• Published 19th Nov 2013
  • 3,808 Views, 119 Comments

SpartAnon - Bastinator

Anon is a Spartan-IV and a member of Fireteam Crimson. When he accidently finds himself on the wrong end of a Forerunner artifact, he finds himself in Equestria. It has to be a dream, right?

  • ...

Chapter 1: Taking Stock

You slouch next to the barricade, shotgun empty. Where’s your team when you need them? The metallic chimes of the beast tick away, its weighty limbs sending small shocks through the floor. You activate your cloaking module, eyes glued to the tracker for any buddies that might show up. You sneak around the corner, the beast towering above you. Your steps are dampened thanks to that stealth module, a good investment in your opinion. The Knight croons its head, a sharp chirping cutting through your muffled hearing. It raises its rifle and screeches. “Fuck.”

Your shield takes the first hit and your roll back behind cover before he can finish them off. So much for the stealth approach. You vault over the wall and sprint towards the metallic fiend. Another shot takes off a sliver of your shields, enough to worry you. He swipes his blade arm towards you and you roll right underneath. It places you right where you want. You spring off your feet, your horn piercing the shielding guarding his head. Your ears ring from the beeps of your depleted shielding, but its nothing compared to the relief you feel watching his form crumble away into dust. Picked a fight with the wrong Spartan. An incoherent mess makes its way through the comm. channel, their communication halted due to the jammer.

You grab his Light Rifle and proceed down the hall. The grunt squeals as you slit its throat, its gargled gasps catching the others’ attention. You toss a plasma, latching onto another grunts methane tank and sending him running into the Elite’s shield. You dodge the round of plasma fire and count down. “Three, two, one…” An explosion rocks the flooring and you take aim at the vulnerable elite. He roars in frustration and you grin beneath your helmet. “You are one ugly mother-”

You send a burst into his head, silencing the Sanghelli forever. The scrambler glows behind his corpse and you discard the rifle, snatching another pair of nades. You prime the two grenades and lob them under the machinery and watch the fireworks. Just another day.

“Anon, this is Lance do you read?”

You switch back over to the radio. “Roger that Lance, mission accomplished.”

”Stay put, we’re locking onto your position now.” You eye the artifact lying in the corner, an eerie orange light emanating from it. “Just hurry so we can give the eggheads their toy.” You sit on one of the covenant’s overturned crates, boredom finding you. All this work just for some piece of tech they’ll probably kill themselves using like that one guy. Whatever, the cycle continues. You twirl your thumbs in anticipation for their approach. The yellow blips hit your motion tracker and you hear them marching down the hall. Might as well have some fun with them.

Ramirez comes in, DMR primed. He scans the room, “Clear.”

Lance and the other Spartan move in as well, “Any sign of Anon?”

”Besides the corpses?” Ramirez asks, “No, he’s not here.” He gets closer, the suspense is killing you. For someone with a good eye he has a hard time seeing what’s right in front of him. You wait for him to get close and then…


Ramirez jumps back in fright and holds his chest, “God damnit Anon. How many times are you going to pull that?” You deactivate your cloak and stop laughing long enough to reply.

“Until you stop falling for it.”

Lance marches up to you, the big captain with all his high and mighty glory, “On your feet solider.” If only you could wipe away the tears of joy.

You comply, albeit slowly to piss him off. “Problem officer?”

He lands a right to your face, knocking off half your shield. ”That’s for disobeying a direct order.” As you move to strike back he lands a direct kick to the chest, your feet grinding against the floor. Your calves hit the artifact, a pulse shooting up your leg. ”And that’s for the rest of your shit. When we get back to the Infinity you’re done. You hear me? Done!”

That piece of shit, he has no idea what he’s up against. You mash helmets with him, your barriers sparking against each other’s. “I had to finish this mission solo, where the fuck were you guys?”

”Held back at the checkpoint where YOU abandoned us!”

“That’s beside the point!”

Ramirez pulls you both apart, the other Spartan not wanting to get involved. ”This isn’t solving anything, Lance you need to calm down.”

”Like hell I do. I’ve had enough of Anon’s crap. He’s compromised Crimson’s mission one too many times.”

“I AM Crimson! You’d be nothing without me!”

Lance frees himself from Ramirez’s hold, “You know what you are? A loose cannon. An unstable fuck that needs to be locked up.” You back off before you do something you’ll regret. ”You don’t care about Crimson. You don’t care about anything. No amount of covies you kill is ever going to bring those idiots back.” You freeze, back turned to Lance.

”Oh shit…” Ramirez mutters.

“You’re right. I don’t care about Crimson,” you look to him. “I don’t care about the UNSC. I don’t care about this stupid mission.” You look at the pulsing box, every flash goading you on. “I don’t care about those scientists,” you clench your fist and slam your foot against the artifact, “or their toys!” Another tingle shoots up your calf and begins to spread. “I don’t care about much, but don’t you dare speak about them, you understand!”

Lance takes a couple steps back, “Anon…”

“What!?” Your HUD flashes red and beeps in your ear. The fuck? You look down at your body, an orange mist flowing around you. “Well… fuc-“ You black out.

Your shields hum to full capacity, your head pounding. Where the- What happened? Your HUD’s all fuzzy and distorted, but a few good smacks and its back to normal. Tree tops? Last time you checked there wasn’t a tree in sight. Brown soil coats your hand as you sit up. That thing must’ve teleported you off to another part of the planet. At least things are quiet for once. You stand up and lean against a great tree. “Infinity, this is Anon from Fireteam Crimson do you copy?”

No response. “Infinity, this is Spartan-054 of Crimson Team do you read?” They must be out of range, that or you need to get to higher ground. You whip out your combat knife and begin to climb. You stab and leap your way to the top, breaching the thick branches and leaves. You look into the deep blue sky and at the moon overhead.
“This is Spartan-054 to any UNSC squads in the area; does anyone hear me out there?” The only response you get is static. Their signal isn’t jammed it’s just… gone. You take stock of the situation.

Lone Spartan out in the wilderness, no food or water, no weapon besides your knife, no response on the comm. DM, I’d like a reroll. Still, all systems appear to be functional. Alright what’d they tell you in basic about this situation? …Oh yeah, you slept through those sessions. Note to self: Don’t sleep through class.

You quickly scan your surroundings. There’s a mountain range out west, it could help boost the signal, but that’s a long shot. Then again, a long shot is better than no shot at all. Into the woods it’s time to go. It may be all in vain I know. You need to get that song out of your head. You leap from the tree and back to the ground. Few things measure to this thrill. Brushing off the splattered dirt you head due west down the path. This is what happens when you lose your composure. You kick ancient boxes and they teleport you to god knows where. Not necessarily an everyday occurrence, but still relevant.

You make out the peak through the dense foliage overhead. A blip hits your radar. It doesn’t detect a UNSC neural interface, so it’s no friend of yours. Two more blips show up. Probably crawlers, but you’re in no position to fight them now. They’re headed directly towards you, gotta go fast. Activating camo, you cling to a nearby tree to gain a vantage point. You wait patiently for the dogs to pass, but what you find surprises you. A purple p0ny is coming down the path. You didn’t know Requiem held indigenous life.

What’s even more intriguing is the horn that protrudes from her head. A unicorn. With what you know about the forerunners, the theory they have some connection with myth is unsurprising. It is an oddity though, but at least you don’t have to worry about crawlers gnawing on your corpse.

The p0ny is joined by two others, one like the ones you’ve seen on Reach and the other has wings. Well then, Pegasi and Unicorns. Are you in some type of mythical creature section of Requiem or what? These are the seven stages of mindfuckery you weren’t trained for. The unicorn seems to be looking at something on the floor, almost as if… It’s following your footprints. Clever thing. The unicorn gets closer to the tree base and looks over it. There’s a quizzical look in its eye as its gaze passes over you. ”Are ya done Twilight?” The regular p0ny says- Wait what? “Zecora ain’t gonna wait on us.”

The p0ny turns her head, “But look at these tracks Applejack, have you ever seen anything like it? How about you Fluttershy?” Fluttershy? Applejack? Twilight? You’ve got to be dreaming.

The yellow Pegasus shakes her head, “Can we uhm… I mean…”

”You know Fluttershy gets scared Twilight, let’s hurry to Zecora’s.”

Note to self: There exists an eight stage to mindfuckery. Twilight, the unicorn, huffs in defeat, “Alrighty then, but I still want to check out these strange tracks.” They continue down the path and you come out of hiding. Yeah you’ve got to be dreaming. There’s no possible explanation for that. You don’t give a shit how advanced the forerunners were, this is bullshit. They took the right route away from the mountain. You can still get to the mountain easy enough, but… There’s something about them that intrigues you. It doesn’t make any sense to follow them, but you want to for some reason. So that’s what you do. You stay at the edge of motion tracker range and conserve camo.

The tracker catches the occasional critter, but you keep your eyes on the three dots ahead of you. You hide behind a log and peak over at the trio. They’ve stopped at a rather menacing looking tree, a variety of tribal masks adding to the creepy visage. They knock on the door and a zebra pops its head out, “Ah Twilight my friend, come in for our potion to blend.”

Well that’s a unique way to talk. They close the door and you slink over to a window and peer inside. A bubbling cauldron centers the room with potions and plants littering the cabinets on the walls. ”How goes the potion?” Twilight asks.

”It is done, but remember it is not for fun.”

”Thank you Zecora, it’s always a pleasure to see you.”

”The same for you Twilight, good night.” A short visit huh? Nothing of interest really. Damn your instincts, you could’ve called for evac by now if you headed for the mountain. You can beat yourself up over it later. You shove aside a fern and head back through the brush. Poor decision after decision. You need to take a class on this or something. Your throat aches slightly from the lack of moisture, only serving to pick up the pace. You’ll drink your eyes out when you get back to the Infinity. There’ll be enough time if Lance goes through with his report. Perhaps if you studied these creatures further… There could even be a promotion in it for you. Isn’t that a thought?

A roar wails from the back of the wood followed by a scream. Welp, time to be a hero. You sprint back through the brush, leaping bounds at a time. The growls get louder as you near them and you push yourself even faster. You slide to the cleared path and look around for the p0nies. The three cower to your right, a monstrosity reared up on its hind legs. It stands slightly taller than you, the monster consisting of a lion’s body, bat wings and a scorpion tail. You try to wrap your head around it, but give up. This is shit of the bull caliber. You grind your heel into the ground and make a course for the beast.

You fly by the p0nies without as much as a sound. You leap upwards and pull your fist back. “SPARTAN PUNCH!”

You clock the creature across the jaw and land behind it. The ground quakes as it collapses, unconscious. Flawless Victory. You stand up and dust off your legs, a rush of triumph coming over you. No freak of nature is going to get the best of you. You’re Anon and you’re… Visible. The p0nies are wide-eyed and you just let your presence be known to them. “Shit,” you mutter and sprint off.

You catch your breath when you’re sure you lost them. What did you just say about decisions Anon? Come on! It’s like you have yearn for self-destruction. At least you managed to save them from that… thing. You’ve seen some shit, but that was just crazy. What sort of mad science did they have to do to cook up those things? And there probably are more, nobody goes ‘one and done.’ Now, where’s that mountain- ”I think he went this way.” Don’t they give up?

You spot a hefty branch bridging two trees above you and climb aboard, activating cloak. It doesn’t take long for them to get in range. ”What in Equestria was that thing Twilight? I ain’t never seen nothing like that up by the Acres.”

”I don’t know, but whatever it is it saved our lives.”

The Pegasus looks to the ground, “He wasn’t going to hurt us.” Say that after it mauled you to death.

”Even then, it’s something no p0ny’s seen before. We need to document it.”

The p0ny adjusts her hat, “I think I speak for Fluttershy when I say that I ain’t looking forward to anything that can take out a Manticore in a single buck.” So that thing was called a Manticore, another mythical creature no doubt.

The unicorn stops dead below you, “The tracks end here.” Crap, you forgot about that. Let’s hope the camo holds up.

”Good riddance, can we get back to Ponyville now Twilight? This place is creeping me out.”

Twilight shakes her head, “This thing isn’t escaping me.” Her horn begins to glow. Glow! What sorcery is this? The branch shivers and shakes with you upon it. Could she be doing- Whoa! You lose your balance after a particularly strong tremor and fall backwards. Your camo lags and shields take a small hit upon impact.

”THE BUCK IS THAT?!” the one called Applejack shouts.

You roll backwards and are about to make another break for it. ”Please wait!” Like you’re going to fall for that.

You take off back down the path, this time not stopping for anything. Their calls dwindle in the wind as you press forward. You just need to keep moving. The density of the forest begins to lighten up as you keep going. A soft light glows tantalizingly up ahead and like a moth to the flame you rush towards it. There seems to be some sort of cottage, birds chirping incessantly in the trees. The p0nies couldn’t have made this could they? Of course not, they’re animals. That can talk. And fly… and use magic… They have hooves, they couldn’t use the door anyways so it’s obviously a human structure. Silly Anon, you’re starting to go off the deep-end.

You waltz up to the door, relaxation taking over you. Though it appears rustic, any human structure on Requiem would have a long range communication device somewhere. Just keep telling yourself that Anon. It’s not like your making this up as you along. You knock gently against the door though it registers as powerful thuds. “This is Spartan-054 of the UNSC, anyone home?”

The door creaks open a hair and you sigh in relief. “Phew, I thought I was the only human out here,” you say as the door opens further. “Do you think… I could use- your radio?” The house is empty, not a soul inside. Then who was door?

A tapping echoes from your feet and you look down to see the cause. A white rabbit is knocking at your armor, his movement slow enough to breach your shield. Did- did this guy open the door? You back away slowly, the rabbit glaring at you. He slams the door shut leaving you stunned. Note to self: When you return to Infinity, take a psych evaluation. You find yourself in the center of the yard, hundreds of eyes gazing down at you.

They’re just animals. Chickens, cats, birds and insects, but it’s like they’re judging you. Out of all the places to end up you find yourself in Mindfuck Central. “Don’t look at me!” You run off further down the path and away from the cottage.

More lights shine off in the distance and you adjust your zoom to get a clear view. It’s an entire town. Things… they’re just not adding up. Requiem wasn’t a preserve for odd creatures like this. Magic doesn’t exist, just really advanced science. Gene-splicing could explain the weird creatures, but why these? And they could talk? That breaks every logical basis that you believe in. In English too no doubt. Don’t even get started on the buildings, they’re too close to human design for it to be a coincidence.

You know what? Fuck it, you’re dreaming. There’s no other explanation. This is all a figment of your imagination that you’re dreaming up. You’ll wake up soon enough and not remember any of this. You can see it now, waking up in medbay on those fucking uncomfortable things they call beds. The light will burn your eyes because they keep them on that one damn intensity. Lance and the others will be there at your side.

He’ll say he apologizes for the way he acted and I’ll do the same. We’ll shake hands, and with a smile, he’ll whistle. A cake will roll on in made of bubblegum and rainbows and just when you’re about to dig in, a pair of strippers come jumping out. Yeah… That’s what’ll happen. You can dream.

But until then, you might as well check out that town. Hell, you might even enjoy yourself. You stroll down the soft dirt road and on towards the town. The moon shines brightly through the clear sky. If that’s a moon at all- Don’t think about it Anon. You swallow, your throat still sandy. You yearn for a cold glass of water right now. Or milk. No wait! Chocolate milk. Yeah, that’s the stuff… Wait, if this is a dream… You concentrate, stopping before you shit yourself. That’s a risk you’re not willing to take. You have a reputation to keep up after all.

You activate your camouflage out of habit as you near the village. You hold onto the cobblestone bridge, the stone leaving a fine dust on your gloves. What you wouldn’t give to feel it on your skin… You pull your mind away from such thoughts, you’re a soldier not a woman. Other p0nies still walk amongst the darkened streets, but they’re few and far between. Once again a desire for water fills you and you peer into the river flowing softly below you. Meh, you’ve had worse. You work your way down to the rivers edge and pull off your helmet. The first breath of unfiltered air is always the best. The icy air chills your lungs, but you welcome it. Feeling the wind on your face is one of the few pleasures you retain as well.

You deactivate your shields, not wishing to fry any fish that might lurk nearby. Dipping your hands within the waters depths you draw it to your lips. The liquid tingles down your throat providing instant relief. You waste no time in taking another series of sips and gulps. Finally satisfied, you splash your face with the cool liquid. You run your fingers through your short hair, the motion bringing pleasure to your scalp. You sit back against the dirt and let the water drip off your face. Your helmet stares back at you wallowing in leisure, the visor a silent reminder of what you’re doing here. Grabbing the FOTUS helmet by the horn you peer right back into it. “Have something to say?” It stays silent. “That’s what I thought.”

You yawn, covering your mouth because you’re a gentleman like that. Welp, you think you’ve seen enough. Just another town with p0nies instead of people. Completely normal. You slip the helmet back over your head and crack your neck. That hit the spot. Now you just have to find something to eat. You could probably break into one of their houses and snag something. Nah, they probably have oats and shit. Gah, you’re screwed even in your own dreams.

You stand up and walk up the incline back to the bridge. *Eep* You freeze and slowly turn your head to the right, that purple unicorn from before staring back at you. ”D-don’t run.” You sigh and turn your body to her before leaning back against the bridge. ”You- You can u-u-understand me?” You nod, the p0ny testing your patience. She begins to hyperventilate, whether it’s from fear or excitement you can’t tell. You’re giving it emotions now, great…

”Are you from the forest?” You don’t respond. ”Forest,” she says again emphasizing the word.

“I know what a forest is.”

She throws her head back, startled, “You can talk?”

“No, I just make a series of noises that sound like I’m talking.”

”Really?” You facepalm, she doesn’t even deserve a reply for that.

“Look, none of this matters being a dream and all, but I’d like a little clarity. Where exactly am I?”

She cocks her head to the side, “So you’re not from around here?”

“No shit Sherlock.”

”Well with an attitude like that…”

You debate whether to inform her you could snap her neck like a twig, but decide that would be counterproductive. “What’s our current location at- gah…” you stifle a grunt as you stand back up. You must’ve pulled something in your leg, it’s not major but it hurts like a-

”Are you alright?” No, that can’t be right. You’re in a dream. ”Well, this is Ponyville.” You don’t feel pain in your dreams. You look back to the unicorn, a smile on her face. ”My name’s Twilight Sparkle by the way.” No no no no no. “Welcome to Equestria.”