My Best Friend and Worst Rival.

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This is story a out how Applejack, and Rainbow Dash once worst enemies became best friends. But at the sacrifice of another once great friendship.

Chapters (3)

The First Friend. · 10th Jul 2013 · 715 words
715
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The Box · 10th Jul 2013 · 428 words
428
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The New Friendship · 20th Jul 2013 · 294 words
294
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Comments ( 7 )

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Normal

Normal #1 · Jul 20th, 2013 · 3 · · The New Friendship ·

Look, I haven't read yet but you're going to recieve some grief for not capitalizing names in the short description and for having chapters under one thousand words. Good luck.

Edit: I read the first "paragraph" and now I must say you'll recieve grief for what is within too. First of all you really need to start a new line for each new speaker, that will be a simple fix. Next you have a handful of words that need capitalizing. This will also be quick if you know what words. Then there's another problem. Aj, for some reason, is wailing about not wanting to go to school one second and then basically the next sentence is a polite and pay attention? Nah, it doesn't work that fast. Also is there an explanation for why a resident of Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash, is attending a Ponyville school?

Oh and learn the difference between fillies and filly's

FlutterLight

FlutterLight #2 · Jul 20th, 2013 · 3 · · The New Friendship ·

Also, the word "filly" refers to a young female in this case. Therefore, Kohta can't be a filly, unless he is both . The correct word would be "colt," which refers to a young male, or "foal," which refers to any younger pony. Ex: There were two foals in the room. One, a filly, was named Applejack. The other, a colt, was named Kohta. That difference is important. You will leave your audience confused if you use "filly" for every young pony. It's like me going out into the street and calling every child a girl. It's just not something you do.