A Super Cereal Blog Post · 1:20am Apr 12th, 2017
I’m afraid this will be a rather serious blog post, but let it be known that I am only doing it for a very good friend. A friend I’ve never met and have only talked to online a handful of times—most conversations overall awkward and stilted. Clearly, I’d take a bullet for the guy.
The person I am writing about is none other than ChappedPenguinLips—an American male somewhere between the ages of nine and thirty-six years old. He has a deep love for collecting online friends. And an even deeper love of procrastination.
During his time on this site, Chapped has popped out an entire THREE stories, all one-shots. Time and again, he has told me how many more stories he has on the brain; how many more he has notes on and will be out shortly. And yet…
Nadda.
Zip.
Zilch.
His last story came out on April 3rd, 2016.
So now I must do the unthinkable and look up the term “ultimatum”. Alright. Found it.
Here is my ultimate ultimatum: that I will not release another story nor chapter until Chapped has released something new.
Even just a thousand word clop story involving Colgate and an electric toothbrush would suffice.
I know Chapped is a smart guy. I’ve invited him to Canada numerous times to check out my soundproof basement and super cool (and totally not creepy) mannequin doll collection and yet every time he denies me.
He’s fully aware I live in a condo. Condos don’t have basements. Just semi-soundproof closets.
Plus, Chapped was recently featured on the Good HiE Podcast. They don’t just let ANYONE on there, do they? Heck. Even I was on there! And I can do no wrong, remember? Just check out the critical consensus on my last story! “Better than sliced bread!” said no-one-in-particular.
Without me around, I fully expect you all to experience full-blown “naturalbornderpy” withdrawal.
Symptoms may include: Headache. Nausea. A serious case of the Mondays. The sudden realization that I’m a scam artist and nothing more. A complete lack of goofy comedies or dark dramas or comedies too dark for their own good to look forward to.
And I know, some of you will think that this is nothing more than a joke…
or a terrible excuse to be lazy and stop writing…
and all I can say to that is:
DON’T BLAME ME.
BLAME CHAPPEDPENGUINLIPS.
He voted for Trump, remember? Or he would have if he wasn’t six years old and broke all the fingers on his voting hand.
So in conclusion, go ahead and send Chapped all the hate and venom (or words of encouragement) you want. Or perhaps congratulate him on finally putting a stop to me and my mediocre ways once and for all. Either way, this blog post is done and I have rightfully reclaimed my balls.
Yeah, Chapped is a cool dude. He's helped me edit on occasion.
Wow from your description he sounds like a terrible guy who I should blame for everything. Next youll be telling me he's a Brony. Ew.
In fact, I'm gonna go follow him right now just so ill be able to hsame him more conveniently.
That final email xD
Oh my god you did it...
I...
Is it too late to say I was bluffing?
I don't want this!
This is also false...
Well, the Trump part.
I dunno, there's that Priest guy that keeps coming back...
But, yes. ChappedPenguinLips needs to write the wrongs of the past.
#BlameChapped
I'm so confused.
4493233
Cliffnotes: Derpy is an assmunch.
4493235 Seems like ya both are.... I might just follow you because of that.
4493237
I...
Won't deny it...
And he smells like feet
4493245
You stay out of this you...
isn't chapped like 10
4493072
Aw. That's awful sweet to see someone not making a blog post that I totally brought on myself and can't even be mad about but instead calling me cool!
Georg's the best.
He's better than you, Taylor.
So is the 4493160
And 4493105
Almost everybody!
Minus these two:
4493245
4493221
They're just as bad.
4493294 You cheating harlot
*Dies laughing*
After that maybe we can stop by a hostel in eastern europe. lol
I honestly, can never tell if you are being serious, or joking. Seriously, Joking Natural Born Derpy, and Serious Natural Born Derpy, are like the same exact person!
Oh wait... they are.
you might need to fix your schedule
This is tremendous plan a great plan the plan to end all plans I know now chapped lips over here will make a Hollywoodblock buster in 10 seconds flat
4493245
4493282 SMELLS LIKE
DEM BALLS!
4493310 Or go on an outback trip in the Simpson desert in the back of a 4WD
orig01.deviantart.net/1b42/f/2017/102/c/5/derp_not_right_here_by_lynx318-db5ikkw.jpg
Casual notice....funny notice!?!
4493195 Welp, get to work homie.
Wait you were still writing?????????
4493221 #hashbrownsareamesome
4493231 Makes me think of "Seven". How 'bout you?
4493293 He's 164 months old. Still too young to be counted in years.
4493377 Yeah, I have that problem a lot. You'd probably hate me in real life.
4494151 meh, probably not. I joke around a lot my own self, sometimes I can't even tell if I am being serious or not. Then you have the time I went crazy... but that's not important.
It's been years since I laughed this hard
4494151
I hate you in real life.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
4493293 aren't you like 12
/s