Pearple Juice With Bits

by Pearple Prose

Serpent and the Sea

Chaos!

Oh, what a lovely word. Smooth, sweet, delicious in your mouth—rather like chocolate milk, now that I think about it. And people wonder why it’s my favourite drink. Pah!

Yes, yes, I know I’m getting sidetracked. What do you expect from the Master of Chaos himself? But anyway, I digress—as you so rudely pointed out.

Now, I’m here today, children—

...No, you are children, relative to me. Heck, you’re more like a twinkle in your father’s eye. Except your father is still a speck of cosmic dust.

A-hem! Are you all sitting comfortably, my dears? Now, let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was chaos. Everywhere. Nothing in the universe made any sense; to say it was simply chaotic would be an understatement.

I want you to imagine, if you would, the darkest thing you can imagine. Got it? Okay, now imagine the brightest thing. Got them both inside that little noggin of yours?

Now smush those two things together, multiply it by negative infinity, colour it pink, and call it Susan. That’s the brand of mad that we are talking about here. Pretty hilarious, too.

This universe was precisely everything and nothing at all. Every possible possibility was crammed together into shapeless infinity, creating a kind of… sea, I guess you would call it. And in this sea of fathomless stuff, there was one handsome young fellow (and by young I mean he was older than time itself but anyway ahem) who simply swam the countless trillions of meaningless forevers away.

This fellow was rather unique in that he was not just something, he was somebody. In the time before time and the existence before existence, this was something rather new and exciting, you see.

Though, to say he was somebody is also rather inaccurate; he didn’t really have a body, or a definite shape, or even much of a mind. For simplicity’s sake, however, we’ll call him the Serpent. The Serpent couldn’t really think, as such. All he knew was that he loved swimming, and he loved the sea. He loved freedom, and such impure thoughts of—bleaugh—order and friendship never really crossed his simple little mind… at least not for a while.

Skipping forward a few eternities of literally everything and nothing happening at once, and the Serpent was starting to think, just a little bit. He took a good look at his sea of stupidity and wondered just what exactly he was aiming to achieve, and whether he had actually accomplished anything at all. I suppose you could call this his teen years.

In short, he didn’t like what he saw. At all, really. He loved chaos, but the entire reason for chaos is that it is spontaneous. Unpredictability is the word of the day here.

This primal, unfocused, completely nonsensical void of unpredictability had spun in a loop and become predictable again, which is all rather paradoxical and quite hilarious, but this was really quite a dilemma for this strong, independent, young Serpent. Swimming in a sea of nonsense had lost its charm, to his astonishment and vague worry. What was he supposed to do now?

He simply wished it all… made sense, in a way.

And then the most extraordinary thing happened. He changed—he had a definable shape, for the first time in his unexistence. He flexed his talons, and snapped.

And that’s how the universe was made. No, seriously.

That casual snap of the talons, you see, was a spell, perhaps the mightiest spell ever devised. The spell that gave order to the system, and turned the primordial chaos into the quaint little existence as we know it today.

With a snap of great talons, and an explosion of fathomless power, the ocean of chaos became the countless galaxies of the infinite cosmos. The Serpent opened his eyes to see the swirling nebulae and billions of billions of stars. He formed lips and vocal chords just so he open his mouth and say:

“Oh my.”

The Serpent was on top of the world right now, you see. Where there was once boring, predictable entropic mushy stuff, there were actual things! Things that even he and his brand new mind couldn’t have begun to imagine.

Millions of years passed as the great Serpent journeyed through space. He walked on the surface of stars so hot they gave even him a bit of a rash, then watched those same stars detonate with a burning finality. Really, you haven’t seen real fireworks until you’ve watched a supernova. Very sparkly.

For a long time, he simply watched and explored. Then… he began to get bored again. You see, for as much as he enjoyed playing in the cosmic dust, there’s only so many eons you can do it before you start getting tired of it.

So the Serpent looked down at his claws—the same digits that had created the universe, you remember—and thought, Now how can I liven this dingy old place up?

And so, with a spark of inspiration, he snapped those claws and summoned forth Paradise. At first, he filled it with these weird monkey things, which were, quite hilariously, far too smart for their own good. So after they killed themselves off, he created a new species.

Ponies. He created 3 entire races, and gave them their own gods, who were each a fusion of these tribes.

He named this land Equestria.

Author's Note:

An attempt at a creation myth that I lost my way with pretty early on. I could have ended this way better, but I'm lazy and just wanted to get it out on this little anthology thing.

~PP

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Oh god.

It got approved.

Welp... Time to read!

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Pearple Prose]

3438679

w/e faggot

[TheFIMguru]

I want you to imagine, if you would, the darkest thing you can imagine. Got it? Okay, now imagine the brightest thing. Got them both inside that little noggin of yours?
Now smush those two things together, multiply it by negative infinity, colour it pink, and call it Susan. That’s the brand of mad that we are talking about here.

Wow. You sound a lot like Douglas Adams when you write about Discord. You should write more about him.

[Pearple Prose]

3438737

Yeah, I did enjoy writing his narrative style. Maybe I'll return to it again.

[Fuzzyfurvert]

3439063
How, precisely, does one go about making out with your own alternate personality?

[Pearple Prose]

3439092

Magic.

[Themaskedferret]

Very intriguing idea :)