hearth's Warming eve after all," she stated while bouncing up and down.

That statement hit him like a ton of bricks. " I would be but I don't have anyone to go home to," he replied. Tears threatened to leak from him as he made the statement.

Pinkie's smile faltered as she said " Oh no that's terrible. Would you like to come in and talk to me about it?"

He thought about this for a moment and said to himself ' I hardly know this mare should I really tell her about myself?' So he tried to lie about it and say he wasn't hungry, but his stomach betrayed him by letting out a monstrous growl.

Pinkie giggle at this " You say no but you stomach says otherwise. Come on I still have cake and punch leftover from my party earlier."

So the stallion agreed, punch and cake sounded very good having ate nothing but breakfast all day. So after having his fill of cake and punch he told pinkie about what had happened. By the time he finished talking about what had happened he had started to sob again. All of a sudden Pinkie came over to him and wrapped him and a hug and told him that she was sorry for what had happened. All he could do was hug her back and cry on her shoulder.

After that was over they started to talk about other things. Within the next few hours she had gotten him to laugh. It had started as a small chuckle at one of her jokes but after a few it had turned into complete hysterics. He was wiping tears of laughter away from his eyes. Even though a few hours ago the pain was almost unbearable, Pinkie had somehow made him feel so much better.

As the night waned on he said that he should probably get going and he started for the door. But in a pink blur Pinkie shot in front of it it and said " You're not going to spend tonight alone, come with me."

So Pinkie led him up some stairs and into a room she flicked on the light and she pulled out a mattress from seemingly nowhere. She also pulled a blanket out of nowhere and set it down on the mattress. Just before he got in bed Pinkie gave him a small kiss on the cheek and said goodnight before turning off the lights and going to bed. Within seconds she was snoring lightly and he was left holding his cheek. His face felt warm and his heart gave a few leaps. It was a great feeling and it made him feel more alive. So he nestled into the bed he was given and fell asleep.

Out of habit he woke up very early the next morning. Pinkie was still asleep and he set a course of action at that moment. He found some ink, a quill and paper and wrote her a note. It felt wrong but it also felt right at the same time to do so. He went down the stairs and out the front door and to his house. He found his emergency supply of bits that he hid and went to the train station. He got a ticket and boarded the train as soon as it came. When the train pulled out of the station he wondered if what he did was right.

Back at Sugarcube Corner

Pinkie pie was just getting up. She let out a yawn and stretched her legs. As she got out of her bed she noticed the guest bed empty and a note on the bedside table. She looked at the note and saw neat handwriting with this message on it.

Dear Pinkie,

Thank you so much for last night. When I was so down you raised me up and I could never thank you enough. I have left Ponyville to start anew and to make up for what you did to me, seeing as you don't have a place of you own you can have my house on Maple Lane seeing as I will never return to it. Excuse the mess I made when I was angry. Take care of yourself.

She read the note over twice she felt a bit sad. He had seemed like a nice stallion and she was glad to have helped him out. But she didn't know who he was or where he went no way to keep in contact. He had also mentioned a house on Maple Lane. So she headed out on Hearth's warming day after greeting the Cakes. She made it to maple lane to see a beautiful small house. She entered to find it was still furnished and broken furniture in the kitchen. She thought this was awful nice of him. She went into the living room to find a small box on the couch.

32 Years Later

It had been a long time since I had seen Pinkie that day. I now lay in the hospital with a severe lung infection which made breathing a challenge. The doctors in the Canterlot hospital said I didn't have much time left, but they did they're best to make me comfortable. Live alone most of my years and now die alone. Dying on Hearth's Warming Eve.

After I had left Ponyville I had gotten a ticket to Canterlot and I scrounged for whatever work I could find. Eventually a shop hired me for full time and I was able to make a decent living. I had never dated or wed after what had happened to me, but I helped ponies that went through similar situations. One of my few regrets in life is that I didn't stay closer to Pinkie. She was a great mare and I should've remained friends with her.

So now as I lay in this bed with machines hooked up to me I can only wait the inevitable. Then I hear something unusual in the hall. Sounds very cheery, no it couldn't be. All of a sudden my door swings open and Pinkie strolls in. She looks a bit aged but somehow managed to retain a lot of her youth even after all these years. I give her a big smile as she bounds over to me and wraps me in a tight hug, which leads to me having a coughing fit.

She looks concerned as she stares at me with a sad expression on her face. " How have you been after all these years?" She asks.

"I've been better but it's great to see you," I reply.

"I have something for you," pinkie says as she starts digging around in her saddlebags for something.

To be honest I was half expecting a cupcake or something, but instead she pulls out something I never thought I would see again as long as I lived. She gave me the music box I had bought for my daughter all those years ago and it still looked to be in pristine condition. My eyes welled up with tears and I gave her a smile I told her to get closer and when she did I gave her the biggest hug I could manage.

I gave the key a couple of turns and we started to listen to the music. Then I turned to her and asked her a simple question. " Will you stay with me until the end?"

She leaned over and have me a kiss on the forehead and replied " yes."

So she held my hoof with hers as we listened to the music. I felt my strength give away and the eternal slumber coming on. So I gave her one final farewell with tears in both of are eyes and gave her hoof one last squeeze before I shut my eyes forever

Comments

[TCValley]

...That was both sad and touching.

Good work! Not many can actually pull off making a reader feel emotions from the story.

Overall, I'd say the idea is a good one. It's realistic. In terms of problems, anyway. There were a whole bunch of places that could have used commas, but otherwise, I think the only grammatical error was a missing space between two words.

...And I personally liked it, on an unrelated note.

So, have a thumb and a star. And keep on writing!

Potential is evident,
-Time Centurion

[heartbrokenpariah]

3730261

Thank you very much, your actions are very much appreciated.

[The Lord Inquisitor]

It was a good story, a little rushed and a bit too blatant with leaning on the sad button. However it was a good story and I liked reading it

[heartbrokenpariah]

3730339

Sorry if it was a bit rushed. I wrote it into the early hours on my phone. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Discord Kantus]

To write the review you requested, I am using a modified version of my school's grading system, since I'm used to using it a lot. There will be four categories; plot, pacing, detail, and grammar. Each will be given a score from 0 to 4.
0-1.4; Almost nonexistant.
1.5-2.4; Pretty bad.
2.5-2.9; Mediocre.
3.0-3.4; Well done.
3.5-4.0; Shakespearian quality.
There may be spoilers, so if you are some random person who has not read the story, do not scroll down. Also, fair warning; I'm a notoriously harsh critic.

Okay. Let's begin.
Category 1: Plot. Not bad, but not great. The first three quarters of it were pretty predictable, but the end had a pretty unexpected twist in it. It was rather sad, which was undoubtedly the intention; but the supposed "romance" didn't really happen. Given a few more stories, though, the plot can easily make it to a high grade. 2.45 of 4.

Category 2: Pacing. In a story this short, pacing is more or less forced to be thrown out the window. This rings true once again here. The pacing was a bit fast, and didn't leave much time to soak in one event before another one distracted you from it. However, as mentioned previously, when the story is this short, what can you expect? And, admittedly, as far as it goes, this wasn't terribly paced at all. 3.2 of 4.

Category 3: Detail. Detail is connected to pacing in a surprisingly essential way; add more details and the pace gets slower due to taking significantly more time to soak in every event. Thus, when a story is quickly paced, the root of the problem is almost always found here, and this is no exception. So much more detail could have been used; exactly how the main character threw the table, how quickly the note was scrawled, what Pinkie Pie's smile looked like... fix Category 3, and Category 2 will easily follow suit into 4.0 territory. 2.0 of 4.

Category 4: Grammar. Oof. Comma splicing, capitalization issues, extra spaces, not enough spaces, missing punctuation, you name it. Admittedly, you said you typed this on your phone, but that doesn't make the myriad problems any easier on a Grammar Nazi such as myself. 0 of 4.

Now, I am going to assume you want plot weighed equally to the rest of the categories; if not, let me know, and I'll re-weigh it. In the current grading scale, however, you have a 1.9125 of 4, or somewhere between absolutely horrendous and mediocre. There's lots of room to improve, especially in the grammar department, but with a bit more practice, I'm sure you can make some great sadfics down the line.

[heartbrokenpariah]

3732682

Well the way you wrote the review it would appear that my story is a horrible train wreck. Thanks for the comment.

[Discord Kantus]

3732941 Well, I am one of the harshest critics since Croshaw, so you may want to take it with a grain of salt.