Can't Take You Anywhere
Not twenty minutes later the pair's taxi rattled to a halt on a length of tarmac. The stallion pulling it dabbed sweat from his brow and called out to his passengers.
True to manners, Raj was the first one out. He graciously unfolded the step and stood with his hand at the ready. Rarity laid her hoof in his palm and daintily pranced down to the ground. Her horn sparked and a pile of bits zoomed out of her dress and into their driver's pocket. The stallion nodded his thanks and galloped off the train station once more to collect another lucrative fair.
Like most military run affairs, the Equestrian Air Navy Ball was being held on a military base, in one of their airship hangars in fact. Arm-in-hoof, the two made their way towards a pair of ushers guiding guests through the yawning doors. Even at a distance they could hear the faint din of voices echoing in the enormous space.
Raj looked up and down the long runway. “Lot's of ponies. Didn't think there would be this much of a turnout.” He took a few more steps. “Alright, I admit it. I'm nervous.”
Rarity gave him a pat on the arm. “Don't fret darling, now is not the time to be getting cold hooves. If you make some sort of social gaffe I'll be sure to deflect any ill will with my own wit and charm. No need to worry.”
Raj glanced down at her. “That is... not all that comforting.”
Before she could respond, they both heard a refined voice call out, “Rarity? Rarity the Unicorn, is that you?”
The aforementioned pony looked around for the source of the voice and her face brightened. “Fancy Pants!” She let go of Raj's arm and trotted over to an impeccably dressed stallion wearing a monocle of all things. They shared some close words before they both remembered decorum and greeted each other with a respectful bow. Raj caught up and stood at a respectful distance.
After a minute Rarity turned back to him and gestured with a hood. “Fancy Pants, may I introduce my friend, Captain Rajrishi Singh Oberoi of the Lunar Guard. Rajrishi, Sir Fancy Pants.”
They both bowed respectfully before stepping in to shake hands/hooves. “Captain, eh? You must have made quite the impression on the princess.”
“You could say that. What about you sir? I didn't hear a branch in your title and you don't seem be wearing a uniform.”
“Oh no, no. I was in the Royal Reserves when I was a younger stallion, but I have been retired for more than ten years now. My invitation comes by my wife, Fleur.” He glanced around quickly. “Who seems to have vanished I'm afraid.”
“I'm sure she's inside already Fancy. In fact, we should be too. The christening is about to start, is it not?”
Fancy looked down a watch on his fetlock. “So it is. Well, hurry along you two. You still have to get through the receiving line. My table is right underneath the podium, we will be able to see everything.”
Rarity blinked. “Um, but our ticket has us near the back.” She flashed the curl of paper at him.
Fancy Pants waved a hoof. “Nonsense Rarity. You are my friend and I patently refuse to be seated so distant from those I enjoy the company of.” At that he turned on a hoof and strode towards the hangar, Rarity practically bristling with joy at being able to sit with such a respected pony.
They made it to the crush of bodies waiting to be ushered in, a general murmur of congeniality among the uniformed stallions and mares. He gave his name to the adjutant at the door and was introduced to a more than a dozen officers, each one visibly surprised to see him and hear his rank. Raj saw bars and medals he had no hope of recognizing pinned to the chests of dozens of ponies. One of them seemed so decorated in commendations his jacket sagged under their weight.
Inside the hangar the whole place had been re-worked for the event. The normal work floor had been stripped out and the natural granite of the mountain had been smoothed and polished to an elegant speckle. Hundreds of round tables dressed in red tablecloths filled the space, reaching hundreds of feet to the rear of the hangar. The braces of the walls hung banners the size of bed-sheets, each one proudly displaying the emblem of one of the Air Navy's regiments, every one dressed with a long scroll detailing that formation's history. Some were short, so short only curious pegasi would be able to read them, suggesting either their youth or a tragedy. Others were so ancient their roll of accomplishments consumed the wall and ran across the floor.
Rajrishi only noticed the banners in passing as most of his attention was taken by the looming behemoth of an airship that hung in the center of the hangar, a giant of metal and wood that floated peacefully in the air. The thing's violet and white paneled bag dominated the space, enormous to the point of being difficult to measure with just his eyes. From it dangled an actual ship on strong cables, colored sails bristling along the hull like the fins of an exotic fish. A pair of long, spindled turbines ran along the underside of the hull that glittered with energy and rotated lazily even at rest.
A tug on his sleeve pulled him from his staring and Rarity whispered. “Rajrishi, come along. There will be time to look at the ship later.”
“That's an airship.” He said dumbly, pointing up at the huge vessel.
She gave him a queer look and cocked her head. “Yes, yes it is. What did you think the Air Navy fielded, frisbees? Now come along.” At that she trotted off and he shuffled to keep up in the sea of chattering ponies.
Raj caught up with his date just as she reached the table. Fancy Pants seemed to be having a whispered conversation with his wife, a snowy white unicorn in a dress uniform and gray beret, both marked with a golden caduceus. She scanned him up and down before saying something insistent to her husband who shook his head and seemed to brush off her concerns. His horn lit and two chairs slid out from the table. “I'm afraid we'll have to save introductions for later, the opening address is about to start.” Raj politely waited for Rarity to be seated before lowering himself into the tiny seat.
Seconds after a polite cough sounded throughout the huge space. Raj scanned around for a second before Rarity directed his gaze up and he saw a lanky stallion speaking into a microphone at the prow of the airship. The pony leaned forward and said to the crowd “Everypony, please be quiet. Sky Marshal Coltumbus has a few things he would like to say.”
A murmur passed through the crowd for a moment before silence settled over the crowd. Then the oldest pony Rajrishi had ever seen was rolled up to the microphone in a wheelchair, so old even his coat and feathers had gone a pallid grey and a ridge of wrinkled skin hooded his eyes.
He said in a commanding tone "Thank you all for coming tonight." He leaned back and cleared his throat for a moment before continuing “This evening, this evening marks the one-thousandth founding day of the Equestrian Air Navy. This force was put in place to safeguard the skies of equinekind against all threats during the tumultuous aftermath of the Lunar Crisis. By wing and ship we have repelled every threat to Equestria that has dared make itself known for ten centuries. The Griffin Incursion, the Rakshasa Lords, and a thousand other monsters detailed in the records decorating these walls, all defeated. We gather here tonight to celebrate this millennium of victory with our brethren in arms, the brave ponies of the Royal Guard and Equestrian Army.” Coltumbus paused for a applause and reached a wing out towards a bottle set next to him. “To commemorate those victories, this day marks the deployment of the Air Navy's greatest vessel to date. I christen this ship, The Break of Day. May she serve long and honorably.” At that he swung the bottle down with force and shattered it against the railing.
The room erupted in applause as the old stallion was wheeled away, whistles and jeers chasing him off the deck. Raj thought the speech was somewhat mediocre, but knew it would be terribly rude to say as much so he joined in.
As the noise echoed away Fancy grabbed a glass in his horngrip and said “My word, Marshal Coltumbus is still alive and serving. I never would have guessed.”
His wife shrugged. “Eighty-eight years in that office last June. Other ponies have signed up, risen through the ranks, and died waiting to take his spot just since he's had it. But he keeps hanging on.”
Rarity smiled through the grim subject. “Well, at least he got to see a new ship come out for the Navy before he retires. The last one was half a century ago, wasn't it?”
Fancy nodded. “I believe it was. The Essene, fifty meters in the aft and twenty abeam, three arcantrick engines and a five-thousand liter bag. Now that is a fine ship, best one I've ever set hoof on. Not like this... behemoth.” He gestured a hoof at the enormous vessel taking up the hangar.
“It is a bit ostentatious, but I'm certain the design is sound. What is it for exactly?” Rarity asked.
“Long patrols.” All the ponies at the table turned towards Rajrishi, surprised to hear him speak.
Fancy smiled. “Right you are Captain. The Break of Day is going to be patrolling the northern border of the Crystal Empire, a journey of about seven or so months. It should be heading out later this week. Well spotted Captain, are you a disciple of airship design?”
“Not at all. Just figured it out. The only reason you'd have something that big would be if it's moving a lot of stuff or if it needs to manage in the field on its own for long stretches of time. Since this is a military ship, I took a guess.”
“Fine guess it was then.”
Rajrishi smiled at him. “What I'm curious about is what's inside it. What kind of gas does the bag use and how is it circulated?”
“I'm afraid you'll have to speak with a more learned pony than myself I'm afraid. I'm only a hobbyist when it comes to airships. All I know is that they goes up and hopefully come back down.” He laughed lightly and turned his attention back to the other ponies at the table.
Raj settled into his chair and Rarity leaned over to nudge him. “See? You're doing fine.”
“Still catching a lot of looks though. Not sure what that's about.” Raj scanned the room and noticed a few sets of eyes darting away from him when he looked their way.
Rarity looked around for a moment but didn't see any watching ponies. “You're just being paranoid darling. Now come, ponies are starting to go aboard the ship and I want to see it as well.” She stood up and presented her hoof. He obligingly took it and they started slowly towards the loading ramp.
As they walked, ponies of various kinds would stop to greet Rarity or she would catch sight of someone she wanted to introduce herself to. Each time, Rajrishi introduced himself politely and stood quietly as the mare finished her business. It was quite boring, but he knew full well that this was the reason he came along, to serve as a prop so that Rarity could rub shoulders with the noble and elite ponies of Equestria.
As he stood however, he grew more and more certain that ponies were staring at him. Not just staring either, they covered their mouths and spoke to each other sideways in an attempt to be discrete. Somewhat unnecessary Raj thought, since there was no way he could hear them over the low roar of conversation in the hangar, but he didn't appreciate the underhandedness of it. He briefly wondered why he was catching so many eyes before remembering that he was an alien from another planet and decided to leave it at that.
As they stepped aboard the ship Raj immediately felt uncomfortable. The deck swayed and bobbed almost imperceptibly, just enough to throw off his balance, a fact not aided by the not-insignificant height they now stood at. A quick glance around showed that nobody else on the craft was experiencing the same problem and he immediately grabbed the gunwale, desperate to not trip and embarrass himself.
Rarity slid up next to him and whispered. “Raj, why don't you go look below deck? I know you're interested in seeing how the ship works and I'll just mingle here on deck.” She smiled up at him and fluttered her eyelashes.
He didn't know if it was luck, Rarity trying to get rid of him so he didn't cramp her style or something, or if she'd noticed his discomfort and opted to give him a graceful out from the uneasy swaying of the deck. After a second he figured the point was moot and nodded. “Sure, I'll see if I can talk to someone about the ship.”
“Excellent, look for me up here when you have your fill.” She about faced and trotted over to a cluster of ponies that were either her friends or were about to be as Raj sidled his way down the narrow steps.
Thankfully the ship was built with high ceilings, likely to fumigate out smoke and gases in the event of emergency. The extra height meant Raj was able to stand at his full height, albeit with about two inches of clearance. Having walls to anchor himself to immediately helped his unease.
The below-deck was not nearly as crowded as the deck and actually had some furniture a few officer ponies were lounging in. Raj rounded to corner to continue into the innards of the ship but saw a crimson robe blocking off the hall into the deeper sections. He looked past and saw a few ponies in hardhats and engineering outfits trotting about. He tried to hail one but they either didn't notice or ignored him. Not yet discouraged, Raj opted to simply wait for one to venture closer or head up on deck for something, then he could pull the pony aside and hopefully sate his curiosity.
He strolled over to a bank of windows that covered the aft of the ship, providing a nice view of half the hangar and the banners that were blocked by the ship itself before.
“Finest craft ever built she is.” came a voice from next to him.
Raj almost jumped out of his skin, barely suppressing a surprised squeak at the voice. Raj looked to his left and saw the withered old Pegasus that had christened the ship sitting in a wheelchair. The stallion had been so quiet and unmoving, Raj hadn't even noticed him until he spoke. He stuttered out “F-fine ship, yeah.”
“Not just fine boy, the finest. The best magic, the best engineering, and the best crewponies went into the building of this ship. There won't be another like it for a hundred years.” He rotated his chair, showing off a chest full of medals.
Raj stood up straight, his composure returned. “I can't say about that Marshal, I do not know much about these vessels.”
“Ah, you know who I am. I know who you are too boy.”
Raj narrowed his eyes slightly. “If you know who I am, then you know that my name isn't 'boy', Marshal.”
Coltumbus smiled with half of his face. “Right, right, it's Captain right? Of the whole Lunar Guard? Impressive rise up the ranks boy, nothing to Captain in a day. Bet your daddy's proud.”
“My dad's dead.” Raj replied flatly.
Coltumbus made no reaction that information. “So what are you, anyway? Some sort of demon summoned up with Luna's nightmare magic?”
Raj managed not to sputter at the brazen question. “No such thing, sir. And last time I checked, it's Princess Luna to you and me.” he replied as evenly as he could.
Coltumbus hocked something vile up from his throat and spat it out onto the deck. “Day I call that traitor a Princess is never gonna come. She may have fooled her sister but not me, not the ponies that matter. I don't care what kind of armies she commissions or what kind of demons she calls up, the good ponies of Equestria will never accept some pretender. And when she decides to turn her cloak, we'll be ready to send her back where she belongs!” Coltumbus dropped into a fit of coughing, his excitement proving to be too much for his constitution.
Rajrishi remained standing at attention, politely waiting for the old pony to recover before responding. “Good thing she isn't going to do that because she isn't... whatever you seem to think she is. And once again, I am not a demon. Not even a little bit.”
After a minute of coughing, he started up again. “You know, we decided the name for this ship five years ago, everything was set for it. Then the order comes down to rename it the moonshadow or some nonsense and re-color the sails. Supposed to be a living monument to the sisters themselves. Well, not while I'm still breathing. I'm not letting the greatest ship the Air Navy has ever seen be dedicated to some worthless traitor!” His voice dropped into a hiss “You can bring all that back to your master, beast.”
Raj stared at him squarely for a moment before saying “Sorry Marshal, but Princess Luna doesn't like it when I bring her irrelevant information.”
Coltumbus' eyes widened and rage washed over his face. Before he could launch into a tirade Raj spun on a heel and started walking back on deck. Coltumbus yelled after him “Boy! I did not dismiss you!”
Raj replied back without breaking stride “You don't command me sir.”
* * *
Raj strode back on deck in an understandably foul mood. He scanned around for Rarity and saw her by the portside tables having a heated conversation of her own with a tall, white unicorn.
As he approached he heard the tail end of a comment from the stallion “...by birth, just some menial prole pretending at class.” the circle of ponies gathered around chuckled lightly or hummed their disapproval but leaned in to hear more all the same.
Rarity leaned her head back, offended by the jab and blew an errant curl out of her face. “Class is a matter of action and poise Blueblood, not simply a factor of birth and circumstance. And I put all of my artistic potential in everything I make. I create art that astounds and lasts, art that even royalty appreciates and adores. You simply adorn yourself in class, but I create it! Every day! What have you ever made Prince Blueblood? What will last beyond your years?”
The unicorn was unfazed by this and shot back “Yes, as appropriate and right as it is for someone of your status to take pride in working for your betters, it does not give you even an inkling of the importance of blood. Centuries of world-shaping history flows in my veins, heroes and kings are counted among my lineage. Truly, nobility is incomprehensible to someone so... common.”
Rarity's eye twitched at that. “Common? You... you dare call me 'common'? Oh, It. Is. On!”
As the mare launched into a verbal tirade against the royal unicorn in front of her, Raj leaned down to a pony watching the display and whispered “The hell is going on here?”
The pegasus pointed with a hoof without taking her eyes off the display. “The Prince had some things to say to that unicorn there and she didn't back down from him. I guess they met at the Gala last year and some things happened between them. It's real good to watch though.”
“I bet.” Raj pushed through the ring of ponies and moved towards Rarity as she was winding down.
“... and then inside your own head!” she leaned forwards onto her hooves, face red and out of breath. Raj put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a questioning look.
Blueblood let Rarity's tirade wash off of him. “You see the temper of the common pony? So prone to crudeness at even the lightest provocation.” he laughed to himself and grinned. “And who is this then? Your date? My goodness, you can't even find an escort within your own species. How disappointing for both of you.”
Raj didn't even look at him, just held up a hand and said “Quiet.”
Blueblood blinked. “Now listen here you-”
“Quiet.” he repeated before addressing his date. “What are you doing Rarity?”
Rarity recovered her composure and answered. “Rajrishi, I am having a discussion with this gentlecolt. I shall rejoin you shortly.”
“Really? Cause from here it looks like you're in a public shouting match with some jackass.”
“Excuse me?” Blueblood shouted at the pair. “Did you just call me a-”
“Sir!” Raj cut him off again. “I assure you, the moment I begin to care about whatever stupid shit you have to say, I will let you know. Until then, run along, you are done here.” He gave the stallion a dismissive gesture and turned back to his friend. “Alright, Rarity let's just go back to the table and get something to eat. Forget about this idiot.” He started to lead her away from the stallion.
A bright flash of light appeared in his path and left behind a visibly irate unicorn. Blueblood huffed and glared. “You... you dare dismiss me in such a way, so casually toss me aside like that. Me?!”
“Yeah, I tried, but you're making it awful hard to.” Raj replied, anger edging his voice.
Blueblood snarled. “I demand satisfaction!”
Rarity gasp and pulled her friend's sleeve. “Raj, Raj don't. Don't.”
Rajrishi ignored her pulling and shot back “If you want satisfaction you're going to have to go to the redlight district with a sack of bits like every other sadsack stallion. You won't find any here you bleached ass.” A few of the nearby stallions chuckled at Raj's insult while most of the mares didn't find it funny at all.
Blueblood sputtered “You... You!” His shoe lit with magic and floated up. “I challenge you to a duel!” the shoe lightly smacked Raj in the cheek.
Rarity hissed at him “Rajrishi, you can't. Don't accept, do not-”
“Fine. It's on.” He reached up and grabbed the metal shoe and squeezed it flat with one hand. “I'm gonna make you eat that cummerbund.”
“We'll see ape.” He turned and galloped down the ramp to the ground level, a moment later a gaggle of gossipy ponies intent on spreading the exciting development.
Raj dropped the mangled shoe to the deck and let out a long breath. Rarity pressed her foreleg to her head and gave Raj a rather harsh glare. “Do you have any idea what you've just done?”
“Yeah, I agreed to beat up your ex-boyfriend.”
Rarity shivered. “By the Faustmare no. You just accepted a duel, one issued with his magic. That means he called you out under old Unicornian laws. Do you know what that means?”
Raj looked slightly alarms. “No... no I don't. What's Unicornia?”
“The original Unicorn tribe. They had a rich dueling culture focused on honed magical ability. Under their laws, a duel between unicorns forbade any physical contact between the fighters, it was a test of pure arcane skill.”
Raj blinked. “Wait, but... I don't have that.”
“Which is why it would not have been dishonorable to turn it down, which is why I told you not to accept.” She hissed at him, eyes narrowed. “Blueblood tricked you, and now you've been lured into a fight that you cannot even participate in, in front of every important noblepony in the country!”
Raj stood there gormlessly, eyes darting about in confusion before he said “Aww... aww crap.”
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Oh, they always come back down. The only variables are A) speed and B) survivors.
I have trouble understanding how Blueblood became the fandom's favorite punching bag, while Rarity gets a free pass for her behavior at the gala.
6917759 Double Standards Are a pain in the ass
Remember Raj
i.qkme.me/3qx96i.jpg
You can do it Raj...
Show them why human survive the Chaostic environment that is Earth.
use his dodging, get Blue blood worked up and steaming, frothing at the mouth and clumsy, then have Blueblood hit himself with his own attack...
6917759
Her behaviour at the gala? Pray tell, apart from attempting to court Blueblood what did Rarity do at the gala that was even remotely questionable?
6918633 Way back in the gala ticket episode, she made it clear she was only interested in him for his title.
6919284
While I’ll be the first to admit that, to Blueblood’s eyes at least, she might have come off as a gold digger if you remember that episode clearly then you’ll remember she was portrayed as being a hopeless romantic obsessed with the very idea of a fairytale romance. That said, the reason the Blueblood is the fandom’s favourite punching bag has to do how he brushed her off more than that he brushed her off… if that is indeed what he was doing — there’s nothing there apart from the situation’s similarity itself to suggest that his atrocious behaviour was due to anything other than his being a contemptible cretin.
6920537
Amen to that.
He really did seem to fit the role of the spoiled rich kid stereotypical piece of shit you'd expect from a long line of rich families.
'5000 litre bag'.
That is the volume of a small bathroom. Would look rather silly.
6917718
"They might tell you it's a non-stop flight. Well, I don't think I care for that. I insist my flight stop. Preferably at an airport. It's those unscheduled corn field and housing development stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day" - George Carlin