FoME Contest Entry · 12:53am Mar 20th, 2017
So here's the thing.
I burned out hard towards the end of Moonfic. I just did, it happens, you work on a story for nearly two years and it's bound to catch up with you.
So I decided to take a break this month and just write for fun, without really doubling down on polishing or refining or nothing like that. Just experiment with my writing, and figure out why I liked doing it in the first place. Healthy stuff.
Then this competition happened, and I decided -- well, Aragon's been stealing my flair for his drama for all this time, why don't I try to write an Aragon style comedy fic?
Below is a copy of our chat logs. The story is, of course, An Apple a Day Keeps Autocracy Away for the wonderful Princesses Behaving Badly competition Fan of Most Everything is running. Check it out.
Aragón-Today at 8:25 AM
I AM APPARENTLY GOOD AT PULP
MrNumbers-Today at 8:25 AM
APPARENTLY
FUCK YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGSTY
Aragón-Today at 8:25 AM
WHEN THE FUCK DID I LEARN THIS
I THOUGHT I WAS THE HELLFIC GUY
MrNumbers-Today at 8:26 AM
"MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MONTH OFF" I SAID
"LEARN TO JUST ENJOY WRITING AGAIN" I SAID
THEN YOU FUCKING PULL THIS SHIT ON ME
YOU FUCKING BACKSTABBING PRICK
Aragón-Today at 8:26 AM
LOOK YOU'VE BEEN DOING MOONFIC FOR A WHILE
MrNumbers-Today at 8:26 AM
I WAS DOING SO WELL JUST TRYING TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH JUST WRITING AND YOU PULL THIS SHIT ON ME
Aragón-Today at 8:26 AM
YOU ASSHOLE
THIS IS PAYBACK
MrNumbers-Today at 8:27 AM
FUCK YOU
FUCK I HATE YOU
YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD
Aragón-Today at 8:27 AM
THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU'LL OBEY MY RULES, YOUNG MAN
MrNumbers-Today at 8:28 AM
GOD I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A FUN COMPETITION
THEN YOU WRITE A FUCKING 20K NOVELLA
AND GHOSTofHERACLITUS COMES OUT OF THE FUCKING WOODWORK AND PULLS THROUGH
AND THE JUDGES ARE GOING TO COME UP TO MY TABLE
Aragón-Today at 8:28 AM
I'm choking on my dinner
MrNumbers-Today at 8:28 AM
I'M GOING TO BE THE KID AT THE SCIENCE FAIR WITH THE FUCKING CUP OF DIRT
Aragón-Today at 8:29 AM
dude I'm legit suffocating
holy shit
this is hilarious
MrNumbers-Today at 8:29 AM
"HEY MRNUMBERS WHAT YOU GOT HERE" "CUP OF DIRT MA'AM" "OH THAT'S FUCKING INTERESTING WHAT'S IT ABOUT"
"WELL MA'AM"
"IT'S A CUP"
"AND I PUT DIRT IN IT"
"IT'S A CUP OF DIRT"
"so is it about bacteria, or growing seeds or...?"
"MA'AM PLEASE I AM WASTING BOTH OUR TIME AND HONESTLY PROBABLY YOUR OXYGEN"
"LET'S BE HONEST HERE"
"Well here at Ghost's table we have a homemade lithium ion battery made from recycled materials"
MrNumbers stares at his cup of dirt
"Well over at Aragon's table we have, ah, what do you call this, Aragon?" "Cold fusion ma'am" "Interesting, and what does it do?" "Save humanity, ma'am"
Aragón-Today at 8:32 AM
PFFT
MrNumbers-Today at 8:33 AM
"Very good! We'll give it an A-, because you didn't properly fill out your information cutout for the diorama" "Oh, no, ma'am I just made it a powerpoint presentation see, I set up the projector this morning, which is being powered by my cold fusion reactor, as you can see on this slide here, which is blank but, you know, self-demonstrating"
Aragón-Today at 8:33 AM
HAH
MrNumbers-Today at 8:33 AM
MrNumbers stares at his CUP of DIRT
"And, MrNumbers, have you-" "STILL A CUP OF FUCKING DIRT MA'AM I MADE AN AGREEMENT WITH THAT FUCKING PRICK OVER THERE THAT OUR BUDGET ON THIS WAS FIFTY CENTS"
"YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID WITH HIS DIRT MA'AM"
"HE PLAYED GOD MA'AM"
"HE MADE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING FROM IT JUST TO PROVE HE COULD"
"LIKE GENESIS FUCKING 1:11 MA'AM"
"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY CUP OF DIRT?"
"FUCKING NOTHING IT'S A CUP OF FUCKING DIRT"
Aragón-Today at 8:34 AM
Nums
I'm trying to write
if you make me laugh I can't write
I'm shaking too much to hit the right keys
I look like a retarded clown ffs
MrNumbers-Today at 8:37 AM
"Ooh Aragon what are you doing with your cold fusion reactor now" "Oh really that was just the start, ma'am, Chuck Finley dropped out just so he could help me with this backstage"
"WHAT"
"Yeah so we're trying to make a functional faster than light engine out of this-"
"FUCKING CHUCK?!"
"-which was really the idea all along-"
"YOU KNOW HE'S FUCKING FUCKING ONE OF THE JUDGES RIGHT"
"-but the parts didn't exist until now, as you can see from this slide, which still says absolutely nothing because, wow, does it need to? Just look at it-"
"I TRIED TO START A COLLAB AND HE FUCKING MAKES A SOLO NOVEL OUT OF IT AND LEAVES ME HOLDING THE BAG"
"-So anyway the idea for you today is Ghost is going to work the telescope for us, and we're going to show you how you mine an asteroid for rare materials-"
"YOU KNOW WHAT THE BAG WAS FULL OF"
"-Should be worth a few trillion dollars, but I know I shouldn't bribe the judges-"
"FUCKING DIRT"
"-Really just trying to bring about world peace, end to poverty, you know-"
"I FILLED THIS CUP WITH IT"
"Anything for that A+ ma'am"
"CHUCK STOLE MY FUCKING DEMESNE PROJECT FROM TWO YEARS AGO, DID THE SAME THING, BUT HE GOT A FUCKING A FOR IT WHEN I GOT A B+ YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES"
So anyway this is legitimately the stupidest thing I've ever written.
...
What 20k novella?
4463581
Keep watching your feed, it's about to drop
4463586 Oh. Joy.
mutters something indistinct about a word-count limit
*Snerks*
Looking at the list of entrants, I'm sure a lot of us are feeling that way.
BTW, Moonfic was worth every drop of your agony... so there's that.
4463605 Yeeeeeeeeeeeah.
When I finished my story I was thinking "I put vampires in it, so it's probably not going to win." Now, seeing who else has entered, I'm more like "I could have written the best masterpiece of my life and it wouldn't win."
Good thing I had fun with the vampires!
4463613
Well, someday in the far distant future, when somebody, in a fit of nostalgia says, "Hey, do you remember that awesome princess fic contest on FimFic?" we'll be able to proudly point to our "participant" trophies.
At least we had fun. (And got a ton of really good stories to read!)
Actually, Scarlet brought that up with me. We agreed that the only fair way to handle it would be if Chuck didn't enter, though I'm not sure if I ever got an official retraction from him. Not that I've been keeping very good track of who had to pull out, aside from horizon's car getting stolen by the Alicorn Princess of Vehicles...
I suppose my point is that Skywriter will have to help with that FTL engine.
In all seriousness, I'm sure that your entry will still be greatly enjoyable.
4463590
Yeah, kind of in an awkward position with that one. On the other hand, it's Aragon. You basically have to double the word limit to account for all of the asides and burning infants.
I haven't read the story yet, but I'm assuming a nonzero number of babies go up in flames.
4463650 You did give yourself an out in the comments section of the original contest post by saying it's more of a guideline than a rule to some guy who was worried about going slightly over and why am I making excuses to allow fierce competition to stay in the running I should stop talking.
4463650
I know, that's why the joke was he was secretly working behind the scenes to make Aragon better than me this whole time.
It's the only thing that makes sense anymore.
EDIT: No flames, but lots of implied baby cannabilism?
Hmm, what ever happened with Demesne? Did it get cancelled? I haven't heard a muster on it in a while.
This contest has been, really wacky. Jojo's Bizarre Writing prompt.
4463762
It's on the list again, just at low priority.
4463772
Checking the list, marking it twice
Never know when Numbers is ....
I dunno
Both you and Aragon are great at self humiliation.
I really shouldn't try to read this blog post while eating...
Or drinking...
Or breathing...
4463650
I mean, like. I know it's a joke? But you're not... entirely wrong?
Which sort of scares me. What kind of reputation do I have, again? Is this a good thing? This doesn't sound like a good thing.
I want this conversation as my alarm clock.
Man, I forgot how funny you guys' interactions are... did the Pandemonium radio play just die, or am I the asshole who just disappeared when my computer blew up?
4469364
Died, the people I was doing it for made it eminently unfun to keep working on unfortunately.
4469495 laaaame. But entirely understandable.
4470143
Here's a story set in that universe if you want though!
I've read this twice and I still can't stop laughing.
I wish there was a way to favorite blogposts on FimFic...