A Ridiculous Interlude About Stones and Houses
Rajrishi was sitting in the kitchen the next morning, eating a lump of bread when Twilight trotted in and set a small pebble on the table. “I want you to carry this stone with you today.”
Raj looked down at the rock and asked “Why?”
“It's for an experiment.”
He poked it “Is the rock dangerous?”
“No.”
“What will carrying it accomplish?”
She frowned “Like I said, it's for an experiment. It'll give me valuable research data.”
“So this is a special rock.”
“Yes, well, no. It's a normal rock.”
Raj smiled “So if I replaced it with another rock while you were gone, would you notice?”
“Yes, I would. Don't do that.” she replied, shaking her head.
“So what makes this rock different?”
Twilight sighed “Look, it's magic. Alright, the rock is magic. Now will you please carry it with you today?”
They heard the click of claws on tile and Spike waddled in holding a basket of towels and sheets. He set it down and looked at the pair. “Hey guys, what's up?”
“Twilight's giving me this awesome magic rock.” He held the stone up.
“What? Twilight, why does he get a magic rock and I don't?”
“What?” Twilight scoffed “That's ridiculous, it's just-”
“It's because she likes me more than you Spike. It's a symbol of our everlasting friendship.” he interrupted with a slight smirk.
“NO! Spike that is not true, alright? Rajrishi is just being a jerk. The rock is for research, it's not even a gift. I'm taking it back at the end of the day.”
“What?” Raj said indignantly. “Well, if that's the case I don't even want it.” He tossed it on the table.
“Hey, if Raj doesn't want it, can I have the magic rock?” Spike reached up on the table for it.
Twilight wrapped it in her horngrip and pulled it out of his reach. “Spike, no, this is a research tool for Rajrishi. I'm trying to learn about what humans can do.”
Spike gave her a tired look “I'm pretty sure he can carry a rock around. I could've told you that.”
“Seriously Twilight,” Raj added “if you wanted to test something, test this weird, heightened strength I have.”
Twilight looked at him in surprise “Really? You've gotten stronger?”
“Yeah, check it out.” Raj grabbed the edge of the table in one hand and curled, lifting the entire piece of furniture while keeping it fairly level. “See? This isn't even hard.”
“Cool!” squealed Spike as he hopped up on the table, only wavering it slightly with his added weight “I bet Big Mac isn't even this strong.” Raj dropped the table with a clatter and Spike hit it with a grunt.
Twilight stared at the display “That... that is very impressive and I would love to know more about it, but no. Today is the rock test. We'll worry about that later.”
“What is the rock test? You haven't told me yet.”
“It's supposed to be a blind-test so I get the purest results possible, okay? I can't tell you.”
Raj pointed at the stone “If you don't tell me, I'm going to throw this thing in a ditch as soon as you leave.”
Twilight gave him a long, venomous glare before yelling “Ugh! Fine! When we were in the Everfree I noticed that I had a hard time levitating you when you were unconscious and every scan I did on you came back fuzzy. I originally hypothesized that there was some lingering effect of that Arch being nearby, but on further tests I received the same result. This led me to believe that you, and possibly all humans but I can't determine that from such a small sample size, might have an in-built resistance to aethyric fields. So I put a low-level enchantment on a pair of stones and I want to see if yours degrades any faster than the control stone. There, happy?”
Raj looked at her for a second and started nodding “Alright, that makes sense. Don't know why you didn't tell me that at the start.” He grabbed the rock and tucked it in a pocket. “There, good and secure.”
Twilight let out a breath and lowered her head “Great, thank you.”
He held up a finger “One more question though.”
Twilight snapped her head up, eye twitching in frustration “No more questions!” her horn burned and she disappeared in a burst of light.
Raj leaned back in his chair, blinking rapidly to dispel the spots swimming in his vision. He smiles “Ha, that was fun.”
“What was?” Spike asked, still sitting on the table.
“Screwing with Twilight. So,” He took another bite of bread “what're you up to today?”
“Going gem digging out at the flats. My supply is getting kinda low. I'm hoping to get enough for a big gem pie.”
Raj raised an eyebrow “You eat gems?”
“Yeah, I'm a dragon Raj. I mean, I like hay and other stuff as much as the next guy, but there's nothing like a well aged ruby or sapphire to munch on.” Spike licked his lips at the thought.
“I can only imagine.” he said, laughing a little bit at the dragon's dreamy expression.
“What about you Raj? What do you have on the docket?”
“Today? Well, I plan on carrying a rock around all day. Other than that, nothing.” he said with a smile.
Spike cocked his head “Really? That's boring.”
“Hey, before today, my daily routing consisted of finding enough food to not die and fighting whatever monster wandered into my path. I'm happy that boredom is my biggest problem right now.”
“But that's lame!” said Spike as he stood on the table “You should go out and do something! Go on a hike, fly a kite, have a picnic. At least do something constructive, don't just waste your time.”
Raj furrowed his brow “Okay smart guy, like what?”
Spike looked away, tapping his chin in thought “Well, you said you were really strong now right, since you came to Equestria?”
“Yeah. Started just after I got here and I've been getting stronger since.”
“Well, you wanna find out just how strong you are?” He said with a close grin.
“Maybe,” he set the bread down “what did you have in mind?”
* * *
“Mush!” shouted spike from the window “C'mon Raj, put your back into it.”
“I -hngg- do not appreciate -hurgg- this.” he replied, straining against the ropes attaching him to the abandoned house. With each grunt, the building rattled along the ground, shaking violently.
Spike leaned against the frame of the window. “C'mon Raj, we're doing a good thing. This building needed demolished, and you needed to see how strong you are. It's a win-win!”
“For -hnng- you -phhuu- you little prick.”
“What was that slave? For that, you must pull faster. Hiyah! Hiyah!” He swung the end of his rope, lightly lashing at Rajrishi's sweaty back.
In truth, Raj wasn't annoyed. He was still amazed that he actually managed to drag a house of any size. At the time, he didn't believe that Macintosh managed this before, but after the first two hundred yards, he was starting to believe.
On his next pull, the whole building shuddered and leaned dangerously. Spike flopped from his perch, landing precariously on the cracked boards of the upper floor. He bound back up to the window and shouted down “Hey, easy Raj. We're losing foundation here.”
He turned around “Not a lot I can do about that Spike. It's a house, I can't really move it gently.”
“Whatever. This is far enough, I guess.” he hopped down from the window and drew out a scroll, reciting “Can Rajrishi drag a house? Checkmark for yes.”
“Good, I'm pretty beat.” Raj shrugged off his makeshift yoke and leaned onto his knees. “How far was that anyway?”
“A little less than a mile, I think. Good job.” He looked up at the derelict building, his eyes narrowed. “I can see why Hammer Strike wanted this thing gone. It's a hunk of junk.” He kicked the door-frame, sending the actual door crashing to the ground.
“Heavy junk. Now what?”
“Well, I told him I would get rid of the house and clear the debris, so I figure we'll do that.”
“How?”
“I was gonna burn it.” he spit a small line of fire out experimentally. “No reason to make this complex.”
Raj looked at him evenly “No.”
“What? Why not? We're in the middle of a stone field, nopony's going to get hurt.” He gestured at the empty space around them.
“I don't care. I'm not letting you set another thing on fire.”
“Yeah Spike, why would you wanna burn down a nice old house like this?” Came a voice from the open door.
“Jesus-horse-christ!” cried Rajrishi as he jumped away from the sudden voice.
A puff of pink hair poked out of the yawning entrance. “I mean, it's not in the best of shape. But knock out some drywall, replace some of this woodwork, and you're almost there.” The pink hair proved to belong to an equally pink pony, somewhat pudgier pony. The vibrant color of her coat and mane only broken up by her brilliantly blue eyes. She continued “I mean, the location ain't great, buuuuuut...”
“How long were you in there?” Raj asked “I've been dragging that house for more than an hour.”
“Ohh, that's what was happening. I saw the drag marks and figured 'hey, that house must be running away from home' which seemed silly to me because a house is a home, and you can't really run away from yourself. I thought that maybe it was just depressed, so I chased after it to bring it some cupcakes to try and cheer it up! But I couldn't find it's mouth, so I just mushed them into the fireplace and made munchy sounds.” she worked her jaw, giving an example of the noises she made for her own amusement. “I didn't think it was working, but then the house stopped running, so I thought it worked! But then I heard you and Spike talking and realized you were dragging it, so I came out here and told you this story.”
Raj looked sideways at Spike “This thing has a fireplace?”
Spike shrugged “Had a fireplace. I'm pretty sure that fell off a while back.”
Rajrishi shrugged “Well, that was an enchanting story Miss...”
“I'm Pinkie Pie, or Pinkamena Diane Pie if you're fancy.” she replied with a little hop.
“Alright, well I'm-”
Pinkie zipped forward faster than thought, pressing her hoof right up against his face “You're Rajrishi the human, you live in the woods and have really long hair! Applejack told me about you, she said you're a pretty cool guy. You fight dogs and doesn't afraid of anything!”
Raj stared back at her, somewhat alarmed, and managed to reply “M-most of that is true. And... you got my name right. Most people don't do that the first time.” he pointed a thumb at Spike “This one still can't get it right.”
“Rajaplongee.”
“I will flick your ridges lizard.”
“Try it monkey-boy.”
“Hee-hee,” Pinkie laughed and sat “you guys are funny. But Applejack told me you were going back home, and I was super sad that I didn't get to meet you, but now you're here!” She danced happily before going stock still “Unless... something went wrong! Oh my gosh dis something happen, are you okay? Was your home destroyed and now you're here to avenge it? Was it this house that did it?” She slapped a hoof against the side of the building “Stupid, mean old house!”
Raj blinked “Um... no, none of that. I just... I wasn't able to get home. It's... complicated. I don't know if I can explain it particularly well.”
“Rajrishi's an alien.” Spike blurted “Twilight is helping him figure out how he got here and how he can get home.”
“Spike!” Raj shouted.
“What? You said you couldn't explain it, I could. It wasn't hard.”
“Ohmygosh, you're an alien. That is the coolest!” She hopped up on his shoulders, hoofing around on his scalp “Where're your antennae? Do you have two more arms hidden somewhere? Where do you keep your magic screwdriver? Are you really a lizard under this brown skin? How many parsecs away did you come from? Oooo, does the butt of your ship glow?”
“PINKIE!” Raj shouted, pulling the pink pony off of his head.
The energetic pony twisted out of his grasp and zipped to the ground “When you got here, were you all like 'bleep blorp',” she stood on her hindlegs, eyes blank and forelegs rigid “take me to your leader, you are not alone, you are not alone.” she flopped down “or something like that?”
He stared at her blankly for a moment before his face split into a wide grin “Holy, where did all that come from?” He laughed “No, nothing like that. I was pretty much just confused and scared for weeks.”
“Awww,” her hair drooped “but that's not fun at all. That's just really sad.”
“It's fine, I'm over it. But, thank you.” he smiled. “But try and keep me being an alien on the down-low. In fact, don't even tell anyone I'm here. I don't want to cause a stir
“Okay, Pinkie Promise.” she went through the series of motions with her hoof and then brightened immediately “So what are you guys doing now?” she asked.
“Raj here says that he's gotten stronger since coming to Equestria, and we're trying to find out exactly how strong he is by having him do stuff.”
“Like stealing houses?” she asked.
“Hey, we're not stealing, we're relocating. A construction pony wanted it gone, I volunteered Raj's services. For a, um, modest fee of course.”
“That I knew nothing about.” added Rajrishi with a short scowl.
“I was gonna share.” Spike protested.
Pinkie giggled at the pair's small argument “Well, if you guys are done running away with a building, I have an idea for something he could try. I'll warn you though, you'd have to be really strong to do it!”
Raj looked at Spike who nodded. Raj answered “Sure, I'm game. What do you have?”
* * *
Hour later, Rajrishi was regretting those words.
“Can Rajrishi drag a house? Big check. Can Rajrishi move Big Igneous, the biggest rock in Ponyville?” Spike pressed his quill to his lip and thought for a moment “Half a checkmark.”
“That one was fun!” snorted Pinkie as she hopped along with them “I can't believe he did it.”
“Well, he didn't really. He just sorta wobbled it.”
“But he tried really hard!”
“I guess so.” he turned back to his list “Can Rajrishi lift a river? That's a big X. I still don't know how you did that.” he said, giving Pinkie a questioning look.
“It's easy once you know the trick.”
“Can you two please shutup.” Rajrishi groused as he ambled along back to the library. He was in a stooped hunch, almost all of his muscles screaming in agony at him from the day's exertions. Pinkie and Spike's nonstop chatter was not helping his sour mood.
“Well, okay, but only because you said please.” She hopped in front of him, springing backwards along the path with a big smile on her face. Raj eyed her suspiciously, but continued on in grateful silence.
The library was littered with books of all stripe when he trudged inside, Twilight Sparkle sitting in the middle of a sea of text. She perked up at his entrance “Rajrishi, glad you're back. I have some more research questions for you.”
“And that's my queue. Bye Rajrishi, bye Twilight, bye Spike.” She zipped away, a moment later re-appearing with a rapid wobble “Hi Rajrishi, hi Twilight, hi Spike. I forgot to say, when you want to be on the up-high, let me know so I can throw you a super-awesome-Pinkieriffic party! Alright, bye Rajrishi, bye Twilight, bye Spike.” She then disappeared again, leaving a pony shaped cloud of dust.
Spike walked through the cloud “Well, I'm getting something to eat. I'm starved.” he plodded into the kitchen.
“So, you were with Pinkie today. How was that?” She asked a little cautiously.
“Fine, a little tiring, but fine.” he answered back, settling into a chair vastly undersized for him.
“Really?” she asked, eyebrow raised “She wasn't... confusing? Baffling even?”
He shrugged “No more so than the rest of Equestria. I come from somewhere with no magic, no talking animals, and no wandering monsters Twilight. I see stuff that is completely unexplainable and ridiculous every single day.”
“Ah, I hadn't thought of it along those line. Interesting. Well, hopefully these should make up the gap in your understanding.” she levitated a stack of books over to him and set them at his feet. “There, an abridged series of historical texts, cultural theses, as well as notes on magical theory, biology, and geography. That should go a long way to bridging the gap in our frames of reference.”
Raj grabbed one of the books by the spine and flipped it open “Awesome, this'll be great Twilight.” he said, meaning every word “One problem though.” he scanned a random page “I can't read this.”
She cocked her head “What?”
“This, the text here. I can't read it.”
Twilight's eyes widened, her jaw going slack “Rajrishi, are you telling me that you're illiterate?”
He shrugged “Yeah, I guess so.”
Twilight's pupils shrank to pinpricks and she started breathing heavy “But... can't read... why...”
Raj leaned forward “Pony script, I can't read pony script Twilight! I can read my own language just fine.”
“What?” her breathing began to level off.
“I can read fine. It's just pony writing. I think ponies use a different alphabet, so I can speak the language but I can't read it. Okay, I'll learn, I promise, I'll learn.”
Her breathing even out and her pupils dilated “That's... that's fine. Wow, I don't,” she put a hoof to her temple “I don't know what that was.”
He put his hands on the table “You looked like you were having a panic attack.”
“I... maybe a small one. Just, the idea of a person achieving adulthood without knowing... I don't know. I just don't like that idea.” She shook her head “I need to distract myself. Give me that rock from this morning.”
Raj fished the pebble out of his pocket and flicked it to her, eager for the chance to distract the scholar. She caught it in her horngrip and focused another spell into the stone. Any leftover anxiety on her face melted in the face of sudden triumph. “Eureka! We have progress!”
“Why, what is it?”
“The spell I put on this stone is gone, not even a trace!” She said with a swell of academic pride.
“Is, is that a good thing? What does that mean?”
“That means I was right. Humans, or at least you, exude some sort of aura that active erodes enchantment. This stone has no magic on it, the control stone has only degraded .84% over the course of the day. That means that a human's aura is at least one-hundred and nineteen times as degrading as typical background aethyric interference.”
“Alright, so what does that mean?”
“What that means, Rajrishi, is that I finally have proof positive that you are not of Equestria. Nothing else can do this, nothing in the wide, wide world of Equestria. At the absolute least, you are an entirely unique species. This even explains how you survived the Naga. Their venom has a magical component, it adapt to the creature that is exposed to it and turns itself into a uniquely tailored poison vector. If you degrade enchantment, then you would have a natural resistance to that effect. It's a fascinating defense mechanism!”
Raj crossed his arms “I'm glad you have something for your next journal Twilight, but how does this help me get home?”
Twilight pouted at him a moment “Fine. This lets me know that there is a connection between our worlds, something we share.”
His eyebrow cocked “Buh?”
“Think about it: if there's no magic in your world, then why would you have a natural resistance to active enchantment? If humans have no exposure to magic, then why would the ambient energy of Equestria cause you to get stronger? The fact that you have clearly had a reaction to the mere presence of something that, by your admission, you have never had exposure to, that means that there is some aspect of Equinity and Humanity that are known to each other. If I can find out what that is, maybe I can use it to get you home.”
Raj stared at her, a little stunned “That's... okay that actually makes a lot of sense. I'm sorry for doubting you Twilight.”
She smiled “No big deal. You're frustrated, I don't blame you for wanting to think of everything in the context of if it can help you get back home. But this is an incredible learning opportunity for the both of us, one we can't squander. And speaking of learning opportunities...” Her horn sparked and a wide chalkboard flew from a nearby closet, along with it a few notebooks and a pencil that slapped down in front of Rajrishi.
She floated a piece of chalk to the board and scratched a simple mark there “Lesson one. This is the letter 'A'. It makes an 'ah' sound.”
“Can I go back to trying to lift the river?”
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A few reasons Spike is the best.
amazIng chapter, cant waIt to see more of Raj In a normal settIng
amazIng chapter, cant waIt to see more of Raj In a normal settIng
A house. He can move, albiet difficulty, a house. #wat
"Okay, this is what you call "A" and this is what my people call an "A."
Twilight said nothing, but blushed deeply and stammered a little. "Don't ever draw that again, please."
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explain
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I don't understand this
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So can Big Mac, my guess equestrias Magic is turning him into the human equivalent to a earth pony
I seriously love the dynamic between Raj and Spike.
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