The Adventures of Damon Lipton
Chapter IX - Pinchy’s Day Out Part I
As sun rose over the horizon, the rays of sunlight peeked their way in through the curtains and slowly crawled their way to Damon who was in his bed sound asleep, his snores filling up the room. Unbeknownst to Damon, someone else was in the room with him, someone who was trying there best to not giggle as they slowly made their way over to the window.
As Damon rolled over so he was facing the window, they were suddenly yanked open and the light burst into the room. With a yowl of surprise as the sunlight burned into his eyes, Damon jerked upright, got tangled in his duvet and proceeded to fall out of the bed with a thud, his legs remaining on the bed as he groaned.
“Wakey wakey Uncle Bones!” Pinchy giggled as she jumped onto the bed and peer over.
“Pinchy… what time is it?” Damon groaned.
“About… five in the morning?” She replied.
“Seriously?” He sighed, “I know I’d said I’d spend the day with you today but come on, let me sleep for five more minutes?”
Damon began to pretend to snore causing Pinchy to gasp and clamber down onto his chest carefully.
“Gotcha!”
Pinchy squealed in delight as Damon suddenly grabbed her and began a merciless tickle attack, she wriggled in his grip as he cackled madly.
“Haha! I have got you now, the Hooded Shadow! Fear my deadly attack of the tickles!”
“N-nooooo!” Pinchy giggled, “you w-won’t get away with this!”
“And who's going to stop me?” Damon cackled.
“The very tired and irate parent who you just woke up.”
Damon turned to the doorway only to receive a pillow to the face from Berry Punch, making him release Pinchy who cried in triumph and clambered onto her mother’s back.
“Thank you, my almighty sidekick… uh… Supermummy!”
Berry rolled her eyes and chuckled at her daughter's antics as Damon rose up and cracked his back.
“Sorry, Berry. How about I make breakfast?”
“You are not going near my kitchen again,” Berry scowled, “not after what you did last night!”
“Whaaat? All I did was burn some things,”
Berry continued to scowl at him.
“And animated some eggs for Pinchy’s entertainment...”
She raised her brow at him.
“Then set the curtains on fire…” he sheepishly laughed.
“Exactly, I’ll be making food from now on,” Berry snorted as she left the room, followed by Damon.
“Can I at least make toast?” He asked.
“Especially not toast… never… toast.”
As Damon and Pinchy sat at the breakfast table as Berry cooked some food for them, Damon tried once more to offer his assistance and again being shot down.
“These conditions are… unacceptable,” Damon grumbles and looked at Pinchy who knew what he was going to do next.
“UNACCEPTABLE!” The both shouted in high pitched unison, Pinchy waving her front legs in the air dramatically..
“Well tough, I’m the boss!” Berry smirked, “you gotta deal with it!”
“Yeah yeah, how long till its ready?” Damon asked, “I’m starving.”
“Well, you do look like a little on the skinny side,” Berry giggled.
“Really… you actually said that,” Damon deadpanned.
“Yup!”
“And this is going to be a thing now, isn’t it?”
“Yup!”
“Great…” Damon muttered sarcastically
After enjoying breakfast and hating more of Berry’s puns, Damon took Pinchy out the back and into the garden to play for a bit before taking her out for the day. Damon had promised to take Pinchy on a walk through the town then through Whitetail woods, he originally wanted to go through the Everfree but was warned off it being told it was too dangerous.
He argued he had magic at his disposal if anything showed up, Berry argued that he was responsible for a foal.
Naturally, Berry won the argument.
As Damon stated to push Pinchy on her swing set using a small wind spell, Berry began to wash the plates and cooking utensils whilst whistling to herself. There was a knock on the door which she assumed was the mailmare, quickly drying her hooves with a towel before heading to the front door. She opened it with a smile on her face and was surprised to not see Derpy, rather, she saw Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara behind him.
“Mister Rich? What brings you here this earlier?” She asked.
“Hello, Miss Berry. I was wondering if we could possibly go inside and speak about yesterday's… incident.
“O-of course,” Berry replied, a little uneasy.
As she stepped aside to let them in, she saw the smirk on Diamonds face as she closed the door slowly behind them.
Damon suddenly stopped using his spell and looked up in alarm and confusion.
“What is it, Uncle Bones?” Pinchy asked him.
“I feel… a strange disturbance…” he murmured.
“Damon! Pinchy!” Berry called from inside, “can you come inside please?”
They shared a confused glance at one another before they both headed back inside, Pinchy immediately hid behind Damon as she spotted Diamond sitting in the living room alongside Filthy and her mother.
“So you must me Damon… correct?” Filthy asked.
“Aye, and I assume given you’re with her, you must be her father or some form of relative?” Damon replied.
“I am her father yes, Filthy Rich.”
Filthy extended a hoof to him and Damon shook it, just as Pinchy darted behind her mother a little scared.
“So, what brings you round here?” Damon asked, taking a seat.
Berry sat next to Damon on the sofa as Pinchy settled in between them, leaning on her mother slightly and trying to avoid the glare Diamond gave.
“Well, it involves you mainly.” Filthy began, “and what you did to my daughter and her friend.
“You mean the skull thing?” He asked as Filthy nodded, “okay, I admit that it was a little bit to much but with respect, your daughter was being very rude to Pinchy and Berry.”
Filthy’s brow raised as he cast a glance over to Diamond who was now looking a little uneasy.
“Is that so? You told me that he did it without any reason.”
“But he did, daddy! He started it!” Diamond protested.
“No he didn’t!” Pinchy shouted, “you came over and started being mean to us, like you always do!”
Damon studied Filthy’s expression, he could clearly see that the father was surprised by Pinchy’s accusation and figured that he wasn’t being told properly by the school about Diamond’s behaviour.
“No I didn’t you little freak!” Diamond snapped, “shut your mouth!”
“Diamond!” Filthy shouted, shocked at her outburst.
Diamond shrunk in her seat as her fathers angry glare beared down on her, he looked over to the others and sighed.
“I’m so sorry, I have no idea where that came from. she’s usually really well behaved at home…” he turned to Diamond again, “apologise young filly!”
“Sorry…” Diamond muttered.
“It’s ok,” Berry sighed as she cuddled a sniffling Pinchy, “I’m sure there’s a reason behind all this.”
“Just out of curiosity,” Damon began, “do you know what Diamond called Berry?”
“No, like I said, Diamond didn’t tell me that she had said anything rude or horrible,” he replied.
Damon looked over to Berry who nodded, she placed Pinchy on the floor and smiled.
“Sweetie, will you take Diamond into the kitchen and pour each other a glass of juice?”
“But muuum,” Pinchy whined.
“It’s ok, Pinches,” Damon smiled, using the nickname he made the previous day, “Diamond won’t do anything, right, Diamond?”
Diamond looked at Damon who was giving her a very serious glare, remembering what he did yesterday she nodded and without complaint, followed Pinchy into the kitchen leaving the adults alone.
“So what did she supposedly say then?” Filthy asked.
“She said ‘Buzz off you blank flank, go back to you alcoholic mother’,” Damon replied.
Filthy’s eyes went wide speechless, he blinked for a moment before finding his voice.
“S-she said… that?”
“Yes, I’m afraid she did, it upset Pinchy something awful,” Berry replied.
“I thought I was on my own when I said that… please understand, Miss Berry, Damon. I wasn’t talking about you,” Filthy said.
“Oh?” Damon replied, crossing his arms.
“You see… Diamond’s mother and I… we split up last year,” Filthy began.
Berry was visibly shocked by that, Damon didn’t understand why though.
“But you two look so happy together in public,” Berry replied.
“It’s a facade, for Diamond’s sake. The other night I got into an argument with her mother on the phone and I think she over heard the things I called her, one of them being an alcoholic mother with the same morals as a whore…”
Berry placed a hoof over her mouth in shock as Damon struggled not to laugh at the term whorse, then realised why Luna had taken offense to him when they had met as ‘horse’ and ‘whore’ must have sounded like he was called her a whore, Damon slapped himself mentally in the face.
“I-I see…” Berry started.
“I’m truly sorry about what Diamond said, I’ll talk with her later about it,” Filthy apologised.
Pinchy and Diamond returned from the kitchen both drinking from a glass of apple juice, Pinchy climbed back onto the sofa as Diamon sat back next to her father.
“Diamond, we need to talk later okay? But right now you are for what you called Miss Berry and for upsetting her daughter,” he said sternly
“Yes daddy… sorry miss Berry… sorry Pinchy,” Diamond said with sincerity.
“It’s ok, Diamond,” Berry smiled as Pinchy nodded with her own smile.
“And I’m sorry to, Mister Rich,” Damon added, “I was a little bit over the top yesterday as well.
“All behind us now,” Filthy smiled, “I’m just glad this mess was sorted out nicely, we’ll show ourselves out. Have a good day you three.”
“Goodbye,” Berry said as Filthy and Diamond left the house.
“Well… that was interesitng,” Damon said.
“I’ll say…” Berry replied.
“Mum? Can me and Uncle Bones go now?” Pinchy asked.
“Of course sweetie, go and get yourself read okay?”
“Yes mum!”
Pinchy squealed in delight as she scrambled to her hooves and rush upstairs to get ready, leaving Damon and Berry chuckling before she gave him a serious glare.
“Remember, no dangerous places please. Try and stick to the woods okay?”
“I’ll try my best,” Damon grinned.
Berry rolled her eyes as they heard Pinchy running down the stairs again, they both couldn’t help smiling at her. Because it was going to rain soon, Pinchy was wearing a yellow foal sized raincoat complete with rain hat, four bright red welly boots covered her hooves and a saddle bag rested on her side for to carry her lunch in and a big grin on her face.
“Oh, you are so adorable!” Berry giggled, “stay they're I need to get my camera!”
“What on Cyrium is a camera?” Damon asked.
“You don’t have cameras?” Berry asked
“What gave it away?” He replied with sarcasm, getting a bop from Berry, “we had this conversation already about the ‘light switch’, as you call it.”
Berry giggled in remembrance, the first time Damon had seen a light switch turn on he demanded to know what sorcery was powering it and then proceeded to play with the light switch, turning it on and off, for several hours.
Pinchy beamed as her mother snapped a picture of her, with Damon looking at the camera with fascination before Berry shoved him next to Pinch who proceeded to climb into his arms and they both posed for the camera.
After posing for what seemed like several hundred photos, Damon and Pinchy finally got out of the house and proceeded to make their way through town. As they walked, they were greeted by several ponies and almost every colt or filly who happened to be outside, much to Damon’s amusement. As scheduled, the rain began soon after they had left, ponies began to either go back inside their houses or into buildings or re-emerge wearing their waterproof clothing.
The rain didn’t bother Damon that much, he actually prefered it over the sun, it was the sound of rain lightly hitting a glass surface that seemed to instill a calm state of mind and he found his studies would be a lot better when listening to the rain falling. Crossing his arms behind his back and they trudged on, he smiled as he watched Pinchy jump into puddles and splash about, giggling as she continued to enjoy the rain.
They soon came to the edge of town and near Whitetail woods, passing a sign that had a map of the woods which he had been told was the layout for ponies who enjoyed walking in the woods as well as it was the track for a race called ‘the running of the leaves’ which Damon had meant to ask about. Damon let his thoughts drift away as he felt the rain splash over his skull, the feeling was strange and different then having it splash onto flesh but it felt strangely nice, although he began to chuckle when the water trickled into his eye sockets and had to lower his head again.
That’s when he noticed Pinchy was no longer splashing in puddles ahead of him, he quickly glanced around trying to see where she had gone only to hear a branch rustle above him.
“INCOMING MORTAR!”
Pinchy cried with glee before jumping into a large puddle in front of Damon, he let out a startled cry as he was drenched and fell onto his backside, blinking at Pinchy who was in the middle of the water grinning.
“I got you good, Uncle Bones!”
As Pinchy giggled madly, Damon couldn’t help but join in before they both began laughing loudly. He soon stood up and they began to walk down the path again, still giggling to one another.
“Aren't you afraid you’ll get a cold, Uncle Bones?” Pinchy asked, suddenly aware that she had made his clothes soaked, “you must be soaked to the bone!”
“Did your mother tell you to say that?” He asked her.
“Say what?” Pinchy replied, tilting her head.
“Nevermind, and to answer, nah I’ll be fine. Trust me!”
“I’m sorry…” Pinchy said softly.
“It’s okay, Pinches,” Damon smiled down at her, “it was all in good fun.”
Pinchy smiled as they continued to make their way through the wet woods, Damon enjoying the scenery as Pinchy continued to enjoy jumping in the puddles they came across. Eventually, Damon heard Pinchy’s stomach growl and chuckled as she blushed, before he heard another growl.
“See! I’m not the only one who’s hungry!” Pinchy giggled.
“How does that make any sense?” Damon muttered, “I really need to speak to Dorian about this…”
“Who you talking to, Uncle Bones?”
“Just myself Pinches, you want to go find somewhere dry to eat lunch?”
“Okay!”
Walking as quickly as they could, they came across the family picnic area and found a table that was under a shelter and dry. As they sat down, Damon muttered a spell under his breath and a blast of air shot from the ground, blowing his robes and cloak about before suddenly stopping and leaving them dry.
“Wow!” Pinchy exclaimed, “they’re bone dry!”
“Seriously, are you sure your mother didn’t tell you to say that?”
“Say what?” Pinchy asked, hiding a giggle.
Damon eyed her suspiciously, convinced something was afoot but stopped when he heard Pinchy whimper.
“My lunch…” she whimpered.
Sure enough, from all the jumping about in the water, her lunch bag had been leaked into making her sandwich soggy and waterlogged. Damon frowned as Pinchy’s eyes watered up slightly, he knew that Berry had made her a special sandwich for today and Pinchy had been looking forward to it. Quickly, he scooped the filly up and gave her a hug as she sniffled into his robes.
“Hey, come on, Pinches. Its not all that bad,”
“But, my sandwich…”
Damon muttered softly under his breath, just low enough so she didn’t hear and there was a ‘whoosh’ sound from the table. Pinchy turned around and gasped, seeing her sandwich now dry, just like Damon.
“But...but…”
“Magic dear, Pinches, magic,” Damon grinned, “now tuck in, I know how to make this day better!”
Pinchy hugged him tightly with a big grin on her face and sat down to eat her sandwich as Damon leant back against the chair.
“Are we going to go exploring in the Everfree?” Pinchy asked excitedly between mouthfuls.
“Why do you say that?”
“I heard mum telling you we couldn’t go in there, but I’ve always wanted to have an adventure like Daring Do!”
“Who?”
“You don’t know who Daring Do is?!” Pinchy gasped.
“I’m not from this world, remember?” Damon chuckled, booping her on the nose.
“Oh yeah,” Pinchy giggled as she scrunched her nose, “she’s this awesome pony who goes on these awesome adventures!”
“And you want to go on one like her?” Damon asked.
“Well duh! Everypony who reads the books wants to! so can we, Uncle Bones? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?”
Damon tried to say that he shouldn’t because of what Berry had asked him, but the more he looked at Pinchy’s big eyes and wobbling lip he felt his sternness melt away in a mixture of cutesy goo and sighed with a chuckle.
“I suppose a small walk just on the inside will be okay…”
“YAY!” Pinchy cried, tackling him into a hug, “thank you Uncle Bones!”
Soon after eating lunch, with Damon taking a small plant from his pouch which he explained was a light snack in Cyrium, much to Pinchy’s confusion on why anyone would eat a plant like that. They had continued to walk through the woods and soon came out on the other end of the track, seeing the looming forest in the distance, Damon was having doubts about his earlier statement to Berry about his magic, but he had promised Pinchy a quick walk on the indie of the forest and figured that they would only be an hour or so tops.
Approaching the forest, Pinchy was giggling like mad as she began to tell Damon all the things she wanted to try that Daring Do did in her books and he couldn’t help smile at her ramblings, seeing her this excited was making him feel warm inside and he slowly began to warm up to the idea of exploring, despite the wetness of the rain. Especially if they stayed within eyeshot of the town itself, and besides.
What Berry didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
Right?
I have the feeling they're going to run into Zecora. Or Timberwolves. Or both.
... Actually, I wonder how Damon would react to being hit by Poison Joke...
3194608 I assume Poison joke affects ponies on a biological level. And since Damon is a lich and is therefore nothing but bones( I assume also) it probably wouldn't do Jack monkey Squat.
Yay Adventure time Reference
STOP KILLING ME WITH THE CUTENESS OF A THOUSAND KITTENS!
3194950 I think it works more like a transformation spell, thus it can affect all materials.
3194953 Aw, you beat me to it!
I like it so far!
You know what, I had a random thought whilst encountering the name Pinchy over and over. If you look at the ponies' names in the different generations, you find that the kids are called stuff like "Pipsqueak" or "Dinky" (non-canon?) or "Featherweight" or "Sweetie belle", which is probably gonna sound weird when they grow up. But that's not important. Judging by how just a couple generations before somepony called their child Granny Smith, I have to conclude that the names really jump up in cuteness each generation. Probably to a level that sounds cute to the ponies called by what they think are normal names, which sounded cute to the older generation and such.
So I kinda wonder what sort of horrific, brutal, fucked up names they had initially, during the times depicted in the H'sWE play for example. Heck, even a couple generations up from Granny Smith would be interesting if you extrapolate.
3195305
Perhaps Granny Smith was not born as "Granny" Smith. Maybe she was just "Smith", or perhaps "Smith Apple". Possibly "Mrs. Apple". When she became a granny they called her as such. Or maybe all ponies have more than one name. They could get three, magically bound names throughout their life. Whenever a new name is obtained everyone's memories of that person are replaced with the new name.
"You think? Just look at me! I'm all skin and bone!"
Ba Dum Tish.
Well, it looks like everyone involved is about to find out what a pissed off litch is capable of. That transformation probably gave Damon an enormous power boost, and I am willing to bet he knows some kind of combat magic even if he does not strike me as a real battlemage so there are very good odds he will wind up absolutely obliterating some wildlife (along with a good chunk of the forest) after he and Pinchy do a lot of panicked running.
3195305 I always got the impression that some of that was nicknames (I think their names are "Granny" Smith Apple and "Big" Macintosh Apple as opposed to Granny Smith or Big Macintosh) and that some ponies change their names after getting their cutie marks. After all, Sweetie Belle would be a very odd name for a carpenter or miner, although it works fine for a singer or confectioner.
That "there" should be their.
Started.
Be
These are all I found.
Missing end quote mark.
Too
Well at least he's quoting it verbatim, but I thought you said this typo was addressed! (Note: This instance is from this chapter, not the previous one.)
Filthy said whore, not whorse. See here:
This was to be a pun, right? I'm assuming the term "whorse" was actually used by
Filthyer, Mr. Rich and not something Damon came up with in his head by connecting the dots.Missing end quote again.
"there, I need to get"
As the title of an event, this would usually be capitalized: the 'Running of the Leaves'
I can't wait to see what his phylactery is. My bet is that Dorian kept it, and that's how he'll get Damon to do his bidding.
this confused me.
“Well, you do look like a little on the skinny side,” Berry giggled.
did you mean
“Well, you do look a little on the skinny side,” Berry giggled.
or
“Well, you do look like you're a little on the skinny side,” Berry giggled.
maybe it is just a mannerism I'm not used to.
Something's been bothering me for a while; many characters say "mum" despite having accents that contradict the usage of such a word. Like Diamond Tiara in chapter eight.
3195105 That's sounds fairly reasonable also. Perhaps it does work off a magical basis, but we'll never know. So until then......potato.
3198860 He is English, get over it. He doesn't have to spell it the american way.
3199273
Diamond Tiara isn't English, I'm also English; your point is invalid.
3199363 My opinion is valid because he is English and he is writing it the way he wants to write it. I don't care if you are English, you write the way you want to write.
3199381
But it's not proper characterisation, it's not just a difference in spelling but a difference in pronunciation.
3199416 Hold on, just reading the chapter again, do you mean it sounds odd because Diamond says mother, then mum? I thought you were just having a go at him because he was writing mum and not mom.
3199448
I'm not having a go at him, I'm just saying that Diamond Tiara wouldn't say mum, it just takes me out of the story somewhat and it may do the same for some other readers. But it's just a word, there's no need to get into a massive argument about it; he can change it if he wants to change it.
3199499 No, I know you're not having a go at him as I realized what you were saying.
3199234
signs point to it working on him. why?
1. as long as the being is alive it should work. hes dead but hes alive.
2. it can reshape bone structure so i see no reason for it to not work on him.
3. it would be hilarious!
4. the author may do what he pleases!
Man I'm loving this story! The little interactions between the characters are amazing! And I love that you've taken allot of aspects from most HIE fics and either made fun of them, or made them work.
Epic as always :3
Nice adventure time and friendship is witchcraft references.
...The toast. Beware the toast.
3198860 Does words such as Armour, Colour and Programme bother you too? :D
Famous last words...
Almost up there with "What could possibly go wrong?"
4779503
No if he said that instead of right
Then the universe has no chose but to smite him... Not like it wasn't anyway
I feel like this is Damon.
Groans The skeleton puns. They are so bad they are cringe. I should know, I make bad puns on a daily basis.
3195540
Actually in the show I think they give Granny's real name. Been awhile since ive seen the show so I don't remember the name. Think it was during Leap of Faith or when they were explaining how ponyville was founded. But if you remember she insists people call her Granny Smith and Everypony calls her that. And big Macintosh was given the nickname big because that's what he was.
3194608 turn him into sans/ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL PAPYRRRRRRRRUS
Inside. I normally hate it when people do this in the comments and I normally ignore these little typos in well written stories but you said that you're going through editing them and wanted us to point out errors.
what did he do to the toaster
4779503
agreed