Sep
4th
2016
Ask us anything. · 12:46am Sep 4th, 2016
"Anything at all!"
"The kid and I will even answer sensitive topics. although it'll be in spoiler text."
EDIT: It is done.
- Member Since 30th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen April 20th
Pickleless
A man is driving home, thinking about beating his wife. Along the way, he passes a turtle. I am that turtle.
Pickleless
Joined 30th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
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HOW BIG IS THAT DICK DADDY?
I'm a box collector and I'm wondering what's the name of the box you guys are sleeping on?
4190329
"Big as I want it to be, it's magic."
"That's not an answer."
I usually default to just 1 inch larger than average, because then it looks comical when I pull it out to pee on things.
...hows life?
4190335
"How would I kno-"
"Model number S-20991."
"Oh."
4190342
"School's real hard, I'm not really good at math, but it's the one thing Nopony never gives me grief over when helping me, so it's kinda nice. I like having someone pour that much attention on me, don't tell him I said that though. It's nice having a place to bring Sweetie and Bloom over to. I eat a lot of really good food because Nopony just stocks the fridge like we're going to invite ponies over for a feast constantly. He eats that much too. Being an Alicorn must make it so you never get fat."
"Don't tell Nopony, alright?"
"Court has only gotten more boring now that Scootaloo spoiled me. Part of the reason I don't take up hobbies on break, it's an absolute pain to give them up afterwards. On the other hoof, nopony seems to complain that I'm busy taking care of an orphan, so that's a bonus. I take little snap shots of Scootaloo goofing up when she's not looking, it's amazing."
"Keep it between us, eh?"
4190340 CAN YA PUT IT IN ME
Do you like bananas?
4190392
"Being stupid years old, I'm pretty much into (and bored) of everything so why n-"
"..."
"Nevermind then."
4190402
"No."
"Yes~"
4190414
You guys play any games lately?
Would you hug me if I gave you a hug?
4190425
"Nopony convinced me to 100% Megapony X 5 and 6, I really liked the first four, so I'm pretty excited.
"Maker, have I ever told you how wonderful it is that we don't have some world wide instantaneous messaging system? You can just dupe ponies into doing the most painful things...
4190452 That sounds like an exsisercise in futility... Or frustration.
4190444
"I'm not sure if I'm really comfortable hugging somepony I don't know out of the-"
*Makes cat calling noises*
"... I'm not hugging you because he's doing it, and I'm definitely not doing it because I love being in group hugs."
Hugs.
Ooooh. What amazing questions can I pose to the one and only, wise matriarch of the Sun?
I've got it.
1) If you drink half of an Eight Hour Energy Drink, will you get four hours of boosted energy or a full eight hours of half-assed energy? Alternatively; if you drink five will you have 40 hours of energy or 8 hours of superenergy?
2) If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?
WHAT'S YOUR FETISH
Hey, what did you tell the bureaucrats the purchase of Scootaloo's house was for?
4190491
"Well first off, thank you for making rewrite my response on this common world wide instantaneous messaging system Scootaloo happens to have in the house. You would get a half-assed energy for 8 hours, if you drank five, you would either be as alert as a pony on drugs or having a heart failure. Honestly, I'm not sure on the last bit, let me test it on Twilight real quick..."
"Can you give the computer back please?"
Your highness, in the previous times that you took time off of ruling and slept in a box for a year did you use the same Nopony disguise everytime or did you look different each time?
4190523
"They died a long time ago."
"Somepony with a thickly padded-"
"Swiggity swooty coming for that-"
"Chest fluff."
"..."
"What?"
"You nuzzle on my chest fluff a lot."
"Oh, OH, NO NO NO-"
Where have all the cowboys gone?
- Are y'all a couple or what?
- Also. Who's Scootaloo's boy toy? Or desired boy toy?
- Does Nopony not like Twilight, because he's gay?
- Is Scootaloo gay?
- Is Scootaloo aware Rainbow Dash is gay?
- Meth or Heroin?
- Shrooms or LSD?
- Favorite song (you better make a decent pun, Bran--Pickleless)?
- Being literally God, Nopony, howcome you're so trash? At life. All the time.
- Does Scootaloo have a gun?
- JUST KIDDING
What is your next story idea you are thinking about?
"I stay with Celestia because I want to, not 'cause she adopted me. If I wanted a place to live in, I really could've gone and stayed with someone. I live because this is my house under my name, just like the box was my box. I know it was something given to me, but I'm fine with that. I'll repay the favor someday when I'm older. Also, there's not a lot of ponies I can be around for a long time without going crazy. It just feels right staying with the Princess."
"Pegasi were a very military based tribe before the unification. Because of this, they always care some pride in whatever they pursue, and are very against getting help in subjects they feel they excel in. There are exceptions, and it's not anywhere close to that bad in reality, but it's the prominent stereotype. Equestrian Society is also more sympathetic towards mares than stallions due to it's ruler being female (or that's what I assume, I never bothered looking into it after Luna was banished as it proved near impossible to curb past that point.) Put that all together and you got a unusually large, strong, dirty looking pegasi stallion that silently screams to others 'don't give me money, don't bother me."
"I'm probably 12 or 13, I stopped keeping track of the date years ago."
"I'm old."
4190529
"I was Princess Celestia and I didn't own any personal property in Ponyville. I had a hard time with them trying not to hook me up with a better house in exchange for favors. Regardless, my excuse was so I could come and visit Princess Twilight Sparkle while having my own place, just in case I ever got any more extended vacation time in the future."
"Spoilers, I did."
4190549
"Not the exact same disguise, but as far as race and gender, I worked out the formula a while back before Luna was banished."
4190561
"Cowmares were both popular and necessary back in the day, but the concept of cowcolts were primarily used behind locked doors in bedrooms to woo a mare. Because of the somewhat negative stigma and heckling colts would receive for looking the part, many stallions would try not be associated with the look. For example, how many raunchy rumors have you heard about Braeburn and Big Mac?.."
4190570
- Are y'all a couple or what?
"She nags me as much as a wife would."
"Hey!"
- Also. Who's Scootaloo's boy toy? Or desired boy toy?
"That kid she likes has the most ridiculous-"
"HEY!"
- Does Nopony not like Twilight, because he's gay?
"I'm as open minded as a bi-sexual swinger, but I'm as equally interested in Twilight, or anypony at this point, as I am sticking my genitals on the south pole and smashing a hammer against it.
- Is Scootaloo gay?
"Yes."
HEY!
- Is Scootaloo aware Rainbow Dash is gay?
"How do you think I know Scootaloo's gay?"
HEY!!!
- Meth or Heroin?
"Both should be done in a safe feeling environment, and it's really not worth it considering it's pretty gnarly and there are alternatives to getting blitzed. Although when one is poor, needs a fix, and only knows how to get one thing...
- Shrooms or LSD?
"Shrooms are far safer by itself, (depending on the shroom) can't be detected by usual means, and can be consumed in the form of a chocolate or candy bar, making them easy to use."
- Favorite song
"The Sun is Burning, by Simon and Garfunkel."
- Being literally God Nopony, howcome you're so trash? At life. All the time.
"Howcome your grammar is so trash?"
- Does Scootaloo have a gun?
"Yes."
"No."
- JUST KIDDING
"You're not even high anymore."
"Just kidding dude."
"...This isn't water."
"Just kidding dude."
"Is this PCP?"
"Just kidding."
4190581
"I would like to make a story about Applejack pranking everyone into thinking someone stole something of hers, only for all her friends to accuse each other and end up murdering each other comically."
"What the- you're not Nopony!"
"Shh~"
When Nopony goes to Scootaloo's amusement park, does he use the front entrance or sneak in through the garbage dump?
4190832
"Oh ew!"
"I'd definitely go front door."
"What?!"
Knight, samurai, pirate or ninja?
4190984
"Knight."
"Assassi- er, Ninja."
4190329 Was that seriously your first thought when you saw this?
Also: Are you both aware that the other is planning to kill you? And before Nopony starts whining about Scootaloo's creepy-ass plan, take in count that she was aware of your identity at the time, so she most likely has a secret, more intricate plan in store.
4190996 Not if I kill the both of them first!
What's that smell? And what is this thing on my toe anyway?
NoponyCelestia, do you have a belly button?4190996
"Nopony plotted to kill Scootaloo? When?
Who-
"I'm Boon Pickleless."
"Oh."
4191055
"You don't have a toe Bruce, you only think you're a human, remember?"
"I'm an innie my little pony, although my Father always claimed Mother just regurgitated an egg one night and I was inside. While I was certain he was joking, I don't remember my Mother's belly looking swollen before Luna entered my life."
"Also, you're smelling bacon."
"Who's cooking bacon nearby? Except the occasional frog or bug, we're all herbivores."
"..."
"Kid."
"Look, if pigs had a cutie mark, I know what it would be okay?"
"Scootaloo."
Celestia, you need to sit Scootaloo down and give her the Talk. Specifically about the various forms of undead and how to deal with them (violently or otherwise). However I could be displaced from time, have you had the chance/opportunity/whatnot to have that conversation yet?
If so, would you trust Scootaloo with a chainsaw?
4190652 Have you not heard of the song "Where have all the cowboys gone?"
4190710
Yeah... I'm just going to leave this here...
i.imgflip.com/1a0w71.jpg
Without me... you are nothing but an incoherent babbling mess
MWAHAHAHAHMWAHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAA
4191286
"I'm pretty sure Scootaloo needs no help stopping a zombie if one were to try and kill her. It's a bit hard to force her into doing something or obeying, even when I'm, well, me. She is a very determined, and an unusually resourceful filly when she wants to be. (Then again, notice how she keeps getting really nice things without asking for it? Like a house, or a fancy school for pegasi. Sure, those were me, but I've noticed her coming to into the possession of a lot of unusual things a child should never have...) Instead, it's much easier to just convince her that something is a bad idea. For example, using a chainsaw on somepony else is scary and cool, yes, but in reality the chain on it would probably get jammed, fly off, and hit you while you're trying to saw someone."
"Oh, I should probably get rid of this chainsaw then..."
"See? She's a- does that chainsaw have blood on it?"
"Nope."
4191323
"Nope, I have not! Sorry, missed your reference there..."
4191383
"Well if I could say anything Pickleless sure knows how to pick his editors."
"Who?"
"The one who acts like an extremely emotional idiot, posts text that's either frilly magenta pink or bold dark red, and has a lot of uncomforting knowledge on drugs, death, and poverty."
"Shh~"
4190528
"Oh whoops."
4190614
"Here you go."
Where have the merponies gone?
Has Scootaloo been to Seaworld yet?
Favorite dangerous marine life forms?
4191676
There's a correct way and an informal slang way. shrugs
4191772
Is there a red squiggly line under it?