USS Wisconsin
“What are we dealing with?” asked Captain Mittal.
“They call themselves ponies, sir,” answered the voice on the radio.
“Can they fly?” Mittal remembered the multicolored animal that had been observed with the ship’s remote control airplane.
“Some can, sir. They’re called pegasus ponies.”
“What about the rest?” The reply took a few seconds.
“It seems like the population is split roughly into thirds. Some are pegasi, some are unicorns, and some are earth ponies.”
“Earth ponies?”
“Non-pegasus, non-unicorn ponies.”
“Are ponies the dominant species?”
“Yes sir, at least in their country.”
“They have a country?”
“Yes sir. It’s called Equestria. The ship is currently in the Equestrian Sea.”
“Can we get a meeting with their leaders?”
The reply didn’t come immediately. Mittal glanced around the bridge. Sailors that weren’t even on duty had stopped to listen to the conversation.
“Sir, Equestria is governed by two leaders, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. One of the ponies we’re talking to here is a student of Celestia. It shouldn’t be hard to get an audience.”
That was lucky, thought Mittal. They had somehow managed to run into someone important.
“One last thing, are there any people in this world?”
“No sir, we’re alone.”
The Marines stayed on the beach for a while longer and then got in the boat to come back. The ponies, all six of them, disappeared in a flash of purple light.
The boat was quickly hauled up, and Mittal walked down to the deck to talk with the shore party.
“What was that?” he asked, indicating the vanishing ponies.
One of the men shrugged. “They teleported, sir. Unicorns can do magic.” It seemed strange how casually he said it.
They presented Mittal with a crudely drawn map. It indicated the coastline and a wide swath of forest. Further inland, there was a small drawing of a castle and the word “Canterlot.”
“This is where the two princesses live?” Mittal asked.
“Yes, sir. They said it was a big place, and you can’t miss it.”
“Go find the helicopter crew,” Mittal ordered.
Canterlot
Princess Celestia returned from her talks with the Buffalo. Chief Thunderhooves was willing to offer a volunteer force to travel to Zebrica if it became necessary. Celestia had been hoping he would commit his entire army. It would help the United Lands put pressure on the dragons to surrender.
She put the finishing touches on her letter to Queen Beak of the Griffon Kingdom and sent it off. Another letter popped in almost immediately afterwards. More scheduled UL talks, and soon.
The UL was only a loose collection of countries with no single leader. Celestia had probably done more diplomatically to rally the other nations to the Zebrica cause than any other national leader. She was still unsure if it would be enough.
She knew that Twilight was acquainted with a Zebra living nearby. Perhaps Celestia could ask her to talk to the UL assembly.
Speaking of Twilight, the unicorn and her friends suddenly teleported into the room.
“Princess! Did your sister tell you about my letter? We found the ship!”
“Please tell me about it.”
“They like my cupcakes!” exclaimed Pinky.
“They know how to fly without feathers,” said Rainbow.
“They were nice,” said Fluttershy.
“I reckon they’re a friendly enough bunch,” added Applejack.
“Their fashion is something I’ve never seen before,” said Rarity, thoughtfully.
“Who?” asked Celestia.
“They’re called humans,” explained Twilight. “They’re tall and walk on two legs, and don’t have very much hair. Their ship got caught in a storm and they ended up here.”
“Is that Twilight and her friends?” asked Luna sleepily. She walked into the room. Celestia quickly explained to her that the ship had been found.
“Where did these humans come from?” asked Celestia.
“They said it was a country called the United States of America on a planet called Earth,” said Twilight. “Everypony on Earth is human.”
“It sounds like they got more than lost,” said Rainbow, breaking in. “How do you even get to a different planet?”
Celestia appeared to be considering something. “Some of our scientists have investigated possible shortcuts in time and space. Up until now, it was mostly theoretical work, but I suppose it’s possible that these humans may have accidentally stumbled upon the method to get the system to function.”
Twilight was perhaps the only one who understood what the Princess was saying. “Oh! So we really should get to know the humans and learn how they got here. They want to go home, and maybe we can help them.”
Celestia nodded. “I think that would be wise.”
“That’s good,” said Twilight. She smiled. “I already invited them here to meet you.”
The two princesses traded looks. “They know where Canterlot is?”
“That’s right. We helped them make a map.”
“How are they getting here?”
Twilight’s face fell. “I don’t know. They didn’t say.”
All the ponies suddenly became aware of a strange low-pitched noise. It seemed to be getting louder.
The skies over Canterlot
The helicopter crew had spent most of their career at sea, making utility flights around ships. A nice forest landscape was an interesting change.
Mittal sat in the rear of the Sikorsky SH-60 Seahawk. The helicopter was large enough to accommodate himself, a cadre of Marines, and a junior officer Mittal had picked to go along, Lieutenant Wilson.
Wilson was a paperwork jockey, and clutched a briefcase filled with stationery and pens. He looked nervous, although Mittal couldn’t tell whether it was because of the helicopter flight or the ponies.
One man from the shore party was on the helicopter with them. The others had stayed with the ship to give the sailors a crash course on dealing with ponies. Navy ships pulled into ports all over the world, and briefings on how to treat the locals were not uncommon.
From what the Marines on the beach had learned, the language and mannerisms of the ponies were not much different from the people of the United States. Topics of conversation to avoid included eating meat, and politics. Mittal shook his head. No way did a pony need to be subjected to the American political system.
The castle was easy enough to spot. The pilot circled once, looking for a suitable place to land. Ponies in the streets below looked up in wonder at the strange machine, most of them not seeming afraid. Perhaps this world was more peaceful than Earth. Talks with the ponies on the beach seemed to indicate that their military was tiny and very rarely used.
It was a tight fit to land the helicopter in the castle courtyard, but there were few other suitable places available. The pilot gently set it down.
As the engines began to coast to a stop, Mittal and company exited. Ponies stood at the castle door waiting for them. Most wore armor and appeared to be some kind of royal guards. A few were colorful and resembled the tiny specks Mittal had seen through his binoculars.
The humans entered the castle. Mittal didn’t feel threatened by the ponies, although being backed by six Marines didn’t hurt his confidence. A pink pony with a frizzy mane stood nearby, getting a better look at the visitors.
“Hey Corporal Boyle,” she said.
Boyle, one of the Marines who had also made first contact on the beach, nodded to her. “Pinkie Pie.”
“Welcome,” said a regal-sounding voice. Mittal took his eyes from Pinkie and spotted a pair of ponies waiting for them. Both were taller than any other pony he had seen, and sported both wings and a horn. Mittal made a note to ask about that later.
The white one spoke first. “Greetings, I am Princess Celestia.” She sounded friendly, and was tall enough to look Mittal right in the eye.
“This is my sister, Princess Luna,” said Celestia, indicating the slightly smaller blue pony next to her. “We would like to welcome you to Equestria.”
All eyes turned to Mittal. He’d expected to be put on the spot, and had made sure to prepare himself. It was a little unnerving talking to ponies, but he was determined to make a good first impression. Before leaving the ship, he’d made sure the creases in his khaki uniform were sharp and the silver eagles on his collar were polished. It seemed to have some effect, as a nearby white unicorn with a purple mane appeared to be looking at his clothing appreciatively.
“Princesses,” he said. “Thank you for your hospitality. I am Captain John Mittal, Commanding Officer of USS Wisconsin, a ship of the United States of America Navy. It’s been a little unnerving coming to a strange place where there are no other humans. It seems that we have a lot in common, though, and I hope we can establish a friendship between our nations.”
Celestia seemed impressed by his words. “We would like that very much. You are welcome to stay as our guests for as long as necessary.”
“Thank you. We were hoping, however, to return home. Everyone must be worried about us.”
Celestia nodded. “We have some theories about why you came here. Our scientists will be happy to help you find a solution.”
Mittal gestured to Lieutenant Wilson, who produced several typed pages from his briefcase. “Here is all the information we have about our situation. Unfortunately, it isn’t much.”
Mittal felt the papers being lifted from his hands. He let them go and they floated over to Celestia. He noticed her horn glowing. It was his first personal brush with magic, and he didn’t know what to make of it.
Celestia examined the papers briefly. “Twilight?” she asked, looking at a purple unicorn.
“I’ll take them, Princess.” The unicorn’s horn began to glow as she received the stack of paper. She began flipping through them immediately.
“We hate to rush you out,” said Princess Luna, speaking for the first time. “But we have a bit of a prior commitment.”
Celestia nodded. “We received a letter not long ago. The United Lands have requested a meeting.”
“United Lands?” asked Mittal.
“It’s a multinational cooperative dedicated to keeping peace,” explained Luna. “There’s a bit of a crisis going on now, and we need to talk with the other national leaders.”
“We have something like that back home,” said Mittal. “It’s called the United Nations. Our country was a founding member.”
“Were there wars?” asked Twilight, the purple unicorn.
“We’ve fought several wars. In fact, that’s where our ship was headed when we accidentally ended up here.”
The two princesses looked at each other. “That’s very interesting,” said Luna. “Perhaps we can invite you to speak.”
“We have to go now,” said Celestia. “We’ll stay in contact with you. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to let us know.” The two princesses left the room.
Mittal took that as their cue to leave. The crowd of ponies followed them out.
“What is that thing, anyway?” said the rainbow pegasus, pointing a hoof at the helicopter. “It doesn’t look like it should fly.”
Her words strangely echoed something a fixed-wing pilot had once said to Mittal about helicopters. He and the rest of the humans boarded the chopper, and the blades began to turn.
Author note
Good gosh, I've written like five thousand words in the last 24 hours. This is where flattery gets you, people! Thanks again for reading.
lol, nice
short, but well made with few grammatical errors. I applaude you sir.
also first
This is good. Keep it up.
Three chappies in one day?! Awesome!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
FIRE ALL MOAR BATTERYS!!
LOADED AND READY TO FIRE
FIRE
media.moddb.com/images/groups/1/3/2103/SHIP_Battleship_Iowa_Front_Firing_lg.jpg
Honestly, this felt rushed and choppy, I prefer the first two chapters far more. Sorry
Damn you Thedever!!!! You stole my first's!!!!
225218
Overkill: So rarely necessary, so often fun!
225227
Don't feel bad. I think you're the first person to actually give me constructive criticism. You're right, I am rushing. Too many ideas at once.
I'll make up for it with some really neat dialogue in ch4.
225218
Darn it, you ruined the surprise!
If nothing else, try going for longer chapters. That should help the pace a good bit.
First contact was a little more rushed than ought to be IMO. Then again, it's a refreshing change for ponies and humans to immediately get along. You lack the cynical misanthropism that most HiE writers seem to have,
MOAR! :3
IMHO you should have written out the scene with the marines meeting the mane 6. It was prehaps the most important scene in the chapter and it happend "off screen".
This way I'm left wondering, why it went so well. Are marines trained to make first contact with extrateresstian lifeforms?
And I can agree that it felt rushed. Just take your time to write and edit. Us readers can wait a few days for new chapters.
“What is that thing, anyway?” said the rainbow pegasus, pointing a hoof at the helicopter. “It doesn’t look like it should fly.”
I've got to point out that RD's Tank can fly using a propeller stuck to his back. So this kinda goes against canon.
Enjoyable, but the other commenters are right. Unlike the first two chapters, this one felt much more rushed. I would have loved to see more of the conversation between the marine landing party and the ponies, for instance... and a little bit more of what I like to call the "WTF moment" on the part of the humans. It felt like they took discovering the dominant sentient species on the new planet is a race of magical ponies a little too in stride.
I'm not saying you needed to spend another 3k works on those things or anything... but a little bit more exposition to set the mood and scene would have been nice.
Nevertheless, the story itself was well-written and I continue to look forward to new chapters.
226210
To be fair, Tank in no way looks like it should be able to fly either... but such is the power of magic.
As others have said, it was way too choppy. The humans were too nonchalant about everything, the first contact scene was left out, there simply is no way for the timeline to make any sense since it would have taken at least an hour at the soonest to get the chopper ready and fly the no doubt dozens of miles to Canterlot (that whole scene really doesn't make any sense in the first place since the crew of the Wisconsin should have waited for the Equestrians to send a diplomatic envoy to be polite and save on fuel), Twilight's abilities seem to be a bit overstated considering that that the most distance she's ever teleported has been a few hundred feet, and darnit, it's the United States Navy not the United States of America Navy.
226461
Yeah the author needs to be careful. Him rushing things, not pacing properly, and glossing over major events is turning a great story into just a 'good' story.
226461 Marines and sailors are trained to deal with the mental stress of combat. because of this i believe the human's reaction to the ponies was well interpreted. they are trained to deal with the circumstances, and they are. lol
and i bet there are a few bronies on that ship
ok so when you said United states of America Navy that is not needed you just need United States Navy the previous just dosent roll well.
What? What?! How are the humans just so accepting of freaking ponies?! Talking ponies! With their own governments! How the hell is noone questioning that?! Also of all the things you should not miss in a fic like this is First Contact. And it happens off-screen. I'm liking the direction of this fic, but I simply can't let that go without calling some degree of fail on the author's part. There are just something you don't gloss over. Anyway, I am liking this story so far.
Well, I was reminded of how I hadn't finished reading this after watching Battleship last night...
So, here we go again!
I wish you showed the actual first contact - as Zervziel and others have said - and I have another complaint: Rainbow Dash shouldn't be so puzzled by the helicopter, she's seen a pedal-powered one. But that can be taken or left. The other thing can't. Actually put in the damn first contact and the humans being surprised and adjusting. (Though not too mind-blown since these are military people) The lack of an actual first-contact scene is an albatross around the fic's neck, dragging anything good about it down.
I'm going to join the line of people saying that the lack of onscreen first contact is a problem. However, I think the ponies' second-hoof reports are almost as good, and I was definitely entertained when Pinkie recognized the one who came back and called him by name. Everypony else is probably still wrapping their heads around the existence of this species, but Pinkie Pie can't not think of them as individuals with names and interests and birthdays to remember. That's a pretty great character moment if you ask me.
Okay, BIG Beginner mistake on this chapter, right at the beggining. WHEN did they realize this wasn't their world anymore? wouldn't the first conclusion be that their equipment was sabotaged and they were near some large, somehow undiscovered island? Anything but the automatic realization that this wasn't their wold would be great.
There also doesn't seem to be enough incredulousness, or emotion at over the fact that they're having contact with (Redacted) Ponies! It made me go ick. I know you're a much better writer now then you were when you wrote this, Is there any possibility at all that you might revise a couple of your old stories? even if it's just revising a paragraph or two per chapter?
Because that's all it would really need. Just a touchup here and there, to fill in the holes.
Now after being repulsed by the beggining of this chap, I'm gonna force myself past it, and read the rest of it now. Godspeed.
Edits below:
[[[It seemed strange how casually he said it.]]] Okay, well at least you seem to be adressing part of the issue.
It would make sense if the ponies discovered that the humans were from another planet, but the humans telling the ponies feels wrong.
[[[“It sounds like they got more than lost,” said Rainbow, breaking in. “How do you even get to a different planet?”
Celestia appeared to be considering something. “Some of our scientists have investigated possible shortcuts in time and space. Up until now, it was mostly theoretical work, but I suppose it’s possible that these humans may have accidentally stumbled upon the method to get the system to function.”]]]
This seems logical, however, It is much too soon for something like this to take place, the "first contact" (if it can be called that) was horridly rushed, and needs much more suspence and drama rather than DERP CONTACT CONTAAAAAACT!!!542wygygyu
Nevermind about my previous statement about a paragraph or two, this chapter is looking like it would need some serious editing...
I now see why you haven't considered editing it.
[[[All eyes turned to Mittal. He’d expected to be put on the spot, and had made sure to prepare himself. It was a little unnerving talking to ponies,]]]
Okay, It seems like you're putting focus on things after the fact, which is okay- but makes it awkward at first.
All in all, this chapter is okay for your first story. not GREAT, but not super horrible.
226280 <--- what this guy said.
226280 <--- and this guy.
1904589 there marines what do you expect?
I believe the exact words are "If the wings move, it ain't safe."
So, what should have been the most important moment of the story (first contact), and it was completely skipped.
I like the idea behind the story, but (as many have already said) it's so rushed that all the important moments and details are just being skipped over, and it's really starting to kill the enjoyment I get from reading it.
What makes this worse is the fact that multiple people have brought this up, but not only have you seemed to ignore them, you also haven't tried changing anything. Not even a small conversation at the start to show what they were talking about. Anything would have been better than just having first contact happen in the background!
I seriously hope the rest of the story isn't like this. I mean, it really is an interesting idea.
3204010 I wrote this story more than a year ago. It was my first one. Every time I look back at this page I cringe a little at how bad and rushed my writing was. I mean, I transported a battleship to Equestria, got the crew involved in a war, started hostilities and sailed home within 16,000 words.
I haven't edited this story because I feel it should be left as-is. I want to know that I'm improving and having a reference of my old work helps with that. I'm sorry if that projected the image of "ignoring" the comments on the story's problems.
If you're interested in the idea of the story, I invite you to have a look at my other work, in my Advanced Story Directory.
Good job but a few small errors when it comes to the symbol for the captain it isn't a silver eagle (that a colonel) his rank would be two silver bars joined together with a small pieces of plastic told hold them
3520623 He's a Navy Captain. That's O-6, equivalent to a Colonel in any other service. The insignia is the same.
yay
By god that conflict of them being humans and them being ponies from another world blew over pretty quickly
It's called USN! That stands for "United States Navy"
That's waaaay too fast. It would take the crew at least half an hour to get there. Without pre-flight check.
These are not proper First Contact reactions. These people are not really acting like actual human beings would.
Hehehe, I gotta agree and say, this does seem a bit rushed, but I see the reasoning below.
but regardless, this is pretty interesting, and I love a good story about a battleship Especially one like this, hahahaha!
Good show, good show!
WHERE IS MY TRUMP WAGON?!!
6857231
Well they ARE military personal.
3204301
Would be cool to see a new version of this, sort of a remake. Leave this one for posterity, but take the original idea and write it how you would now.