• Published 9th Nov 2013
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Painted Mirror - Lord of Turtles



A solitary man trapped in a strange place for reasons he does not yet understand.

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Remembering When it Didn't Hurt

“And then I came here to talk to you.” Raj finished as he leaned back against the tree, watching the zebra work.

“Interesting my friend.” hummed Zecora as she sliced a layer of bark from a tree with a mouthful of sickle. “Though an unwise target, a Princess is to offend.”

Raj sighed. “Yeah, I know. I wasn't in the best headspace at the time. Seeing my son like that, and knowing it was a manipulation. I was pretty mad.”

“The incident was tense, so anger makes sense.” She slid a layer of bark into her saddlebag and moved to another tree. “Have you told Twilight of your fight?”

“No, and I'm not looking forward to it. The princesses are an instant spaz button for Twilight, and if I told any of our other friends about it they'd have to keep it from her and most of them are terrible at that.” Raj paused for a moment before adding, “And... it hasn't been a good month.”

“I see. So why come speak with me?”

“I trust you. And you're smart and mature.” He shrugged. "There's not a lot of that around Ponyville."

“Good enough. What has you in such a huff?” She asked as the started ambling back to her hut.

Raj walked alongside her, using his giant hammer as a walking stick. “You heard about what happened in the Shattered Lands?”

“The pirates, the boat, the evil spirit, and the goats. Yes I heard of what occurred.”

“Yeah, well, it didn't go so great. A bunch of ponies died, a bunch of sailor goats and cows died, and then an ancient monster died. The only thing that came from that damn expedition was this.” He held out the giant hammer. “And I don't even know what this thing does.”

Zecora studied it for a second. “It is a hammer. I believe that is your answer.”

“Well, Gate Maker does that very well, yeah, but there's more to it than that. We think Jolly Roger pillaged it from some other world, one with different magic than Equestria. Twilight had me hit a pressure plate with it and a similarly weighted lump of metal. Gate Maker hit somewhere in the neighborhood of three times as hard, and I wasn't checking my swing. The thing amplified the force somehow. Twilight thinks it gathers up kinetic energy as I carry it around and then expends it as I swing it, but she can't be sure.” Raj explained.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied the flat, brushed metal of the head. “Quite the prize, but I still see disappointment in your eyes.”

“I wasn't going there to find a new weapon. That ship I was hunting for was supposed to get me home. And now, well, now I'm stymied again. The engineers are moving slow, Twilight can't do anything until her horn grows back, and I don't know any way I can help myself. I'm just... stuck.”

“Being unable to progress causes us all distress. When I was a child, for a year I went wild. Waiting to become a shaman in the ritual of rain caused me much pain.” she paused for a moment, “Though our situations are hardly the same.”

“Yeah, you can say that again.” Raj sighed and studied the icy trees overhead. “I don't know. I've never been in a spot where there was nothing I could do to affect my situation. Where everything depends on others and I do not like the feeling. Maybe Luna had the right idea, I just need something to distract myself. If all I can do is nothing, then that nothing should at least be entertaining.”

Zecora rolled her eyes up in thought. “For that, I might have just the thing. Follow me, Sage of Kings.”

Raj stopped in his tracks and looked after her. “Wait, I only told Spike what my name actually means. How did you do that?”

Zecora offered nothing but a smoky smile as she pushed open the door to her small hut. Raj grumbled to himself as he ducked into the small space and sat on a stool. The place had not significantly changed since he had seen it last, aside from the gummed up windows to ward off the chill. He sat quietly as the zebra dug into a box and drew out a large, square bottle. She carried it over to him and set it in his lap. He studied the green oil inside and asked. “Alright, I'll bite. What is this?”

“Memory potion. Relive the past with clean emotions. A drop of blood will tie it you, then take a steep drought of the brew.” She rhymed at him, the meter sounding like something she learned a long time ago.

“Wait, this thing will let me relive a memory? Would that work with my arcane resistance?”

Zecora thought about it for a moment and shrugged.

“Right, I'm the only thing in the world that does that, so how would you know.” He muttered.

“I use it to remember old lessons from my youth, but it also provides feelings that sooth. Recalling better times, when life was in its prime. It is a feeling that most find quite appealing.”

“I bet.” He considered the bottle in his hands for a moment and added, “Though, I think I know a better use for it.”

* * *

“You want us to what?” Applejack asked.

“I want you seven to drink this magic stuff a lady in the woods gave me so we can have a shared hallucination of when I came to Equestria.” Raj explained.

Rarity leaned in and tapped the square bottle. “And, why exactly do you want us to do this?”

“I don't remember much from that night. Just a light behind me and then waking up with my car smashed and a hot arch behind me. Zecora says that this potion might be able to show me what happened during the time I'm missing.”

Pinkie snatched the bottle and inspected the bottle. “Hmm, looks like wheatgrass, which is yucky. So I'm not digging it.”

“Why did she only tell you about this now?” Spike asked him.

Raj looked annoyed for a moment. “Jive is not the best way to express specific information. It took me an hour to get Zecora to tell me exactly how this stuff works. I take a swig, and then each of you take a small hit quickly after. Then, within about ten minutes, I'll faint away quickly and the rest of you will follow. From there, we go through whatever memory I was trying to focus on. Easy peasy.”

“What if whatever happened to you was scary, or dangerous?” Fluttershy asked with a shiver, “Maybe there's a reason you don't remember it.”

“That is a worry Fluttershy. Zecora did say that whatever I physically felt would be felt by me and anyone I brought with. I wasn't hurt badly, so we won't have to worry about that, but I can't say it'll be fine since I don't know.” He looked at each of them sympathetically. “I'm not going to make any of you do it if you don't want to, but I would be very grateful for more eyes to look around.”

“Well I know that I am absolutely in!” Twilight shouted as she danced slightly. “Being able to actually see Earth! I wonder if I'll be able to take notes, probably not but I'm going to try.” She focused for a moment and launched a single spark from her blunted horn nub. She winced and clutched at her head for a second before simply grabbing her notebook in her mouth, eyes still smiling.

“This sounds pretty awesome, so I'm in.” Rainbow said from overhead, “Provided, of course, that when I get a supply of questionable stuff I want to try, you have to sit with me through it.” Raj nodded and the lowered herself onto a cushion. "Great, let's go."

Applejack settled in on a pillow and doffed her hat. “You know me sugarcube, I'm always eager to help family.”

Everypony else eventually murmured their assent and they settled into somewhere they could feasibly pass out. Raj poured himself a tall cup of the green oil and passed the bottle to Rarity who filled seven shot glasses with the stuff. Raj raised his cup in a toast and said “Cheers.” before gulping it down.

It tasted the way burning plastic smelled and he struggled to get it all down. A moment later murmurs of discomfort and general disgust told him nobody else in the room found it palatable either.

Raj leaned back in his chair and said. “Well, now all there is to do is-”

* * *

He was home. Suddenly and inexplicably home.

It was dark, but a thin line of moonlight lit the bedspread where a doppelganger of himself laid beside the mound of blankets over his wife. He stood over her, studying her sleeping face. Air choking in his throat, he reached out to touch her.

What happened was... curious. He was certain he stood less than a foot away from her, but his arm couldn't reach her, like he'd misjudged the distance.

“No haptic feedback.” he heard a voice say next to him and turned to see Twilight standing on the bedspread, her hooves not bowing the blankets even slightly. “The hallucination is strictly visual and auditory. We can't touch or be touched by anything.” She reached down. "But we can stand on and examine things? Hmm, weird."

“Aww, that's no fun.” groaned Pinkie as she desperately tried to bounce on the bed.

“Wow, this is freaky.” Spike said, whispering on instinct as he was in a room with sleeping people. He looked in a tall mirror and failed to see his reflection. “I don't like it.”

“Enough about that everypony.” Applejack yelled. “We're here to see what's what with how Raj got here, so start looking around. We don't know what might be important.”

That got everyone back on task and they started studying the whole room. Rainbow inspected the ceiling fan while Pinkie dug through the closet. Rarity critiqued the bedspread and curtain colors while Spike rooted around under the bed.

Raj just kept staring at his wife.

Fluttershy sidled up next to him and looked down at her with him. She sucked in a breath and asked. “Is this... her?”

“Yeah.”

“She's beautiful.”

Raj studied his wife, one eye half open and the entire side of her face plastered to the pillow by drool. “Yeah.”

The door creaked open and they all heard it equally, the sense information being passed along to everyone at the same volume. Twilight and Spike darted over to the door and studied the small figure padding into the room. “Who is this? Is this the one that kidnapped you?”

Raj shot the dragon a withering glance. “No. That's my son.”

“Hey Dad.” he faintly heard, a fog of sleep making it sound distant. “Hey Dad... I'm sorry.”

Memory Raj sat up with a faint groan, the covers sliding off of him. “Ben?”

“Dad... I'm sorry.”

The tone of his son's voice sparked him to wakefulness instantly and his eyes focused. His hand searched for the button to the light. It flicked on and Mari hissed in sleepy consternation, rolling over and away from the assault.

Memory Raj looked at his son, concern knitting his brow, and he saw his boy standing there in his winter coat and boots over a bare torso and legs. His eyes softened into something chastising and he said. “Banjo got away again?”

“Mm-hmm.” the boy nodded, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Benjamin Robert Singh, how many times have I told you to take the dog out before you go to bed? So he doesn't wake you up in the middle of the night to pee?” Memory Raj scolded.

“I don't know.” He said quietly, eyes diverted. “A lot.”

“And did you? Did you take him into the yard before going to bed?”

“I did Dad, I promise.” The young boy pleaded.

“So if I check his paw towel, it'll be wet? From when you wiped him off?” Memory Raj asked back with a bit of side-eye.

Ben froze, eyes going wet again. “Ummm...”

“That's what I thought. Go back to bed, you have school in the morning.” He swung his legs off of the bed and pulled a pair of pants out of the hamper. “I'll go get your dog. He's probably just at the radio field down the block. That's where he was last time.”

“I can help!” Ben insisted.

“You've done plenty tonight. I'll put him in your room when I get back. Go to your room and go back to sleep. Now.” Memory Raj ordered.

Ben hiccupped out, “I-I'm sorry Dad.” before trudging back to his room sobbing.

The ponies stared at Raj mutely. Rajrishi just stared forward, clutching at his chest with a wide-eyed look. A weight hit his hip and he looked down to see Fluttershy and Pinkie hugging his waist. He put a hand on one of them and shook his head. “Time for that later. Keep your eyes open.”

Memory Raj got dressed in the previous days clothes and pulled on a pair of his army boots after digging in the closet for them.

“You seemed to be looking for those shoes specifically. Why them?” Twilight asked him as Memory Raj pulled on his toggle coat.

“Best footwear for chasing an animal through an icy field by moonlight. Banjo did this a lot. He knew he was too much dog for Ben to handle on his own so he would run the leash and go off on his own when he had the chance. This was the third time this month. It's why I... it's why I yelled at him like that. He... Ben should know better.”

Memory Raj moved into the rest of the house, searching a kitchen and a mudroom for something. Without prompting, Raj explained. “I'm looking for the keys to my wife's car. She was parked in the garage and it had been snowing. I don't find them, but I spent about ten minutes looking. Case the house.”

They group of them did just that, looking on shelves, bookcases, drawers when they were opened, everywhere they could. After ten minutes, Memory Raj started grumbling and went outside. The cold hit each of them equally, another feeling that was filtered through the magic of the potion and they loitered about as Memory Raj brushed and scraped his car clean enough to drive.

Twenty minutes later, he was finally able to back out onto the icy street and head down the block, a collection of illusory hitchhikers riding in the cab and on the roof. Pinkie tried to fiddle with the knobs for the radio and heat while Twilight bombarded him with questions about the vehicle, all of which he rebuked readily. No other cars lit the road, the weather and the late hour keeping everyone in their homes.

Memory Raj turned the car onto the service road that cut through the field beneath a trio of radio towers and opened the passenger door.

Twilight pointed up at the radio towers and asked, “Raj, what're those?”

The aerial lights pulsed weakly and Fluttershy added. “It's kinda spooky.”

“Don't worry, those things are harmless. They're radio towers. You know those signals we were trying to intercept with that big spell a couple of weeks ago? Those are the things we use to send and receive them.” Twilight nodded and desperately wanted a notebook to write on.

“Something's coming!” They heard Rainbow shout from her position way up high. A moment later a snow-covered lab bounded into the cab, a long leash dangling from his collar. Banjo gave Memory Raj a panting, doggy grin that he met with an icy glare. The dog ignored his contempt and came close enough to lick his face.

Memory Raj pushed the animal into the backseat and turned back down the service road grumbling to himself. As they hit the road proper, Raj said, “This is where my memory starts to go fuzzy.”

The shared hallucination did not waver in the slightest however. “B-but we're still going.” Spike stuttered.

“Yeah, we are.” Raj stared out the window, amazed by this bizarre experience. “This is brand new territory everyone, keep your eyes open, anything could be important.”

All the ponies present set themselves to studying the terrain, either pressing their faces to windows or squinting towards the horizon like lookouts on a ship. Raj, however, studied himself, watching his past doppelganger for any action.

A hard light hit Memory Raj in the eyes. He grunted and looked up at the rear view mirror to see a point of brilliant light chasing up the road. Muttering about highbeams, Raj pulled closer to the side of the road, making room for the other car to pass as he slumped down to avoid the stinging light.

“Something's behind us!” Rainbow shouted. “Something weird.”

Banjo started barking madly, bouncing around in the seat. Memory Raj turned around the yell at the dog and saw the light. Raj clamored into the backseat, squinting at the pursuing entity.

It was a rough orb, close to the size of his car. What he thought was a powerful headlight was actually just the whole of the thing, a flickering brilliance that clung to an uneven nest of luminous coils. As it drew closer to the bumper, they all felt an unearthly vibration rattle their teeth and heard a dull, pulsing roar coming from the thing, like malevolent laughter.

Everyone present started sputtering questions, suddenly terrified and alarmed. Rainbow bravely flew closer to get a better look and started screaming. Applejack leaped off to help her but hit the pavement badly and went into a long, torturous roll before Rarity lit her magic and pulled her up from the road.

Spewing vulgarities, Memory Raj stepped on the accelerator and flew down the icy road. He kept his gaze locked ahead, going faster than was wise for the weather but still not fast enough. His eyes flicked back to the radiance chasing him every few seconds, the mass of light closer every time. Banjo stood up in the back facing the rear window, doing his canine best the dissuade the otherworldly entity chasing them by barking at it.

Raj reached out and grabbed everyone he could in his arms and shouted. “Everyone, hold on!”

After a minute of tense, white knuckle chasing, the mass overtook them.

Terrible, unearthly cold shot through each of them, filling their beings down to the marrow. Each of them could see for a trillion miles in all directions, through the shadows of dead stars and the glowing cowl of nebulae, burning with colors their eyes could not see. Each tried to breathe, but there was no air there. Each tried to move, but space and motion were abstract ideas. Beyond their senses, beyond any presentation of sense at all, they felt vast, godly perceptions fall upon each of them for an instant, and that instant of judgment shattered them into atoms.

Then the air boomed, and they were all whole again.

“What the f-” Memory Raj's curse was cut short when the car hit the ground and bounced up at him. Everyone was screaming, everyone except Memory Raj bouncing around the cab or holding onto the roof for dear life. Memory Raj's seatbelt strained against his chest and he lost grip on the wheel as the car slewed out of his control. He saw a looming trunk of a tree for an instant and then were all struck in the face by a searing hot haymaker.

Then there was nothing, no sensation filtered into their perceptions. They had gone from peaceful car ride to dead stop on an alien planet in about sixty seconds.

Pinkie draped herself along the edge of a broken window and spewed vomit all over the forest floor. She groaned out, “Raj, I puked on your memories. Sorry.”

“I'm right there with you Pinkie.” He burbled out, the rapid shifting sensations causing no end of discomfort.

“What was that?” asked Rarity as she limply pulled herself off the floor of the car. “Were, were we dead for a moment? I distinctly remember ceasing to exist. Does anyone else remember non-existence?”

“I want to go home.” said Spike flatly from where he was curled up in the back window.

They gathered themselves together and took stock. No feeling was filtering through Memory Raj as he was completely passed out. They couldn't even hear the dog that was visibly barking inches away from his face. That was nearly a relief after what they had experienced. Nearly.

“Is everypony okay?” Twilight asked, her voice hoarse slightly.

A general murmur of assent passed through the group. Rarity asked, “Are we certain we're alive? Because I distinctly remember-”

“Uh, guys?” Spike tried to draw their attention.

“Yes Rarity, dang it, we're alive. We all remember that... thing happening but now it's over.” Applejack said.

“Yeah, and it didn't even happen to us for reals. It only happened to Rajrishishi.” Pinke pointed a hoof. “He's the only one that actually went through that.”

“And Banjo.” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Hey guys!” Spike shouted and pointed. “Look.”

Their attention turned back to see a tall, looped tree glowing fiercely behind the car. In the space beneath it, the space was filled with the same glowing, twisted nest of coils that had brought them there.

They lot stared at it for a few moments and slowly approached. The vibration and dull roar were not present, cutting down the menace of the thing significantly. They got close enough to study it and found that is was indeed made of coiling ropes of white light flickering to black, giving it the appearance of a wall of static.

“What is it?” Applejack asked as she tried to touch it.

“Don't know.” Rainbow said from further back. “But it's not as strong as it was before. When I got close it was strobing so fast it hurt.”

Twilight blanched. “If it was that bad it probably would have given you a seizure if it happened to our physical bodies.”

“That's comforting.” said Raj as he pushed a hand toward it. Now that he was studying it, he could see that it was visibly weakening, the light fading and the flicker dying out. When it finally faded, Raj couldn't say exactly when it disappeared.

The eight of them looked around the clearing and Pinkie piped up. “Now what?”

“Don't know. I was out for a while, the blood on my nose was dry when I woke up. I don't think the memory potion will last that-”

* * *

Consciousness hit them all like a sack of hot hammers. All eight bolted awake and them clutched at their heads in pain, letting out long croons of agony.

“Why brain?” Pinkie shouted as she rolled on her pillow. “Why do you do this to Pinkie?”

Spike laid bonelessly on the ground. “I feel like I ran a marathon and... oh crap. What time is it?

Fluttershy knocked a clock off the table with her tail and rolled her head to look at it. She sputtered out. “Oh my goodness, it's four in the morning?!”

Everyone cried out in disbelief. Twilight sat up and said, “We were in the hallucination for sixteen hours!”

“Oh goodness, I was supposed to pick up Sweetie Belle from-” She tried to stand and immediately flopped over onto her side with a groan. “Ohhh, Sweetie Belle!”

“She'll be fine.” Rainbow offered from her spot on the floor. “She's with Scootaloo. Scoots has street smarts.”

Applejack managed to get to her hooves enough to grab a cup of stale water off the table and drain it. She let out a relieve cough and asked. “Is this supposed to happen? Feeling like this?”

“No.” Raj said as he shook his head against the chair. “Zecora said waking up from it was gentle and didn't take long at all. I don't know if this was my arcane resistance or the memory or...” He wiped a hand down his face. “This was a mistake. I shouldn't have dragged you seven into this with me. I'm the worst.”

“Hey man, not your fault.” Rainbow toned from her spot. “You just got some bad stuff from your guy. It happens to everypony eventually.”

“What?” Raj asked weakly.

Rainbow flopped an arm over her eyes. “It was, I was trying to make a joke. Leave me alone, my brain is trying to escape.”

After five more minutes of pained lounging, Raj forced himself to his feet and set to the responsibility of bringing everyone water. Ten minutes later, he accomplished his task and everyone took it happily. Fluids helped with the feeling of malaise and everyone was more or less up after half an hour.

Twilight passed notebooks to everyone and told them to write down everything they could remember, and to not consult each other about what they had seen to keep their data as pure as possible. Initially, she wanted everyone to do it right then and there, but nobody was having that. Eventually, she relented and everypony went home, either to finally sleep or to tend to neglected responsibilities they had missed.

Twilight tried to write out her notes of the experience but sleep took her and Spike within minutes. Raj got them somewhere comfortable and then settled into his own bed. Staring at the ceiling, at the whirling patterns of wood, he smiled as he remembered his wife's perfect face.

Author's Note:

Alternate title for the chapter was "Solving problems by sitting around and getting high", but that seemed deceitfully diffident.

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