Flying always had a calming effect on Rainbow's mind. When she was flying, she had a purpose. Whether that purpose was to improve her already impressive range of tricks, to clear some cloud formation at her job, or just to reach a specific destination, she had a clear goal in her mind and nothing else. In this case, her purpose was to get to Fluttershy's cottage as fast as possible. Her wings carried her as fast as they would, and her mind was filled with nothing but the task at hoof.
When she arrived, she landed on the small pathway leading up to Fluttershy's front door, panting heavily from flying as fast as she could. She gave herself a moment to rest, got her breath back, and her brain switched back on.
Which immediately told her to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Hey, what the heck, brain? We both know that I need to talk to Fluttershy right now. What, you're nervous? You don't want to talk to her because you're afraid of what she's gonna say? Oh, please. That's why I never listen to you, I'd never get anything done if I did.
As Rainbow Dash had determined her brain a useless source of advice, she instead turned to her gut, which she listened to most of the time anyway. Its recommendation was to get rid of the unnecessary burden that was her breakfast.
Rainbow was starting to get angry at her internal organs. They were supposed to help her, not make this whole thing harder than it already was! She briefly considered asking what her spleen was thinking, but that thing never provided anything of use.
So, instead, she asked her heart.
A few seconds later, she trotted up to the the front entrance.
After she had waited about five minutes for somepony to open the door, Rainbow decided that she should probably knock on it.
She reluctantly lifted her left forehoof, moved it slowly and carefully towards her wooden obstacle, and touched it so lightly that the sound of a pin dropping would have thought itself a perturbator in comparison. She waited for about half a second more before deciding that nopony was there and that she should come back some other time.
She was about to fly away when she heard a smacking sound.
She looked toward where she thought the origin of the sound would have to be, to the left of the door. However, there seemed to be nothing there. Shrugging, Rainbow turned to leave once more, but as she did so, she heard that same smacking sound a second time. She looked towards the left of the door again, still seeing nothing. Then, she lowered her view.
There she saw Angel Bunny, who had both of his paws over his face.
"Oh. Hello, Angel!" Rainbow decided that the best course of action was to move on from the fact that Angel had witnessed her pathetic attempt at knocking, and probably quite a bit of her former standing around and decidedly not trying to get in as well.
"So, uh, is Fluttershy home?" Angel gave her a nasty look, but nodded. "Great! Uh, I'm going inside to talk to her then." Angel fixated Dash with a gaze that nopony would believe could come from something as cute and fluffy as a bunny, and shook his head.
Dash, being given a plausible reason to leave, was almost ready to do just that, considering how much she dreaded actually talking to Fluttershy right now. But just being told that she couldn't? Yeah, that wouldn't do at all.
"Oh yeah? Listen Buster, you don't get to decide what I do and what I don't do! I'm Rainbow Dash! I do what I want, when I want it, and right now I want to talk to Fluttershy!” Rainbow huffed into Angel's general direction. “Why the hay do you not want me to talk to her, anyhow?"
Angel increased the intensity of his death stare and began gesturing. He pointed at Dash, then towards the cottage, then he very slowly lifted both of his paws to his eyes and rubbed them slightly. And while Rainbow usually wasn't very good at charades, even she understood what that meant.
Fluttershy has been crying because of me?
This started two conflicting trains of thought within Dash.
On the one hoof, she was furious. How dare she! Fluttershy was the one who had just walked out on her best friend when she revealed something about herself that was very important to her! She was the one that had left her confused and sad, without any explanation for her actions! How come she got to cry?
On the other hoof, Fluttershy was crying. Because of her. And she absolutely hated seeing Fluttershy cry. Of course, it was never a good thing to see anypony cry, but Fluttershy? For some reason, whenever Rainbow saw her this sad, she felt like an injustice of unbearable proportions had occurred, like the world itself was broken until she had fixed whatever had made a mare so sweet and kind and cute cry in the first place. The fact that she was the one that had caused it this time was absolutely unacceptable to her, and she felt that she had to rectify it immediately.
Of course, both her anger and her concern could only be sated by actually talking to Fluttershy.
"Alright, Angel, I'm sorry, but that means I need to talk to her even more. I need to fix this. Even though I don't know what's broken in the first place, I need to fix it. So, please, won't you let me at least try to do that?"
Angel thought for a bit, then sighed. He gave Rainbow a small nod, then hopped next to her, to the front door of the cottage. He looked up at her, and sighed once more. Then, he lightly pushed the wooden frame.
The door had been open the entire time.
Dash found Fluttershy with her head resting on the kitchen table. And, judging by the amount of paper tissues scattered around the room, as well as the silent whines and huffs coming from her direction, Angel hadn't been lying: she had been crying. A lot. This intensified the conflicting feelings inside of Rainbow, leaving her unsure if she was going to try to console or yell at Fluttershy.
Maybe I can do both at the same time?
And so, trying to sound both angry as well as concerned, Rainbow called out to her.
"Fluttershy?"
In the end, it came out sounding as if she had gargled a jar of vinegar while speaking, but the mare in question heard it regardless. Startled, she looked up to see who had called her, and saw Rainbow. She flinched, and immediately jumped off her chair, bolting towards the back door. But this time, Rainbow Dash was ready.
"Fluttershy, stop!" The timid mare did just that: she stopped right in her tracks, not daring to move a muscle. "Please, don't run again. I need to talk to you. About this. About why you ran. About what's wrong between us. About... why you hate me."
"What!?" Fluttershy finally snapped out of her in mid step position and faced Rainbow, speaking with an intensity that was rare for the usually so demure mare. "I don't hate you! I could never hate you!"
"Then why did you run? And why did you look at me like I was the worst pony to ever exist?"
Fluttershy was taken aback. "That wasn't at all what I was thinking! I was just... angry."
"Angry? But why? Why did me coming out make you angry?"
"Because... because you lied to me."
That left Rainbow completely stumped. "Uh, what? I lied to you? You mean because I didn't tell you?"
Fluttershy was fidgeting with her hooves, clearly uncomfortable with the subject, but eventually responded. "Yes... No... Not exactly."
Dash was getting impatient with how imprecise and unhelpful Fluttershy's answers were, so her voice carried a bit of an edge when she asked her next question: "Well, I need you to explain this to me then. How exactly have I lied to you?"
Fluttershy flinched a bit at Rainbow's tone, but there was steel in her eyes when she answered. "You told me... You told me you hated fillyfoolers!"
Rainbow was dumbfounded. "Excuse me? When did I ever say anything like that? I don't remember that ever happening."
"You don't even remember?” Anger had flared up in her voice, but Fluttershy calmed herself down quickly. “Err, well, it was a long time ago, so I can't really blame you. It was in flight camp, the day we both had gotten our cutie marks."
She then started explaining what had happened on that day, the memory slowly returning to Dash as well.
This is the best day ever!
As Dash crossed the finish line, she was absolutely ecstatic. Not only had she beaten those harebrains Dumb-Bell and Hoops in the race, she had gotten her cutie mark too! And in the most awesome fashion that anypony ever could have done!
A Sonic Rainboom!
Old mare's tale? Hah! Leave it to the Dash to make the impossible happen!
Oh, this'll make these idiots shut up for good! She smirked. Can't wait to talk about this with Shy. Bet she was blown away by my awesomeness too.
With that in mind, she slowed down, made an unnecessary, but really cool looking half barrel roll and headed back towards the starting line of the race.
As she arrived, the first thing she noticed was that nopony was paying any attention to her. In fact, there was only one pony there at all - one of the camp supervisors - who was too focused on looking toward the ground to even notice her.
What the hay? Hello, the pony that just pulled off something that nopony even thought was possible just returned! Why is nopony here? What could possibly be more important than that?
More than a little irritated, Dash searched out the camp supervisor. “Excuse me, sir? Why is nopony here?”
The supervisor looked up, noticing her for the first time. He seemed quite worried when he responded. "I don't really know what happened, I've just been called here myself. As far as I've been told, some ponies held a race, and in the process the filly that gave the starting signal was knocked off the cloud she was standing on.
“She didn't come back up right away, so the supervisor that was in charge of the track organized a search party with the other staffers. I was ordered to stay here and wait for her in case she comes back by herself. The spectators were sent home.”
Rainbow hadn't caught a thing the staffer had been saying for the last few sentences, as she had completely frozen up after he had described what had happened.
The filly that gave the starting signal was knocked off... Fluttershy!
No, no, no, no, no! This couldn't happen! Oh, Celestia no! Dash knew that Fluttershy was a weak flier, and when she was afraid, she couldn't fly at all! And being knocked off a cloud, free-falling to the ground? She must have been terrified! She probably couldn't even slow her fall! Visions of a yellow pegasus, her body broken beyond repair, flashed before her, making her retch. And the worst thing...
It's my fault!
She was the one that had wanted to have that race. She was the one that had wanted Fluttershy to give the starting signal. She might even have been the one that knocked her off in the end.
It's my fault that my best friend is probably...
She couldn't finish that thought. She couldn't do anything at all. The staffer had already gone back to looking out toward the ground, so she just moved away from him as far as possible, sat down, and hid her head in the clouds. Nopony would notice a bit of additional rainwater in them.
About ten more minutes passed before she heard someone call out. "We found her!"
Dash was up in a second. She tried to locate where the shout had come from, fearing to see Fluttershy brought up in a stretcher, or worse. What she did see when she located the search team lifted a burden far too heavy for a pony so young an age from her shoulders. Fluttershy was not only completely unhurt, she was smiling. And flying on her own. And... what was that on her flank?
Dash could not quite make it out, because at the time, she was flying full speed towards Fluttershy, preparing for the biggest hug she had ever given. She slowed down just before impact and embraced her missing friend, all her relief released through her forelegs.
The hug, for some reason, caused Fluttershy to blush profusely, as well as suddenly being unable to fly. So, still embracing the flustered filly, Dash brought the both of them to the ground slowly, all the while talking her heart out. "I'm so sorry Shy, I never wanted this to happen, I was so worried about you, I'm so glad you're okay, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been okay, oh this was all my fault, can you please forgive me?"
Fluttershy, still rather red around her cheeks, responded in a confused, but happy fashion. "Oh, uh, of course I can forgive you... Well, that is, if you maybe told me what I'm supposed to forgive you for."
Dash still had not yet calmed down, responding "I made you fall! I don't know what could have happened! You could've..." The tears were coming back to her eyes, causing Fluttershy to hug her tighter, silently stroking the back of her head with her wings. She was just about to explain what had happened on the ground when she was interrupted by a gruff, mocking voice.
"Ohh, Clutzershy and Rainbow Crash are making out!"
Rainbow recognized that voice. Dumb-Bell! Urgh, just about the last pony she wanted to deal with right now. Of course he would show up as soon as the search team officials had left.
But hearing this from the colt suddenly made Dash conscious of the fact that she was crying in the arms of another filly, and how decidedly uncool that was.
She quickly removed herself from Fluttershy's embrace, tried her best to rub the tears from her eyes, and turned to address the bully with as firm a voice as she could muster.
"Oh, just zip it. I've already kicked your flank in the race today. Do you want me to do it literally as well?"
Dumb-Bell wasn't quite impressed with the clearly still shaken and teary-eyed filly and responded in kind. "Yeah, right. You sure you want to do that in front of your fillyfriend?"
“She's not my fillyfriend!" Rainbow burst out. "We're just friends! Always have been, always will be!"
The bully gave a nasty laugh. "Yeah, right. See you later, fillyfooler!" With that, he started flying away.
Rainbow shouted after him. "Stop calling me that! I hate being called that! And I hate fillyfoolers!" But Dumb-Bell was already out of earshot. Rainbow huffed, and tried her best to calm down. I have to stop letting this guy get to me. Urg.
She sighed. At least he was gone now. Her face brightened. Hey, maybe Fluttershy can tell me about what happened to her on the ground. She seemed so happy!
"Hey, Fluttershy?" But where her best friend had stood before, there was now only empty clouds.
She didn't see Fluttershy for a week after that.
Rainbow Dash was angry at herself. While Fluttershy had been telling her about what had happened back then, the memory of those events came back to her as well. Of course, she had still known about her reaction to seeing Fluttershy safe, but she had completely forgotten - or blocked out - the part with Dumb-Bell. Was I really that stupid?
"Fluttershy, I'm sorry. I didn't even remember I said something like that. But, you know how it was in Flight School. Everypony just kept calling me a fillyfooler, and I hated it, because they were trying to insult me, and I didn't even know what exactly they were insulting me for! So, I just started to believe them. That liking mares was wrong. And that I was wrong unless I thought like the others."
Rainbow sighed. "Gosh, it sounds so stupid now. But yeah, it took me a while to get over all that. To finally be able to accept who I am, and to want my best friends to accept it too."
Then, she hesitated.
This... doesn't fit. There's something missing.
She looked skeptically at Shy. “You know, Flutters, I don't think I really get it. Even though I lied and said an incredibly stupid thing, why does it bother you so much? I mean, yeah, it was horrible, but... why does it still bother you? Why do you even remember it?”
With every word Rainbow Dash uttered, Fluttershy was looking more and more nervous, but Rainbow continued. “What does something I said ages ago have to do with you reacting the way you did to me coming out?”
Fluttershy looked just about ready to bolt again, but Rainbow was prepared. With a few flaps of her wings, she was directly in front of her friend, holding her in place with her front hooves. “Oh no, you're not going anywhere until you tell me. Why do you still remember that after all these years, and why does it still bother you?”
Shy shuffled weakly, trying to loosen Rainbow's grip on her, but to no avail. She sighed, and accepted the only way out: to tell Dash what the real reason for her actions was.
"I... I got really angry because... " All that followed was silent mumbling, far too quiet for Dash to understand.
"I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to speak up."
"Because..." Fluttershy tried again, but couldn't manage to be audible the second time either.
"Louder."
"Because... I..."
"Louder!"
"Because... I... I L-L..."
"LOUDER!"
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I ALWAYS HAVE!"
And for the second time that day, Rainbow was left completely without response and too shocked to react while Fluttershy galloped out of the room, this time up the stairs and into her bedroom.
Rainbow still was not quite sure what had happened, and her mind was completely blank except for a single thought.
Fluttershy... loves me?
She tried to wrap her head around that concept, but she couldn't quite grasp it. It seemed so out-of-the-blue, so completely unfamiliar, something that Rainbow wouldn't even have considered for reasons that Fluttershy reacted the way she did. But... it fit.
Rainbow imagined herself in Fluttershy's horseshoes, back in Flight Camp. She imagined having just been hugged by the filly she had a crush on... and then... “I hate fillyfoolers!” Dash gulped. That must have broken her heart! And... “We're just friends! Always have been, always will be!" And that friendship was really important to Fluttershy, as Rainbow Dash was more or less the only real friend she had at the time. So, if she wanted to keep that friendship, she needed to hide her real feelings... and... “I hate fillyfoolers!” So she thought she couldn't even tell Dash about that if she wanted to keep her friendship. So she kept her crush, as well as her being gay, a secret... for all these years... to then suddenly be told that all of that, all of the secrecy and hiding her feelings had been for no real reason at all?
Gosh, Fluttershy... you went easy on me. Had it been me, I wouldn't have just walked out. I would have punched myself in the face as hard as I could!
So, apology needed. Big apology. Giant apology. The biggest apology she had ever given.
That was the one thing. The other thing...
Fluttershy loves me... And what does that mean for us?
Now that she knew what had happened, Rainbow had a pretty clear image of how she should act in her brain: Make aforesaid apology, gently let Fluttershy know that Dash didn't feel the same way, get her best friend back. And that did seem like the logical and fair thing to do.
Only... the thought of turning Fluttershy down... did not quite seem right for some reason. And every time she imagined herself doing it, there was a sharp pain in her heart, one she could not quite explain. So, she thought about what Fluttershy was to her.
She thought about how she had explicitly wanted Fluttershy to cheer for her when she was training for her Sonic Rainboom, because she knew that for some reason, she always tried even harder when she was watching.
She thought about how bad she had felt about pushing Fluttershy into Tornado duty, being indirectly responsible for having her humiliated in front of the other fliers. She thought about how relieved and proud she had been after Fluttershy had helped to make Tornado day happen, and how she hadn't even given it a thought before making her the target of the admiration of not only the other fliers, but also of Spitfire, giving up the praise from her idol and directing it towards the timid pegasus instead.
She thought about following her to the Butterfly migration. Of course, she came because she had been asked to, not because she wanted to see something as boring as that. But... once she got over how lame it all was, she had seen how incredibly happy and comfortable the usually so easily intimidated mare was being there, and how seeing her like that had made her heart beat ever so slightly faster.
She also, very briefly, thought that she had always found Fluttershy to be pretty hot before blushing and shaking her head to clear it.
All of these thoughts amassed in her brain, as well as her heart, and this time, both of them were telling her the same thing. Her gut was urging her on as well. Her spleen remained indifferent.
Fluttershy loves me... And I know what I'm going to do.
Rainbow, for the second time that day, stood before a door. This time, that door was actually locked, which she had made sure to double check. And behind that door...
“Fluttershy?” called Rainbow, giving a few accompanying knocks. There was no answer apart from a slight shuffling sound, and a bit of sobbing. Dash winced. She's crying again.
“Uh, if you don't wanna talk to me, that's fine. I just need you to listen, really.” Dash took a deep breath, then continued. “I'm sorry. Like, really sorry. The sorriest I've ever been for anything I've done. I can't even imagine how much I hurt you today... or back then... or anytime in between, really. I was stupid. And insensitive. And... an incredible coward. I could have just told everypony that I'm gay years ago, but I didn't, and you had to suffer for it.
“I know I feathered up really bad, and I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again. I don't deserve to talk to you after what I've done.” Rainbow took another deep breath. Now for the hard part.
“But... if you can find it in yourself to forgive me... and if you still feel that way about me...”
Dash stopped, trying to figure out what to say next. “Look. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but I just need you to know this. Fluttershy, you're amazing. You're the nicest, kindest, most friendly mare that ever existed. I always relied on you whenever I didn't know what to do. I always talked to you about everything I couldn't deal with. You were my first friend, and you have been since then my best friend. You've been my best friend for so long that I didn't even see that you could be more than that. That I wanted you to be more than that. Fluttershy... I love you.”
Rainbow waited with a beating heart for an answer, any answer. But, when after ten seconds absolutely nothing had happened, she sighed. “Well, I can't blame you for not forgiving me. Not sure that I can forgive myself. Bye Flutters. I hope you meet somepony better than me.”
Dash stepped away from the door, slugging towards the stairs, when she heard the sound of the door unlocking. Out came Fluttershy, talking so quickly and excitedly that her words were blurring together.
“Ohrainbowofcourseiforgiveyouiwasjustsosuprisedandididntknowwhattodoandohmygoodnesspleasedontleaveof courseistillloveyouanduhdashwhyareyouwalkingcloserwhatareyoudoingohmygoodmffffffff--”
The last part of Fluttershy's rambling was cut off by a pair of lips meeting her own.
The kiss started off with one of the mares talking, and the other mare running towards her. It was also pretty short, since Fluttershy started hyperventilating from the excitement about three seconds into it. Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had very little experience with kissing in the first place, so they had more or less just pressed their lips together and hoped for the best, anyway.
Overall, as far as kisses go, it was not very good. Truly, if it were to be judged on a scale from one to ten, their kiss would probably fail to meet the minimum criteria for entry.
Both of them wouldn't have changed a single thing about it.
Well, this is it then. My first story. Apart from an Epilogue I'm still working on, this is completed. If anyone reading this has any constructive criticism, comments, or other things they want to say about it, please leave a comment.
Please tell me that this fic is going to be at least 4 chapters
'Grats on the feature
cdn.derpiboo.ru/thumbs/1200/600/2013/02/16/19_14_46_708_245640__UNOPT__safe_princess_celestia_animated_caption_clapping.gif.gif
I'll put this in a new tab for later
good stuff man
2746926
I too must add my compliments for your featured fic
*EDIT: I'm glad it didn't just end there the way a ton of fan fics usually do, this definitely deserves a fav
*X2 EDIT: ^ Boy do I look like an ass now :(
...Y'know, for a ship I don't really support...I'm actually getting into this. This is totally deserving of the praise it has and, most likely, will get. Also, the way you made Fluttershy run to Dash before they kissed...SO. BLOODY. KYUUUUUUTE!
Hrm. Quite fast, but, it's your first story and I'll let it slide.
For your next one, just slow down a tad.
Also, watch get an editor to fix up some minor grammar mistakes. Other than that, very enjoyable.
Jolly good show, lad!
MOAR!
2746836
Sorry to have to dissapoint you there, but there will only be one more chapter. As far as I'm concerned, I've written about everything I wanted to write about, with only a satisfying conclusion missing.
2746926
ALkljgalksghlkasdglasf ok I'm kinda freaking out right now. I have no idea how the feature box works, but apparently it is going in my favour somehow. I would never have expected this. At all.
2747011
Thank you!
2747142
That was one of my favourite scenes when writing it, so I'm glad you enjoy it!
2747086
Well, to be fair, I've spent a whole lot of time on revising it. The first draft was pretty horendous. I'm glad that you like my writing style, so thanks for that!
To adress your points:
1: Well, that's the way I wrote out the story in my head. Given the reception I've had so far, though, I might just write another story I've had in my head for a while pretty soon, so you might just see more from my general writing style.
2: Thanks! I tried to keep it lighthearted, but the main focus is on the shipping, so I left out the comedy tag.
3: Yeah, I do believe I'll need an editor at some point. I've read over this many times, but you can't catch every mistake I guess(also, English isn't my first language, so that might contribute). If you have any specific lines where you found any errors, I'd appreciate if you could point them out to me.
And here comes the party pooper with criticism! Woo!
The story itself was good and quite cute, fully deserving of it being featured.
That being said, I felt that Rainbow & Fluttershy were a little OOC every now and then. Fluttershy primarily with how she showed so much anger. Sure, she's shown that she's capable of anger, but it has never been aimed at her friends. Not to mention her oldest friend.
Secondly, Dash seems very scared. She's been shown to be insecure when it comes to big stuff like the Best Young Flier's, but I still think that her obvious fear of talking to Fluttershy at first isn't really "Rainbow".
That's it?
lol
Extremely awesome story!
It also had some of the best comedy I read in a long while.
Too bad there is only so little left.
Awesome fic, also beat Regidar to the comment section
2747257
Would agree with that, I did feel like it was a bit fast in places as well, but thanks for the compliment!
2747350
I'm glad, that was one of the first lines I've written and I kept it pretty much unchanged.
2747356
I need criticism if I want to get better, so nothing party pooper-ish about that.
I personally feel like no matter the person, if you were in Fluttershy's situation, you'd be quite mad too.
Dash is more like a headcanon thing for me, as I see her as very confident when she knows what she's doing, but when she's out of her element, I consider her to still act as if she knew exactly what she was doing, but faking the confidence.
2747401
I'm honestly very much considering that offer. I should get the Epilogue done sometime this week I hope, and if you're up for it I'll send it to you beforehand.
2747693
Yep, fixed that, thanks.
I actually calculated that one though.
The formula:
- The chance for one pony is 1/3
- At least one pony is gay = Not all the ponies are not gay
- Chance for all the ponies to be not gay: 2/3^6 = 64/729, or about 8.8 percent
- With that, the chance for at least one pony being gay is (1 - 0,088) = about 91 percent.
I couldn't have Twilight be wrong about this
2747754
Yes, Fluttershy has every right to be mad, but it is not in her character to show it so openly towards her friends. That's what I meant :3
2747754
Your probability calculation is correct, but it is a bit jarring that Twilight makes the mistake of thinking that knowing her own status or Rarity's affects the likelihood of any of the others.
Probability doesn't work that way - events are independent or else you can't calculate them like this. The actual effect of knowing herself and Rarity to be straight would be that the calculation for the group would become (1-((2/3)^4)) instead of (1-((2/3)^6)) since there are now only four unknowns rather than six - the odds become a little over 80% likely that one of the remaining four would be gay. The individual odds for the four don't change at all.
To think of it in more intuitive terms, if you know that one or two of the six aren't gay, but the odds for the remainder aren't changed, obviously the overall chance that one of the six is gay has to be reduced from if it was equally possible that any of the six was gay.
2747762
Oh, ok. Yeah, I guess, but then again, in the story, she's not angry at just a friend, but her best friend, who she talks to about just about everything(well, except for a certain thing). I can see how it can seem out of character, though.
2747693
Editing comments, eh? Also, it's very flattering that you think that, so thanks! I don't consider myself quite as good as you make me out to be, but I appreciate it regardless!
2747900
Correct of course. Been a while that I've done probalitial math. I think I'm gonna change that, because having Twilight be wrong about this can simply not stand!
this needs more than one more chapter. moarrr i tell you!!! MOOOAAAARRRR!!!!
This was really good, I don't really know what else to say about it seeing as to how it was pretty vanilla, but it was a nice change of tempo for me, easy reading if you will. Other than that it was a pretty good story whilst still remaining technically canon.
I enjoyed this story. It wasn't exactly rushed, but it went a tiny bit faster than most. A few times I noticed Flutters being out of character, but that is only slight. I noticed a few grammatical errors, but that was addressed already. I'm looking forward to the epilogue! This deserved featured status, and I'm quite sad to see it end.
Thank you
Instead of putting on my "Read Later" list, like I usually do with every other fic (641 and counting!), I decided to actually read it, amazing for me.
I've seen this concept before (sort of) in about one other fic, and compared to that one, I like this one better, though really, they're different takes on the formula, I suppose.
That was pretty cute, and while I do wish you'd make a bit more than one more chapter, I'll take what I can get. Good show so far, interested in seeing how this ends.
So this concept isn't really much new, but the FlutterDash aspect made it hard to resist. And I have to say that it's really worth it! I especially liked Applejack's part, now THAT seemed so much more in-character of her. Many a time I'd seen her or the Apple family hating on homosexuals, and just always made it so uncomfortable to read. But here, it was such a relief. Thanks for that!
So okay, it was understandable that Fluttershy got upset, and it was nice that Rainbow realized what she had to do to fix it. Her revelation was nicely played! Nothing huge or exciting, but just the simple revelation in putting the pieces together. It was nice, simple, and it made sense that now she would think deeper about it.
I look forward to the epilogue! This was a nice cute little story.
i like it when you put words together and make pretty sentence.Those are great.
=
lol, some easy math!
Oh I love it! MOAR PLEASE
Very nice. A little short, but it was pretty funny as well. I might have to steal some of those jokes for myself.
good fic i seem to like the flutterdash fics they seem to fit better together but pinkiedash are goods as well
I enjoyed this I just wish you could of written more chapters. Oh well, it was still an excellent story
Now they just need to tell their friends.
This was so adorable!
God dammit spleen, get your head in the game!
Damn slacker.
Hmm. Lemme guess, without having looked at any of the comments or the story proper.
Rainbow Dash announces she's into mares, Fluttershy freaks out, they reconcile, and it turns out Flutts was into her too.
Lemme see how off-the-ball I was.
And dead-on with every point. Not to say the story wasn't well written, it was. It's just, this sort of story is so painfully cliche, overwritten, and the plot was so obvious.
I'll look out for more of your stories, though. I'm faithful that you'll come up with more intriguing premises.
2748430
That sounds awesome! Thanks a lot for the offer!
2748303
Thanks for picking those mistakes out, really helps a lot. I've been hearing that about my Fluttershy a bit, I might have to keep that in mind for the future.
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Yep, you got me there. Not quite the most original of premises for sure. It is my first story, so I wanted to try my hand at something basic first, and I really wanted to write about the pairing. I might have something a little more untreaded in the near future, though.
2749061
Seeing any of the mane 6 be homophobic just doesn't sit right with me, ever. If your story has that, it might as well have an alternate universe tag as far as I'm concerned, cause I consider it to be heavily OOC for any of them.
2749129
I do enjoy putting words together to form sentences. I'm doing it right now, see?
2749413
Uhh, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
2749718
Spleen is my favourite character in this. I'm considering writing a sequel with it as the protagonist. (Spoiler: No, I don't)
Pretty good story, could have been much better, and almost catastrophically cliche and painfully obvious from the title. Otherwise, good story.
2749911 lol are words just great?
Another "Rainbow Comes Out Of The Closet " fic. Yay.
Loved it! Admittedly it's a bit cliche in some parts, but it was overall quite enjoyable. You're also entirely responsible for frightening a poor old lady on the bus today, courtesy of my abrupt laughter at the spleen part.
One suggestion would be to change the 'both of them...' to 'neither of them...' on the last line. Could just be me, but that line reads a tad awkwardly.
*waits for the inevitable clop*
2750176
I'm really glad I put the spleen bit in then
Well, not about the scaring an old lady part, but... you know what I mean.
2750371
Yeah, that's not gonna happen. I'm not ever gonna write clop. That isn't saying that I'm looking down on people who do write that, but it's just not what I want to do.
not sure if Rainbowshy
Or Flutterdash
There's plenty on here regarding the technical mechanics of your writing style, and even more dealing with the actual subject matter. I wanted to give my two cents:
This is not only an excellent example of paralellism, and the passage earlier about heads, guts, and hearts that it refers to an example of beautiful poetic symbolism, it was also genuinely bucking hilarious.
Well done, you.
I like that you didn't spend a million chapters beatiing around the bush andd got straight to the point. faving!
Very much a cliché of course, but still a very enjoyable read. Quite nice.
more please
the writing was very solid as everyone here already told you, the characters where very much in character, and welcome to FIMFiction, if you write this good we will be very happy to have you here for the long ride
There are some absolutely hilarious lines in this thing Too many to quote. Got exactly what I expected in terms of story, but your writing and humor came as a pleasant surprise, not to mention the excellent delivery and execution. Going to have to follow you I think, because you've got some great potential here. Definitely looking forward to your next works
Entertaining from beginning to end, very much in character and DAWWWW inducing at the end.
Those two seem happy
Anyways, I hope to see more from you soon.
This is an awesome story... but I feel it'd be a bit better if you could have, maybe, possibly, slowed it down a bit. >_>
2750468
The whole spleen thing is to me the best thing I wrote in this, so I'm glad you like it!
2751123
Yep, I've been hearing that quite a bit. Will take that into consideration next time around.
2750806
Let's hope it never ends.