The Royal Opinion of Ponyville
Fifteen Years Later
"Your student, Celestia." Luna growled her frustrations.
Celestia rolled over in her bed. When she attempted to stand she became tangled in her sheets and flopped onto the floor in a mess of legs and fabric. Like a cat, who was caught in an undignified position, she pretended the incident never happened after she extricated herself and assumed a proper pose. "What has she done now?"
"She insulted the minotaur ambassador when he regaled a tale of his youth at the dinner party. She tore apart the details of his story and accused him of being a liar because, according to the "Almighty Inheritor of the Sunset", his story was impossible!" Luna was making quotation marks in the air with her hooves and her face made a mighty, sarcastic derp when she announced Twilight's obnoxious title.
Celestia's posture collapsed in defeat. "What did we have to give him to make reparations?"
"Oh, nothing, he was very amiable about it."
"That doesn't sound like a minotaur ambassador, Luna. What's the catch?"
"Nothing. That's the point. The trade negotiations are off, and it wouldn't have happened if your little student weren't such a brat." Luna spoke with an edge of malice in her voice. "I helped remake her life, Celestia, and I can unmake it, too."
At this point Celestia was a frumpy mass laying on the floor. Her breathing was sharp and exasperated as she thought about her student. Twilight hadn't always been this caustic, but in hindsight the signs of her transformation were unmistakable. The way she started mimicking Blueblood's posture, her pretentious use of words, that little scoff she had started to develop...
"Honestly, Luna, I don't know what to do. Her story has granted her an immense amount of popularity among our subjects, so I can't just remove her from the public eye without causing a scandal... I can't leave her in the public eye without her causing a scandal, and I can't kill her without causing a massive scandal." Celestia was normally a well spoken mare. However, currently her jaw was resting heavily on the floor, which impeded her proper enunciation.
"... And if she ever feels gypped she knows more than enough about our personal lives to cause another scandal if she wanted." Luna plopped herself down next to her sister.
"You really distrust her that much?"
"She insulted a minotaur ambassador. A. Minotaur. Ambassador. Whatever trust she earned when she was young completely evaporated tonight. Maybe you're willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, Celes, but I'm not."
"I'm glad we're on the same page, then. My time as her teacher is becoming intolerable. She'll correct every niggling, insignificant, irrelevant detail!"
"Perhaps... Perhaps we could arrange an accident?"
"She's the Inheritor of the Sunset. What kind of accident could we arrange, which would inflict any kind of lasting harm on her without outing our influence?"
"Special assignment?"
"To where?"
"The moon, obviously!" Luna spoke with demonic glee and the room became ominously darker for a moment, just a moment.
"And when she doesn't return?"
"One of us transforms into her and takes her place?"
"We'd be caught before the century ended."
They both stared ahead in quiet contemplation, neither of them knowing quite how to handle their predicament. Things had been relatively simple and routine before Twilight, and now they and Equestria were paying for a selfless act of compassion.
"We can't harm her, but we need to reliably keep her out of our affairs." Celestia began listing the facts of the situation out loud. "When Blueblood became problematic we nudged him to start frequenting the local bars and brothels until he became an STD infested alcoholic. That worked pretty well, but I doubt we could trick Twilight into trapping herself in a self destructive cycle, which wouldn't bring us down with her."
"Well... Why would that be so hard?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you remember that time she turned in that assignment late? She was a frazzled mess and beyond irrational. Her weakness is her love of studying."
"And how would that not bring us down with her? Remember, that was the time she cast the Want It, Need It spell." Celestia cringed as she remembered the horror of that day. That was not a good day. That was not a good day.
"Ah, but here's the trick, sister, if she does it away from us, say, in a little podunk town on the edge of our borders..."
Celestia caught the mischievous gleam in Luna's eyes. ".. Then it wouldn't be a problem. After she settled she'd have low media exposure, she'd fade from public consciousness, and who cares about some backwater sinkhole?"
"Exactly, and I believe I know just the place. It's on the border of the Everfree, so for her to eventually have a deadly accident wouldn't be too surprising!"
Excitement was filling the room, but Celestia wasn't completely lost in it yet. "That's great, it's a great plan... But how do we get her there?"
Luna cupped her chin with her hoof in contemplation as she considered the problem. " ...Well, you'll be upping her workload soon... So after she starts getting frazzled tell her you think moving to a quieter location would benefit her studies. Shove her in whatever poor excuse for a library the town has, and keep a constant supply of books heading her way."
"That... That works. I think this will work. It won't keep her away forever, but it might at least give us enough time to patch things up with the minotaurs." Celestia smiled in genuine happiness, a rare occasion those days, but then a stray thought passed through her brain. "Y'know, we've come up with this plan to sweep her under the rug... But shouldn't we try talking to her first?"
The sisters looked each other in the eyes for several long moments. Then in unison they spoke.
"Naaah."
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i like it
You spelt prologue wrong you silly filly.
Also I don't recommend having three paragraphs starting off with Twilight Sparkle.
I'll do a bigger review when I'm not in the car
She is so adorable. I'm taking her as my bed pet.
This is shaping up to be a good story. I like how we're going down a Mare-Do-Well path of passive-aggressive ostracising rather than just giving her a good talking-to—this does feel like something Celestia and Luna would do had they never had Nightmare Moon come between them. I'm interested to see just how badly this obnoxious version of Twilight does in Ponyville!
3341392
You are absolutely right, I spelled it wrong. It's fixed now, but let's just pretend I was trying to make a programming joke.
I see what you mean about saying "Twilight Sparkle" at the beginning of each chapter. I was trying to put in some artsy repetition, but I'll change it if it's really a big problem. I really can't remember what my rationale was for writing it that way, though, because I started writing this back in August.
Nice concept. you have my full attention.
And you and I need to have a future talk on magic. Because you and I and Ardensfax seem to all agree about it. Ish.
Read the first chapter and liked it. I think your sentences might be a bit short and maybe throw in a few more commas, but I like it. Change up your sentences to make them a bit more interesting. I'm the gay little fairy pegasus of weird prose. Feel free to ignore me. But you can't. For I have dat Dash ass.
3341479
In what way are our ideas similar? Ish. My ideas aren't super special or anything, but it's uncommon for me to meet people, who have similar ideas about it.
3341494 We'll talk later~ I'm also glad you are enjoying John De Lancie screaming shit in my story.
It's interesting. Everyone is bitch. Want read more of this.
So has no one noticed I killed Spike in the first chapter? I kinda expected people to be commenting on that.
Love it.
3341543
Acceptable losses
3341559
Truthfully, I wanted to spare him from dealing with my version of Twilight.
3341559 Hahahahah you are such a prick!
I loved him in season one and two. Because he was such a snide bastard.
3341569 I have a feeling Twilight just needs to get laid. It solves most problems.
You could not have a better title for this story. You'll get featured if you keep this up. Pump out two more chapters! Get a lot of people interested. It makes you want to write more!
3341543
Don't worry, it didn't go unnoticed. Surprised me a little, but I suppose it makes sense for this story to dispose of her assistant. Nothing to argue about here.
Overall... you have a like, and if I like the rest just as much as these first two chapters, you'll get a fav in the future.
3341662
No sympathy.
3341678 wat. Blue balls is a dick. Shining should date Rarity. That a true knight.
3341678
But... I already gave him alcoholism and a bunch of STDs in the second chapter of the story! Why would I want Rarity to date him? That'd be awful for her.
3341725
Well, if you have any ideas for an interesting Blueblood subplot I'm all ears.
Perhaps he funds medical research because of his conditions? He could be the Michael J. Fox of Equestria.
3341750 .... I love your dark humor.
Marry me.
3341779
I hope you know how to treat a pretty gentleman right. I only accept the very best back scratches.
3341883
That... That actually has potential. If I don't end up using it in this I could easily see putting it in a side story.
"Elementlessverse" has a nice, but long winded ring to it.
3341789 Colt plz. I do anal. Who doesn't want to unload in cyan butthole?
3341935
I wasn't aware my butthole was cyan. I always thought it was brown.
I fucking love it
3341943 someone is now famous. Now write more chapters you so of a bitch because I think you need to have four thousand words to get on the featured page!
3341943 Lᴇɢᴀʟɪᴢᴇ Gᴀʏ Wᴇᴇᴅ!
So that's why Twilight knew, that this spell "works every time"...
"Here lies Spike, a dragon with bad luck,
when he died, nopony gave a..."
Thank You For The Very Informative Title
3341569
Well you are kinder than the people who do Friendship is Witchcraft. And better at doing Comedy.
YAAAY!!! ANOTHER RANDOM COMMENT!!!!!
3341569 Oh...okay. Still a little mad about you offing him, but at least there was a good reason for it.
quickest kill off of spike in the history of fanfics
3341569
Meh, so far she is just an know it all who happens to have an big ego who will hate living with commoners who do not act like slaves around her and which according to the prologue will have no character development whatsoever...kinda like Disgruntled Twilight, only this one corrects others more instead of thinking about sex and considering how she only hated the minotaur for telling an seemingly impossible story she seems to be an little bit less racist than disgruntled Twilight, fortunately i like the letters from a disgruntled friendship student story so i can not wait for the next chapter.
I like cynicism. I like this fic.
If there are no elements then that means no true friendship exists, no need for enemies when you are own worst enemy.
Well, I was wondering if someone was doing this kind of AU. So far, I like it.
Deer Twilite Sparcl,
I has bean a lorving fan of urs sinse yous was an file. I are frum Ponevil, and cants wait for yous to are vive. I wanted I and u to hang wen u get her. I wills tel u aboot Me and ponevil. I wont stahp taking allllllll daaaayyy.
Lov, you're most lovng fans,
gORdOn.
[/hr]
Dear Princess Celestia,
Please give the attached letter to one Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot Castle just after she leaves for Ponyville. The aneurism she will receive from the letter may end with her untimely demise from 'natural causes.' Thus ending your struggle with her (and keeping her out of our lovely town. Whatever we did to deserve her I would like to formally apologize for right now)
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen of Ponyville.
[/hr]
Dear Author,
LOVE IT! GIVE ME MOAR!!!
Ouch
, and I here I was thinking that something would be different when becomes something much more deadlier (if not the same as) than Blueblood, like a team-up or something. Surprise that Celestia and Luna can be cruel to one of their own family member, but I guess it won't be hard to see where he get's it from. Hmm, in that notion, I wonder what's Cadence involvement in all of this, as she shared a connection to Twilight as her babysitter back in the day. I imagine that it never happened in this Alternative Universe?
Anyhow, a nice promise to the story, so far. It'll be interesting to see what developments occurred in this. So keep up the good work.
3342316Now p by djRainBow jokebeen ghana
greenday
Princeess TwiDash
Happend Happend Happend end." There are to Happend Happend end."
hollywood undead
been ghana greenday Princeess and Rain hollywood
greenday Princeess TwiDash with shipping sex
3343687
I just posted this story today.
A real master does not spoil his slaves. You must work for your reward.
This is really, really interesting... I shall read this soon once I have the time.
3343736 But what if we like waiting? Then aren't you really rewarding us?
I read it, I loved it.
I freakin' love your "silly cynicism".
3343807
Then you get to sit on your thumbs like a good boy.
I wonder how messed up the other 5 will be.Or not messed up. Idk...
3343736 It's comments like this we should never be together in the same room.
You make Q proud.
3343896 Yay!
3343980 yes that is true