Chapter 11: Weekend In A Nutshell
Well... All I can say about our weekend is this.
It was full of things to try out and do.
After what happened yesterday, I was hoping for a calm weekend.
I woke up as usual...
Went downstairs and blah, blah, blah, same old, same old.
I talked to Vinyl and Octavia about our trip, but left out the fight we had before we left and my talk with Celestia.
“So I see your brother is good at winning money” Octavia said drinking her coffee.
“Yep... Well I think after what we won, I don't think we'll need a job” I said munching on cereal.
“Lucky” said Vinyl.
“Well it's time for me to clean the dishes” she said.
“Oh no, not with that again” Octavia said, concerned, as Vinyl uncovered a machine that just had a speaker on it. “Yes Octy, we're washing with wubs again...”
“Dub step... Hmm...”
“Aww yeah, it cleans the buck out of these dishes” she said, turning it on.
I walked outside with my bag filled with my locator, sketch book and bottled water plus 100 bits.
It was mostly cloudy with a cool breeze from the north.
I was just planning to spend my day walking around Ponyville and take measurements and draw for fun.
I walked to the center of town and found a bench to sit at.
“Well let's see what to draw...” I said taking out my sketch book.
Then a pink pony appeared in front of me...
It was Pinkie pie.
“Hey Hassiel!!! Whatcha doing?” she asked ecstatically.
I looked at her and said. “Oh hey Pinkie... I'm drawing to pass the time” thinking of what to draw on the page.
“Ooo. Can I see your drawings?” she said giving me puppy eyes.
“Ok. Here” giving her the sketch book.
She started to thoroughly going through my drawings and gave it back to me.
“You should draw me... Like in one of those comics strips you made...” she said a smile in her face.
“Sure... I just have to draw you and think of something funny and slap it together...” I said smiling back.
“Can I watch you draw?!... I don't mind sitting beside you for a while” she asked with those puppy eyes again.
“Go ahead... Just don't go too close” I said to her.
“Oh silly, I don't have a crush on you anymore. I'm not going to anything like that I Pinkie promise” she said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” she said with enthusiasm.
“Ok...” as she sat right beside me as I started to draw her.
After a couple of minutes I finished my drawing and showed her.
“Wow! It looks just like me!” she said putting it beside her.
“Yeah, but it's not in color” I said as she mimicked the face I drew.
“I've been grey before...” she started reminding me of the season 2 premiere.
I just laughed and got my drawing back.
“So what do you want to do now?” I asked.
Her face exploded in joy as grabbed me. “Come on we have fun to spread” she said as I was dragged by her. All I thought was Oh boy, what did I do now.
Elsewhere in Ponyville a certain graphite pony was flying around.
“Man. I'm soooo bored... I need to find Dash” he said laying on a cloud.
He was scoping out the sky for a sign or something and then he saw a cyan pegasus flying around a cloud.
“There she is” Raphiel said taking flight to where she was. “Hey Dash, what's up?” he said posing.
“Oh... Hey Raphiel... Just doing my job as weather pony” as she pushed the cloud into another cloud.
“Wait, you control the weather!?” he said surprised.
“Yeah, I'm part of the weather team here in Ponyville... And all I really do is follow the forecast, nothing big...” she said.
“Cool... So are you done yet? ’Cause I'm sooo booored and I need some company” he said sighing.
“Sorry... I'm here until lunchtime... You can find somepony else to hang with...” suggested Rainbow Dash punching a cloud.
“Oh... Well then... That's a bummer...” he said, flying away. “Well shit. What am I going to do now” as he landed near Fluttershy's cottage. She walked outside to let a bird go.
“Go on... You can fly now” she said as the bird flapped its wings and flew away. Raphiel saw the bird as he followed the trail back to the cottage and saw Fluttershy.
‘Better than being bored’ he said in his mind. “What up Fluttershy!” Raphiel said startling her. “Oops sorry... Didn't mean to startle you... You ok?” he said walking up to her.
“Mhm...” she said looking at him.
“So... Wanna hang out?” he asked as Fluttershy blushed slightly.
“Sure I have some time... But what can we do?” she said softly and scratching the ground.
“I don't know have a picnic or just fly around” he said shrugging his shoulders.
“I think a picnic would be good... I'll get the basket... And if you're wondering I had sandwiches ready not for this but for lunch” she said nervously and blushing still.
“Ok...” he said calmly and giving a warm smile “...lets do this!”
And if you were wondering, Uriel spent his day meditating because of reasons for which I have no idea but there he was, sitting and concentrating.
Meanwhile I was following Pinkie to place to place saying “hi” to the ponies and spreading fun and joy
It was a pleasant experience but she didn't have to drag me you know and not metaphorically speaking but literally dragging my body across the ground.
“Ok Pinkie, are we done spreading laughter around?” I said shaking of the dirt off my coat.
“Yep and its around 3pm so I think lunch is overdue don't you think?”
“Mhm... I need something in my stomach” I said as we went to Sugar Cube Corner.
As we walked in we saw Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack.
“Hey girls” I said greeting them.
“Howdy partner”
“Hello Hassiel”
“Hi you two. Where were you?” Twilight said.
“Spreading fun across the land” I said as they laughed.
“Umm... Do you know where your brother might be” Rarity said to me.
“Oh Uriel... Well he's meditating. I think. Well he was when I left home this morning...”
“Oh... Well I was going to talk to him about th...” as I interrupted her.
“The Grand Galloping Gala” I said, whimsically.
“How did you know!?” she exasperated.
“Well I bugged him for the answer and I’m happy that he has somepony to be with...” As I leaned to her and whispered “also he's a bit stressed about his work and I think you relax him a lot... just as a bit of advice ”
“Ok... Thanks. I'll go see him now... Bye” as we all waved at her.
“So girls, do want to know what happened in Las Pegasus?” I said looking at them.
“Sure” Twilight said.
“I was meaning to ask one of you fellas about that” said Applejack.
“Ooo... A story... Yes please ” Pinkie said bouncing around.
“Well let's start...” I said, explaining what happened except for the fight and my experience with Celestia.
Raphiel was enjoying daisy sandwiches as Fluttershy just watched him, blushing when he would look at her.
“Hey Fluttershy don't be so quiet... I mean it seems like you aren't even here” he said looking at her.
“Sorry... I'm not much of a talker...” she said hiding her face behind her mane.
“Non sense...” as he thought of a conversation starter “Hey I know you like animals... So let's talk about them... I'm all ears” he smiled at her.
“I do like animals... I take care of them... I have a pet bunny named Angel...” she went on to talk about her experience with them as Raphiel listened to her.
“Do you have any pet's Raphiel?” she asked with more enthusiasm than when they started to talk.
“Well I have all sorts of animals in my Lab but my main pet is a Cerberus that I own... Well he's still a pup so he's very playful but like blood thirsty but a badass if I say so myself ”
“Oh my... That's really amazing... So what's his name?”
“Well he's more than one head so I just call them Serv’s”
“Why didn't you bring them?...” she inquired
“He's too damn big... He's twice as tall as me...” he said as they laughed. “See... I knew you could talk to me ... All was needed a topic that we could both talk about” he said laying on the ground.
“Yes. You really did coax me did you” she said smiling.
“Well I have to go now. I told Dash that I was going hag with her after she was done her work”
“Ok, bye. Talk to you later and thanks for the company ” she said.
“All in a days work...” as he ran up to her and gave her a hug which caused her to blush profoundly and left her speechless.
The rest of my day after explaining our little adventure in Las Pegasus to three of the mane six and after that taking a nap under a tree near my house listening to my music and watch ponies walk by.
“Man its 6 o'clock already ... Huh the day went by quick as fuck” I said getting up.
“Well no parties today, nothing else to do... Hmm. I'll just go to bed early and catch up on that sleep ” I said yawning.
Well it was another day and frankly I was starting to enjoy my stay here in Equestria... I mean I didn't have to worry about my daily chores or things I did at home and talking with people about my powers and those pesky interviews.
I was relieved of my pressures and they couldn't do shit about it.
All I planning for today was more relaxation and getting something that Raphael said he had for me.
Whatever it was I better not be one his pranks again.
“Hey bro...” I said knocking on the door.
No answer but the door opened
I walked in and saw him sitting on a rolling chair.
“I know what you're thinking... It's not a prank” he said reassuring me.
“Here... I grabbed this when I was in your lab” as he handed me a cube.
It was my storage cube but it was different from my brothers because it only had a button in which you would press it and ask for the item and it would give it to you.
“Thanks bro... I needed this...” I told him as I hit him in the head “and that's for getting something that isn't yours”
“Oww...” he said rubbing his head.
Before he could respond. I was out of the room.“Well fuck you” Raphiel said.
I went my room and grabbed my bag and went outside to enjoy my day.
Well not today... It was raining.
Well I could go and bring an umbrella but I was too lazy to do so.
My brothers weren't home even though I just talked to Raphiel.
The only pony home was Octavia so I decided to join her in her room where she was practicing with her cello...
I just stopped to hear the mellow tone of her cello and the glistening notes that were echoing as she played some baroque music.
She only stopped when she finished the piece and look at me with a curious face.
“Hello Hassiel... What brings you to here?...” she asked.
“Well, I was going to ask what you were doing... Say, was that baroque music I heard there?” I asked pointing at her.
“Yes. Yes it was. Did you enjoy it?” she asked.
Very much so... Hey how about a duet... A bit of improv” I said to her.
“With what instrument? and how would you get it?... I only own this cello” she said befuddled.
“Well with this you see...” as I pulled out my storage cube “ this device can get my supplies and other things that I have stored in it”
I pressed the button as I said
“Can you give me my electric cello, a bow, rosin, an amplifier and a cord to connect them with...” as the cube processed it and started to spit out the things I asked for as Octavia stood back.
“Wow... Amazing...” were the words she could say as I quickly got ready.
“Yep it is” I said tuning it starting with the A string and going down to the C string.
“Ok you have your fancy cello. So what can you do?” she Challenged.
“Oh you'll see” I said as I started to play From Out of Nowhere by Faith no more well what I could... Mostly the melody.
After I finished the song Octavia spoke. “Impressive. If I might say. You incorporated rock into a cello and there was even some things missing a great orchestration”
“Thanks. So what now?” I asked her.
“Well I wouldn't mind if you taught me how to play in that style or teach me a song” she said.
“Sure. I mean its raining out there... Hey I have the the perfect song we could play” as I started to play it.
I spend a good part of the day teaching her how to play the songs I wanted her to learn.
Good thing that I had my iPod so I could let her listen to the music I had in mind.
Another thing was that she was a quick learner and could easily listen and play a good bit of each song.
As for my two brothers, I really didn't know where they were but I knew was that they weren't anywhere around.
After the lessons I gave Octavia it was only 3 pm and I was left wondering about tomorrow with me meeting Celestia.
“So Octavia what did you think all of this?...” I asked her putting my Cello away.
“It was marvelous experience... I mean you have introduced me to a whole new genre of music that I would of never known. Thanks” she said smiling deeply.
“You're very welcome. Hey, you should let me and my brothers play at gala” I said asking her.
“Oh... I don't decide that... You'll have to ask the princess of that...”
“That's it... Hmm easier than I thought...”
After I grabbed my cello I left her room.
I walked to living room as Uriel and Raphiel walked in the house closing there umbrellas.
“And where were you two” I said placing my cello on the ground.
“Well I chilled with AJ and Dash” said Raphiel.
“I had to talk to Rarity about our plans... Oh and she said that if you two are going to the gala, then she'll be happy to make you a suit for the occasion” Uriel said.
“Cool... ” I said to them.
“Is that your cello” Raphiel said.
“Yep I introduced Octavia to modern music”
“Bro!” he said.
“What?” I said.
“I know how to pass the time... We could borrow that music studio and play some music on our instruments... ” Raphiel said with enthusiasm.
“What you think Uriel” I said to him.
“Sure I really need something to hit on” he said as Raphiel giggled.
“How ’bout your dick” as me and him laughed.
“Will you stop” Uriel said hitting him on the head.
“Oww... Twice in one day...” he said rubbing his head.
“I'm surprised... Usually you get hit there more than three times” I said laughing at him.
“You can fuck yourself ” he said as we walked to the studio.
Down there Octavia joined us as she watched us set up.
“Wait!!! Wait a flipping minute” Raphiel to us.
“What is it now” I said to him
“How are we going to play guitar with no fingers?” he said looking at his hooves.
“Well what I've learned in this place is that somehow we can... ” I said to him.
“You better be right or I'm turning into a human” he said.
After playing some Iron Maiden, AC/DC and Green day we finished playing as I conversed with them.
“See I told you” I said to Raphiel.
“Yeah I think you're right... It just happens...” looking at his hooves.
“Good job there” said Octavia as Vinyl said something on the mic.
“Yeah... I see you like rock” she said putting her shades on.
After all of that I took a shower and decided to do something I always did when I traveled away home for extended periods of time.
I got my locator and asked for my log of travel's and created a new folder and started to record.
Huh... Well its a Sunday I think, And I've been in this world for almost a week. I have meet the local population and have turned into one of them. This is a show in my universe and all I have to say me being here was my greatest surprise I have had in my time of having my powers, but I can't tell if this was an accident or was it destiny... And talking about that I need my destiny clock. Anyways, I don't know what time period I'm in but all I know that I've effected this universe enough to the point of no return. But my ultimate goal is to get back home and find that chaos spawn. My brothers have joined me here which has helped my moral. Next things to talk about is my relations with these ponies. In the most part it has been all good but I mean they're use to harmony, friendship, and getting along which on earth is a like a taboo but I don't mind this, I get relaxation from my priorities and I can have some time to chill and have fun which I really hadn't had in a while now. Being in this world might help me in many ways but for now trying to get use to the way of a pony might be easier said than done. Well I'll go now because I'm tired.
Log: Equestria: number 1
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I wood like to let you know that I am enjoying the story and hope to see more of it.
What I like to know is the chaos spawn going to go after Discord? Is Discord steel stone? Can the chaos spawn revive Discord? Wood Discord become evole Chaos?
Dragonfox
4002749 my intention is for discord to "accidentally" awaken whats inside and for our hero's to have combat... with this mysterious entity.
but thats a while away so say tune for more chapters..
First story, eh? I'll be sure to be extra harsh, because that's the only way one learns.
It was said recently by the Poet Laureate of the United States that everyone has 200 bad poems in them, and it's best to get them out early. I believe a correlate exists among fiction.
4585679 that was the message I gave to my readers a year ago.... Lol if you see this story is on hiatus... If you really have a sincere critic then be my guest. Give me 20 things that's wrong with this fanfic... And I also review stories so I know if your suggestions are for real or not... I know my story isn't 100% perfect but I would like to know whats the issue with it is than dislike and a quote that has no context to back it up with my story
4585709
No comma after "about"
Okay, first of all, this is an incredibly vague statement which provides very little in the way of information.
Second of all, you need a comma after "done"
throughout
Also, "this land" is extremely vague. Obviously, it refers to the "land he knows about" but we can only assume that's Equestria through the fact that this story was posted on FimFiction makes it obvious. Even so, this is weak language
This goes for "finding things" as well. Weak language. What things, what are they and what significance do they have? Are they ephemeral concepts or concrete objects? (Note: I don't actually care, I'm just pointing out how weak this is.)
Run-on sentence.
Also ending on an ellipses, which isn't technically improper but is certainly something you should only use sparingly. As it is, the sentence just trails off into oblivion, rather like this fic.
So let's count it up...
8 problems discovered already and I haven't even left the description.
What makes you think I want to read your sex/gore Gary Stu fic enough to find your arbitrary request of 20?
(Oh, just for kicks...)
"That"
"If you'll notice"
"If you really have sincere criticisms"
You put 2 spaces between "review" and "stories"
"if your suggestions are correct or not"
Yeah, it's definitely not 100% perfect~
"to know what the issue with it is than just receive a dislike and a quote."
Also you use tons of ellipses which are completely unnecessary and make your writing look childish and weak.
So you review stories, huh?
4585747 I don't really care about how I write in comments and I write for fun and to get concepts out. I help people who struggle with writting... And its nice that someone doesn't like my story.... If you would really like I wouldn't mind a review... I just can't justify hate with no context its like being a troll tbh
4585747 and to add I see you write fanfics too ... That's good I respect people who write too. But I don't respect your aggressive nature... It doesn't affect me you know I'm just here reading and analyzing your tone and language. If you're here to make me feel bad well good luck :P I am proud of my writing and I've been critic even worse because that was face to face.
At the end of the day its just writing its meant to entertain people and so far 32 have enjoyed it and people who have disliked it have at least told me why...