Chapter XVII - The Great and Powerful Annoyance Part I.
The Adventures of Damon Lipton
Chapter XVII - The Great and Powerful Annoyance Part I.
“Good, Damon. You’ve definitely been improving,” Kalanar smiled
“No, I’m just awesome,” Damon smirked back.
Kalanar gave him a deadpan look, “Don’t push it.”
“Sorry.”
Kalanar shook as he looked at the clock on the wall in the library, “Right, I think that’s enough for today. I’m going to be heading out to that ruined castle Miss Twilight told me about,”
“Why?” Damon asked as he stretched out his back. “It’s just a ruined castle, and besides, you can just read about it. I’m sure Twilight has a book somewhere about it.”
“That may be true,” Kalanar replied as they entered the main part of the library. “But I like to see these things for myself, far more interesting.”
“If you say so. I’m going to go and see what Berry and Pinchy are up to.”
“Very well, I shall pack and be back by tomorrow morning,” Kalanar nodded.
In the main part of the library reading a book was Twilight, who looked up when she heard them enter, looking up at Kalanar with a hopeful look, “Do… you want me to accompany you?”
Kalanar didn’t hear her, as his mind was elsewhere. He walked over to the knapsack he had been gifted by Fluttershy and checked if everything was in order, having packed earlier that day. With a satisfied nod he slung it onto his shoulder.
“Alright, I shall see you tomorrow,” Kalanar called out.
“But—” Twilight started.
“Ta-ta!” Kalanar interrupted, not hearing her again.
“Take care, Master,” Damon replied.
He then left the library and briskly made his way towards the edge of town. Damon grinned as he cracked his knuckles and started for the door.
“Okay, Twilight. See ya—” Damon noticed Twilight looking down with a disappointed look on her face. “You okay?”
“Huh? O-oh, yeah. I just wanted to go with Kalanar you know? See his magic properly first hand… maybe asked some questions… given he’s a Master in your world.”
“Ooooh no,” Damon chuckled, walking over and booping her with a bony finger. “No questions, I know what you’re like when it comes to that.”
Twilight scrunched her nose and huffed as Damon scratched his chin and sat next to her, “It may look like he’s ignoring you or being rude, but that’s just how he is. He sometimes simply doesn’t hear others talking to him. That, and he’s an elf.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Twilight asked.
“Where we come from, elves are notoriously racist. Not all of them, but its a kinda racial thing. Tend to think they’re better than everyone else.”
“That’s horrible!” Twilight gasped. “Does this mean… he’s racist towards ponies?” Twilight asked, a hint of worry in her voice.
“Nah, he’s just like a child during the winter festival. Excited,” Damon replied. “He’s always had a thing for old ruins, can’t get enough of them the crazy old bastard.”
“I see…” Twilight replied. “Well… I’ll take your word for it, I take it you’ll still be going to Pinkie’s party later?”
Damon visibly shuddered, “I would have to be suicidal to miss it—” he paused mid-sentence. “Maybe… I should’ve told Master Kalanar about that…”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine?” Twilight replied with a hint of doubt.
“Right, anyway. See you later,” Damon said as he got up, waving the unicorn off with his bony hand.
Twilight waved him off before returning to her book and sighing, pouting as she looked over to her bookshelf and levitated over a book entitled, ‘Understanding the Stallion mind’.
As Damon walked down the busy streets of Ponyville, he couldn’t help but find himself starting to whistle a merry tune as he headed towards Berry’s house. As he walked he was greeted with friendly ‘hellos’ or a wave from the locals. Over the past month, they had gotten used to the lich walking around town in the company of Berry and Pinchy. In fact, he had made an impact on the town making it more eventful, which had spawned a motto of some of the folk.
Wherever Damon roams, something exciting will come about.
Of course, they never told Damon this, lest he find it somewhat insulting. Never the less though, Damon was at peace for once in his life. Although he would never admit it, the arrival of Kalanar brought him great joy as he now had someone from his own world he could speak to.
One thing that had started to concern him though, was the lack of activity from Dorian.
Ever since the incident with the Dalmora goblins, he hadn’t received any demands or felt the prices of the mischievous god and it troubled him. With his head lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the pink mare bounding towards him until he was suddenly tackled by her, making the skeletal mage yelp in surprise.
“Hiiii, Damon!” Pinkie giggled.
“Hello, Pinks, mind getting off me?” Damon asked.
“Sure Thing—” Pinkie paused and blinked down at him. “Pinks?”
“Well, yeah.” Damon started. “You call me Bones so I figured you’d like a nickname in return.
Damon tilted his head as he watched the pink mare’s eyes water up and her lip quivered. Suddenly, he yelped as she tightly wrapped her hooves around his neck and sobvbed into him loudly and somewhat dramatically.
“Oh, Bones! I knew you cared!” She blubbered. “Only true friends give each other nicknames!”
“Yes. True friend.” Damon choked. “Can’t. Breathe!”
“Whoopsie!” Pinkie giggled. “Sorry, I got carried away.”
“Yeah you did…” Damon replied as he rubbed his throat. “Still can’t figure out how I can be chocked…”
“So… anyway,” Pinkie started before taking a deep breath. “Areyousuperexcitedforyourpartylateronhuh?Huh?Huh?!”**
“Damon stared at her as his mind processed her words slowly before he nodded, “Yes I am, however. Master Kalanar isn’t gunna be attending.”
Pinkie’s mane flattened as she looked at him, visibly upset. “Buh… why?”
“Well… you did arrange the party before hand and you did kinda, maybe not tell him about it.”
“Oh yeah…” Pinkie grinned sheepishly. “Nevermind! We can just have another uber-awesome super-duper party when he gets back… where is he anyway?”
“Everfree, going to have a look at that ruined castle,” Damon replied.
Pinkie gasped loudly, “The Everfree?! But that’s so dangerous! He could be attacked by—”
She stopped when she saw Damon giving her a look of amusement before she realised that Kalanar was a powerful magic user and would actually be alright by himself.
“I guess you have a point,” Pinkie giggled. “So where you heading then huh? Huh? Huh?”
“I was going over to Berry’s,” he started. “But you’re still sitting on me.”
“Whoopsie!” Pinkie grinned and lept off him before bouncing away. “See you later, Damon!”
Damon shook his head as he continued on his way towards Berry’s house. After a few minutes of walking, he eventually came to the home and pulled out the key he was given by the mare and smirked. Ever so quietly, he inserted the key and turned it in the lock before carefully opening the door as quietly as he could.
He successfully managed to get inside the house, only to hear the sound of little hooves running down the stairs and spun around just in time to catch Pinchy as she pounced him from the stairs.
“I heard you, Uncle Bones!” she giggled.
“Yes, yes,” Damon sighed and rolled his eyes. “Three-one to you.”
“Are you still playing that silly, ‘Get into the house without Pinchy noticing’ game?” Berry called from the kitchen.
“... Maybe,” Damon replied.
“Honestly, you’re like a foal sometimes…” Berry chuckled.
“You’re just a jealous lil silly-filly,” Damon retorted.
Berry paused for a moment, something about the last two words and the way he said it made her stop what she was doing. As if she should know why it was familiar to her but she was unable to put her hoof on it. She shook her head and brushed it off as some form of weird deja-vu and came out of the kitchen.
“Me and Pinchy are going to go to the park for a bit before your party tonight, want to come?”
“Sure,” Damon grinned before kneeling down. “Climb aboard!”
Pinchy giggled and scrambled onto his back before maneuvering herself so she was riding on his shoulders, her little head resting on the top of his skull whilst her body—save for the aforementioned head, front and back legs—was hidden inside of Damon’s hood.
Berry rolled her eyes but tittered as she headed for the door. Damon picked up the picnic basket she was carrying on her back and followed her out of the door, closing it carefully behind him.
“So where’s Kalanar anyway?” Berry asked.
“Oh, galavanting in the ruins of the old castle in the forest,” Damon replied as he used his free hand to hold onto Pinchy’s left back leg. “Wanted to learn more about the architecture or something, I don’t know.”
“He seems very studious,” Berry noted.
Damon nodded gently as not to knock the filly off him, “Yup, guy goes crazy over history and what have you.”
“Unlike a certain lich we know.” Berry grinned as her daughter giggled.
“Pfft, I study! Just… when you’re not around.”
Berry raised her brow and smirked, “Pinchy? How does that rhyme go when somepony isn’t being honest?”
“Liar, liar pants on fire! Hangin’ on a telephone wire!” Pinchy sang with a giggle.
“Cute,” Damon chuckled before looking to Berry. “What’s a telephone again?”
Berry rolled her eyes, “I’ll explain later. Again.”
Damon snorted as they continued to walk, Pinchy clinging to his head and giggling nearly non-stop. As they walked, they kept walking past ponies who seemed to be rushing towards the middle of the town. Eventually, they were approached by Twilight and the others.
“Hey guys,” Damon said. “Where’s everyone going?”
“Apparently there’s this ‘amazing’ unicorn putting on a show in the marketplace. Reckons she’s great and powerful.” Rainbow said with an skeptical tone.
“Were’ jus’ gunna go check it out, make sure nothin’ bad happens,” Applejack added.
Damon nodded, “Right… well we’re going to go have a picnic, so we’ll see you later at the party?”
“Wouldn’t dream of missing it, darling,” Rarity replied. “Ta-ta!”
Damon, Berry and Pinchy said their goodbyes as they continued on to the park, finding a nice spot underneath a large oak tree. Damon helped Pinchy off his shoulders and popped her down on the ground as Berry took the basket and started to set up the meal.
“What do you want in your sandwich, Damon?” Berry asked.
“Got any more of the… what was it called?”
“Peanut Butter?”
Damon grinned almost maniacally,” Yes! I shall have all of it please!”
Berry scowled at him, “You’ll have a little. You’re not the only one who loves it.”
Berry snickered and pointed her hoof at Pinchy, who was glaring at Damon and scrunching her nose, her little body shaking as she tried to seem intimidating to the lich. Damon feigned a mock gasp and backed up to the tree.
“No! Please!” he wailed. “I’ll share!”
Berry rolled her eyes as Pinchy grinned triumphantly and sat back down, being handed a sandwich by her mother. Damon took his sandwich and grinned, anticipating the delightful taste he would be enjoying. As he opened his mouth to bite into the sandwich, he suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke and the sandwich fell onto the picnic blanket. Leaving a confused Berry Punch and a shocked Pinchy whose eyes started to water up.
“Uncle Bones…?” she whimpered.
The large crowd gathered in the marketplace watches with uninteresting expressions as Trixie began to charge her horn.
“Behold!” Trixie cried as she shot her spell into the center of the stage.
But nothing happened.
The crowd stared at her expectantly as she sheepishly smiled at them and folded her ears to her head as she tried the spell again.
Stupid props! Why won’t they go off? she thought to herself.
“Is something supposed to happen?” a pony asked.
“Well this is boring…” another muttered.
Rainbow turned to Twilight, “Hey Twilight, I’m gunna head off. This is just lame.”
Twilight nodded as the rainbow maned pegasus took to the skies and flew away, being followed by some of the other
Twilight cringed as Trixie’s spell failed again. When she and her friends had arrived at the marketplace, they had been greeted with a makeshift stage with a carriage nearby. On the stage itself stood a blue unicorn mare wearing a hat and cape, her nose held high in the air.
The mare had boasted loudly about how she was the greatest and most powerful magic user in the whole of the kingdom, somehow forgetting both the princesses. But thats not what made Twilight cringe.
Trixie’s show had started off a simple and harmless magic show, impressing the townsfolk and two colts in particular, Snips and Snails. But as the show went on, the tricks got repetitive and it didn’t help that four tricks in a row had failed or backfired which is why the lavender mare was cringing.
She felt sorry for Trixie, who was being booed by the crowd.
“Maybe… she should jus’ give up?” Applejack said. “She’s kinda embarrassing herself…”
“Well, you have to give her credit for determination and showmanship. I doubt I’d have the nerves to stay on performing if a crowd turned on me.”
“I hope she can do something,” Twilight frowned. “No pony should feel this humiliated… and she’s not that bad of a magic user, I think her props are failing.”
“Could be, maybe ah should offer a helpin’ hoof later to see if ah can get ‘em fixed?” Applejack suggested.
“That might be a nice idea…” Twilight started. “That is, if she’s still here by then…”
Trixie channeled her magic as she tried to cast a spell and bit her lip, waiting for the prop she needed to work to activate. However, again, the spell failed and the prop did nothing.
The prop that was designed to go off when the spell was cast and explode into a dazzling array of fireworks in the shape of an ursa minor, but didn't. Meaning and for a sixth time in a row, a prop had malfunctioned and she was looking like more of a fool in front of the crowd.
Trixie knew she should have made double checks on that repair stallions work! she growled in her head. Next time, Trixie will fix it herself!
“Boo!” a pony shouted followed by others.
“Get off the stage!” another jeered.
Trixie scowled before she started to panic as the crowd began to disperse. Suddenly, an idea came to her head, it was a risky one. But right now she needed to get the crowd back on side after her errors.
“T-Trixie can fix this! What if Trixie, were to bring forth a creature of vast power from beyond the void?”
That got their attention.
The crowd murmured to one another as Twilight looked up to the unicorn mare along with her friends with a hint of worry and doubt in her expression. It was nigh on impossible to summon things from beyond the Equestrian plane, even the princesses had difficulty performing magic of that caliber.
“Now that is somethin’ ah’d like to see!” Applejack grinned.
Fluttershy hid behind her mane, “I hope it’s not scary…”
“I’m sure it will be fine, Fluttershy,” Twilight replied. I just hope she doesn’t mess this one up to...
Trixie closed her eyes and concentrated and gathered all the magic she could and channeled it into her horn. The horn shone brightly as a circle appeared in the middle of the stage, making the crowd gasp as an aura of magic started to spin round it, gaining speed with each passing.
There was a sudden loud explosion as the stage was engulfed by smoke from Trixie’s spell. The crowd screamed as the whole area was bathed in smoke before it started to settle. Trixie looked up from behind her little barricade she had ducked behind to see something standing up from where she had cast the summon spell, something tall, something non-pony. She quickly shook her disbelief of the fact she actually cast the spell correctly and quickly trotted to the edge of the stage.
“Trixie told you! Trixie is great and powerful, and to prove it. Trixie has summoned a creature from beyond the void!”
The crowd gasped again as something groaned from the smoke that was proceeding to the point where the unicorn had cast her spell, their eyes wide with anticipation. As the smoke cleared, their jaws dropped as they stared at just what Trixie had summoned.
A tall, skeletal figure clad in blue robes was standing in the spot. A skeleton the town was all too familiar with.
“Where’d I go just now?” asked a confused Damon as he stumbled forwards on the stage.
“Behold! Trixie’s eternally bound familiar!” Trixie declared proudly as several fireworks exploded behind her.
Damon’s jaw dropped as he simply stared at the unicorn, blinking slowly as a single word escaped his mouth.
“... What.”
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Huh, she just enslaved Damon in front of the whole town ?
Hope she like pitchforks and torch
Da fuq? This was very funny but...what? I agree with Damon.
3797646 3797714
Patience
3797719
Pretty sure Dorian is laughing his ass somewhere near.
Good chapter.
3797733 I agree.
How would Kalanar feel about his student basically being kidnaped? Trixie's in for world of hurt now.
3797794
There a difference between teleporting and kidnapping, young one.
But she also is standing between ... What's his face... Oh crap, I seriously forgot... Damon's peanut butter. She's still in for a world of hurt, but just skeleton-mama bear style.
I'm assuming Dorian is behind her props failing... and that he helped the spell along as well as... directed it at Damon
Well, I can't wait for this to blow up spectacularly. It's going to be...
quickmeme.com/img/28/28845e9f2261750dc570f234b3a4306b86c36089f21b4aea55d7839f807f044a.jpg
Pinchy's not gonna like that...
3798195 Oh yes, agreed
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3797733 It's the only logical explanation...
XD. Oh if Trixie thinks that Damon going down that easy, well she better think again!
Eternally bound? That's going to go over well.
*passes Damon a double barrel shotgun* point the tube at her head,and pull the trigger
Trixie... Hope you won't miss that horn of yours!
Been waiting for this story to update for a while
Thank you, good sir or madam
really...please dont make him actually bound...be funnier if she thinks hes bound and he walks away. please...
3798252
derpicdn.net/img/2013/10/10/445723/medium.png
And that's how she learned magic
Small little nit pick
He has no lips
And on a side note 3801374 Pinchy Anne is best. Burn Ashe, Burn to ash ha hahahahaha
i got to get me a bag of popcorn...this gonna be good
This has Dorian written all over it
Oh for fuck sake. That is brilliant.
The same could be said for the alicorns & ponies, specifically unicorns
since when could you?