Panic in Pink
Raj's ax-wielding arm hooked over the edge of the cliff and buried the blade in the rough stone. With a hard grunt, he pulled himself level with the edge and rasped out, “Pinkie.” The party pony clambered over his damp back and onto the edge of the ravine. She turned around and bit the shoulder of his uniform, straining to pull him up next to her.
He struggled up the last leg of the climb and flopped onto the flat edge of the cliff, breathing hard and groaning lightly. It felt like his biceps were on fire, the strain of hacking into the cliff and pulling himself up over and over for more than a hundred feet draining him in ways he hadn't felt in a long time. He sat up and rubbed his sore arms, shucked off his pack, and curled up his legs to put his head between his knees. His vision swirled enough that he just wanted to sit there forever.
Pinkie was quite the opposite. She sprang up and zoomed around the flat cliff edge surprisingly fast considering her hurt leg. “Wowee, Rajy, that was crazy. You were all like 'choppity chop chop' and the Bandersnatch was all 'Screeechy grrreeaaacch!' and then we were running and jumping and—”
“P-Pinkie,” Raj stuttered. “Can I... can I just get a minute?” He folded his arms and held himself.
Pinkie looked at him and cocked her head. “Rajy, are you okay? You're shivering. You want a blanket?”
Raj looked down at his hand and saw it shaking. He clenched it into a fist and felt his breath speed up. His heart thudded in his chest, hard enough he could feel it. “No. Water, please.”
A bottle appeared in front of him, and he grasped at it. He fumbled with the clasp and took a long draught. When he pulled away, he felt a powerful tremor run through him and the thing slid from his fingers.
Pinkie looked down at it, then up at him, her eyes full of concern. “Rajrishi? What's wrong?” She scooted close and nudged his shoulder. “Did you get hurt?”
“No I'm just,” Raj paused as his breathing picked up. “I think I'm having a panic attack or something.”
“What? Why?” she asked, worry edging her voice.
“Heights. Don't do well with heights.” He hiccuped and his breathing went deeper. “Freaking out.”
Pinkie bolted upright and looked around startled. “Oh! Wait, I know what to do. This happens to ponies around town all the time.” She started patting him on the back, her voice taking on a soothing tone. “It's fine, Rajy, stay calm. Just sit here and breathe. there's nothing else you need to worry about.” Her face screwed up and she looked down at her urine-damp hoof. “Oh, right, ewww!” she wiped it on the stone.
“Stop calling me Rajy,” he said back, his vision still swimming. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Help me get to the river, please.”
She nodded and tucked under his arm. “Don't you worry, Rajy. Auntie Pinkie to the rescue!”
Raj started to grumble something but bit it back as he staggered up upstream.
* * *
Raj clung to the bottom of the riverbed, fingers and toes dug into the loose stones. He felt the current tug at his hair, pulling towards the waterfall. Further ahead, he could see the current strengthen, picking up mud and debris for a few moments before sending them careening down the falling river. He tensed and burst up from the water, inhaling sharply. He stood there for a moment, shivering and gasping from the cold and wiped at his eyes.
“Feel better yet?” Pinkie called from the nearby shore.
Raj surveyed the camp she'd set up, just a fire, a tent, and a line that held his drying clothes. He looked down at the flowing water, thought for a second, and then nodded and said, “I think I do.”
“Good, I was getting worried that you drowned or something. I thought my back hoof was gonna get itchy at any time!” She paused for a second. “Itchy hoof means somepony is having trouble breathing.”
Raj decided to ignore that curiosity. “Sorry, Pinkie.”
“It's alright.”
“Clothes dry yet?”
“Nope, not even close.” She swatted at his hanging shirt with her tail, and they both heard the wet smack.
Raj grunted and squatted on a log next to the fire. He stared at the flames for a minute before perking up. “I just remembered that you took a dart from that thing. How's your butt?”
“Getting better already.” Pinkie looked back at her bandaged rump and gave it a lewd shake. “Hardly even hurts any more.”
“You gonna be good by morning?”
“Yuppers,” she affirmed with a nod.
“Glad to hear it.” Raj leaned back and stared at the fire. “Well, at least it's dead now. Should be easy to do our job.”
Pinkie rolled her eyes away and bit her lip. “Ummmm...”
Rajrishi's gaze hardened. “What is it?”
“Well, while you were soaking I, uh, went back to the cliff to get another look. The rock where it was, um, impaled I guess? I didn't see it there.”
“Fantastic.”
“The sun's going down, maybe I missed it. Or maybe it slumped off into the river or something.”
“No way am I that lucky.” Raj was quiet for a second before he rammed a black fist into the log he sat on. “Dammit!”
Pinkie looked down at the ground. “Sorry, Rajy.”
“Not your fault, Pinkie. I'll deal with it if it shows up again.” He sighed folded his hands. “I'm starved. Gimme my bag.”
“Well, that's another thing actually.” Pinkie slid his bag closer and said “So, I looked through your stuff to see how, um, bad it was from the... stuff.”
“And?”
“And it's pretty bad. The hole from the dart let a bunch of... stuff in and I think it got in your food.” She lifted up a holed can from his bag. “I don't think any of this stuff is really edible anymore.”
Raj sighed. “Alright. Well... shit.”
“No, it's pee, silly.”
“That's not—” he cut himself off and pressed a hand to his forehead. “I'll just have to figure something out.”
“No need, Rajy—”
“Stop calling me that.”
“—cause I brought way more than I need. There's plenty to share.” She set her saddlebags next to him.
Raj perked up. “Oh, hadn't thought of that. Great, what do you have?”
Pinkie shoved her head into the bag and pulled out several wrapped packages. “Lots of stuff! Some Apple family Apple Brown Bettys, Lemon muffins, chocolate muffins, some vanilla cakes, a few dozen cookies. And I coulda sworn there were some of Bon Bon's bonbons in here. Let me check that other pouch.” she started fiddling with the clasp.
Raj laughed a bit. “Pinkie, please tell me you brought some bread or cheese or something? Anything that isn't cake or a cookie?”
“Of course I did. I also have these candied nuts.” She held up a small bag and scrutinized it further. “Oh wait, nevermind. These are just hard candies shaped like nuts, my bad.” She giggled and crunched a hoofful of the morsels.
Raj rolled his eyes. “Screw it.” He nabbed one of the Brown Bettys from the pile and unwrapped it. He took a bite and quickly washed it down with a gulp of water.
Pinkie looked up from her bag of candy, her face slightly sticky. “So? Good, right?”
Raj shook his head. “Not really my kinda meal.”
Pinkie furrowed her brow at him. “Did some dirt get in that one?”
“No. Don't worry about it.”
“It's a new recipe and I'm not sure I have it down yet.” She grabbed one and gulped it in one bite. “Hmm, that one was delicious though. Is yours burned?”
“It's fine, Pinkie. I just don't really go in for sweets.”
She blinked. “I don't—what does that mean? 'Don't go in for sweets,’ is that a human thing?”
“No, I just don't really like sweet stuff, Pinkie. Not since I was a kid.”
Pinkie went very silent and still. She stared up at him with a look of utter confusion, like he'd sprouted another pair of legs that had started singing. “But... I don't understand. Does that mean you don't like pie?”
“Not really.”
“Cake?”
“Nope.”
“Cupcakes?”
“Still just cake, Pinkie.”
“But that doesn't make sense!” She pressed her hooves against her temples. “Sweet is the best flavor there is. You can take the grossest, weirdest food in all of Equestria, but as long as it's got some sugar in it, it's at least sorta good!” she dropped down on all fours. “Are all humans like this?”
“No, definitely not. Most humans love sugary stuff. Can't get enough of it.”
“Oh, okay. Good.” She let out a breath of relief, the terrifying idea of a whole world of people that didn't love cake now dispelled. “So what do you eat on your birthday?”
“Same thing I eat every other day usually. If I feel like doing something for it, I'll make myself a steak.”
“What does everyone at your party do then?”
“I don't have birthday parties, Pinkie. I'm an adult, I have other stuff to worry about.”
Her eyes went wide. “Rajy, are you messing with me? Because if you are, it's not funny.”
Raj finished off the pie and wiped his hands off on his pants. “I'm not. I haven't had an actual birthday party since I was sixteen. At most, I think me and the wife would go to a movie or something.” Raj thought for a second. “Actually, I turned twenty-nine some time after getting to Equestria now that I think about it. That would have been before I met Zecora, so I would have been living off of rainwater and hand-caught fish.”
Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “Well then, you've got a lot to make up for.” She hopped up and grabbed the sides of his head, staring him straight on. “Come April, you're getting the best party I've ever thrown. Ever.”
Raj was taken aback by the terrible conviction in her voice, but decided to let it go. He pushed her away and looked at the fading glow in the sky. “Sun's just about done. We should get some rest while we can. If the Bandersnatch is still around, we can't risk sleeping during the day. That's when it's supposed to be active.”
“Got it.” Pinkie reached behind herself and unfurled a sleeping bag emblazoned with her own cutie mark and a large wool blanket.
“Glad to see branding is strong in Equestria,” he said as he arranged the blanket to his liking.
Pinkied looked down at her embroidered bag. “It's so that everypony knows it’s mine. I can get one made with your cutie mark if you want.”
“Humans don't have those Pinkie.”
“Oh yeah, forgot.” She slid into her bag smoothly and closed her eyes. “Goodnight Rajy.”
“G'night, and don't call me that.”
The clearing was quiet for less than a minute before she whispered from her bag. “Hey Rajy, you awake?”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Okay.” She went silent again. “So are you awake?”
Raj pressed a hand to his face. “Oh my God. Yes, I am.”
“I meant what I said. You're going to get the best party ever. Just you wait and see.”
It took him a long time to answer and when he chose to he did so quietly. “Pinkie, that's very sweet, but I honestly hope you don't get the chance.”
“Why?” she asked, not hurt, not upset, just genuinely curious.
“Because I really hope I'm not still in Equestria in six months.”
* * *
“Well, I guess the Bandersnatch is still alive,” muttered Raj as he stared down at the mutilated carcass that might have once been a bear.
Pinkie covered her mouth and grimaced at the body. “Yeah, I recognize those darts.” She looked at the rounded white sharks in the dead creature's side and shivered at the memory.
“This is still pretty recent. No rot has set in yet. Must have happened this morning, no earlier.” He crouched down and studied the path cut through the undergrowth leading away. “But it looks like the thing's tracks go north, away from us.” He let out a relieved breath. “Good.”
“Yeah. I don't think I want to see that thing again. Ever.”
Raj nodded his agreement and stared at the mutilated body in silence for a few seconds before clearing his throat and asking. “So... not to sound crass, but what's the etiquette here?”
Pinkie looked up at him with an eyebrow cocked. “Etiquette?”
“Yeah, do we bury him? Or should we contact his... pack I guess? Do bears group up?”
“Um, Rajy?” Pinkie asked, the question plain in her voice. “I don't think we need to worry about that. It's a bear, it's fine where it is.”
Raj blinked. “Aren't bears sapient and stuff? Like ponies and donkeys? I saw Fluttershy having a tea party with one once."
“What? No.” She shook her head. “Bears are just bears. They can't talk or anything, not like moose or deer."
"Deer are sapient?"
"Yuppers."
"Oh, alright. Good to be vindicated for not eating them."
Pinkie giggled at his frustration and turned to march further along the river. “You're funny, Rajy. Let's get going—those caves can't be too far from here.”
The two continued along the rocky shore of the fast river, the looming highlands at their backs. The lowlands were colder and more temperate, the enormous mega-trees of the western edge of Equestria giving way to dense, pinewood forests that stretched on forever. There wasn't a single piece of ground that wasn't hidden under a dense bed of needles and immature cones. Raj took the time to gather up some young ones and harvest the nuts to supplement his diet of cake.
The most surprising thing to him was the silence. Pinkie seemed content to let their journey pass in companionable quiet, just the occasional tuneless hum or giggle at some odd thought. He jumped when she finally spoke up hours later.
“Hey, Rajy, look!” She pointed a hoof. “A building.”
“Hmm?” Raj looked where she was pointing, and sure enough, a small decaying stone building sat adjacent to the shore. “Huh, well would you look at that.”
“We should check it out. There might be neat stuff inside.”
“That would be odd, but sure.” He started for the building.
Pinkie let out a high squeal and darted towards it, diving through an empty window to explore the small structure. Aside from cobwebs and a startling amount of animal droppings, there was little inside the house. A rotted chair proved to be the most interesting thing but it gave out under Pinkie's weight.
Raj surveyed the little structure and asked, “How do you think this got here? Who built it?”
“Probably the Griffons when they colonized the lowlands,” Pinkie replied as she wipes broken bits of chair off of herself.
“Griffons exist?” he shot back, surprised. “Front half of eagles, back halves of lions? That kind of griffon?”
“Yuppers! They settled this place hundreds of years ago. Built a city that was supposed to stretch all the way along the river. Even a big castle called Featherkeep that straddled over it like a bridge. It was in the books Twilight loaned us.”
“Must have missed that one. I was too busy reading about the terrain and stuff. If the Griffons built this place, why'd they abandon it?”
“Who knows.” She shrugged. “Maybe they got tired of it.”
“I don't think you abandon a city just because you get tired of it, Pinkie. But if the ruins are still there, then that gives me an idea. Troll's beard is supposed to grow in dark, wet places like riverside caves and stuff, right?”
“Yeah, I think so. Wait.” She paused. “You're the one who told me that, so you already know it. You're not really asking, are you?”
“No, I'm not. We haven't seen any caves, but buildings like this are almost caves. Maybe some is growing in this abandoned city.”
“That's a really good idea, Rajy! Way to go!” She gave him an encouraging punch to the shoulder.
“Don't get too excited yet, we still haven't found the stuff. We've got today and maybe tomorrow if we're going to make it to train on time. If we screw that up, we won't get back to Ponyville in time to help anyone.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Pinkie zipped away, kicking up a cloud of dust and cobwebs as she zipped away towards the forgotten city and, hopefully enough Troll's Beard to cure a town of ponies.
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.....umm...about that...img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20150128202050/mlp/images/thumb/d/d3/Comic_issue_27_Bramble.png/150px-Comic_issue_27_Bramble.png img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20150128202105/mlp/images/thumb/c/c1/Comic_issue_27_Blackthorn.png/150px-Comic_issue_27_Blackthorn.png img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20150128202119/mlp/images/thumb/1/12/Comic_issue_27_King_Aspen.png/150px-Comic_issue_27_King_Aspen.png
sorry Dude, Deer are people too...
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Animals#Deer
6284418
The comics aren’t canon.
6285346 6284418
Depends on how you look at it. Most people don't take the IDW Comics as canon, but they can be if you want to.
You'd have to ask Turtles if this story is canon with the comics.
Good chapter. Pinkie is finally not being AS annoying. But seriously pinkie likes people to be happy, her talent isn't really throwing parties or telling jokes, it just making people happy. If "rajy" really doesn't want to be called that she might have stopped by now.
6284418
What? Deer can talk in the comics. Double-damn.
Fixed it. Kinda lost the joke, but I think it holds up.
6291302
better....although Harry the Bear would probably be rather sad....
if you want some tips for future references, check this page
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Animals#Sapient_animals
6292395
Huh, for some reason that page doesn't list gryphons.
6654056 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png *insert conspiracy theory here*
I guess the bear carcass wasn't in good enough condition to cook up for lunch. Sad. Pinkie would be all