Clearly it didn't occur to Fluttershy to just say "yes" and leave it at that. That answers the question that was actually asked. (Pinkie didn't ask what.)
You want to get a proof reader. Also you may want to study Rarity's character a bit more. She just felt off even for a fanfic. Also I feel like you are diving into this way to quickly. Then again I have seen things escalate quicker but perhaps you could come up with something other then truth or dare. I feel like I see that all to often. Well I'll keep reading and see how ya do.
okay the way you write AJ's accent is atrocious it comes off as more NYC (think Babs Seed) than south Texas. A southern accent is tough to write but you have to rememeber that it is soft and tends to flow together making sentences that sound more like one long word (even though they aren't) a good person to listen to in order to get a better feel for a Texas accent is Jeff Foxworthy or Ron White. The sounds like tha, you is closer to ya, I sounds like ah, things like that can take a story with a good premise and take it to the next level. as for Rarity she seems very out fo character remember she is classy and very snobbish at times, she would balk at talking about such things as her own sex life (even while gossiping about everyone else's) even with her closest friends. If you are going to write accents and speech patterns into your story then take the time to study what you intend to write, I am lucky enough to have a bit of an advantage writing AJ's accent (I'm from Houston TX) so I understand how hard it can be to someone who doesn't talk like that themselves or listen to it from their family and friends on a daily basis.
"Applejack must have had a full belly because she didn’t bother to touch any snack, even though she was offered multiple times." I love this line, as if the narrator himself didn't even know the answer. Also, I don't think Pinkie would mind the taste of Aj's hoof all that much, after all she licked her own hoof several times in one episode (for some reason) and she walks around outside the same as others getting messy hooves.
HA, I like how they're all getting revenge on eachother...
4.5 / 5 stars
3541043 oh God, no
It begins
t.qkme.me/3tx5yc.jpg
Clearly it didn't occur to Fluttershy to just say "yes" and leave it at that. That answers the question that was actually asked. (Pinkie didn't ask what.)
3544901 Do you have any weird fetishes?
... yes.
Okay next ponies turn!
Into a bowl. Not a bowel. Please fix this, or the imagery gets closer to Cupcakes.
oo this is so delightfully funny
THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY! *Clicks next button after favoriting.*
>where nopony else could here
It looks like you combined "hear" and "her"
Define "weird"
You want to get a proof reader. Also you may want to study Rarity's character a bit more. She just felt off even for a fanfic. Also I feel like you are diving into this way to quickly. Then again I have seen things escalate quicker but perhaps you could come up with something other then truth or dare. I feel like I see that all to often. Well I'll keep reading and see how ya do.
okay the way you write AJ's accent is atrocious it comes off as more NYC (think Babs Seed) than south Texas. A southern accent is tough to write but you have to rememeber that it is soft and tends to flow together making sentences that sound more like one long word (even though they aren't) a good person to listen to in order to get a better feel for a Texas accent is Jeff Foxworthy or Ron White. The sounds like tha, you is closer to ya, I sounds like ah, things like that can take a story with a good premise and take it to the next level. as for Rarity she seems very out fo character remember she is classy and very snobbish at times, she would balk at talking about such things as her own sex life (even while gossiping about everyone else's) even with her closest friends. If you are going to write accents and speech patterns into your story then take the time to study what you intend to write, I am lucky enough to have a bit of an advantage writing AJ's accent (I'm from Houston TX) so I understand how hard it can be to someone who doesn't talk like that themselves or listen to it from their family and friends on a daily basis.
Liv it to pinkie to ask that question
"da" ought to be "th' " in my opinion, and 'question' should be 'questioned'
There ought to be a paragraph break after the quote, since it's AJ speaking, then Rainbow who acts.
She has a name, so use it. Epithets should be used only when necessary.
Personal preference, but I like lines between paragraphs as opposed to tabs. Distances it from a 'wall of text' appearance.
An editor would help fix these problems, and improve the flow in some places.
With that out of the way, I'm liking the fic so far. It has a sincere charm about it.
I loved it all so far it had me LOTF I can't wait to to see what happens next to them all.
"Applejack must have had a full belly because she didn’t bother to touch any snack, even though she was offered multiple times."
I love this line, as if the narrator himself didn't even know the answer. Also, I don't think Pinkie would mind the taste of Aj's hoof all that much, after all she licked her own hoof several times in one episode (for some reason) and she walks around outside the same as others getting messy hooves.
.....Is it racist!?! The answer is yes. Didnt think rainbow could be hatin on a dracona brother!
HAY don't bash on my little buddy spike he's a gangster.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/355/8/b/spike_noir_by_tygerbug-d4js1mg.png