- Member Since 15th May, 2013
- offline last seen April 27th
DanteVael
Well, name's Dante on the net. I write various fics, pony and non. I update rarely, sorry!
DanteVael
Joined 15th May, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Four dislikes? Constructive criticism is encouraged, and I'll explain things if you guys want, avoiding spoilers, of course. Please, leave comments on what you like and dislike about the story, folks. I don't expect everyone to like the story, but I'm an amateur. I need to see what I'm doing wrong.
Very good beginning and idea, however I do think the story moves on too rapidly, and not enough explanation and worthwhile speech occurs. Also the ponies eating meat... eenope
2834781 I figured that one would get to folks. Remember Twilight Sparkle's Nightmare form, from the Pinkie Sense episode? Nightmares are carnivores, so I figure that ponies are somewhat of nightmare decent. But yeah, Night one moves really, really fast. All this happened in about an hour.
Well I like it. You are going to explain how he became a hollow kitsune, but considering how he has trouble remembering its a mystery. Still I will be happy to see the next update.
2960380 Yeah, he has some... memory issues that'll be fixed... maybe. And thank you for the fave! I honestly figured I wouldn't get any for, like three chapters. Glad people are enjoying it.
Squee!
Eeekseleeent! *does finger waggle* (lol)
3036155 Thank ya! Any tips on improving further?
3037363 nothing comes to mind
3038127 Wow, that means I'm doing better! I was thinking less small talk.
Humans are omnivores.
3155979 He's also not dead. Nor is he from Equestria. Honestly, I did that to avoid pony and for the most part, dragon hollows. He's kind of like Ichigo, not dead, but has harnessed the powers of his inner hollow, though his is to a much greater degree.
.::EDIT::. Forgot to mention, some humans are in fact, carnivores. I myself am one such human. Other humans are Herbivores, but the vast majority are omnivores.
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Also, I'm pretty sure crashing into a planet is fatal.
3156001 Ugh. Have you ever watched Bleach?
3156091
I have, and I'm pretty sure none of them crash into planets.
Even if that show is awful.
3156106 no, but crashing into buildings can be just as lethal. Besides, he was only about two hundred feet in the air, not out in orbit.
3156106 Also, I have to admit, your avatar is really creepy. Congrats! It's really hard to creep me out, that's quite the accomplishment.
3156180
O, k then.
dante backwards. got as i was reading the word the first time.
4019717 Yeah, figured if the manga does it that way, why shouldn't I?
4024064 what? ichigo's inner hollow is actually his zanpakuto. zangetzu.
4024404 Manga marks him in the character listing as having Ichigo's name in reverse.
4024736 what are you refering to? a wiki or actual manga?
4024798 A copy of the manga I own. English, as it's closer to being my first language than Japanese. Volume... Twenty-five? Twenty-Six? When he is training with the Vizored.
4025083 im going from the subtitled japanese anime and then translated manga online
4849766 Ah, thank you. I am, in fact, looking for both a prereader and an editor. Unfortunately, Dante does, in fact, know more than I do at the moment. His little prophecy was my plans for the story, in a very convoluted, cryptic manner.
So far, this story has no real set future, aside from some key points. I'm trying to plan out a timeline, but, well, with my recent troubles (Blog post: Writing is hard) it's actually taking somewhat of the back burner while I work on an emotional one-shot.
However, I do thank you for your input, and I'm honestly trying to fix what I've gotten wrong. Mostly through comparative reading, of those really, really good stories that helped inspire this one, like Diaries of a Madman and Man of War, for how to handle pacing of a story of the length this one shall extend. Yes, folks, spoilers, this story is meant to extend a good, long time, eventually. Given my plans for it, I can see this story passing 900,000 words when finished, though by how far, I am uncertain.
I'll be honest i was totally hoping he would pop a boner in the middle of the night.
5031088 I thought of that too. Maybe at a later date, when it would be so much more awkward.
Thank ya for the fave!
Wow, almost four hundred views? Geez. Thanks, folks, it means a lot to me! I apologize for the lack of rapidity in my writing of chapters. Gotta polish them up before I post them, coupled with life being... well, y'all get it.
first and that was nice. i want him to be more powerful though, and fucking floor celestia at her own game
5474145 What game? Is she manipulating him? Is she actually just concerned for her ponies? Is she a villain in this? Just wait. After this first arc, things really start picking up. And yeah, Dante will get more powerful, but at what cost, and against whom shall this power be tested? I would say that me saying he'll get more powerful is a spoiler, but he already said there was at least one more form hidden away.
I learned on one of the "Culture Exchange" videos on the GameTheory youtube chanel, that Kitsune actually do breathe fire and lightning. It explains Fox's "fire fox" attack on Smash Bros Brawl.
Why'd you give him Ichigo's hollow form from the fight with Uliquiorra? I thought the form he (Ichigo) was in in that fight was the final evolutionary form a hollow can take. The one on par with a shinigami captain.
5476209 Huh? I didn't. His second form is basically a Pit Fiend from D & D 3.5. Ichigo's Hollow form is different. Pit Fiends aren't very human, whereas Ichigo's Hollowized for is almost human. That said, Dante's at Gillian level power in Pit Fiend, or Gaurdian, form, but Equiis works on a different scale. There are things lurking in the shadows that make Dante look weak as a kitten, and there are Hollows there that make said things look even weaker than that. If we put power levels on a scale of one to four hundred, Rarity is a five, Sweetie Belle is a two, Dante is a thirty seven, Celestia is a fifty, Discord a sixty, and Tirek could be a seventy. Ichigo's Hollowized form is a forty five. The strongest hollow I have planned is a four hundred. By the way, Ichigo is already at captain level power when weakened while using Bankai, at full, he puts the captains to shame in raw power.
5476209
The shape doesn't matter. He's only Gillian class at the moment.