Conflictions · 4:44am Oct 13th, 2019
So I should be doing the after report for YCH, but... it's officially October 13th. Midnight, or now a few minutes past. I'm sitting behind the counter at my job, an airport. I had a surprise CRJ 200 come in, dropped off freight at another FBO and then taxi here to park for the next couple days.
Two or so hours ago, I just got finished watching, live, the last of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Now, I know a lot of people are getting all melencholy over the show's end, and doing all these feelsie blog posts and yadda yadda. I didn't want to do one of those, I still don't... but there's just this... nagging feeling in the back of my mind. In truth, this is a genuine first for me.
Growing up I never really watched a lot of "current" television, save for cartoons that, growing up, continuity and a show's "season" count didn't mean anything. As I got older, I favored the older television shows, such as M*A*S*H, Golden Girls, Hogan's Heroes, Johnny Carson... all stuff that's been over for a good two decades or more.
MLP: FiM was really, truely, the first "modern" or "current" television series that I basically watched from beginning... to end. Granted, I still need to catch up on the rest of S9, but I've seen enough spoilers of things to get some ideas.
Because I was here at work, I thought I was gonna miss this monumentous occasion, but thankfully my good friends Admiral Biscuit, Wanderer D (and his son), and Out of Work Derpy all came by, we hooked up a laptop to the customer lobby TV, I closed early, and we watched it. Live.
I found out about the freight jet 15 minutes before they arrived, so I had that in the back of my mind. Had the unicom radio beside me, listening for it to arrive. I watched, I laughed, I nearly flipped a table, but enjoyed it all the same, even the ending.
But that damn jet was there, bothering me.
They showed up about 30 minutes early, because their dispatch forgot to tell them about going to another FBO to unload. So I parked them, told them, and they left. An hour later, just as everyone's leaving, they show back up. Again, I park them. Help get them a hotel. No Ubers or LIfts, shockingly, for a Saturday night. I only got my single cab pick up truck, so one guy rides up front with me, and the other two ride in the bed. It's a .8 mile drive, on a 5 lane major highway.
No cops, again shockingly. We surprised a wedding reception at the hotel. They were taking pictures of these guys climbing out the bed of my truck.
Then drove back to my work, parked, shut off my truck, and watched what I think was a Gulfstream take off. I sat there, for a good 15 minutes.
And then I cried.
Once that was done, I went back into the lobby. I clocked out, closed up and locked the doors, turned off all the lights, and sat down behind the counter, and have been staring out at the now dark airport before me, save for the constant white runway lights.
As I typed this, an aiprlane just keyed the mic, and turned on the taxi lights. Even at this hour, when the airport is no longer controlled, life moves on.
I just had a fricking My Little Pony finale party, at a airport. How cool is that? And yet... now that the worry over that jet is gone...
Is this why I can't get into modern television? I try to always say it's because of the overly action packed scenes, the "true to life" acting and other things I blame. I've started shows, and I saw Mad Men about 5 years after it ended. But I can't help but think, wonder, is this why I can't watch new television? Because knowing that I watched something from beginning to end, and that's it?
I have no worry over the fandom. Star Trek is still going strong, and it's got 4, hell 5 decades on MLP: FiM. The art will slow down. The music will slow down. Even our lovely Fimfiction will slow and taper, save for us fools who can't let go.
If you know me, personally, I'm a prime example of unable to let go of things.
I live in the past. Everything I own is old. The way I do things, weird to some, but old fashioned. I don't adjust well to change, to modernization. To the idea that we just ditch a concept, an idea, because it's "dated" even though it still works just fine.
I push those away that I love, because I can't change myself. I can't stop collecting junk because I've done it too long. I can't stop drinking because I've done it for too long. I can't... I can't...
Once upon a time, I wanted to kill myself. Then I got over it. Recent events with a particular Fimfic user brought up old wounds that I though had healed. It put me in a temporary spiral of depression and self doubt. MLD was... a rough experience for me, for someone young as I was. The flood of praise, the flood of criticism, the flood... of those hurt people.
Those people who needed to be heard. Depressed, sorrowful, on the fine line of being done with the world, their life. MLP had helped them see a light, and then MLD had pushed them to the tipping part of the scale. They could fall either way. They just didn't know what to do. Who to ask. Lets ask the author, he's for sure got all the answers.
I didn't. I don't. There's a reason, anymore, people get mad at me when they want to talk to be about serious stuff like this. I burnt myself too many times over it, over talking, trying to help. Trying different things... and so many of those times...
I just don't know what happened to them. And... I'm scared to know.
I don't want to know, is more honest. I know I failed them, most of them, if not all. I failed my own friends, who had to see me at my worst, and now as a constant drunk who just hates the world but pushes on because offing myself would do no one any justice, and only serve to hurt those I care about.
Worse than I have already hurt some of them.
I just took a few minutes to look out the lobby windows; I heard a piston aircraft come onto our ramp. Someone in a... I think a Piper Lance, low tail so not turbo powered, using our self serve. They're ignoring me, not even bothering to look and see if anyone's here. The lights are off. It's dark out. Our ramp lights shut off at midnight unless I manually switch them on for late planes.
MLP: FiM just ended. I'm not sad over the show's ending, but the idea of an ending at all. There's always an ending to everything. Nothing's constant, nothing's forever. I try to trap myself in this little world of mine I've built. I horde old vacuum bags for my 40 plus year old vacuum cleaners. I still have old tube radios for when I want something nice to look at, or even listen to whatever.
I surround myself with records, all of those long dead in the world. In hind sight, this should have been a chapter for An Even Worse Self Insert, but this... isn't a discussion. A debate, a conversation. This is just me, alone in a dark building, watching a small single engine plane leave for the runway, no radio communication. No turning on the taxi lights with a double click of the radio. Just taxi, power up, and gone.
I'm trying so... so hard to actually get some of my started, and not completed fics done. I always knew I'd never complete them before the show ended, but I never thought the show would go on this long. And now that it has...
I find inspiration. I find myself wanting to write. I have a lot left in me, and I know, because I never can let go of things, that this fandom will be with me until my dying breath. Betty White is the last main actress of Golden Girls. Alan Alda and Jamie Farr are the only actors of M*A*S*H that I'm aware of. But for how long?
How long will people care about those VA's, story writers, music composers, directors of MLP? How long will con's still be MLP themed, or as they change, still have MLP related events? We have a new generation supposedly starting up, but will it be the same thing?
Is this ride truly over, or is it only just beginning? That's a question we have to answer for ourselves.
I just got a phone call on the work phone. The CRJ might be leaving in a couple hours. I'm not even gonna bother calling my manager. I'll just sit here awake anyway and wait. Maybe clean out the cab of my truck so two of them can at least ride up front.
Just... do me a favor, those who bother to read my blog posts, read my stories, or have any care in the world for what I have to say. Mourn the end of an era, but push on, and keep looking ahead. Don't be trapped like I am, scared to look ahead, building a safety net of the dead past around himself.
We have a lot of stories to still tell, and even though the show's over, who's to say we can't have a little fun with that?
I remember several times flying into Manhattan airport (Kansas, not the big one) and catching the poor guy on duty yawning, coming out to fuel the airplane (For those of you at home, you always fill up the plane after you bring it back to cut down on condensation in the tanks) A salute from the groundbound to your lonely vigil. Godspeed, and may the Horse be with you. Always.
(And yes, we've made approaches to airports where we key the mic to raise/lower the lights so we can figure out which one of those two we're supposed to be landing on. They always get cranky when you have to make a two minute hop over to the right one later.)
As John de Lancie once said, I believe this fandom is the next set of Trekkies, we are going to last forever.
Well, your blog was a lot more profound and wordy than mine.
Also, Unicom looks a lot like unicorn, just sayin’. It’s a sign, it must be a sign.
I took a picture of that CRJ being directed by you, but it didn’t come out and I had to find a ponified substitute. Almost used this.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/10/21/1861864.gif
(I did wind up finding something more appropriate, but still kinda regret not putting the flailing lightsabers in my blog post.)
That last image is awesome!
Yeah, it may be the end of an era, but as Rainbow said, it's also the beginning of an even more awesome era.
The fandom isn't going anywhere as far as I can tell. With a new generation coming up, there'll always be those of us looking back at the previous generation and smiling.
Bitch, you should have said some of this where I was so I could have slapped some sense into you. And give you a goddamned hug afterwards like I'm some sort of ninja master educating their disciple. Except you make me feel young with all of your old man bs.
Remember the epilogue my dude. You'll always have us around, and while I don't know about M*A*S*H, I'll sit down to watch this amazing show with you anytime you want
and I feel like driving an hour.5137354
The problem was it all just hit me like a tidal wave after dropping off those pilots.
Thanks for continuing to shower us with your literary talent, Rob. It's been a hell of a ride, and I look forward to the next chapters for us all.
I went through something similar after BC19. It's so strange to deal with the end of something that's become a part of your self-identity.
You just reminded me I need to write something.
It has been a wild ride hasn't it? Also I didn't know you worked at an FBO! depending on where, we could have run into each other and not even realized it.
Dude, I hardly know you, though I've been following you for a while, but I wish we could sit down and watch some M*A*S*H. My dad watches that show all the time and one of my favorite things when I was younger (not too much younger; he wouldn't let me watch it then haha) was watching it with him while he cooked and stuff, and then when I lived with my grandma for a year we watched it every night at 6:00. That's why, the first time I landed on your page, I thought, "This manーI like this man." haha
I definitely identify a bit with you. I love modern gadgets and conveniences, but at the same time I've always had a love and affinity for the past that set me apart from my peers, and usually not in a comfortable way. My vocabulary was way too bigーstill is reallyーand I had watched too much Buster Keaton, Little Rascals, Cary Grant, Jack Lemmon, Jimmy Stewart, Doris Day, and Audrey Hepburn (just to name a few) to be able to enjoy much of the media my friends were into. Even though I wanted to do the same things they did my situation made it difficult, and I had trouble relating to them because all the stuff I knew was mostly made by people who died long ago. My friend's grandpa told me when I was twelve that I would be an old man at 14 because my vocab was so over-developed haha. My friends would often tease and mock me ruthlessly.
I also have always been into classical music since I was young and read The Lord of the Rings twice before I was twelve, which tells you how much and what kind of books I read. I read and listen to new stuff tooーbut the past ever beckons.
I listened once to a talk by a professor from BYU where he talked abut how we must link ourselves to the past or we risk losing ourselves in the present, and that helped me appreciate my tastes more. Really excellent talk, that.
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There are 7 possible FBOs at my field, but if you ever find yourself coming to Michigan, pm me and I'll let you know where.
Rob, there is always a bit of the past in all of us and it's okay to not let go of the things that matter, even if they're old. It's our way of paying tribute to what has come before and showing others how far we've come. Not only with material things but with ourselves, too.
I'm glad you were able to see the finale, especially with good friends at your side! And just so you know, I cried, too. But I was happy at the same time, because I know that there will always always have our fandom and our friendships that came from our mutual love of pastel ponies. But it is also much deeper than that and I think we all know that, too.
Just remember that we are all here for you. You are a good pony with a big heart.
In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with liking old things that have held their quality over time. To give a personal example, I believe the golden age of English-language literature lasted from about 1820 to 1960. Victorian prose in particular had a flourish to it that is now dismissed as "archaic." Bah.
Despite the bittersweetness of this event, there is still a lot to be thankful for. This fandom has been one of the most productive in history when it comes to both quality and quantity of fan content. Even if we all stopped making it tomorrow (which, y'know, we won't) we would still have a lifetime supply of Pony, provided we didn't mind digging around for the good stuff.
By the way, I'm not sure if I've brought this up before... When I read MLD at the time of its release, I made note of your wild guess that the show would last eight seasons. I thought it would be hilarious if it did just that. Well, you may have been one season off, but your guess was still closer to the mark than most!
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A bunch of us in the speed write discord were discussing how this is 100% not the case and a lot of the older mainstays are really not great on the whole.
I'll admit that I felt really sad when I found out that Season 9 was going to be the last, even though I had mostly stopped watching during season 7. I've seen only a smattering of episodes since then, but I've still been into the other side of things.
I am a little sad that it is over, but at the same time, I'm happy that it actually got a proper sendoff - a lot of shows just end, but My Little Pony got a great finale at the end of season 3, and then went on for six more seasons and got another very reasonable sendoff at the end of season 9.
My Little Pony got me into writing prose fiction. I learned something valuable from this show. I ended up learning about writing reviews as well, and matured as a person as a result.
So I'm sad it is over, but it will never be gone for me. It's changed me as a person and made me grow because of my response to it.
Thank you for writing.
Ponies.