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For the Good or Bad?

Sam Rogers, a 27 year old man is somehow brought into Equestria with his house and a guitar. He has to face personal problems and problems of Equestria, but is this event for the good or the bad of Sam?

Chapters (2)

The First Day · 26th Feb 2012 · 1,566 words
1,566
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Celestia and Luna · 28th Feb 2012 · 2,058 words
2,058
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Comments ( 5 )

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Slevac

Slevac #1 · Feb 27th, 2012 · · · The First Day ·

I was a little skeptical at first because you kept repeating Sam's name every sentence, which was a bit annoying, but as the mane 6 showed up and there was conversations and a bit of plot his name wasn't mentioned as much and I took a liking to the piece. For future reference though, it's not against the rules to use "he" once we establish who we are talking about. Unless of course, and I didn't mean to be rude if this is the case, you went for that style for a purpose the piece is supposed to have. Either way,a short, quick read with not much plot, but enough to make me want to read the second chapter. That's all you really need in a story, to hook a reader, and keep them hooked. And sir/madam you have hooked me.

ClassicRockFanatic

ClassicRockFanatic #2 · Feb 28th, 2012 · · · Celestia and Luna ·

265543 Thanks for the feedback. It's appreciated.

Slevac

Slevac #3 · Feb 28th, 2012 · · · Celestia and Luna ·

I can see, you took my advice on using "he" alot more than his name. It turned out well. The plot may be going by a little slow, but the chapters are pretty small, so that's understandable. now the waiting game needs to be played.

MicroUltraMad

MicroUltraMad #4 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · · · The First Day ·

Agreed with Slevac. you seem to rush this a bit and i noticed Sam should be a little more freaked out, being that he is in his old house, with new stuff, in the middle of he doesn't know where, where there are talking ponies, and he doesn't seem to even notice these things.

ClassicRockFanatic

ClassicRockFanatic #5 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · · · Celestia and Luna ·

283215 I noticed that too, it's the weekend, I have all night and day to write. I'll reveal something right now about the next chapter though; subconscious.