I am a fifteen year old boy from Minnesota... that is pretty much it.
You had never been the pony to stick out in a crowd, you had few friends, for obvious reasons, and you had a very, unique talent. But when your loved ones are threatened, you are forced to risk all of your freedom to protect them.
-2nd Person Story featuring you, Vinyl Scratch, and a very fragile secret.
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In terms of a storyline, you did ok. But you write too quickly. You don't tell us enough about what is happening. Just try to slow down some while typing. Also, be careful with the fight scenes. Guards are highly trained. The way Dead Aim kills them all effortlessly is a bit Mary Sueish. If you don't know what that means, it means perfect character. Try to show him struggle, and make the pace of the fight differ. If you need anymore advice, message me.
So, Im kinda confused here. Are they ponies? anthro? or is the consistency of the story just screwed the buck up?
@shadowmage Thank you for the feedback, I didn't realize that until now, my bad. This was my first story so I am sorry it wasn't the best. I will go through and fix my mistakes. When I wrote this, I truly didn't have the best picture in my head and I knew there would be problems. Thank you for pointing them out.
3172517 Thank you for the feedback, I read back through and realized that the story did move a little bit too fast, and I will try to fix that in my later fan fics if I continue to write.
Secrets you say?
assets.diylol.com/hfs/28c/c83/520/resized/coconut-butter-meme-generator-my-secret-is-coconut-butter-32adc4.jpg?1310949199.jpg
3175048 Anytime. Ask if you want any advice
Sounds like she became enzio Altair from assassins creed
3181213 i can agree with you on that
so dj-pon3 is vinyl scratch, you are the killer?
3200213 yep, you are the killer, and dj pon-3 is vinyl scratch.