• Published 14th Jul 2013
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The Education of Clover the Clever - Daedalus Aegle



Some people think lectures and classes are for educating. Star Swirl the Bearded has no patience for those people.

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Intermission: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Smooze

Author's Note:

Written for the third anniversary of The Education of Clover the Clever, a week delayed.

“Come along, boy,” Clover said, tugging on the leash with her magic as she read the list Star Swirl had given her.

It was summer in Cambridle, and Clover was ready to face the day head-on. She was on a mission. There were supplies to collect, packages to deliver, tasks to complete. Screams to ignore.

She tugged the leash again. “Come on now, stop bothering the ponies.”

On the other end of the leash was an improved shoggoth, a greenish blob of slime that was about twice as tall as Clover, and the collar of the leash was submerged deep inside its gelatinous bulk.

Clover did not know where the shoggoth had come from, or why, as all the other shoggoths had disappeared after partially remaking Cambridle in handsome alien architecture. Nonetheless, when she had woken up that morning there was one inside Canterlot House, and Star Swirl told her to take it for a walk, and gave her a list of chores to do while she was at it.

She had been uncertain about the leash, which was not magical and could not actually restrain an amorphous gelatinous mass. It seemed to enjoy mashing on the collar though, and would follow along to keep up when Clover tugged on it, so all in all the arrangement seemed to be working.

“Let’s see, first on the list is a delivery.”

Clover knew the package, as she had packed it herself: it was a charm to ward off wasps and hornets from attacking bee hives, to be delivered to farmer Honey Dew outside of town. Easy, she thought. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

– – –

The delivery had indeed been easy. It was a quick trot out of town, the roads were clearly marked, and Honey Dew’s farm was easily located. The shoggoth had drawn some attention, and some screaming, but nopony was interested in getting in her way.

She hadn’t expected the bees to be quite so excited though.

“Well, the ward seems to be working,” Clover said cheerfully.

She and Honey Dew, a golden-coated earth pony mare, were staring mesmerized at the sight of half a million bees crawling on a shoggoth.

“Tekeli-li!” trilled the shoggoth, shifting its mass back and forth in a rhythmic gyration. It did not seem to mind the dozen swarms that, upon seeing it, had quickly decided that it was delicious.

Unfortunately Honey Dew was not quite so enthusiastic.

“This will completely ruin their diet,” she sputtered. “They might get sick. Do you know how much it costs to get a veterinary to treat a dozen bee hives? They charge by number of patients!”

“There’s really nothing in the literature on shoggoths to suggests there’s anything toxic in their chemical makeup,” Clover gently commented.

“Do you know what that thing is even made of?”

“I guess it’s kind of sugary?” Clover suggested.

“Yeah, clearly,” Honey Dew muttered. “But what will the honey taste like? Do you think anypony is going to buy shoggoth-flavored honey? Because I sure don’t!”

“It might possibly have magical side-effects,” Clover admitted. “But I doubt they’d be harmful. The improved shoggoths are really very friendly.”

The bees, being very organized creatures, had swiftly settled upon a logistical structure to maximize their cargo from the shoggoth. Airborne trains were speeding back and forth between it and the hives, which were quickly filling to capacity. Honey Dew looked on in helpless despair.

Clover nodded slowly. “I think,” she began, “I may have a suggestion.”

– – –

The posters were already drawn up and hanging around town by the time Clover reached her next stop. The posters advertised Honey Dew’s probably magical honey, for sale to Cambridle Academy of Magic students interested to experiment upon a brand new, never-before-seen magical reagent that had come to the earth from distant worlds, effects as-yet undiscovered and potentially limitless, available for a limited time only while supplies last, for the low low price of ten times the cost of a regular jar of honey. Verified as such with expert magical testimony by the legendary wizard Star Swirl the Bearded’s apprentice.

If Clover knew her fellow students, they’d be galloping out to the farm and fighting each other over every jar. Clover had placed an order in advance for herself, and had gotten a significant discount out of gratitude.

Thankfully the bees had been willing to leave the shoggoth, with some mild pleading and cajoling by Honey Dew, in exchange for a promise that it would come to visit again the next time it was in town.

The shoggoth had not visibly shrunk, in spite of the gallons of total material the bees had carried off, and indeed seemed more cheerful than it had been when they left Canterlot House.

“Let me see,” Clover checked the list. “Re-stock basic groceries and spell components. Alright.”

She headed back to the market, shoggoth in tow, and set about running down the list.

Oats. Check.

Oats (enchanted). Check.

Ground wheat flour. Check.

Fresh carrots. Check.

Fresh apples (cider grade). Check.

Fresh lettuce. Check.

Sinister lettuce. Check.

Milk. Check.

Milk (magical). Check.

Milk (goat) (magical). Check.

Milk (goat) (magical) (mirror) (condescending).

...I’ll get back to that one later. Moving on.

Cauldron polish. Check.

Eye of Newt (prime grade). Check.

Mandrake Root. Check.

Toe of Frog (salted). Check.

Petals of Goldenbloom, a flower that only grows on the mountaintops of the south in midsummer, available by the pound in florist Hyacinth’s. Check.

Wait, are these magical reagents or groceries? I can’t tell.

2 carats of 3rd-grade gemstone to feed the shoggoth. Check.

“Looks like we’re ahead of schedule,” she said happily. “I think I’ve earned a break for a cup of tea.”

– – –

“Thanks for coming with me, I hope you weren’t too busy,” Clover said.

“Not at all,” Ginny the Librarian said drily. “I finally have the students house-trained, they mostly look after themselves now. But I must ask about…”

They were at Black Bean’s Coffee Shop. Clover had gone to the library to meet with Ginny, but since the library had a recent but strict ban on shoggoths (Star Swirl had grumbled that this was insensitive, as not all shoggoths were bad), they had to find someplace else to have their lunch.

The shoggoth was encompassing the next table over, and half of one chair. While Clover knew it did not have a face, and generally expressed itself through sound and gelatinous gesture, it seemed to have learned to form a hollow on its side that mimicked a smiling mouth.

As such it was able to look very pleased with itself.

“Yeah,” Clover said. She tossed a gemstone at the shoggoth, which it swallowed up eagerly. “It was kind of just there this morning. I didn’t ask. Sometimes you’ve just gotta roll with it.”

Ginny nodded thoughtfully. “Your resilience is commendable,” the elderly librarian said. “That said, I can’t have Star Swirl running around performing experiments that might destroy the town again. I will have to investigate where this one came from.”

Clover shrugged, enjoying her sandwich.

– – –

After lunch, Clover took to the streets and set out for her next round of deliveries. Everywhere she went heads turned, and Clover confidently told herself that this was as much because of her poise and verve as because of the shoggoth.

“Hi, Chocolate Bunnies,” Clover called out to her old roommate as they passed each other on the street.

“Hi Clover!” Chocolate Bunnies called back, waving a hoof excitedly. Behind her the three leaders of the Discordians waited inconspicuously. “Sorry, can’t chat, I have to find a good place to dig a smuggling tunnel!”

“Oh. Well, I’m just taking the shoggoth out for a walk, so… I guess I can’t really argue with the sense in that.”

“Guess not. Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

“Yup, it sure is.”

“Anyway, it’s great to see you, we really need to catch up some time and tell each other allll about what we’ve been up to, but just not now. Okay seeya bye!”

Clover looked up at the smiling not-quite-a-face of the shoggoth. “Yup. It most surely is.”

– – –

“Okay, the next delivery should be out here someplace.”

“Tekeli-liiii!”

Clover and the shoggoth had wandered at a measured pace all across Cambridle. They had made deliveries, retrieved specialized goods, and had once observed an anomaly of ducks and made notes on the proceedings. By now it was getting to be late in the afternoon. They found themselves on the edge of a public green on the outskirts of the city, in a tiny cluster of trees where no-one went.

This was the last item on her list of chores. Clover had finished all her other tasks, and had believed herself to be done already when she found the last package on the bottom of her saddlebags with a note from Star Swirl attached instructing her to go to this place, and then read on.

“Step one: Plant the seeds in the pouch marked ‘The Cycle,’ in the soil between the four central trees.” Clover glanced around and verified that she was in the right spot. “Okay, that’s easy enough.”

She dug a shallow hole with her hoof and spread the tiny seeds inside, then closed the hole. “Step two: Water the seeds with the bottle marked ‘The Spokes.’ Okay.”

She retrieved the bottle, a small crystal vial which contained something timeless and shimmering, and poured the contents onto the soil. Mid-fall, the droplets turned into liquid light and distant laughter, and as it hit the earth it made a relaxed sighing sound.

She looked back to the list, and frowned at the next step, because she was pretty sure it had not been there a moment previously. “Step three: retrieve the ALL from the improved shoggoth’s hat and apply it to the FOUNDATION in order to form The Nexus.”

She looked to the shoggoth. It had not moved, she was sure of it, except to shift back and forth a bit like a child excitedly exploring a new playground. Nonetheless, it was now wearing a blue top hat and a red bow tie. It smiled, and waited expectantly.

Clover gently picked the hat from the top of the shoggoth and looked inside to see a swirling vortex of infinite perspective and decision. She experimentally tipped the hat out over the seeded and watered soil, and the hat’s contents fell, shrinking into invisibility as it raced towards gravity.

She put the hat back on top of the shoggoth. “I hope there isn’t a step in here about your bow tie because right now I just don’t want to know.”

The shoggoth trilled and cooed sympathetically.

“Moving on, let’s see, step four. Draw the Sigil of Bal-Sheoth upon the ground around The Nexus using this enchanted chalk.” Clover scanned the chalk. “Enchanted for traction, longevity and water resistance. Alright.”

She drew the complex rune to form a circle around the spot while the shoggoth watched, whistling a merry tune to herself as she went.

“Done!” she said with all the severity befitting her errand. “Step five: Wielding the courage of the ancients and the resolve of legendary heroes, stomp your front hooves upon the sigil and proclaim ‘The powers of the earth summon thee! The powers of the air compel thee! The powers of the unseen light binds thee! The powers of the companion shadow casts thee out forever!’ Note: Do not turn your back upon it and do not heed its whispers.”

Clover stood unmoving for several minutes staring at step five.

“Tekeli-li?”

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking.”

“Tekeli-liii...”

“...Consarnit, you’re right. Okay, I’ll do it.”

Levitating the script in front of her, Clover placed both front hooves on the sigil. She reared up on her hindlegs and stomped the ground with all the might she could muster. It made a dull “dfft”-sound.

“The powers of the earth summon thee! The powers of the air compel thee! The powers of the unseen light binds thee! The powers of the companion shadows casts thee out forever! No, wait, shadow! Singular!”

There was an explosion of light and unspace that overwhelmed her senses and flooded her mind with awareness. In that brief moment of sharply proximity-limited omniscience she saw the seeds flower into immaterial beings of pure knowledge, observers of the earth, adjudicators of floral disputes, advisers to beings who could not exist upon the physical plane.

They rose upward and were met within the sigil by an unknowable entity from the underside of the cosmos, whose form was inconceivable to her pony eyes. A being who radiated such primal force as would crumble the bonds that held space-time together if it were ever permitted to walk freely in the same universe as her. A being of pure entropy, of apocalypse given conscience and purpose and form. She felt the whispers assail her, bringing portents of doom and destruction.

“Hey,” it said. Its voice was deep and gravelly, but not unpleasant.

“Hi,” Clover said weakly, staring up in boundless terror.

“Is that my package?” The being gestured, somehow, towards the energy beings.

“Um. Yes?”

“Great. I’ll just take those and get out of your hair.”

“Okay.”

“Cool. Alright, I’m done here. Oh, and your teacher said you could go back now.”

With a flash of light everything was gone, leaving only Clover and the improved shoggoth standing alone amid the trees in a public green on the edge of town.

– – –

“Come on, boy! You can do it,” Clover said, encouraging the shoggoth on to climb the stairs to Canterlot House. “Or, girl? I guess these terms don’t really apply to a gelatinous blob.”

The shoggoth, still wearing the top hat and bow tie, seemed happy as always at climbing the steep and narrow stairs, even as its bulk drooped dangerously over the side. “Tekeli-li.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Once on top, Clover retrieved the key from under the doormat and opened the door. They passed through the entry hall with its many strange smells and potentially endless storage space and entered the research hall.

The lights went on. “Surprise!”

There was a trumpet blast that initiated a brass band playing as fireless fireworks exploded in bursts of confetti. A crowd of ponies wearing an average of one party hat, distributed unevenly, looked at her with smiling faces. Ginny was there, as was Chocolate Bunnies as well as some of her other student friends. A translucent astral projection of Swirly Star the Wise stood to one side, occasionally casting suspicious looks at Ginny. The barista from Black Bean’s was there, and a glittery-eyed Princess Platinum flanked by PIBs.

The PIBs immediately surrounded Clover and patted her down. “She’s clean,” one of them said, and they withdrew. They moved on to pat down the shoggoth, and froze, uncertain how to proceed.

Clover wasn’t paying attention any more, and stood stunned before the crowd like a deer with the stage frights. “Huh?”

“Oh, don’t mind them,” Platinum said. “So sorry, they’re always doing that. But never mind that. It’s so good to see you!”

Platinum reached in for a hug, and Clover tensed for a moment, then relaxed and reciprocated. “Hi Platty, it’s good to see you again. So, um, what are we doing here exactly?”

“See? I told you she’d be surprised,” said the voice of Star Swirl the Bearded, pushing his way through the crowd. “Ahem. Hello, Clover. Happy birthday!”

“Tekeli-li!”

“What?”

“You’d better appreciate it. The research hall is not at all suited for hosting parties – Hey you, don’t touch that! That’s very fragile! - and it took me all day to organize this.”

Clover blinked, and glanced at Platinum. “It took you one day to organize a royal visit?”

“Platinum was reasonably cooperative.”

Platinum grinned, long eyelashes batting with each blink. “Well, I wasn’t about to miss my old playmate’s birthday.”

Clover nodded and took in the sight, accepting hoofshakes and hugs from all the guests who came forward to deliver them. Star Swirl beamed, looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Well, this is all very nice, Professor, and I appreciate it very much,” Clover said. “But you know that my birthday was last week, right?”

“What? Oh. Well, that just makes the party all the more surprising, doesn’t it?”

Clover gave Star Swirl a bemused look. Platinum looked distinctly unimpressed and Ginny facehoofed.

“Look, the only reason I was late is because time got in the way,” Star Swirl said. “It’s not my fault that a week somehow managed to pass by since I sent Clover out with a list of chores this morning to keep her out of the house while I arranged all this. That’s just what time does.”

“Miss? Excuse me?” One of the PIBs attempted to draw their attention, and before he could say more he joined his companions in being enveloped by the shoggoth. The shoggoth opened its mouth in a wide toothless grin. “Tekeli-li!”

Chocolate Bunnies, Ginny, Clover, Platinum, and Star Swirl all looked at it, and each of them found an individual reason not to worry.

“They’ll be fine.”