I'm Still Here · 5:43am Aug 7th, 2017
And I'm going to Horsefest 2k17, even, and on a panel to boot. I'll be joining GaPJaxie and Captain Unstoppable on "Original Characters 2: Alicorn Harder" (Friday, 8:00-9:00 PM, Hall of the Stars), in which we'll discuss various aspects of character design, overpowered alicorns, and the benefits (e.g. dick size) and drawbacks (e.g. related blackouts from loss of blood to other extremities) thereof. Come or I'll cry. Seriously. I've been practicing.
As for writing... nothing to report. The last time I opened a Google Doc with even the intent to draft was in May, and I was unemployed from a few weeks before that until hopefully sometime over the next few days or so. Honestly, Snowblind and an episode followup or two are the only pieces of writing I've done this calendar year, and even trying to type this blog post out makes me feel nauseous and scared. Of what, who knows. My own mind, I guess. Whatever part of it I still don't trust to not try to kill me again the next time something goes haywire in my life.
I'm not sure how to proceed when I'm at once obsessed with and terrified by the idea of trying to be creative again. I have trouble sitting down unstimulated or even going to sleep at night without having this existential dread or subconscious terror or whatever the hell this is kick in. Any time I try to do anything internal or intellectual for my own sake, I get what feels like a Pavlovian urge to hurt myself physically instead. And I don't know how to get past that yet. I don't know whether the therapy and meds I'm using now are enough, or slowly helping, or making things worse.
Maybe just writing this will end up being a start. Maybe this post will break this cycle of non-productivity, wean me off of going stir-crazy playing the same video games over and over again so I can avoid being alone with myself. Maybe going back to a job someplace will help too. I certainly hope it does. I miss writing. I miss feeling like I have a purpose. Hopefully that'll come back to me someday. In the meantime, I'll try to keep you all informed to some reasonable extent.
I'm ready for BronyCon, in any event. Sheesh.
Dude, you literally just said my exact problem with writing...
Bah! On to better things! See you at Horsefest!
I think the best advice I can offer you is to start something. Doesn't have to be pony-related, just start writing. Overcome the inertia. See how it goes from there.
In any case, hope to see you at Equinopalooza!
Man, I don't even know, but I kinda feel that.
Let's get shifty
I will make contact with you at the horse convention. And if you need someone to talk to at the horse convention we’ll be making contact at, let me know.
Sometimes, the way to break writer's block, is to go away from your usual surroundings and come back refreshed. BronyCon may be just what you need.
Is there any other way to do it?