• Published 9th Nov 2013
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Painted Mirror - Lord of Turtles



A solitary man trapped in a strange place for reasons he does not yet understand.

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Hanging Out

Raj drove the shovel into the snow again, divorcing another plane of snow from the path outside the library. He hurled it onto a steadily growing pile and leaned back in a stretch as a stallion-driven plow trundled past. He looked around the town at the myriad ponies out doing similar chores, most of them in far darker moods for it.

The town had woken up to the alarming sight of snow piled the height of their shoulders. A weather pegasus had left some clouds out overnight and it had done what it was supposed to and layered the town in a full week's worth of snow. Several parts of the town were still snowed in and the weather team was scrambling to get another cloud ready to see that the town remained covered in a festive layer of white.

He did another walk around to make sure the patio and walk were cleared before he offered to help out the neighbors. Most of them were happy to have the burly human help them out and they showed their gratitude by pressing cookies, candies, or some other treat into his hands when he was finished. It was sweet, even if he didn't like much of it.

Raj stomped his boots clean before stooping back into the library. He shouted “Path's clear Twilight.”

“Thanks Raj!” She shouted back from the kitchen before trotting out with a pair of steaming mugs in her horngrip. “How bad is it out there?”

“Not bad, by earth standards at least.” He shrugged and handed a tin of cookies to Spike.

The little dragon tore the lid off and started shoveling the sweets into his mouth, humming in delight. Through a mouthful of cookie, he muffled “I can't believe somepony was dumb enough to leave a cloud out overnight!” He thumped his chest and swallowed a wad of sweets “This is, like, a week's worth of snow, all in one night. I'll bet Rainbow Dash is losing it.”

“I would be too. Ponyville has to be pretty strict with how they use their snow. We're a farming community, so a lot of our yearly cloud stipend gets spent on rain in the spring and summer. That doesn't leave a lot to keep the ground covered for the whole season. If she can't scare up some more clouds, we may not have any fresh snow for the last part of winter.” Twilight helpfully explained.

Raj shook his head. “Man, weather control mishaps and cloud shortages. Equestria never ceases to be incredibly strange.”

Spike turned to him. “What do you mean by that? Do humans have perfect control over their weather or something?”

Twilight's gaze snapped to him and she excitedly asked. “Does it? We never got around to discussing the weather on your planet.”

Raj laughed lightly. “I guess we didn't. Earth has a pretty similar climate to Equestria I guess? We get winter, spring, summer and autumn, same as here. There are parts that are colder year round at the northern and southern poles and places that are warmer year round closer to the equator. There's a bunch of other stuff that factors into it, but I'm not really all that well versed on it. It's weather, it's not something I think about a lot. When it rains, I get an umbrella. When it snows, I get a coat. That's about it.”

“Alright, well how do you control it? Do you have the equivalent of weather-ponies on earth?” Twilight asked as she scribbled on her notepad.

“I'll be it's something technology based, since they don't have magic on earth.” Spike suggested.

“Good point.” Twilight said.

“It's neither. We don't control our weather. It just, sort of, happens and we deal with it.”

Twilight cocked her head. “Like how the Everfree Forest works?”

“Yeah, but everywhere.” Raj answered.

“That makes sense actually. The Forming Wars broke some of the rules of reality, including the underlying processes that move weather around the globe. Without that damage, the natural rhythms of the planet would be able to provide naturally occurring meteorological phenomena.” Twilight explained.

Spike cocked his head. “Sounds awful to me.”

“It's not like we have much a choice Spike.”

“What do you do if really bad weather hits, like a thunderstorm or a hurricane?” Spike asked, sounding a bit worried.

“They don't Spike. The natural rhythms of their planet would protect them from it.” said Twilight.

Raj shook his head, “No, no, no, that is very wrong. We get natural disasters all the time. Dozens a year spread all over the globe.”

“Wait, Earth still has inclement weather? That doesn't make sense.” Twilight asked, still hung up. “That doesn't make sense. The natural laws of your planet should be intact, why would there be inclement weather at all?”

He shrugged. “Never thought to question in.”

Twilight looked at him curiously and Spike asked again. “So what do you do when distasters happen?”

“We deal with it. When we get a thunderstorm, we stay out of it. If a hurricane decides to come on over, we either get out of the way or batten down the hatches. We have people that can predict the weather with pretty good accuracy, but that just gives us more warning.”

Spike blanched and imagined Ponyville wracked by constant thunderstorms, random blizzards, and hurricanes that tore buildings from their foundation. “That's... scary and terrible.”

“That's life on Earth.” Raj paused. “It's not bad though, I'm trying to get back there after all.”

“I mean, I know that, but I didn't think that the weather would be so weird.”

“It's a different freaking planet Spike. Things are gonna be different.”

Twilight set her notes down. “I think what Spike is trying to say is that he couldn't imagine a civilization growing without the ability to manipulate their weather. It's something we've taken for granted for centuries.”

“Yeah, that. I mean, I don't know what I'd do if I had to live somewhere that couldn't even control it's own clouds.”

“Hey, I'll take unpredictable rain over monsters. Monsters trump everything.” Raj pointed out. “You wanna know how many times I've been attacked by something bloodthirsty back home? None. Here? I can name six right off the top of my head.”

“To be fair Raj, you do kind of put yourself in that danger.”

“Victim blaming is an ugly thing Twilight.”

“Point.” She cringed and scribbled another line.

“So your weather is weird and monsters suck, what else is really different?”

“Living arrangements. You ponies live in weird spaces. Like this tree.”

“What's wrong with the library?” Twilight asked as she looked around at the hollowed out space.

“It's a living tree, molded and shaped to be a house. Explain how that isn't weird. I've seen houses shaped like carrots, cupcakes, some sort of fancy hat, and bird's nests. I know that Equus has this visual whimsy theme, but it's tiring.” He paused. “Another thing, why do people all live where they work?”

“It's convenient. There's no commute. Just go to another part of your house and you're at work.”

“Yeah, but it's so widespread. The Cakes live in their shop, you live here in the library, Rarity lives adjacent to her boutique, Cheerilee lives above the schoolhouse. Are those spaces reserved for the people working there? That seems really tenuous.”

“Tenuous?” Spike said, the question in his tone.

“Yeah, tenuous. If a pony gets fired, are they then homeless? Like, if you accidentally burned a bunch of books and got fired from being the librarian, would the next Ponyville librarian then move in here?”

“Well, I guess they would have to. I don't think they'd be able to do the job with me still living here. But I'd never be so careless.” Twilight said.

“Okay, but what about occupations with a lot of turnover? Like the mayor. Her quarters are in city hall, but Ponyville has mayoral elections every three years. So every thirty-six months, Mayor Mare has to fight to avoid becoming unemployed and homeless. That's messed up.”

Twilight shuffled, feeling a bit defensive. “Well, how does Earth do it?”

“We move somewhere, then we find work and then go there when we need to work. If we can't find work close to where we live, then we might move to somewhere we can.”

“So you all work somewhere on your block or down the street?” Spike asked.

“No, very much no. I work thirty miles from my house, I just drove there and back in my car every day.”

“That just sounds inefficient.” Twilight prodded.

“Hey, I've changed jobs three times in the last five years. If I made my wife move each time I think I'd be single.”

Twilight shrugged. “I think I can chalk that one under 'cultural differences'. What else is there?”

Raj shrugged. “A lot of things, but those are the big ones. The rest are just, kind of little things.”

“What's one of the little things? I don't think we've ever discussed that.” Twilight asked as she flipped her notebook

Raj paused, thinking on the question for a moment. “Well, Equestria is just, kinda gross actually.” he said with an apologetic tone.

Twilight was silent for a moment before rolling her hoof and saying “Please go on.”

“Okay, well, here.” He reached forward and grabbed a mug off the table. “Look at this mug. It's covered in dirt.”

Spike examined the mug. “It's not covered, there's just hoofprints on the side.”

“Yeah, because you handled the thing after you spent all day dragging your hoof along the ground. Every pony in Equestria walks around on a limb, they then touch everything with it. It's either that, or your mouths. Do you seriously see no problem with this?”

Twilight frowned. “I guess so. I grab things with my magic mostly, so it doesn't really happen all that much.”

“Telekinesis is no better Twilight. Those weird, floaty fields pick up every last particulate in the air they touch, like static. Everything you carry for any length of time gets covered in dirt and crap.” he reached out and ran a finger along a book she'd been carrying, cleaning off a thin veneer of gathered dust. “That and the hair.”

“What's wrong with hair?” Twilight asked, looking up at her mane.

“Nothing, as long as it's attached to your head. But it's never just on your head. Ponies shed a lot. A pillow or blanket that anyone has so much as touched is always covered in a sticky layer of pastel fur. And that stuff itches. I shudder to think what it's going to be like in spring when you all blow your winter coats.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright Raj, now you're exaggerating. Ponies do shed, yes, but it's not as bad as all that. Right Spike?”

The little dragon squirmed in his seat at the sudden scrutiny. He coughed and ran a claw over his frills. “W-well, when I do your laundry, I have to spend a good twenty minutes brushing a week's worth of fur out of it. When I do mine, I just have to give it a shake to get any fallen scales out and I'm good to go.”

Twilight scowled at him and shrunk back. “Well, I don't find them itchy! Rajrishi just has weak, monkey skin.”

“Watch it.” Raj said with mock-aggression.

“Fine!” Twilight all but shouted, a dark look on her face. “I'm sorry our species doesn't exactly meet your standards of cleanliness Rajrishi.”

Raj laughed at her sternness. “Chill Twilight, it's fine. Life here isn't all bad. I wouldn't even say it's half bad. There's a lot of good stuff about Equestria too.”

“Great, talk about that.” Spike shot in a little desperately.

“Sure. It's a lot less crowded here for one.” He offered

“What do you mean?”

“You two saw my house. There are a hundred just like it within a mile of my place, each one with about as many people in it as mine. When I go to work, I drive down a road in river of cars, each one with at least one other person in it, then I spend eight hours in a building with more than a thousand other people. Throughout my whole day, I don't think I'm ever more than thirty feet from another person. If I want to try and find some seclusion, I have to drive at least an hour. Here, I just have to go for a twenty minute walk and I'm very much by myself.” He steepled his hands. “It's refreshing, not having to worry about space like that.”

She shook her head. “I didn't even think a world could be like that. Wow, and here I thought life in Canterlot could be a bit stifling.”

“Stifling! Perfect word for it. Thanks.”

“Wait, I'm confused.” Spike said with a furrowed brow. “You're surrounded by hundreds of friends all day, every day. Why would you want to get away from that so badly?”

“I didn't say they're my friends. I don't know even a fraction of those people.” Raj explained.

“But... they're your neighbors and people you work with. Why wouldn't they be friends?”

“Well, there are different types of friendship. Some of those people are work friends, people I chat with when I'm around them, they share what they want and I share what I want, but if I changed jobs I don't think I would ever see them again.”

“So, relationships on earth are determined by their environment?” Twilight asked, sounding skeptical.

“Well, sort of, actually... No, I don't think so.” Raj waffled, struggling with the concept. “I'm explaining it poorly. I don't think it's a factor of environment, I think it's more a level of investment. I don't have the energy to maintain that many close relationships. And neither do they. I'm just one of a thousand faces all those people see in a day. I mean, I'm polite with them, but that's just because it's the right thing to to do. I care about them in a general sense, but back home I had maybe four people I would call genuine friends.”

Spike looked at him, vaguely horrified. “That's, that's it? Four?”

Raj nodded. “Yeah, four, including my wife. I'm friendly with most people I meet, but I wouldn't talk to them the way I'm talking to you right now.”

“Is that normal? Do humans just not have very many friends?” Twilight asked.

“Can't say. I know some have a lot, but I think most are like me.” Raj confessed.

“Who do you think that is?” Twilight asked, her pencil scribbling furiously. The amount of information she'd already gathered would almost be enough for another paper.

Raj shook his head. “I can't guess. I don't know enough to say anything useful and if I tried it would just be wrong. Sorry, I should have sent a sociologist or something.”

Her face fell. “It's okay, I'm still happy to hear that you're adjusting well. I'm not all about research all the time.”

“I know that, but I know you're still curious.” He took a draft from his cooled mug. “How is the research going anyway?”

Twilight grimaced. “Stalled for now. I have some books coming in on quantum physics and wormhole theory. When I asked a colleague in Trotsonville if he had anything practical on the subject he almost laughed in my face. Everypony I speak with about how you got here keeps telling me that it's impossible, but clearly it isn't. I'm starting to think that I need to change my angle.”

“How so?”

“Well, by the standards of modern magic, your coming to Equestria is outright impossible. We've gone over it, you got here nigh-instantly from twenty light years away. So whatever did bring you here must be something beyond the standards of modern magic. Something Titanic.”

“I follow.”

“But, that's impossible as well, since the Faustmare destroyed all the other Titans and herself at the conclusion of the Forming Wars. So it couldn't be one of them that brought you here, but it might have been something they left behind, like Jolly Roger's ship or some other artifact.”

“How many Titan artifacts are there?”

“That's what I'm trying to find out. None of them wrote much down, so I have to try and suss it out on my own.”

“If you think you're going to live forever, why take notes?” Spike pointed out.

Twilight sighed. “That's the roadblock I'm running into. I have to go over dozens of different sources, read the most ancient books, talk to every expert I can get my hooves on.” She grinned. “I can taste the all nighters already! I'm going to go over my outlines again. Thanks for taking care of the walk Raj.” She called out as she headed for the basement.

“Not a problem.” Raj answered back as she vanished downstairs. He looked to Spike and said “Y'know, I'd feel bad about her doing all this work if she didn't enjoy it so much.”

“Yeah, Twilight's been over the moon with all this research.” He paused. “You wanna go watch squirrels get drunk on frozen apples down at Applejack's farm?”

Raj scowled. “Are you telling me we could have been doing that all along? Why have I been wasting the morning chatting like an idiot?” He reached for his coat and started pulling it on.

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