• Published 9th Nov 2013
  • 14,483 Views, 969 Comments

Painted Mirror - Lord of Turtles



A solitary man trapped in a strange place for reasons he does not yet understand.

  • ...
41
 969
 14,483

PreviousChapters Next
No Such Thing as Useless Knowledge

Raj dropped his bag “What are you doing here Twilight?”

“Oh, you remember me. Great, that makes this easier.”

“I've only met maybe ten ponies. Of course I remember you.” Raj sighed “Did Fluttershy send you to check up on me?”

“Oh, um, no it's not that.”

“One of the Apples then?” he concluded.

“No, no, I came on my own.”

“Great.” He opened the rear door of his car and squatted onto the crumbling seat. “So how'd you find the place anyway?”

“Basic Finding spell on that stick you carry.” She focused for an instant and her horn flared. In the cab of his car the Ironoak Staff sparked violet.

“Oh, right, you're a wizard or something.”

She frowned at him “Or something, yeah. I would have just used it on you, but it wasn't working.”

“Fancy that.” He stretched, fatigue suddenly settling onto him “So why are you here?”

She shifted a bit and said “Well, do you remember what I said at Fluttershy's cottage?”

Raj thought for a second, dredging up the old memory.“Yeah. You were going to try and figure out what I am and where I came from and... other stuff.”

“Right, and do you know what I managed to find out?”

“I do not.”

“Nothing!” she cried out “Absolutely nothing. I've ordered in books from the Canterlot archives, the Trottingham University of Science. I even got a hold of Vanila Trotsiferov's journals to see if anything like you was mentioned in them, but there was no information. More than a month of research, and I've learned nothing. As far as Equestrian zoological science is concerned, there has never been a near-hairless, bipedal, lingual vertebrate that match your description before now.”

“You haven't answered my question yet.”

“I'm here because, well, if there are no records of you anywhere in Equestria, it must be because nopony has ever seen a human before. Which means that you're an undiscovered species.” she said with a wide grin and a happy shuffle of her hooves. “Do you have any idea how exciting that is?”

Raj sighed and shook his head “I am not an animal Twilight.”

She rolled her eyes “Oh, I know. But that doesn't change that you are still very new to Equestria and we know very little about each other. We know nothing about where you came from, what you do, or, well, anything. And as Princess Celestia's prize student, I have a scholarly duty to fulfill this gap in Equestria's zoological knowledge.” The said with tangible pride.

Raj stared at her in silence for a moment before asking “So... what? You just want to hang out and watch me? For science?”

She nodded “I promise to be non-invasive. Just some academic observations, a good number of questions. It shouldn't even take that much of your time.”

He frowned “I don't know. I'm actually going to be pretty busy here soon. And the last time I welcomed ponies into my campsite I got my back shredded and ended up almost dying a bunch of times. Don't really want a repeat of that.”

She frowned “Oh please. I can take care of myself better than a bunch of little fillies. Nothing like that will happen with me.”

He stared at her for a second and shook his head “I don't think so. Run home little pony.”

Twilight scooted forward and simpered “But, think of all that there is to discover, all that could be learned. You're an undocumented facet of this world Rajrishi, a missing part of the puzzle. I can't let something like that slip by!” She pulled in a deep breath and said “So pleeeeaaasse let me study you?” with an eager grin and wide eyes.

Raj stared at her awkward posture and let out a weary chuckle. “No matter what I say, you're going to stick around here, aren't you?” She gave a sharp nod “Then how could I say no?”

“Great!” She smiled and her horn flared to life, summoning a pad of paper and a quill out of her saddlebag. “Let's get started. Please state your full name.” Silence was the only response and she looked over her notebook to see Raj lying down in the backseat of the car. “Rajrishi, what are you doing?”

“Sleeping, or trying to at least.” He answered, his elbow slung over his eyes.

“But it's not even noon yet.”

He lifted his arm and looked at her levelly “Twilight, I've been awake and running through the woods for the last thirty-six hours. I'm sore, tired, and I'm gonna have an even busier day tomorrow, so unless you're bleeding or on fire, leave me alone.”

She cocked an eyebrow and leaned her head into the cab “Thirty-six hours? Is that your typical daily cycle or is this out of the ordinary? Were you out marking new territory or were you searching for food? Or maybe-”

“Twilight.” Raj interrupted.

“Yes Rajrishi?”

“Buzz off.” he rolled over and didn't hear her reply through a haze of sleep.

* * *

The smell of fire woke him some time later.

He sat up with no small amount of alarm. He scanned around and saw his firepit crackling merrily, Twilight laying near it with her legs tucked under her. She was scribbling in her notebook with sharp focus. He yawned relief and twisted an audible crack out of his neck.

Twilight looked up “Oh, good, you're awake. How'd you sleep?”

“Lousy.” He slid out of the car and popped a few more of his joints. “How long was I out?”

“Four hours and thirty-seven minutes.”

“Oddly specific.” He rose up “What are you doing?”

“Taking notes about your habitat. I took a look around while you were asleep.” She presented her notebook to him, showing off illegible script and somewhat clumsy sketches of the devices around his camp. “I have some questions actually, if you're up for it.”

He went to the vine holding up his cooler and started lowering it. “Fine, but food.”

“Alright then.” She continued, shrugging off his primitive reply “How did you construct your dwelling? I don't think the material it's made of is native to the Everfree Forest.”

“It's not, I brought this thing here.” He jerked a thumb at his wrecked car.

Twilight's eyes widened “You carried that thing?”

“No, no. It... it used to move on its own. But it crashed months ago.”

“Oh, I see.” she stood up and trotted over to the crumpled vehicle. “This was a conveyance of some kind, like a covered carriage.”

He nodded “Yeah actually, a lot like that.”

“Great.” She scribbled a few more lines in her notebook. “What do you call it?”

“A car.”

Her quill stopped “A car? Really?”

“What?”

“Isn't that just short for carriage?”

Raj shrugged “I didn't name the thing. Blame Henry Ford.” To his amusement, she scribbled the name down in her notes.

“Okay, next question. What is that?” She pointed a hoof at the cooler he'd lowered to the ground.

“That's where I keep my food.” He yanked the vines from around the plastic box.

“Why do you keep it up in the air like that?”

“Keeps it safe from predators or scavengers. Learned that one the hard way.”

“What happened?”

“Couple months back these weird, hopping worm things tunneled up out of the ground and made off with all my food. Ugly things, whole face was just this nasty mouth of jagged teeth. I was scared to step out of my car for weeks after that.” He shivered at the memory.

Twilight's eyes narrowed in thought. “Those sound like K'nids, but they're scavengers. I've never heard of them stealing food from another creature or attacking on their own before.” She scribbled a few more lines of notes.

His brow furrowed and his voice took on a sour tone. “Glad to hear that Equestria makes exceptions when it comes to screwing with me.”

She rolled her eyes at him “I'm sure there's a reason for it. Maybe they didn't think you were a threat or something. But let's get back on topic. What are you keeping in there anyway?” She craned her neck over his shoulder as he crouched to open his cooler.

“Boar.” He swung the lid open, revealing packed layers of raw meat.

Twilight recoiled back, retching. “Oh dear Celestia.” A faint gurgle rose from her throat and she pressed the wall of her hoof against her mouth. “That's, *blag*, didn't think...” a visible shudder went up her spine.

Raj closed the cooler and looked at her evenly “You okay?”

She gagged and dry-heaved, her whole body wracking, but she managed to sputter out “Yeah, yeah I think I'm alright.” She coughed and dropped to her belly “I, ugh, I've never seen anything like, that before.” She shivered slightly.

He shrugged “I eat meat Twilight. I'm sorry if that offends you.”

She shook her head “It doesn't offend me. I've been smelling blood since I got here, so I figured there was something like that somewhere. I thought I'd prepared myself but, seeing it all laid out like that, preserved and stored away, was just too much. Even if it's a boar.”

Raj flipped open the lid “Well, this is the only food I have, so if you're going to freak out you may want to leave for twenty or so minutes.” he grabbed what was left of the thick tenderloin and jabbed it on the pike again.

She watched him set the meat over the flame and the color drained out of her cheeks. She gulped and stammered out “No, no, the nutritional behavior of any species or culture is an extremely important part of understanding them. I'll stay.” She focused and her quill and paper flew in front of her again. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”

“Go ahead.” He pulled one of his axes and hacked off a chunk of the tough meat. He started tearing into it with his bare hands like an animal.

Twilight blanched at the sight. She took a moment to suppress her gorge and asked “Is your entire diet meat, or do you supplement it with other foodstuffs?”

Raj swallowed and answered “Since I got back from Sweet Apple Acres, it's all I've had. Boar are all over the place, easy to catch and yield a lot. Too much in fact.” He held up a chunk of tenderloin “This stuff's already starting to go bad, I can taste it. This time tomorrow it won't be safe to eat. I'll have to get more soon.”

“Kill another boar you mean?”

He nodded “Yeah. I haven't been able to catch enough fish to live on and there's nothing else around here to eat. Nothing else I trust anyway.”

She cocked her head “But I walked past a good sized patch of daisies on my way here. Maybe a five minute walk away.”

Raj looked at her quizzically “Those are flowers Twilight.”

“I know that. They're good. I happen to love daisies.” She said matter-of-factually.

“I can't eat flowers Twilight. I'm not a pony.”

“Did you try?” She asked.

“Have you?” He held up a fistful of pork.

Twilight shuddered. “No, I haven't.”

“Imagine that.” He tossed the chunk of meat into the fire where it sizzled and popped. “Anything else?”

“Let's see.” her notebook fluttered in her horngrip. “Not many. Only about three-hundred or so.”

Raj blinked “Huh, you don't screw around, do you?”

She seemed to blush for a moment. “It's just the standard template for the registration of new species and cultures from the Canterlot Anthropology Society. All it hits on are what are considered the most relevant touchstones. It would be about twice that but I was able to answer some stuff after talking to Applejack and Fluttershy. I was hoping to run those by you anyway, to see if what I have already gels with what they gathered.” She scanned the page in front of her “Okay, question one, please state your full name.”

“I'm gonna stop you right there Twilight.” he held up a hand.

“Hmm? Is something wrong? Is a question like that taboo in your culture?” she asked, leaning forward.

“No, something else. First off, I just woke up and ate a big meal. I have to use the facilities, and before you ask me, no, you can't observe that to see how it works.”

“What?” She shook her head and stomped a hoof “I wasn't, just eww, okay. I wasn't going to ask that.”

“I bet. Secondly, I don't have time for that. There's stuff I need to do today, and most of tomorrow actually. This will need to be put off.”

“What?” She shot to her hooves “Why?”

“I have to move my camp and I need to get started. I'll be back in two days. Let's shoot for noon... ish. I don't have a clock.” He popped his trunk and started for his bag.

“Okay, well then I'll help, I can carry this whole camp with me if I need to. I'll need to know where your new home is anyway, and I can interview you as we go. Three goals, one action. Efficiency.”

Raj scoffed “I doubt that you'll be able to...” he trailed off as the entire contents of his trunk were wrapped in a violet glow and lifted out around him, settling into a lazy orbit around Twilight's similarly glowing horn. She smirked at him and he said “Alright, you're hired.”

She grinned widely “Awesome. Let's get going.”

“Hold up.” He walked up to her and plucked a roll of paper from her telekinesis “I'll be down by the river.”

PreviousChapters Next