noise."Story Notes: Convention Hotel · 11:15pm Aug 25th, 2020
One nice thing about being handsome and famousTM* is that you inspire others to follow in your hoofsteps footsteps. Such it is with this story--Nitro Indigo, inspired by my Not-A-Contest, decided to run her own not-a-contest, this one involving Equestrian tourists to Earth.
I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t start this story for the contest. It was languishing in my ‘things to get to’ folder likely since around Bronycon 2019, and the contest was the perfect excuse to dust it off and knock it into shape.
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*at least one of y’all knows what comes after that.
I’ve spent many a happy day at the Baltimore Inner Harbor Hyatt Regency hotel. The staff is lovely, and it’s attached to Bronycon via a bridge. I once wrote a blog post involving it, I think. If I wasn’t lazy, I’d check . . . I’m sure somebody already has.
This one’s gonna be a multi-parter. Updated when I feel like it, ‘cause y’all know that’s how I roll. In the spirit of full disclosure, some of the chapters might not get a full blog post, we’ll see. I might group some of ‘em for shorter chapters.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the ponies! And other Equestrians, and I suppose the humans too.
Bottlecap
Ant-Sized Wikipedia picture
Peach Melba
Derpibooru Screencap
Cosmic
Ant-Sized Wikipedia picture
Kaia’s name is Indian; it means “stability, from the earth.”
Miriro is Shona and means “the one who was waited for.”
a strange bipedal cat who reminded Miriro of Fonzie.
You were thinking it all along, and now you know.
Jonquilla is a variety of daffodil; Redder van de Narcissen is machine-translated “savior of the daffodils,” which was of course inspired by William Carlos Williams’ St. Francis Einstein of the Daffodils. My relationship with that poem is complicated, and would take more than a blog post to explain fully, but suffice to say that equines were involved and that I don’t have a minor in English.
Mitchell On Demand’s search function for names only searches for last names, unless you enter a first name as “,Name.” That may or may not be commonplace in work software--I’m sure my readers will know.
EDIT: I forgot to say that a Shirdal is the Iranian version of a griffin.
Outro!
You're trying to Noodle Incident this. Unfortunately, being something that actually happened in reality means that the explanation does exist, and you should expect to be hounded until your followers know what it is.
A friend with a last name of Japanese origin related a story of a hotel unable to find their reservation; after a long time, they found the reservation: the four syllable Japanese last name had been recorded as two two-syllable English names in the first and last name slots. (Like if someone had turned the word animistic into Annie Mystic.)
*Boop*
I was a desk clerk in a motel before retiring.
"No shoes, no shirt, no service."
"You never said a WORD about 'no pants'!" Buster Bunny (Tiny Toons)
But, AFAIK, the "No shoes" is the Board of Health & the hotel
CAN'T wave that + legal liability if a guest steps on something & cuts themselves.
Also, PETS.
Does this hotel allow them? If not, someone is going to try to sneak one in.
Our policy was "We catch you, you are gone."
We charged extra for each person more than 1 & EVERYONE had to have ID.
Only exception, children under 18. We caught you sneaking in extra? Gone.
We caught you sneaking in a prostitute? GONE & blacklisted.
If necessary, we called the cops to help you leave.
In the USA you have to be 21 to buy, possess, or consume alcohol in any form. A *LOT* of foreign countries are WAY more lenient than that. France, for example, you can consume wine at any age IF your parents are with you.
Plausible that EQ has less stringent laws than the USA.
(IRL, much of the world does). VERY plausible that will cause problems if so. (For instance, "you can buy fermented stuff if you have your Cutie Mark")
When I was a store clerk, my (personal) rule for passports was
"I can't read it, you're 21."
"Small bipedal lizards?" I can see adult dragons not being allowed on Earth, but setting the size limit at smaller than pony-sized seems a bit extreme.
5342893
So what you’re saying is that y’all want a proper blog post instead of little dribs and drabbles across multiple blog posts, story comments, and whatnot?
I suppose I could provide that one day.
5342952
I could totally see that happening. I sometimes have trouble hearing people over the phone at work and take the best guess at a name; on top of that both my manager and I have terrible handwriting, so that’s another avenue of confusion . . . on the plus side, we’re a small-town auto shop in a small town, so the majority of our customers have English names which are also common(ish) for the region, and I’ve learned to spell some of the more difficult ones (we’ve got a few customers of Polish descent, and their last names are tricky). I can only imagine at a hotel which gets an international clientele.
True fact, since I’ve been the one having to figure out how somebody’s name is spelled more than once, I will often spell mine out when I’m on the phone, even though it’s only four letters and also actually a word in English. Just makes it easier for all involved, IMHO.
5342965
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5342989
I have considered exploiting this loophole. Thus far I have not.
Thus far.
Their pet policy is that they are pet friendly and will provide a dog bed. I might have to work that in . . .
I have done that once. At a guess, I was twelve or thirteen . . . I can’t remember when we went to France. Very civilized, I don’t think I’ve ever been to another dinner that lasted longer or had more courses.
I presume that they do for lots of stuff. And I also have always assumed that the cutie mark was the age of majority as far as the Equestrians were concerned (debatable how they handle species that don’t get them). We debated that once at an after dark event at Trotcon, but the person cosplaying as Scootaloo did have a cutie mark, so therefore was good to go.
That’s how Silver Glow got by. Passport’s in Equestrian, plus their calendar is not the same as Earth’s, so let it slide. She looks like she knows what she’s doing, and who knows how pony years translate to human years?
5342989
The problem there is... when it comes to creatures from Equestria, how do you tell the difference between a pet and a non-pet? Angel Bunny, for example, could pretty easily make his own hotel reservation if he wanted to!
5343038
I feel that any experienced hotel receptionist would just roll with whatever. Diamond Dog shows up with a reservation but also wants the dog bed, just give it to him. As long as there’s a name and a credit card, let it slide.
5343000
Alright, that’s fair. Changed it to ‘bipedal lizards.’
5343000 5343044 Don't worry. I fixed it.
(gonna make you look at the comments now)
I'm a girl.
I will read your story and I'm certain I will enjoy it, yet I'm also certain I'll find it full of inaccuracies as to how hoteliers react to weird tourists. Those of us who are professional about our job enjoy meeting peculiar people and look forward to cultural exchange and to ease culture shock on our guests.
Well: hoteliers outside the USA, considering that hoteliers inside the USA have been known to call the cops on Muslim guests just for wearing a turban and speaking Arabic.
5342989
Considering the damage alcohol does to developing brains (and even developed brains in "large" quantities), I heavily doubt that.
In fact, I will go so "far" as to say that any half-way decent Celestia will have eradicated all addictive substances long before the time of Luna's return.
5343070
Fixed!
And thanks for your blog posts. :)
(I'm pretty sure the Hyatt was the hotel I stayed in for my first Bronycon, by the way, though I was in the Hilton for the other three.)
5343101
So, that's YOUR explanation for Europe in general & France in particular?
Huh. Didn't know those ponies were actually canon.
I was wondering what 'Jonquilla Redder van de Narcissen' was. Thank Celestia for your story notes.
5343129
What?
5343161
In parts of the world (including much of Europe & France), children are allowed to drink fermented beverages IF their parents are there. You said "that causes brain damage".
So, that's your explanation for "Why do the French behave like they do?". Brain damage.
5343194
Don't twist my words to fit your own agenda. I have offered no intentional "explanation" for any "french behavior", and I deprecate any insinuation of such.
5343246
5342989
5343027
My apologies for jumping to conclusions about "What did you mean by that?"
5343087
We’ll see! Feel free to comment and criticize! I can say that every time I’ve stayed that the Hyatt, the staff has been lovely.
Yeah . . . I don’t think that would happen at the Hyatt, but it is America, so. . . .
5343101
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I’m not entirely convinced of that.
5343131
They’re not canon names, but they have been in the show.
I do love background ponies, and there are a lot of them. One day I’ll have used every single one in a story, even Incidental Background Mare #9.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/0/0c/Comic_issue_9_UEM4.png
5343157
You’re welcome!
5343381
With her coat colour and cutie mark, that is obviously Hatchet Job, aspiring humour writer for Sensational Scoops, the Equestrian red masted tabloid
This promises to be a fun look into Baltimore hotel lifestyle. I’ve never stayed in one before, since the Inner Harbor is easily reached by car or metro for me. Will we see the ponies and friends partake of some of my favorite sites like the Baltimore Aquarium or the tours of the historic boats?
5343019 Silly Pone!
/\ /\
I've stayed in this hotel as well, and this story is oddly extra entertaining because of it.
5343377
I said half-way decent. We all know where Canon Celestia is on that leader-board.
5343526
Yeah, the thing is? Alcohol is a bit of a special case in terms of "drugs" because fermentation is simply too easy to do for it to ever be effectively outlawed. It can and has happened without any human intervention, complete with animals getting drunk on purpose.
5347011
So?
5343469
And a murder of waifu-stealers.
5343471
I would say that you’re missing out, but that’s kind of a lie. Still, the Hyatt is cool and I’ve enjoyed my stays there.
You might. I never visited the aquarium, but I did go on the boats, and decided that if I had to choose, I’d rather be on the roomy sailing ship than the very cramped submarine.
5343475
5343502
Then you’ll know all the references
5343526
Maybe she’s got a grand plan that is beyond our mortal understanding.
5347011
Also in the case of Equines, based on my research, it’s less effective than in humans. Maybe ten percent of it intoxicates the equine; the rest of it just passes through. They can also process methanol, which humans can’t (AFAIK). The moral is don’t get in a drinking contest with a horse; you’ll die.
5348158 Heh.
5342989
¡What a barbaric policy! Prostitution should be decriminalized. If I would work the desk, I would turn a blind eye to people bringing prostitutes into their rooms. ¡Screw the prudes!
5733170
Uhm... the motel I worked at got busted & signed a consent decree. The cops came by & checked every now & then.
They caught too many unregistered guests & you had better not plan on listing the motel as a reference for your next job.
5348161
This ignores size difference. Bigger = takes more to raise your blood alcohol level.
Even Shetland Ponies are 400-450 lbs (about the size of Andre the Giant in the early 1970s). The phrase "fighting out of your weight class" comes to mind.
5733172
⸘What about the 4th Amendment‽ ¡People have the right to privacy, being left alone, not being eavesdropped, and not having their property searched and seized, unless the police have a SearchWarrant backed up by probable cause for a crime! ¡The police shoujld go buck themselves! ¡Conservatives want a small government! … —— ¡small enough to fit into the bedroom!:
Certainly, you do not want a guest to pay for single-occupancy and have multiple people sleep there, but it is okay to have guests for a short time, such as about an hour. I see no difference from a wife dropping off her husband for a convention and them having sex before she leaves in about an hour and a customer hiring a prostitute and having sex and her leaving in about an hour. As long as consenting adults do not bother or hurt other, ¡others should mind their own business! As long as the wife or prostitute does not stay long, ¡it is neither the business of the motel nor the state!
If I would have a quicky with either my wife or a prostitute and either the police or management would intrude, ¡I would tell them to buck off and contact my lawyer!
Here in the USA, religious conservatives are VERY powerful politically. Prostitution is illegal most places. "Escorts" are (supposedly) just selling their platonic company. The company is shocked to learn that individuals did otherwise. Estee has a short story based on that confusion (Twilight's Escort Service, IIRC.)
As to 4th amendment rights.... The motel was very close to the "red light" district (USA slang from the habit of brothels advertising by having a red light in the window). Enough prostitutes got busted & incriminated the motel that the owners signed some consent decrees to settle out of court (the court might yank their motel license). IDK the details, but the owner of the property can give consent to search a room & we desk clerks were told to cooperate. Unregistered guests are technically trespassing.
5733173
Oh yeah, the weight difference would just make it worse.
While my research based on fanon sizes of ponies suggests that they're in the same weight class as humans--or let's be honest, even lighter (Applejack would weigh 106-150 pounds), they could be bigger. Certainly attempting to out-drink an actual horse would end in alcohol poisoning for you and probably not much effect on the horse.
Also the methanol thing could be an issue if you're drinking hard liquor in Equestria. An easy way to raise the proof is to freeze distill, but that doesn't take the methanol out. Ponies might not care, since it works like ethanol for them.
5733259
Plus EQ pegasuses likely have a higher metabolism & burn it off quicker. Earth ponies get a magic boost to endurance. Per Estee, Rarity is the light weight of the group -and the cops try to keep Twilight from drinking. Dragons are totally incapable of getting drunk (at least, by alcohol).
What a LOT of people appear unaware if is that you keep getting drunker for hours after you stop drinking & there's a limit to how fast your body can get rid of alcohol.